Hanging By a Thread

Emotional Range {3 Separate Asides}

Connected in Thought and Feeling

I am forever connected to my children through invisible lines that stretch endless distances carrying various emotions to and fro. I feel what they feel. I hurt when they hurt. I sigh when they are placid and happy. I cheer when they are excited. I itch with nervous energy when they are on edge.

We are like E.T. and Elliot; our lifeblood runs as one.

And so it is that I am a ball of nerves and stress lately. I am frustrated and let down and irritated with the public education system in general. I am done with this school year; I am tired; I have a single focus.

These feelings are siphoned from my son and fed into my veins. I hate that he feels these things, but I am without a plan to change these circumstances of the last four weeks of school.

In a Land Far, Far Away

It's silly really. It's not as if I got to see her terribly often and it's not as if this should change how often I talk to her, but still, I feel the added distance and it makes me miss her. My best friend from college; the one I have seen the most and talked to the most over the years just moved from Texas to Idaho.

In Texas, I had the chance to see her, stay with her, get to know her boys as I traveled there for work and family visits. I have reason to travel to Texas. I know the route well. It's all familiar.

Idaho is far, far away from me. It's all unfamiliar. I don't know the way there. I can't picture where she is or know anything about the place. I feel sad for me; I don't know when I will see her again.

But I feel happy for her and her family as they begin a new adventure in this far away corner of the country. And I envision a long road trip with my boys, along new terrain, on our way to visit my friend. And then, once again, I will know the way to her and what her house looks like and where she has settled and she won't feel so far away when I talk to her and think of her.

In the meantime, we'll make a point to call each other more often.

Life After Loss

Life from day to day has no certainty for any of us. And yet, we keep going without thinking much about our own mortality or that of our loved ones until we are forced to. It's best this way. For if we dwell on such matters for long we'll be consumed by the questions for which we cannot know the answers.

But when there is a sudden loss; loss without reason, without preparation, without last sentiments exchanged, without time to think through, it's hard to know where to begin again. It's hard not to think on those dark questions of which we cannot know the answers. And yet, we must not.

We must go on living and doing and laughing and loving and working through all the lovely and momentous and unpleasant and insignificant and bright and dark moments of life. And that realization is both terrifying and reassuring all at the same time.

It's terrifying to think that life must simply go on with this gaping hole in life's cast. And it's reassuring, that eventually, this will be the new normal and life will resume again, altered and not so shiny, but still full of hope.

Starting up again is never easy, whether it's losing a spouse or child or parent or grandparent or sibling or beloved pet. It's just isn't. And that's OK, but know that one day the tears won't come so easily and the sun will seem a little brighter and your smile will feel a bit more familiar and then you'll know it's all going to be alright.

Over and out…

Anna

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On a Winter's Day {A Series of Asides}

Three Separate Asides {Brief, Honest, Fleeting Thoughts}

5 Things You Should Know {Current Events}

I have been strapped to my computer for weeks now working on my projects for which I get paid; and every once in a while I would reward myself with surfing Facebook or news sites for stories to read. I bookmarked quite a few for future posts, but I thought I'd share a few that make me think, shake my head or put a smile on my face.

Here are 5 such headlines:

1. This one got to me because I can see myself in these parents' shoes. I tried to think what should they have done differently? What would I have done differently? But I think what they did was reasonable and something I could have done myself: Captain Diverted Plane because Parents Make Complaint about In-flight Movie.
2. Although I'm not personally touched by autism, I am fascinated by the research and treatment regarding autism. This is an important piece of legislation to watch if you are in Georgia or any of the other 17 states that don't provide that insurance must cover treatment for autism. Plus the treatments described in this article are encouraging and the stories uplifting: Mothers Fight to Pass Ava's Law for Autism Coverage.
3. I'm OK with this trend. I'm not a fan of tobacco. It stinks; it's unhealthy; and I'm sorry if that is offensive to you, but this is my opinion, and I wouldn't hire someone who smelled like cigarettes if put in such a position: Smoking Harmful to Your Employment.
4. I love A Farmgirl's Dabbles. Brenda's recipes and photos are amazing. I always pause and click when I see Brenda post a recipe link on Facebook. And when I came across this recipe. Ohhhhhh, my mouth watered... I may have even drooled a bit. I will be making this: Sweet-and-Salty Honey- Cheese Spread!
5. Lastly, I found this article interesting considering how often I see these henna tattoo vendors at local fairs and festivals and other events. This temporary body art can be quite beautiful and the lines are usually long and full of children. But beware and think twice before you or your child gets in this line: Temporary Black Henna Tattoos Could Leave Permanent Scarring.

Have a wonderful weekend! Over and out...

Anna

Rudolph The Rich Reindeer: A Quite Different & Slightly Legal Version of Rudy the Red-Nosed Reindeer

You Only Think You Know This Story

You may be familiar with the story of a little reindeer named Rudolph who happened to be born with a birth defect. His nose, instead of being black like other reindeer, was big and red and even glowed like a light bulb.

His red nose didn't bother him or hinder him in any way. Rudy grew and developed just like any other little reindeer, but then one day he went to play with the others. Well, you can imagine how the young reindeer girls and boys teased Rudy about his nose. They had never seen such a nose before and they treated him as an outcast.

Reindeer Have Feelings Too

Well, actually it was even worse than making him feel like an outcast. They didn't ever leave him alone. They made jokes about him; they taunted him; they butted him with their little antlers; and they called him names. They were ruthless in the way they bullied poor Rudy. The other cruel reindeer basically cut him off from all reindeer contact; completely isolating him from society.

His father, Donner, was one of Santa's top reindeer. He didn't understand his son with the red nose and didn't think much of the teasing. Donner, a big, strong jock buck, simply told his son to "buck up" and butt back, which really wasn't very supportive.

Rudy ended up quite depressed. He wouldn't eat; he had trouble sleeping; he felt hopeless; and he refused to go to school or out to play with the other young reindeer. Instead, he spent all of his time in his room listening to Britney Spears' Blackout album over and over, which just made him feel worse about his troubles. He sat on his bed with his lights off and his red nose lighting the room.

Santa owned all of the reindeer and he was aware of Rudy's red nose and the physical and mental bullying that went on. In all his years of reindeer ownership he had never seen such a nose. He considered him to be a weak link, an embarrassment and just didn't care how he was treated. In fact, he himself, that right jolly old elf, even gave a hearty "ho, ho, ho" over some of the cruel jokes and nicknames for Rudy, which Rudy heard. Having Santa against him was the last nail in the coffin.

The Lawsuit

Rudy decided to consult with the outcast elf, Hermey, who originally wanted to be a dentist, but after realizing that you have to stick your hands in other elves' mouths, decided to become an attorney and represent the down trodden and outcast characters in the World of Fiction. Hermey decided that Rudy had a good case for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress.

While this cause of action is typically quite difficult to prove, Hermey felt that with the specific instances of ridicule and Rudy's doctor certified bouts of depression, Rudy had a good case. Hermey had to show:

1. Santa and his reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Defendants, acted intentional or recklessly; and
2. Defendants' conduct was extreme and outrageous; and
3. Defendants' actions were the cause of the distress; and
4. Rudolph T. Reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Plaintiff, suffers severe emotional distress as a result of Defendants' conduct.

Hermey was a very good attorney with a very convincing argument, and Rudy won the lawsuit.

Part of the damages awarded to Rudy included the right of first refusal to lead Santa's team of reindeer on foggy Christmas Eves as long as he is able. Additional damages included having a Christmas song, children's story and movie written about Rudy's plight as an outcast reindeer due to his uniqueness. The movie must be played on every television channel at least once during the Christmas holiday season for eternity. Of course, Santa had to pay 3.4 million dollars in damages, as well.

The Scoop

So, what happened to poor Rudy? Why he went down in history as the first {but not the last} reindeer to sue Santa and win. But the newly wealthy Rudy didn't let it all go to his nose....er, um, I mean head. No, he became an advocate for all special needs and bullied cartoon and book characters.

Rudy went on to work the speaker's circuit, charging half a million to speak. He became the wealthiest, best known reindeer ever. And Hermey....why, he never wanted for clients again. He became the Gloria Allred of fictional characters. And they all lived happily ever after....except for Santa, perhaps. Over and out...

Anna

Something Different: IDEA Part C Updates to Take Effect

Gawking Strangers

The stares. I'm still not used to the stares. And it's not kids; it's adults; it's other parents. We were surprised by this part of it. I suppose we shouldn't have been though. Three weeks ago, Darling 1 got two casts from below his knees down to his toes. He isn't hurt; he isn't in pain. He is a toewalker and has been since he began walking at 10 months.

I've been working on treatment for this since that time. Finally, he's getting treatment. He's growing new muscle in his calves that will give him more range of motion. We have a remedy. Every Tuesday he gets new casts, slowly, but surely changing the angle of his foot.

The Casts

The new casts each week is the fun part of this process. He is being very brave, and we are very proud of him. He has had only a few melt-downs about not being able to wiggle his toes or being itchy, etc. But he knows what the casts are doing, and he wants to be able to walk flat-footed. So, he endures.

His friends, classmates and teachers have been wonderful about it. They love to see what colors and designs will show up each Wednesday. They are totally accepting of his new look. Darling 1 gets around perfectly fine; he just can't run, but he can walk really fast.

Mind Your Own Beeswax

The adults we come in contact with, or merely pass by, are the ones who stare and ask questions; questions that make Darling 1 cast a fixed gaze to the ground. The stares have gotten to me. I stare back. I answer the probing questions from strangers with terse, vague answers. Darling 1 hasn't noticed that anyone is rubber-necking as they drive by as he happily walks along next to me on our way home from school or as we amble into the store from a parking lot or as he easily makes his way up, over, under and through the playground equipment at the park or while we wait to be called back for our appointment at Children's Hospital. Thank God.

I know these strangers don't mean any harm; they don't mean to be rude; they're simply curious. "Two casts?" "Wow, two broken legs?" "Oh, that must hurt?" "What did you do?" Well, when you're 5 years old and just want to fit in and you see the differences, those questions can be hurtful and perplexing.

I won't pretend to know all the heartbreak, the difficulties or the joys and the pride of raising a child with extreme disabilities. I'm sure they are many. But I now have a new appreciation for the outward appearance of something different from others, i.e. helmets, leg braces, etc.

IDEA Part C

If your young child has developmental delays or disabilities, you should be aware that on Friday, October 28, 2011, new, updated Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) Part C regulations will take effect. IDEA Part C applies to the youngest of those at risk; birth to 2 years. Part C has been around since 1986, but has not been fully updated since 1999 (there was a statutory update in 2004).

Well, a lot has changed in our world since 1999. Check for specific information or topics in this side-by-side comparison of new and old text. There is a lot of text (over 900 pages); so, I suggest looking up the subject you are interested in and viewing those parts, as opposed to reading through all the regulations.

There are agencies trying to wade through these new texts and get summaries and outlines out. Here are a few websites to watch for more information: National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY), idea Partnership and the U.S. Department of Education.

IDEA aides over 340,000 children and infants. This federal grant program provides over 400 million dollars to State run IDEA programs. This program assists States in facilitating early intervention programs for infants and toddlers with disabilities and developmental delays. The objective is to prepare as many of these kids as possible for preschool and kindergarten to ensure a greater rate of educational success for these high needs kids.

The Scoop

If your child falls into these categories be sure to monitor the changes on the sites listed above. I also don't pretend to know much about the laws governing special needs and disabilities, etc., but the sites listed above specialize in these areas. And if your child does not fall into these categories, remember... please don't stare when you see a child who is different in some way. Over and out...

Anna

A Case of Misidentification: Ultrasound Mistake Leads to Court

A Sneak Peek

Some of the best parts of my pregnancies with Darling 1 and Darling 2 were the ultrasounds. I vividly recall each of them; a sneak peek at my tiny baby. I had two ultrasounds with each son. We were anxious to get a look at them, but mostly we wanted to know if everything was developing correctly and working properly.

At Darling 1's first ultrasound we thought everything was perfect. He was active, had all his limbs and organs and his heart and kidneys were functioning well. Then, the obstetrician told me that the there was one "soft marker" for chromosomal defects, a Calcium buildup in his heart. We were referred to a perinatal specialist obstetrician for a more detailed, second ultrasound.

At the second ultrasound, the doctor assured us all was well. She had seen at least 5 others with the same issue just that day. She said our doctor was just erring on the safe side. She explained that this phenomenon was relatively new and it was thought that perhaps these Calcium blips have always been there are now showing up due to our advanced technology. It causes no problems and often is absorbed later.

A Shattering Thought

We were so incredibly relieved to know our unborn baby was healthy, and grateful to have another look at our mover and shaker. However, the first night after the first ultrasound with the possibility that something was wrong with my baby hanging over my head was excruciating. It was so painful that I tried to forget about it; I tried to ignore the constant nagging in my brain; I tried to talk the worry away with Dear Husband; I tried to fill my mind with positive research information concerning this tiny bit of Calcium.

To no avail; I cracked in the middle of the night that night. All of my fears and concerns came rushing out, flooding the room with sadness, as if a dam had broken in the dark of night without any warning to the town below the dam. After letting all my terrors escape out of my brain, I was able to wait the two weeks until the second ultrasound that set us free. And 4.5 months later, my baby was born and was perfectly formed.

What Would You Do?

There are many opinions about what one should/would do if met with a severe disability, abnormality, medical condition or other conundrum during an ultrasound or subsequent amniocentesis. If you could or would have known something would you have decided to end the pregnancy? Would you ever choose to end a pregnancy?

I know some who felt certain about terminating a pregnancy should a disability be detected. I know others who would have never terminated a pregnancy, regardless of the prognosis or issue found. Thankfully, I never had to make this decision or even think about it. No matter which way you view it, there are no easy answers.

Large Award for Defects

I just read about a case out of Florida that awarded 4.5 million to Ana Mejia and Rodolfo Santana, the parents of a child born with severe defects, back in September. This child was born with no arms and only one leg. The couple had two ultrasounds performed during the pregnancy and were told everything was fine with the baby. They were told there was an extremely minor chance of a chromosomal disorder; the same remote chance that most people have.

When their son was born so severely disabled they were shocked and terribly upset that this information that escaped the ultrasound technician and obstetrician. They were saddened for their son who faced a life of hardship. They sued the two obstetricians they felt were responsible for this oversight and negligent in failing to provide such important information.

The couple claims they would have terminated the pregnancy had they had this information in hand after the ultrasounds. The couple sued in order to provide the care and medical procedure and prosthetics for their young son, now 3 years old.

They asked for 9 million, but the jury came back with a 4.5 million dollar award that will provide for his needs for the rest of his estimated 70 years of life, even if something happens to his parents.

A Case of Negligence

Now, perhaps you fall in the same camp as Mejia and Santana; or maybe you'd accept the fate of your child and the cost of caring for this severely disabled child and not blame the doctors for dropping the ball and neglecting to detect these very obvious defects. Whether you would have sued or not, it's clear {to me and the jury, at least} that these doctors were negligent.

As illustrated from my experience with Darling 1 and the tiny Calcium buildup in his heart, ultrasound technology is quite advanced these days, and my ultrasounds were 5.5 years and 3.5 years ago. It should be quite clear to a trained ultrasound technician whether a child is missing limbs. And even if a technician missed it, then an obstetrician reading the films should for sure catch such a grave defect.

However, this case is not for you or for me to decide. It was for the jury. And the jury found the obstetricians at fault and decided this award of damages was in order, based on the testimony heard, evidence presented and instructions provided by the court.

A Call for Humanity

I happen to find the lawsuit, the jury finding and the award in order. What surprised me were the 159 comments {OK, I didn't read all 159, but I read a number of them}. The majority of the comments were hateful, rude and disrespectful. The comments were overwhelmingly against these parents. Some comments remarked that the parents should have been aborted. Other comments made the parents out to be gold diggers, trying to win big money for themselves. And on and on, the comments attack these parents.

I was surprised and shocked by these comments. I know, I shouldn't have been, but I'm a bit Pollyanna-ish when it comes to humanity. I always expect people to treat others with more respect and kindness than they do. But it seems that the anonymity of leaving a comment online seems to bring out the worst in people.

If we could put ourselves in other's shoes and understand that we don't know what's it's like to live someone's life until we walk a mile in someone else's shoes. If you have not seen your idea of having a perfectly formed child dashed against the rocks, watched your horribly disfigured child, knowing he will never experience life like other children and realized that for the rest of your life you will be caring for this child, then you have not walked a mile in their shoes. I know I have not.

The Scoop

There are many overly-litigious lawsuits out there. I'll be the first to admit it. But a lawsuit such as this is not one of them. A lawsuit such as this will help ensure these doctors and hopefully others don't make this kind of mistake again. Over and out....

Anna

Supersized Everything: A Big Fat Lawsuit {On a Soapbox}

Disclaimer

I should probably start with a disclaimer of sorts. This post may step on a few folk's toes; rub some the wrong way; and ruffle a feather or two.

So, here's my disclaimer: I have been many sizes in my life, ranging from so tiny that the smallest sizes I found were too big and my mom had to take them in to well, let's just say, not small. I understand how difficult it is to lose weight having tackled that task many times, and I realize that it's sometimes out of the control of a person due to side effects from medications, illness, etc.

 

Frivolous Feud

I found this lawsuit to be ridiculous and overly litigious. This lawsuit is not really about overweight people. Look closely and you'll find it's really about a cantankerous, sour, unhealthy man.

Back in 2009, a portly gentleman, Martin Kessman, went to his favorite White Castle burger joint in Nanuet, New York, ordered his sack of aforementioned burgers and went to choose his seat. Upon noticing that there were only booths with affixed seats and no tables and chairs, he attempted to wedge himself into a booth to enjoy his meal.

Apparently, his protruding belly made this a difficult task. He left angry and embarrassed. This gentleman wrote a letter to the corporate office, demanding that White Castle do something about this issue. He said they sent back a letter saying they intended to remedy the problem and sent coupons for free burgers. They say they sent him a letter with the locations of other White Castles in the area that are equipped with tables and chairs.

Meanwhile, this poor gentleman robbed of his "right" to enjoy his White Castle along with other diners, did not stop eating the beloved steamed burgers, he simply sends his wife to get them for him.

Seeking Damages

Fast forward to September 2011, the disgruntled gentleman has filed a lawsuit against White Castle for failing to provide seating that will accommodate his rotund body. He claims it's not just about him, but also for pregnant women and disabled citizens. He has lodged his legal argument based on his alleged right to have a place to sit and enjoy his meal. Kessman contends that White Castle's seating arrangements infringe on The Americans with Disabilities Act.

So, how big is Mr. Kessman? He states that he's not humongous, weighing in at 290 pounds. The Plaintiff is asking for larger seats and an undisclosed amount of damages for his troubles. Kessman says that he can comfortably fit in other fast food restaurant seating and simply wants "to sit down like a normal person."

Drawing the Line

Sorry. I still say it's overly litigious. What if White Castle granted Mr. Kessman's request for larger seats and then a tiny person... um, I mean a height challenged person comes in and finds that the giant seats are far too large and there is much too much distance between the fixed seat and the table and this person also makes a stink about it? What then? Will White Castle and other restaurants have to have designated seating? "This area for those over 200 pounds." "These tables for those under 5 feet, 2 inches tall." "This section for persons over 6 ft tall." And so on...

And in my opinion being fat is not a disability. I think that to call it a disability is demeaning to those who truly are disabled in some way. Now, I can see where it could be a handicap. Being overweight does make it more difficult to move around, in general, and can make someone feel and look awkward and clumsy. Regardless, this scenario does not make it reasonable to sue a business.

If this lawsuit is allowed to move forward and if Kessman receives damages because he wasn't able to comfortably fit in a fast food restaurant dining booth, then what is the limit? Where do we draw the line? If we each think about it, I bet we could each come up with a way in which we were wronged that comes as close as this case does to being legit.

The Scoop

I've said before, I'll say it again. Our court systems are clogged; our state and federal budgets are stretched to the limits; there are legitimate cases where real civil wrongs have been committed that should go to court, but lawsuits such as this one, waste time and energy and already strained resources {tax dollars}. Mr. Kessman, I have a few solutions to suggest: Take your business elsewhere, go on a No-Fast-Food diet or both. I bet you'd be happier and healthier if you'd drop this whole matter.

He says he was mortified that he couldn't fit into the booth properly. Well, I wonder how he feels now with all of the media attention that he brought upon himself? Over and out...

Anna

Homegrown: An Increase in Homeschooling

Limitations

I think a person should know his or her limitations. I'm all for reaching for the stars, dreaming big, stretching one's self, learning as much as possible, going on adventures and trying my hand at a multitude of tasks, but I do know my limitations. For instance, I know that I can't climb a telephone pole {it's a long story}; I know that I'm a lousy camper; I know I'll never be a mathematician or a physicist; I know I'm no good at flipping pancakes and omelets; and I know I absolutely cannot blow up a balloon {I have no idea why though}.

I also know that I would be a terrible teacher to my Darling Boys. Of course I teach them things every day, both intentionally and unintentionally {both good and bad}, I expose them to art, culture, nature, food, and more when we go on our mini {and many} adventures, I explain words, sayings, jokes, signs, actions and more by the hour, but a homeschooling parent I'm not.

This is not to say that I think ill of those who do homeschool their kids; I don't. I just know that I am neither patient enough, nor do I have the desire to teach my Boys at home. I do think that my children have been and will be greatly rewarded by meeting, interacting with and learning from the other teachers they have and will come into contact with, whether it's in a music class or swim lessons or tee ball or preschool or nature camp or kindergarten and so on.

Choosing to Homeschool

That said, there are a number of parents who are choosing to homeschool their kiddos. There are a variety of reasons for making such a decision. Here are the top motivators for homeschooling based on several polls and studies found online {in no particular order}:

• Concerns regarding school environment {other students, drugs, safety issues, peer pressures, etc.};
• Concerns regarding the curriculum, academic environment and faculty or staff;
• Concerns regarding a child's special needs that isn't being met at school;
• A wish to teach religious instruction;
• A wish to teach in a nontraditional format; and
• Concerns regarding a child's physical or mental disability

Sources referred to: www.secularhomeschools.com & www.wikipedia.org referencing a 2007 poll by the U.S. Department of Education.

Honestly, these are great reasons. I have many of these same concerns for my children, but I still know I'm not the right teacher for them. Instead I have a school that I believe will address the issues and concerns I have about public education.

Staggering Statistics

The number of children being homeschooled has dramatically increased from 1999 to 2007 {the last time a survey with this data was collected}. In 2007, there were 1.5 million students being homeschooled in the U.S. representing 2.9% of students; in 2003 there were 1.1 million students being homeschooled, representing 2.2% of students; in 1999, there were 850,000 students being homeschooled, representing 1.7% of students.

According to the National Center for Educational Statistics, the increase from 1999 to 2007, represents a 74 % relative increase. Interestingly, the percentage of parents who reported their reason for homeschooling to be for religious instruction increased from 72% in 2003 to 83% in 2007.

    Sources: www2.ed.gov & nces.ed.gov

The Scoop

Homeschooling looks to be an increasingly popular choice. Will the number of students homeschooled continue to increase? Or is this merely a trend in educational choices? Homeschool Laws Part II is coming up this week. And stay tuned for a guest post from a mom who is about to start homeschooling her child. Over and out...

Anna

You might also like:

The Changing Seasons: Types of Schools Available to American Children

The Measure of an Education: A Look at U.S. Education System Statistics

A Plea to MN Public Educators

Birds of a Feather: Tips for Choosing the Best School for Your Child

 

To Vaccinate or Not: The Legal Requirements

Brother's Keeper

At the Minnesota Zoo play area last week, I overheard Darling 1 tell a boy much older than himself, "I don't think that's very safe," when he noticed the boy scaling the rocky side of the play area {I had been thinking the same thing}. Then, in the Aquarium wing of the Zoo, Darling 2 nearly tackled his brother when Darling 1 started to stick his hand in the tank to pet the sting rays and small sharks, something that is allowed in that tank. Darling 2 grabbed Darling 1, pulling him back, saying, "No, Brother," thinking he was about to topple into the tank with the sharks.

My Boys certainly take risks and don't always think before they act, but they're always on the lookout for safety issues. I always breathe a sigh of relief when I see them looking out for themselves, each other and total strangers; just maybe the teen years won't be overly risky; or maybe I'm just dreaming, but it's still soothing to see.

To Protect Always

I want more than anything to protect my kids from any and all harm; well, as much as possible, that is. We make choices based on this credo in order to protect them from mental and physical pain, injury, illness, poisoning, etc. and to preserve their health for the future. For the most part, these matters do not concern or affect others.

One decision that does indirectly affect many others is the decision to vaccinate our Boys. Since becoming a parent in 2006, there have been conversations with other parents, stories in the news, articles in scholarly journals and discussions with the pediatrician about whether to vaccinate or not. There have been reports falling on both sides of the issue. Back in 2006 when I became a mom, some studies still claimed there was a link between vaccines and autism.

As a new parent, I skimmed the articles, listened to other's point of view and then had my Boys vaccinated. To me, the threat of my Boys acquiring these dreaded illnesses and perhaps dying is much scarier than autism or a reaction, etc. It was a risk I was willing to take in order to avert the risks of potentially deadly illnesses.

Generations Past

My own parents and DH's parents also made the decision to have their children vaccinated. Our parents are older enough to remember having some of the now preventable illnesses themselves or seeing others suffer from them.

Viral outbreaks and epidemics are not something we want to be the norm again. And yet, in the past several years, the flu, measles and whooping cough have been spreading and many warnings have been issued. Just this spring, the Boys' preschool sent home a warning about a recent uptick in measles being reported in the county.

Required by Law

If people are vaccinated against as many communicable diseases as possible, fewer deadly pandemics will occur, as has been the case until recent years. The states do mandate that children in schools and daycare are vaccinated with a few exceptions. These laws are in place to control the spread of disease.

While it's recommended that the required vaccines be administered, there are religious, philosophical, medical and proof of immunity exemptions. Each state varies with the exact requirements, but in general the following vaccines are required by law for children:

• Diphtheria;
• Polio;
• Measles;
• Mumps;
• Pertussis;
• Haemophilius influenza type b;
• Hepatitis B;
• Rubella; and
• Tetanus

Minnesota also requires vaccines for Varicella (chickenpox) and recommends Hepatitis A, Influenza, Meningococcal and Human papillomavirus (for girls). Each state may require varying doses, require more vaccines or fewer vaccines or make other recommendations. For a link to your state's immunization website, go to the Immunization Action Coalition page and click on your state.

Exemptions

As mentioned, there are a few reasons the states will allow children to be exempt from the required vaccines. And while I personally think that getting vaccinated is the way to go, I also think that if you have a reason and feel strongly about your child not getting a particular vaccine or any required or recommended vaccines, then you should stand up and advocate for your child.

Once again, the exact requirements and documentation for each state varies, but here are the reasons allowed for exemptions from vaccines:

• Medical

  All states offer a medical exemption for children who have allergic reactions to ingredients in vaccines; who have compromised immune systems; or who have severe illnesses which could be exacerbated by and the vaccine. To use a medical exemption, a medical doctor must sign a statement advising of the medical reason why a vaccine should not be administered to a particular child.

   

• Philosophical

  Only 18 states allow for vaccination exemptions based on philosophical or personal beliefs. Most of these states require a person using this exemption to object to all of the required vaccines, not just one particular vaccine. You must be prepared to explain your objection and prove that it's a tenet you hold fast to.

   

• Religious

  This is a serious exemption, not to be used lightly. All states except Mississippi and West Virginia allow for a religious exemption. According to the National Vaccine Information Center (NVIC), "The religious exemption is intended for people who hold a sincere religious belief opposing vaccination to the extent that if the state forced vaccination, it would be an infringement on their right to exercise their religious beliefs."

   

  Some states define religion loosely, allowing for personally held beliefs to fall into this category, but other states allow only members of The First Church of Christ, Christian Science, or other legitimate religion denomination to use this exemption.

   

  If a state challenges a request for exemption, you may end up in court defending your choice to claim religious exemption. States have a legitimate compelling interest; that is, to prevent the spread of illness. However, this exemption is protected under the First Amendment right to exercise your religion so long as your religious beliefs don't harm others.

   

  It could be argued that the spread of disease from lack of vaccines does put others at risk. This is not to say that it can't be successfully challenged based on religious beliefs; it has been and can be.

   

• Proof of Immunity

  This exemption is allowed by states for vaccines for particular illnesses if it can be proven that your child has had the illness already or has been vaccinated previously. For instance, if your child has already had chickenpox there is no need to get the Varicella vaccines required in many states because once you have had chickenpox you can't have it again.

   

  You may have to have a private medical lab take blood and check the level of antibodies present for the particular illness you are requesting the vaccine exemption.

The Scoop

Later this week, I will discuss the now-debunked studies regarding the link between vaccines and autism and examine the reasons why parents opt not to get vaccines based on one of the above exemptions. I will also provide resources for getting free or reduced cost vaccines for your family, and the federal law requirements for keeping you informed regarding the vaccines give to your child.

Where do you stand on this issue? Over and out...

Anna

The World at Our Fingertips: Finding a Link to Another Attorney/Mom/Blogger

Our world is getting smaller all the time. On a daily basis, I communicate with people in Canada, the East Coast, the West Coast and everywhere in between all thanks to the ever present social media community. Because of these media outlets like Twitter and Facebook, people from around the globe can and do read my blog and millions of other blogs. It's really incredible to think about it. People are now able to express themselves through writing, photography, art, cooking, etc., and at the same time reach out to others with similar stories, goals, theories, questions; sometimes touching millions. The opportunities are limitless in this new sphere.

 

Last week, attorney Danielle G. Van Ess found Motherly Law through the social media community. She is Massachusetts. I am in Minnesota. We have never met, and we do not have any common acquaintances. Nonetheless, we have been emailing back and forth, and have discovered we have a lot in common. She, like me, is not only an attorney, but also a wife and a mom (to three little ones). We are both night owls. We both have cats. We both are striving to develop our careers as attorneys, yet spend as much time as possible raising our kids and being moms, which means spending much of our time working after the sun goes down and the kids are in bed.

 

Danielle has developed a solo practice in which she focuses on estate planning, residential real estate and adoption. She understands the issues facing young families. As a part of her practice, Danielle blogs about these issues: from wills and trusts to 529 College Savings Plans to long term care for aging parents, and much more. While Danielle hails from Massachusetts and adds specific state information to most of her posts the general topics and gist of the laws are relevant to all.

 

Since I have declared this the "Best of" week and my wills and trusts post came in 2^nd on the survey, I thought I would link to Danielle's recent post: "What's the Best Way to Leave Our Children Their Inheritance?" She has great information about various options and the difference between testamentary trusts and revocable living trusts. You can also go back and read my post on the importance of having a will and trust, tips for getting your estate in order, estate planning for your special needs child and check out the supplementary estate planning document.

 

Please leave Danielle a comment and let her know you found her through Motherly Law. She has lots of great posts. So, take some time and peruse her site or bookmark it for later. You can also find Danielle on Twitter and Facebook. As always, feel free to leave me comments too. You know where to find me. Tune in tomorrow for the winner of the "Best of" Wednesday Tips and Websites Post. Over and out…

 

Anna

 

Putting All the Pieces Together: Ways You Can Support Autism Awareness, Plus a Supplementary Estate Planning Document

The other night when Dear Husband emerged from the Darling Boys' bedroom after the infinitely long process we like to call "bedtime," he looked at the living room and said to me, "It wasn't this messy when I went in." As if I had gone into the living room and thrown all of the boys' toys from the shelves and baskets onto the floor while he was reading to them. I assured him that I had not done so, and that it had indeed looked like that before the kids retreated into their bedroom for their nightly cease-fire from the daily assault on the house. Then, quick as quick can be we proceeded to re-assemble the living room, aka Central Command Post for all kid activity, as we do most every night. Part of the clean up was to sort and piece together the numerous puzzles that had been dumped into one gigantic pile. Now I don't know about you, but I have learned to put the boys' puzzles together in record time. Yes, I know it may not sound like a tremendous feat to be able to assemble a puzzle meant for 3 year-olds in under a minute, but I am pretty impressed with my sorting and assembling stats.

 

But what if you could never get all the pieces to fit together? What if it looked like all the pieces belonged to the same puzzle, but they just would not fit together? Or once you finally got the pieces together you were still missing a few pieces and could never finish the puzzle. That is how parents of kids with autism spectrum disorders must feel. A puzzle piece is the symbol chosen to represent autism awareness. This symbol was created in 1963 by the National Autistic Society. The puzzle piece is so effective because it says something about autism: autism is a puzzling condition, isolating autistic persons from normal human contact, causing them to not "fit in." The interlocking, multi-colored puzzle piece has become the international symbol of autism. The symbolism in the piece is multi-faceted: representing for some, the mystery and complexity of the disorder and for others, standing for the mechanical nature of the autistic person's thought process. The bright colors signify hope.

 

Here are some Ideas for Celebrating Autism Awareness Month:

1. Autism Speaks' "Walk Now for Autism" events take place nationwide (throughout the year).
2. Toys "R" Us has partnered with Autism Speaks and has an in store fundraising campaign at its Babies "R" Us stores that began on March 1st and ends on May 1st. Babies "R" Us also publishes a list of the ten most helpful toys for children with autism.
3. TJ Maxx will be offering its customers at checkout a puzzle piece (the symbol for autism) for a $1 donation.
4. Modell's sporting goods stores will also be hosting the $1 puzzle piece donation.
5. Build-a-Bear Workshop has a purple teddy bear called Nikki III that it will be selling during April and donating the funds from sales to Autism Speaks. Once purchased, the bear will have an Autism Awareness ribbon attached. Also, a satin purple heart priced at $1 can be purchased at the store with funds being donated to Autism Speaks.
6. Thomas and Friend's Live performances will be offering discounts to children with autism and their families.
7. The Discovery Health channel will be providing information on autism diagnosis and treatments through its programs.
8. Show your support for people with autism by wearing the Autism Awareness Puzzle Ribbon this month – as a pin on your shirt, a magnet on your car, a badge on your blog, or even your Facebook profile picture - and educate folks on the potential of people with autism! For suggestions and resources, visit www.autism-society.org/ribbon.
9. On April 1, the Autism Society is asking supporters to change their status on Facebook and/or Twitter to "Autism affects 1 in 110. Text "AUTISM" to 50555 to donate $10 to the Autism Society. Help spread the word: http://bit.ly/bUAVRf." 100% of your donations will go to support the Autism Society's mission of improving the lives of all affected by autism.
10. There are several important bills moving through Congress that will have important effects on the autism community – safer educational settings (Keeping All Students Safe Act), better autism services (Autism Treatment Acceleration Act), greater financial independence (Achieving a Better Life Experience Act), better protection against toxic chemicals (Toxic Substances Control Act Reform, introduction anticipated soon), and more. For more information about this legislation and to take action to support it, visit www.vote4autism.org.
11. The Autism Society and inflatable playground franchise Pump It Up are bouncing again with "Bounce for Autism" – over 100 community-based fundraising events that combine family fun with raising awareness and support for autism in locations nationwide that welcome children on the autism spectrum. Check out www.bounceforautism.org for more information and locations.
12. The Autism Society is working with AMC entertainment to bring special-needs families "Sensory Friendly Films" every month. Our special showing of How to Train Your Dragon is coming to a theatre near you on April 10. Visit www.autism-society.org/sensoryfilms for more information.
13. Locally, here in the Twin Cities, Fraser Walk for Autism will take place on Saturday, April 17, 2010, at the Mall of America. For more information about Fraser and the Walk for Autism, go to http://www.fraser.org/calendar/autismwalk_index.html .
14. For more ideas or to find activities and events in your area just search online for autism awareness events.

Here are a few Web sites that have a lot of great autism information:

Autism Society of America: http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer

Autism Speaks: http://www.autismspeaks.org

Autism and PDD Support Network http://www.autism-pdd.net/autism-resources.html (this one has good legal resources)

 

This Web site has great estate planning and other legal resources for parents of special needs children: Academy of Special Needs Answers: http://www.specialneedsanswers.com. Academy of Special Needs Answers also has a link to download a Memorandum of Intent.

A Memorandum of Intent is a supplementary document to be used by parents or guardians of special needs children (whether a minor or not). The Memo is meant to be a personal letter from you to the people who will care for your child when you no longer can. It supplements your estate plan by providing information that is not appropriate to include in your special needs trust because that information changes over time, is your wish but not a legal requirement, or is too lengthy to include in the trust. Click here to go to the site to download the memo: http://www.specialneedsanswers.com/moi_order.asp.

 

Tune in on Friday when I post a bit of "Motherly Advice." April happens to be a month of special causes: Autism Awareness, Child Abuse Prevention, Earth Day and Law Day (actually May 2^nd). So, for the rest of April, I will be bringing you law and information pertaining to these topics. Over and out…

Anna

April Showers Bring May Flowers: Estate Planning You Do Now Will Benefit Your Special Needs Child Later; Plus Supporting Autism Awareness Month

The other day I was looking at Darling 1 and noticed that he has gotten so big and tall lately, not roly-poly, cuddly and chubbly like Darling 2 still is. I asked Darling 1 "How did you get so big?" He answered, "All your kisses made me grow big." Awww! Doesn't that just melt your heart?! And he's right in a way. I water my Darling boys with love and kisses, healthy foods, knowledge from books, experiences, explanations and discussions and time to run and play outside, and they grow both physically and mentally. I take that for granted. Some parents do all of these same things and their children still struggle to reach each developmental milestone. I salute these saints, otherwise known as mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, etc, who have far more grace, endurance, patience and humility than I, who are raising exceptional children with special needs despite the daily hurdles they encounter.

April is Autism Awareness Month. The Autism Society has been celebrating National Autism Awareness Month since the 1970s as a chance to educate the public about autism and issues within the autism community. There are many ways you can support Autism Awareness and numerous special events and activities taking place over the course of the month all over the country. I will give you some ideas of how you can participate and contribute in Wednesday's post. While this post is more specifically focused on autism, the information regarding estate planning with your special needs child in mind pertains to any child (minor or not) that will need care and support to some degree throughout his or her lifetime.

As a parent of young children, I feel that autism spectrum disorders are widely known about and discussed since it is now estimated to affect 1 in 100 births. However, I wanted to give some general information about autism spectrum disorders. Children with a form of autism generally have problems in social interaction, language and behavioral development. Autism symptoms vary greatly from one child to another; children with the same diagnosis may act quite differently and have strikingly different skills. In most cases though, the most severe autism is marked by a complete inability to communicate or interact with other people.

Many children show signs of autism in early infancy. Other children may develop normally for the first few months or years of life but then suddenly become withdrawn, aggressive or lose language skills they've already acquired. Some of the comm0n signs of this disorder are: failure to respond to name; poor eye contact; resists holding and cuddling; starts talking later than other children; loses previously acquired ability to say words or sentences; may repeat words or phrases verbatim, but doesn't understand how to use them; performs repetitive movements, such as rocking or spinning; becomes disturbed at the slightest change in routines or rituals; unusually sensitive to light, sound and touch and yet oblivious to pain. Of course, there are many explanations if your child has one or more of these traits, but if you are concerned, call your child's physician.

There is no known single cause for autism, but it is generally accepted that it is caused by abnormalities in brain structure or function. Brain scans show differences in the shape and structure of the brain in children with autism versus neuro-typical children. Researchers are investigating a number of theories, including the link between heredity, genetics and medical problems. While there is no known cure for autism, there are treatment and education approaches that may reduce some of the challenges associated with the condition. Intervention may help to lessen disruptive behaviors, and education can teach self-help skills that allow for greater independence.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the importance of parents having a last will and testament, a trust for the financial support of minor children, choosing guardians, etc. The same holds true in the situation of parents with a special needs child. One difference is that the special needs child might need care and support throughout his or her life rather than just until the age of majority. Another difference is that if your special needs child receives state or federal aid, you will have to be careful how much and in what way you leave your estate to your child so your child does not lose eligibility for essential government benefits.

 

First, let's consider the types of government benefits:

• The first type is not affected by the financial resources available to the beneficiary. An example of this type of aid is Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI). SSDI will be received by the beneficiary regardless of financial need;
• The second type is affected by financial resources. Examples of this type is Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and Medicaid. To be eligible for this type of aid, a person cannot have too many assets or too much income or he or she will be ineligible for the aid.
• The third type of aid is also affected by the financial resources of a person, but the amount of income a person has does not disqualify him or her, but it does determine whether a person must pay for the available services and how much the person must pay.

With these government benefits in mind, you must structure your estate distribution in such a way that is the most beneficial to your special needs child.

 

There are several approaches to handling your estate. If you have modest assets and your special needs child's financial requirements are fairly great, the best approach may be to disinherit your child. Yes, that sounds cruel, but in reality it really might be the best for your child if it means that he or she will be eligible for the essential government benefits that are necessary for his or her care and support. Another option is to establish a trust for your child. A special needs trust could be the most effective way to help your child financially without disqualifying him or her for government aid.

A special needs trust is set up for a person with special needs to supplement any benefits the person with special needs may receive from government programs. A properly drafted special needs trust will allow the beneficiary to receive government benefits while still receiving funds from the trust. There are three main types of special needs trusts: the first-party trust; the third-party trust and the pooled trust. All three name the person with special needs as the beneficiary. A first-party special needs trust holds assets that belong to the person with special needs, such as an inheritance or an accident settlement. A third-party special needs trust holds funds belonging to other people who want to help the person with special needs. A pooled trust holds funds from many different beneficiaries with special needs. Here is a look at the three types of special needs trusts:

• First-Party Trust: In order to qualify for SSI, an applicant or beneficiary can have only $2,000 in his own name. If the person has more than $2,000 in his own name, (typically because of excess savings, an inheritance or an accident settlement), the government allows him to qualify for SSI so long as he places his assets into a first-party special needs trust. The trust must be created by the beneficiary's parent or grandparent, or by a court, but it cannot be created by the beneficiary, even though his assets are going to fund the trust. While the beneficiary is living, the funds in the trust are used for his benefit, and when he dies, any assets remaining in the trust are used to reimburse the government for the cost of his medical care. These trusts are especially useful for beneficiaries who are receiving SSI and come into large amounts of money, because the trust allows the beneficiary to retain his benefits while still being able to use his own funds when necessary.

   

• Third-Party Trust: This trust is most often used by parents and other family members to assist a person with special needs. These trusts can hold any kind of asset including a house, stocks and bonds, and other types of investments. The third-party trust functions like a first-party special needs trust in that the assets held in the trust do not affect an SSI beneficiary's eligibility for benefits and the funds can be used to pay for the beneficiary's supplemental needs beyond those covered by the government aid. The difference is that a third-party special needs trust does not contain the "payback" provision found in first-party trusts. This means that when the beneficiary with special needs dies, any funds remaining in his or her trust can pass to other family members or charity without having to be used to reimburse the government.

 

• Pooled Trust: A pooled trust is an alternative to the first-party trust. A charity sets up this type of trust. A pooled trust allows beneficiaries to combine their resources for investment purposes, while still maintaining separate accounts for each beneficiary's needs. When the beneficiary dies, the funds remaining in his or her account reimburse the government for his or her care, but a portion also goes towards the non-profit organization responsible for managing the trust.

Many financial planning businesses do offer qualified special needs planners that can assist you with setting up the right trust and organizing your estate so that your special needs child is provided for throughout his or her life.

On Wednesday, I will post ideas for educating yourself and your children about autism spectrum disorders and ways in which you can support Autism Awareness Month. I will also provide you with a Web site for finding out more about autism and a link to a helpful supplementary document for estate planning when you have a special needs child. Over and out…

Anna