Hanging By a Thread

Making It Through the Dark: Joy Cometh in the Morning

I still remember every minute detail about the day; Friday will mark 12 years. I had just graduated from law school and I was already studying for yet another final exam; the bar exam. We would be moving to Sioux City, IA, in just over a month, and I was starting to cull through our things to ready the house for our big move from Norman, OK.

On this particular day in May of 2000, my brother-in-law was on his way to visit us for a few days, having just completed his sophomore year in college. He had arrived only a few minutes before we received a devastating phone call.

My husband's cousin had been found dead; an apparent suicide. This cousin had also just completed his sophomore year, alongside my brother-in-law. He seemed to have his whole life ahead of him; and yet, there must have been dark demons lurking somewhere just below the surface, unseen and unheard by others.

We were stunned, perplexed and deeply saddened by this completely unexpected news. I still think about him often; I still question the depths of despair he must have felt; and I simply wonder why.

On that day, as I have so often, I turned to my faith. I reached for my devotional; the one I've been reading since March of 1998. And of all the 365 passages in that compact volume, the shortest one of all, dated May 17^th, the day that our cousin drew his final breath, is the one I remember best of all.

This is the entry for May 17^th:

"Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

My bravest are those who can anticipate the morning and feel in the night of sorrow that underlying joy that tells of confident expectations of the morning.

That's it. Nothing more or less.

And every time I read these words, I think if only he had read this; if only he could have found that underlying joy of knowing that the morning light would bring clarity to his thoughts.

But he didn't.

Instead, he sat alone in the dark and decided that he couldn't face another day. He was unable to see even the faintest light beginning to streak across the night sky.

If ever you feel the deep despair as black as the night, please know that everything always looks better in the dawn's golden light. And that's a promise.

There are no second chances with suicide. It doesn't just end one life, but forever leaves all the lives around that person broken like a window that's been smashed with a bat. You can try to tape all the pieces back together, but there will always be a few pieces missing.

If you have final thoughts about ending it all, please reach out to someone; anyone. Help is near. Over and out...

Anna

5 Things You Need to Know {When Bullying Leads to Suicide}

As parents, we have a lot to juggle every single day, and it's easy to miss little signs that could signal big trouble for our kids. Whether you have a child in elementary school, middle school, high school or college, please take a second to read these 5 warning signs; it could save the life of your child.

5 Things That Might Mean Your Kid Needs Help:

 1. Withdrawal from friends and family;

 2. Lack of interest in things they used to enjoy;

 3. Coming up with excuses to be late or miss school;

 4. Change in performance in school or extracurricular activities; and

 5. Talks about or refers to death or dying.

My thanks to my sister-in-law, Susan Berend, who is the Counselor at Burgess Elementary in Wichita Falls, TX, who contributed these 5 Things You Need to Know today. Not only does Susan deal with bullying issues often in her capacity as school counselor, she has also weathered the crushing blow of suicide in her family.

 In the words of Rachel Ehmke, "I'm fine = I wish I could tell you how I really feel." Talk to your kids and find out how they really feel! Over and out...

 Anna

 

 

Putting a Stop to Bullying: Starting with You & Me

An Opinion Piece

A few weeks ago, after the community was rocked by the suicide of a teen who had become the target of bullies, the local newspaper took a bold stance against bullying. The Sioux City Journal in Sioux City, IA, ran a full page editorial advocating for the community to come together to combat bullying.

While the Journal admits the story of 14 year-old Kenneth Weishuhn is far from unique, it was his senseless death committed by his own hand that prompted them to make this statement. Kenneth had recently told his friends and family that he was gay. Soon after that many classmates at his high school soon began bullying and harassing him mercilessly until Kenneth succumbed to the relentless humiliation and pain of being continually attacked for simply being himself.

The Journal places the blame squarely on the shoulders of the whole community who has stood by and not stepped in to stop the bullying and harassing of the youth who have been targeted. The Journal's editorial board asserts that the community must take a firm stance through its actions and words that bullying will not under any circumstances be tolerated.

Community Action

Sioux City is a tri-state area of hard-working, community-oriented people. I know these people and this city. We lived in Sioux City right after I graduated from law school. I worked in the courts there. We have dear friends there. They are no different than any other community across the country.

I agree with these editors. It is a community issue. The war against bullying must be fought in the trenches, at home, on the street, in school, online and anywhere else that it rears its ugly head.

The state laws governing bullying are notoriously weak and ineffective. The battle will not be won with laws; not in this case.

But the battle can be won by adults and teens standing tall against those who are weak and feel they must act out in hatred, in violence and in depravity to look and feel strong. We can show them a better way of dealing with fear, weakness and misunderstanding. We can show them that everyone matters and our differences can be our strong points.

The Scoop

So, don't sit idly by when you see a youngster acting out in violence, taunts or threats. Do something. Say something. Be the positive change. Get help for the bullied and the bullies. Make a difference.

Kenneth was targeted for being gay, but bullying can happen to any person for any reason. Bullies can even make up a reason for their purposes, just as in the case of Rachel Ehmke {from Monday's post}. And there is not one single reason that makes bullying OK.

This evening I will post 5 Things You Need to Know regarding bullying leading to suicide. Over and out....

Anna

“I’m Fine = I Wish I Could Tell You How I Really Feel” {Bullies Strike Again}

A Heartbreaking Tale

Sometimes I read stories that make me reach back to my own pubescent years to try to understand the young girls who are still so immature in thought and feelings, but are pushing hard on the doors leading to maturity, not yet grasping what that term truly means. Sometimes I can put myself in their places and remember how it felt to be teased or to tease; even if it was only good-natured kidding. Sometimes I can't understand their actions at all.

As a woman and a mom, my heart breaks across two different fault lines when I hear about the bullying of a young girl that was so vicious that she could not see past it and felt that taking her own life was her only option.

I was deeply saddened to hear of the death of 13 year-old Rachel Ehmke in Kasson, MN, on April 29th. According to the articles, Rachel was athletic, outgoing and friendly. All of the stories are accompanied by the school picture of a pretty young teen with a radiant smile and shining eyes. There is not sadness or defeat in that face; not yet.

Rachel's Story

Apparently, the taunting began in the fall; somehow she became the focal point of a group of mean-spirited, hateful, immature female classmates. They called her a slut and a prostitute; she had never even kissed a boy. Rachel and a friend had begun eating their lunches in the locker room to avoid the ridicule in the cafeteria during lunch.

These girls defaced Rachel's locker and textbooks with vulgar words and chewing gum. And most recently, they had sent an anonymous text out to many students saying that Rachel should be made to leave the school, calling for all students to force her out.

It would appear that these girls won. Rachel has left the school...permanently.

So, where were her parents during all of this? Where were the school officials? They were aware of the incidents and the harassment that was taking place, but they thought she was handling it is what they have said.

Punishment, or Lack Thereof

The last incident had warranted school officials to contact law enforcement to investigate the incident. While no charges have been filed, the investigation is still pending.

Interestingly enough, Rachel's father insists they don't want to see these girls charged. He feels that it's enough to have Rachel's death hanging over their heads as they continue on with their own.

I disagree. People like these mean girls don't see things as their fault; they don't feel remorse for their actions; they don't care about others they have deemed less worthy. It's likely that the ringleaders of these mean girls will do the same thing to another girl they deem to be a weak link, whether it's next year, 3 years from now or 7 years from now.

Minnesota has a very weak, unsubstantial anti-bullying law. It doesn't fully address the issue or how to deal with it. Regardless, I don't think there are any anti-bullying laws that will stop this problem. Young teens don't think about whether their actions are within the state law or not. Teens operate on unwritten social laws to determine whether certain actions, hairstyles, clothing, etc is acceptable or not.

Often the teens' actions are covert and not easily traced. The person being bullied is often silent about the harassment in order to avoid being further ostracized. So, even if the laws were stricter and called for reporting every incident, counseling for all parties, etc. it's likely that the school officials would not be made aware of many such incidents.

The Scoop

How do you stop the taunting, the harassment, the pure hatefulness of young, immature teens? Well, I'll tell my thoughts about this subject tomorrow and share how one community is handling it.

For now, I will leave you with this. Rachel left a note for her parents that said "I'm fine = I wish I could tell you how I really feel." Oh, the heartbreak! If you think your child isn't telling you everything about the hurt he or she is feeling and the turmoil swirling around in his or her world, don't let him or her tell you otherwise. You may not get another chance to help your child through this prickly, but relatively short period of time in his or her young life. Over and out...

Anna