Hanging By a Thread

Where to Begin: Tips for Homeschooling Your Child Part 1

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we have nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

    ~ From A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

Isn't that the most magnificent first sentence of a book! While Dickens was referring to two cities, Paris and London, during the French Revolution, it turns out this sentence can be applied to many time periods and circumstances. I happen to think it's a good summation of where we are in 2020.

The pandemic has caused fear, heartbreak, anxiety and uncertainty for all, truly. However, for many, it is much worse, with food, shelter and employment insecurities, safety concerns, and firsthand loss. For others, it has become a time of working from home, spending more time at home with family playing games, watching movies, putting together puzzles, working on home improvements, reading lots of books, tending to the yard and garden, and generally enjoying the slowed and simplified life imposed by isolation and shut-downs. If you belong to this latter group, as I do, please know you are privileged, and count your blessings.

At this time, in the middle of summer, many parents are contemplating whether to send their kids back to public/private schools in the fall and what that will look like for their family. Some parents are not happy with distance learning, some are worried about in-person classrooms, others are wondering what it might be like to homeschool their kids for a year or more, after having them out of school distance learning for 3 months of the last school year.

I have had several friends ask me directly and read numerous posts on the MN Homeschool Facebook pages regarding homeschooling for this upcoming school year. Their questions are basically:

1. Where do I start?

2. What do I have to teach?

3. Where do you get your curriculum/What do you recommend?

4. How much time does it take each day?

So, I decided I would answer these questions and share with you my opinion on the matter. It's important to note that I did say MY OPINION. You can take it or leave it. After five years homeschooling my kids after four years of public and private schools, I think I have a perspective that could be helpful to those weighing this decision.

1. Where do I start?

It's quite easy to officially begin. You simply fill out the very short Intention to Homeschool form and send it to your school district's Superintendent. However, it is the planning and mental commitment that will take more time and energy. If you are in a state other than Minnesota, please start by looking up your state's homeschooling requirements.

First of all, you must consider what your goals are for your family. Homeschool, especially if it will be done for just one "pandemic" year can be a replica of what your child would receive from public school, a mix and match of basic curriculum, including math, reading, grammar/spelling and whatever else you choose to study, a very relaxed reading, play, home skills based education, tailored to your kids' ages and interests, an online school that is very hands-off for the parents or something entirely different. The point is it is up to you and your kids what and how and when you study.

Each family has a different set of reasons for deciding to homeschool. I do realize that this year is different though and many who would normally have never considered it are pondering it now.

I started homeschooling my two boys five years ago because my kids are dyslexic and were not getting what they needed from their public school and the amazing private school was too expensive for our kids to continue there. It worked out well for us, and now my dyslexic kids love reading and both read well above their grade levels and have for several years now. We continue to homeschool because we came to love the flexibility it gave us to travel, go on lots of hands-on field trips and choose how and what we study. I want my kids to really love learning. Honestly, there are days that we all question why we are doing this and there are subjects (math) that we all hate, but most days we love our set up.

I I suggest you sit down and outline what you and your kids hope to gain through this unusual, but really could be awesome, opportunity to educate and spend a lot of quality time together.

I will say that if your kid is in high school, and you truly mean to homeschool for only this coming year, I recommend calling the guidance counselor at their school and talking to them about what your kid should study for this year. This way your child can seamlessly go back to public/private school. How and where and when your kid studies the recommended or necessary classes is still up to you. Just create a transcript for your child and keep track of what they are studying.

2. What do I have to teach?

Minnesota law is not specific to how, when, why, or to what extent you teach subjects. It simply says that homeschool education must cover reading, writing, literature, fine arts, math, science, history, geography, health and physical education. Many homeschooling families could easily say these topics are covered on a daily basis.

We start with the basics each year: math and grammar/spelling/reading. I have switched curriculums several times over the years and usually use several materials at once. Then, we discuss what we want to focus on for history, science & literature. I don't buy curriculum for these subjects. I buy books and do research for online activities, lessons, documentaries, field trips, online classes, etc. I toss in typing, art (studying artists, visiting museums, making our own art, etc), PE (any physical activities we choose: nature walks, skiing, snowshoeing, archery, shooting hoops in the driveway, dancing, etc.) and some extracurricular activities (which are limited this year, of course).

I'll answer the last two questions in Part 2 to be posted right after this one. I tend to get a little long winded.

Here are a couple of "pro" tips:

• I write out a lesson plan for the week on Sunday night. Really each week can be and often is a little different based on our schedule and what we are studying. I have picked up $3 lesson plan books at Target for the past several years, and they work just fine.
• Check out Homeschool Adventures website for all kinds of classes, activities, field trips. It is a wonderful resource for getting out and exploring and learning, even if much of it will be virtual this year.
• Ordway Education offers amazing programming for an equally amazing cost. Again, I'm not sure what that will look like this year with no programming until spring, but check out their website for past performances and educational material.
• Believe in yourself, learn as you go, trust your kids and your gut and if you are doing this for just one year, you will not ruin your kids' academic progress/future even if you do almost nothing….although I do not suggest you do nothing. I recommend that you embrace this opportunity to spend some amazing time learning with your kids.

Check out Part 2 for answers to Questions 3 and 4.

Over and out…

Anna

The Power of Impact

To start with, I've had a bad cold. I got it from my boys over the weekend while traveling. Of course, it means nothing when mom gets a cold. Life goes on. So, I have been tired and cranky and generally feeling cruddy all week. Thursday was no exception, but then my mood got worse. And on Friday, I woke with a tremendously heavy sadness on my heart and mind. Here's why.

On, Thursday, the boys and I spent the day with my computer or phone on a live feed of the Senate Judiciary Committee, watching both Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh testify before the nation.

I knew only her story and very little else about Dr. Ford before her testimony. I thought I believed her story, but was anxious to hear her and see her tell her side of things to determine her credibility in my own mind…not that my opinion of her matters in the least.

I was struck by her calm, yet genuine and terrified-beneath-the-surface demeanor. I understood how she felt sitting there sharing her most devastating details of shame and guilt and confusion and sadness and aloneness that she has been carrying with her for 36 years. My heart went out to her.

We listened to her words and watched her face and heard her tone and completely believed her. She gains nothing and has lost much in coming forward to speak. My heart broke for her.

Listening to her speak about her 15 year old self and this bewildering, traumatizing experience took me back to my teenage years. I recalled two distinct times that I allowed myself to get into a vulnerable position, during high school, about 28 years ago. Now, I say that I allowed myself to get into a vulnerable situation because time and time again we see that it is the woman's responsibility to steer clear of such situations and it's her fault if she does not.

Now, in my case, nothing happened to me in either of these instances, but I am now and was then well aware that it could have. Just knowing I was in a situation that made me feel trapped and vulnerable, I can clearly recall all kinds of details about the space I was in, the smells, the sounds, some (but not all) of the people there or nearby, how I felt and what I was thinking, but I could not give you a date and I could not name each person there. I'm not even sure of the exact year. This does not mean it didn't happen.

I imagine that if you asked the other people who were there with me during those two instances they would not recall these things in such detail. In fact, I would bet they would not have any recollection of these instances at all. This does not mean it didn't happen.

I NEVER told anyone about these instances…not my best friend, not my mother, not my husband. No one. This is the first time I have ever shared anything about these two instances outside of my own mind. I did not tell anyone because I felt shame for allowing myself to get into such situations. This does not mean it didn't happen.

The reason it stands out in my memory so vividly and has stayed with me all of these years is that it had a significant impact on me. After the second instance, I promised myself then, in high school, I would not allow myself to get into such a vulnerable situation again. These two instances scared me and cautioned me and trained me and shaped me.

I can imagine that the other people involved in these two instances didn't recall it happening a year after it occurred, let alone 5 or 10 or 22 years later. This is simply because it did not have an impact on them. It did not scare them or worry them or warrant a change in how they approached certain people or situations.

Now, going back to Dr. Ford and Judge Kavanaugh, one of them is not telling the truth, or at least not remembering what happened correctly. One of them was not impacted by this experience. My money is on Judge Kavanaugh as being the one who is not telling the whole truth and/or not remembering the instance correctly and thoroughly.

Judge Kavanaugh's demeanor and attitude also made me think of instances, both in working in the courts and general life experiences, of privileged men who are used to getting what they want when they want it, and then get caught being bad and are at risk of not getting what they want.

He yelled and deflected blame and repeated the same answers over and over and made accusations. He was evasive and sometimes responded with silence. He talked back and whined and cried. He was all kinds of emotional and belligerent and haughty. I have seen this behavior. I know this kind of behavior. I have seen this behavior from grown men, but any parent will recognize this kind of adolescent, rebellious, defensive fit throwing, as well.

This spoiled, whining, privileged man child having a huge meltdown temper tantrum was watched by thousands and thousands of people, and I believe it will have an impact.

The impact will not be on the male Republican Senators who rebuked the Democrats for causing such pain and suffering for this upstanding man and his family…at least not directly…and who will vote to confirm Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court of the United States.

The impact will not be on Kavanaugh who will most likely still get his way and be appointed for life to the United States Supreme Court. His family is not ruined. They will move on from this. But let me say, I am sad for his wife and daughters who are having to go through all of this because of their husband and father.

And yet, I do think there will be an impact. I think there already is a wave of change that has been gathering momentum and speed and depth and integrity and raw, composed rage. It's coming….just you wait.

For now, I will keep explaining and teaching and showing my boys what is right and wrong; what justice looks like; what respect looks like; what mercy looks like; what integrity looks like; and how Jesus instructs Christians to act.

From a different perspective, as a student of the law with a deep respect for the highest court in our land and for (most) of the justices who sit on the Supreme Court of the United States, I am greatly distressed, disappointed and frustrated. Putting aside whether he has repeatedly, on several topics, lied before Congress and whether he sexually assaulted one or more women, the person who has emerged under pressure in these hearings is NOT the kind of impartial, rational, discerning person the United States Senate should be placing on the Court. Our highest court of the land deserves better than this. We, the people of this democracy, deserve better than this.

My heart breaks and my blood boils for all people everywhere who have been hurt, broken, taken advantage of, assaulted, raped and have told their stories only to be threatened, ridiculed and worst of all, ignored.

I hear you. I believe you. You matter. You have made an impact. You are not alone. Everyone does eventually get his day in court; before his maker, that is.

Over and out…

Anna

For the Love of My Children

Here's what I know. Nothing is for sure. Everything can change. We are no better than any other country. Our country and its government are not at its most stable and certainly not at its most proud moment in history. Jesus Christ instructs us to love and show kindness and mercy and aid to all people.

I also know deep down to the core of my existence that I will do anything to keep my children safe and healthy. ANYTHING. If that means leaving everything I know behind and trekking across countries, mile after mile, to seek asylum from dangerous people and conditions, I would do it. It would be scary and painful and confusing. It would take immense faith and strength and patience and courage. But it would all be worth it if I knew in my heart of hearts that it was the best…maybe the ONLY…option for keeping my children safe, and I would do it.

I hope you would too.

I think you would.

I bet you love your children as much as I love mine.

So, WHY OH WHY, is this so hard for so many people to understand the plight of these people pouring into the borders after making the very long and difficult trek from their dangerous and unstable homelands?

And how is it possible that not ALL moms and dads (or really ALL people) in the U.S. are not completely outraged at the separation of children and parents and detaining of those seeking asylum at the border. {I do realize that the separation has supposedly stopped, but there are still scores of families who are separated and children facing judges alone.}

These children and parents keep me up at night and fill my prayers and consume my thoughts. The whole of it breaks my heart and makes my blood boil.

And it hurts my heart that I don't see and hear every person in this country in an uproar by all of this purposeful breaking up of families already in peril and in need of love, support and aid.

I realize immigration is a complex issue, but accepting refugees and immigrants into these borders since even before our founding is what has made our country so strong and complex and vibrant and full of innovation and creative spirit and thriving cities and farmlands and communities of all sizes from border to border.

And if one can't see that, then you need to go back to the beginning of U.S. history and study how and why our country came to be. Include in that history how the early settlers disregarded those borders and lands of the people who were already living here, eventually completely disregarding the people too and not just their territories.

Don't forget to read about how we rounded up and kept fenced in the Japanese Americans {mind you, they were American citizens} when we went to war against Japan during WWII.

Of course, a large portion of our history should cover our forefathers, the slaveholders, and the treatment of the Africans kidnapped from their own countries and taken from their own borders and forced into ours. Go on through the Civil War and remember to take special note as to why brothers fought brothers during this most terrible war {Hint: it wasn't merely state's rights; it was really concerning one right: the right to own another human being.}

Look at how we treated the freed slaves and how LONG it took for us to pass laws that made our laws apply to all people within our borders, including African Americans, women, Native Americans and LGBTQ folks.

Make sure to read about all the different points in our history that various groups of immigrants sought refuge through our ports. Of course, each of us have a personal family history to learn from, as well.

After all of the reading and studying and researching to learn and remind and open your heart and mind, I hope you will see how very abundantly we, as a country, have been blessed by all of these cultures and histories and ethnicities blending and sharing and building into one United States of America.

BUT in the end, this particular situation comes back to the only thing that matters right now. Families seeking asylum are being turned away or separated and jailed. This is not right.

I want you to take a minute to realize that this could happen to you. It could. Our country could slide into complete chaos. We could fight a war on our soil. We could become the ones in need of protection and need to leave our country and enter another country's border. Don't kid yourself.

If you can't bring yourself to imagine a bleak U.S. future, then recall that by the grace of God you were born into a free country or had the good fortune to be able to come to this country and become a citizen; that parents in all countries all over God's green earth love their children so much that they would do ANYTHING to protect them; that sometimes you have to risk everything to keep your kids safe, even if that means breaking the law and entering a border illegally, in order to get help and make a new start; that Jesus would help these people and calls upon us to do the same; and that Joseph, Mary and Jesus once were refugees in Egypt, fleeing Herod's murderous rampage inflicted upon young children.

You might be asking yourself, "A bleeding heart liberal and a Christian? Can it be possible?" Oh, yes! Take heart; there are a number of us out there. I'm proud to wear both badges.

If when I die, people say that I stood for love and mercy and justice and always stood up for those who could not speak up for themselves, then I will feel that I have accomplished something in my life.

If you feel so inclined to do something for these families, please check out Raices Texas – pronounced Rah E Cis – standing for Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education. They are a Texas nonprofit organization that works to pair immigration attorneys with the parents and kids in custody, pays for their bonds and is working hard to reunify families and pursue asylum, when necessary.

Over and out…

Anna

Be a Political Person {Talking Politics with Our Kids}

I often see people post on social media, "I'm not a political person, but…" And I always want to respond, "Why not? What's wrong with being a political person?" I think what they mean is they aren't usually one to argue over political issues by posting them for all their friends to read and discuss, but I just don't see anything wrong with being a "political person." And for the record, you can call me just that, if you're so inclined.

In our house, politics is not a dirty word. In fact, political knowledge and discussions are something to be proud about…although the kids do have an approved and unapproved list of people they can discuss such politics with…the approved list is pretty short, come to think of it...

But, seriously, political issues are important and we should be discussing them in our homes and in schools. This doesn't mean taking sides and arguing and segregating based on beliefs and political party affiliations. It means learning about issues facing our elected officials, the laws and policies concerning the economy, the environment, the educational system, the poor, job opportunities within our country, relations with other countries, the military, etc., etc., etc., and the arguments on both sides.

So, at this juncture in American politics, I am thrilled to be teaching my kids at home because this means we can discuss and study any and all areas of politics. And we do. We talk about what's happening along this long campaign trail. We read articles, watch video clips and of course, check out the political parodies. We watched the debates with the boys and explained various points afterwards, but I think they have a pretty good grasp on what's what at this point.

They're looking forward to going with us to vote, as always. And I can't wait for next week when this Political Science major gets to teach a whole week on the Electoral College, the interesting elections of the past and anything and everything we can find to watch, read and learn about the election process. I'll be trying to channel my beloved Poli Sci Professor, Dr. Flavin, and his enthusiasm for all things electoral.

If we don't talk about such things at home and with our kids over the dinner table, in the car, in the midst of a "nasty" political race (sorry, I had to get it in), after the President addresses the nation, during a legislative stalemate, where will our kids get the confidence to discuss such issues? How will they understand the who and why and how of our nation's politics and our and their personal views as they grow into adults.

So, be a "political person" and talk about the processes, the difference between parties and how and why and who of local, state and federal government. Discuss your personal feelings and beliefs and where that falls within political parties. Talk about the "other side" and what they believe and why those issues are important to them. We live in a democratic society, and this cannot exist without talking and discussing the differences, the areas we can agree upon and how to make our system work for everyone. After all, a democratic society is defined as one that is run by the people, for the people and supports equal rights, freedoms of the individual, fair trials and minority views. Let's not forget that.

And remember GO VOTE! {Preferably with your kids in tow.} I actually saw someone post on social media that she usually doesn't vote, but this one is an important one so she voted…ALL ELECTIONS ARE IMPORTANT! {Sorry, I had to step up on my soap box for a minute….remember, I AM a "political person."} Over and out…

Anna

The Ups and Downs of Homeschool {A Top 10 List}

As our second year of homeschool has begun, I can now tell you my most favorite and most challenging things about my new(ish) gig. It's a lot like when my kids were younger and not in school yet and we were together almost constantly. And what I found then and what I find now is that for the most part, spending more time with my kids allows me to tolerate them more easily than when I see them less….maybe you think I should have used enjoy rather than tolerate, but most days I feel like tolerating is the best I can do…if I'm keepin' real.

So, what I'm saying is that it works. We all tolerate each other sometimes and enjoy each other's company other times. And sometimes I assign myself a timeout. Just as it is with families, in general. There are definitely some perks to homeschool and some very big challenges too. Here's what I can tell you about my experience after year one.

Top 10 Favorite Things about Homeschooling:

1. No homework struggles because there is no homework!
2. No lunches to pack
3. No early morning rushing around to get out the door…no early mornings at all. We start school mid-morning
4. We can stay in our pjs for school, if we choose, and sometimes we do
5. No standardized tests!
6. Flexible schedules for field trips, traveling and impromptu or prolonged lessons
7. Teaching subjects of our choosing: Latin and Greek roots, cursive, the Bible and lots of group discussions and group reading of a variety of subject matter and types of writing, U.S. geography, etc.
8. Our trips!
9. Watching my kids learn and use their knowledge
10. The boys get one day of lessons with my parents every week, and that is priceless

Top 10 Challenging Things about Homeschooling

1. I'm ALWAYS with my kids!
2. I never feel like I'm finished for the day – there's always more housework, school preparations and legal editing work to be done
3. Being patient with my kids
4. Staying somewhat on track with lesson plans and outside activities, etc.
   
5. Finding our place. So many friends don't homeschool. A few do, but they have for years and have their niche and each homeschooling family has its own philosophy and curriculum and schedule.
6. Accomplishing everything I want to each school day.
7. Arguing with my kids over doing math or practicing cursive, etc.
8. Keeping my kids focused
9. Making lessons interesting and relatable
10. Trying not to completely lose myself and my interests and passions

It's not always easy, but sometimes it is. Just like everything in life. Over and out…

Anna

 

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Be a Tree

Lucky {A Mother’s Tale}

{Note: I wrote most of this article about two and half years ago. I wasn't sure where the story would go back then. Of course, the story is not finished yet, but we're in a better, more confident place now. I hope that you will find this to be a positive message if your children are struggling with any issues, whether mental or physical.}

Lucky.

Lucky is not the word I would have chosen. It's a word that has been thrust upon me by well-intended friends, teachers, even parents of other exceptional children who didn't discover the reason for their children's learning challenges until their kids were older than my son. To me, "Lucky" infers an envious position, something that others long for, like winning the lottery.

No, there are many positive and negative words I might choose to describe our story and position, but I don't think "lucky" is one of them. And yet, over and over, I hear that word. I'm not sure what my expression says when I hear it. I try to politely smile and nod, without saying anything, because I'm not sure what words would come out of my mouth if I tried to describe my feelings about whether we're "lucky" in this journey of educational and life challenges.

Perhaps I should feel lucky; lucky we found a teacher to offer direction, lucky my son was only 7 at the time that we found an answer, lucky we had good resources to turn to, lucky we had the means to figure out a way to pay a private school tuition, lucky it wasn't a terminal disease we were facing, merely learning disabilities, but that's not how I felt.

I felt sad that it had taken 7, almost 8, years to find an answer and nervous about the change to the new school and betrayed by traditional education and worried about using all of our funds we could scrape together to pay for this gargantuan tuition and misunderstood by so many parents and teachers. I wanted to feel lucky. I tried to feel lucky, but the best I could muster was relief.

The Moment of Truth

Oh! How I hated school conferences! And yet, there was nothing to be done except to put a smile on my face and march in. I had tried to dress cute and perky, but not too dressy, the perfect mom; as if somehow the way I looked and acted would make a difference. It started with the customary awkward pleasantries and then the same thing I'd been hearing since his 3 year-old preschool class.

"Carsten is a great kid. I love having him in class. He's creative and funny and sweet and always has great ideas to share and everyone really likes him and clearly he's bright. BUT…."

There was always a BUT. A Huge All-Caps BUT. It was always the same. Carsten was struggling with reading and spelling and math and handwriting and working independently and getting his work done on time in class and failing to test well.

I already knew all of this, and yet I always left completely crushed with tears in my eyes, the blood pounding in my head, looking for an answer and just wanting to run home and hug my son, sheltering him from a world that cannot understand him.

BUT this time, his teacher went a bit further. His second grade teacher was familiar with the behavior she was seeing. Her son was very similar to my son.

For the first time, I was told that my son might have a learning disability. Mrs. T. explained to me exactly what she was seeing happen in class.

She knew he was bright, but the light in his head went dim anytime he was asked to accomplish a lesson on paper or do a task on his own. Somewhere along the way, the messages and directions were getting lost or confused. Mrs. T. suggested that we get an assessment done outside of the public school system.

I was still crushed, and yet, I was also uplifted knowing I had the beginning of an answer. I had really always known there was something going on, but I had no idea of where to start in my search for answers.

How It All Started

My son, my first born, was always very smart and alert. He began talking at 5 months old. He spoke two words then: "Hi" and "duck." We read books to him from the first day he was born. He loved to listen to the books.

He rolled over at 1 week. He began pulling up at 6 months. He walked at 10.5 months. He was interested in everything. By 1 year, he talked and talked and talked. At 18 months, we had detailed conversations with him. He spoke and understood a great deal.

But as he got older he could not identify letters or numbers when others his age were doing this. Holding a crayon or pencil and drawing was difficult and he hated to use writing instruments. He loved his toddler art classes, but rarely ever followed the step by step instructions; making beautiful and amazing abstract art instead.

At age 5, we found out he has severe astigmatisms in both eyes. I thought to myself, "This is why his handwriting and reading have suffered and why he has trouble identifying letters and numbers. He can't see!"

But Carsten continued to be at the bottom of his class when it came to reading, writing and math as he finished kindergarten and then 1^st grade and entered 2^nd grade.

I was grasping at my limited knowledge of education and learning challenges, trying to figure out how to proceed. What I was sure of was that a traditional public school education was not going to cut it for my son. What I found broke my heart and mended it all at the same time.

Finding Answers

We got the assessment…dyslexia and ADHD along with a superior IQ. We enrolled him at Groves Academy, a private school specializing in nonverbal learning disabilities. It was an amazing, transformative, heart-breaking and inspiring year for many different reasons.

My son started third grade at a first grade reading level and finished at a 4^th grade reading level. The curriculum Groves uses, Wilson Reading, is fantastic and really works!

We are in our second year of homeschooling now. This is the direction we decided to take after discovering our second son is also dyslexic and coming to the realization that we could not afford two kids at Groves. We still use Wilson Reading as our reading and spelling curriculum and my older son, now a 5^th grader, began this year at a 7^th grade reading level, after only 2 years with Wilson Reading. My younger son is making strides and began this year only 1 year behind where he should be based on his grade. He, too, will learn to read and read well. It all just takes time, but we know we're on the right track now.

Knowledge and Connection Equals Power and Hope

I know we are not alone in this journey of searching for a place where both my sons can flourish. I also know how lost and helpless I felt for so long, not knowing where to look or who to confide in. And even once I began to find answers, I couldn't find any similar stories written by other moms in the same boat. I felt that I should share our story, where we came from and what we found and where we are going.

I think this is how moms gain support from each other and feel secure in the directions they take with their kiddos; that is, finding other moms who say, "you are not alone" "we understand" "you're on the right track" "keep advocating for your kid" "you're doing a great job."

And this is precisely my goal in writing this; to connect with other moms experiencing what I am and extend a hand to those who are seeking answers and don't know where to start. I write from the perspective of a mom, not a medical or educational expert, although I happen to think that a mom is a pretty good expert when it comes to her own child. So, in a way, I am writing from the perspective of an expert.

Never doubt yourselves or your child. This is a lesson I had to learn several times. You, too, are an expert. You know what you know, even before assessments and reports and diagnoses. Trust your instincts; have faith in yourself; and fight like hell for your kid.

I think I can finally agree we were lucky in this matter. Over and out…

Anna

Travel Cents {Savvy Travel Tips}

My children will grow up to be world travelers with a passion for exploration or hermits who never want to leave the comfort and familiarity of home. I'm hoping for the former.

Since my kids were little bitty, we have gone and done all that we could afford and fit into the schedule. I decided early on that they would have to roll with it when it came to schedules…that is, I didn't keep strict schedules of mealtimes, naptimes and bedtimes – not if it interfered with doing something fun or meeting a friend out for a walk or coffee and playtime.

There were certainly lean years that we could afford only the nearby and free events, but more recently we've been able to go farther and do more, more frequently. Traveling when and where we want to is just one of the perks of homeschooling.

So, my kids are still having to roll with it and drive and fly and walk wherever I find a good deal to go and explore. In this past year we've spent time in Florida, Missouri, Texas, Oklahoma, Washington, D.C., Virginia, Illinois, Georgia, Iowa, Wisconsin and explored our own state of Minnesota. We go where I find cheap airline tickets and where we have family and friends.

Traveling teaches so much. Of course, we learn about the history or industry or art or culture of the particular area in visiting museums and going on tours, etc., but we also learn about the people who live there, the ins and outs of a city – the way a city feels, especially the cities we walk. Traveling itself can teach patience and resilience and going with the flow when things go wrong. But more than anything else, removing yourself from the familiar and going out into the world and exploring and experiencing new things broadens the mind. And this is what I strive to achieve when we hit the road or soar into the sky.

Oh, sure, there's often whining or complaining along the way, but I choose to ignore that and keep pointing out the beautiful, interesting, new things we're seeing. And once we get somewhere the boys forget their worries or complaints.

So, that's the why and here's the how.

I search for deals.

I particularly like to fly Southwest Airlines. There are no hidden fees, each person gets 2 checked bags free and you can get really amazing fares. Recently, we flew to Atlanta for $49 apiece. For this most recent trip, I actually bought us 3 different one way tickets and it saved us about $700 in the end.

I check Groupon and Living Social for specials on activities. I do this for local activities and for the places we travel to. I have gotten bus tours and mini golf and boat tours and museum passes and even transportation deals this way. I even found a fantastic deal on a hotel in Miami through Groupon. Sometimes I call the business and check on availability or schedules before purchasing and often they give me a better deal to just go through them.

I schedule our trips for the off-season, if possible. This can really save money. 

Learn about the area if you won't have your vehicle with you and figure out if you can walk from hotel to activities/tours, etc. or if there is mass transit that's a good option. In D.C., we had several good, economical mass transit options to choose from. We went with the D.C. Circulator bus week pass that cost of $11 apiece.

If no good mass transit options exist, perhaps Uber is a good choice or maybe you need to rent a car. If you end up needing to rent a vehicle, do call your insurance agent beforehand and see if she/he suggests skipping the added insurance that can really raise the price of the rental. My insurance agent told I didn't need to get any, no matter what the rental agent told me.

If you will be traveling for more than a few days, plan to bring along snacks of nuts, fruit, crackers, granola bars, tins of tuna, meat sticks, packets of nut butters, etc. I have been known to make a mean little smorgasbord from our snack stash. This point is especially important if you have special dietary needs and may not be able to get food that fit your needs in airports, on the go or in the middle of nowhere. I speak from experience.

Be sure your kids have activities to distract them from layovers or early or late travel. I have found that all my kids really need to keep themselves occupied while traveling is a computer or tablet, but I still encourage bringing along travel games, sketchpad and book, some snacks in their own bag and some suckers, if flying. My favorite suckers are the Organic Trader Joe's suckers – no artificial colors or flavors – and they work well for takeoffs and landing.

Do your research before your go. Be sure you know the costs and times of activities. Check weather and map out distances. Plan out an itinerary – even if it's just a tentative plan. Know where restaurants are in conjunction with your activities, especially if you have picky eaters or special diets to consider. Hangry kids are no fun! Plan accordingly.

Double check with TripAdvisor. There are reviews on just about everything these days, and I have found this site to be very helpful in deciding whether to go somewhere, how long we will need to allow for activities, the cleanliness of hotels and which rooms/floor/side to request, etc.

If you homeschool, be sure to ask if there is a special rate for homeschools/educators/students. There often is a discount to be had.

And if you have a membership at your hometown museum or zoo, be sure to check reciprocity deals. Our Minnesota Science Museum membership has more than paid for itself due to its many partnerships with other museums.

Now, what's stopping you? The whole world is out there waiting. Over and out…

Anna

Homeschool: Year Two

Last year, I was full of hope and questions and uncertainty as we embarked on our first year of homeschool. I had NEVER intended to educate my kids at home, but our plans for life don't always work out the way we think they will and when that happens I have learned to roll with it and figure out another route. So, last year happened.

There were days that I yelled and shut myself in my room for a few minutes of quiet to collect myself and put my emotions in check, but there were also days that we all flourished and laughed and learned and explored and went on adventures and accomplished everything on that day's lesson plan. And those are the days that I cling to, knowing it can be good and happy and successful.

Really, it's just like parenting, with good and bad days, which I've been doing for 10 years now. So, it turns out I've got experience with this kind of gig.

For me – and my kids – it was a year of learning and growing and adjusting. I learned a lot about myself and my kids. There were some things I expected and other things I did not. There were good parts and bad parts. And there was freedom. I really do love freedom – freedom from other's schedules, other's rules, other's expectations, other's tests and measurements and other's judgment.

So, here's what I learned and what I'll do differently and things that I'll keep on doing just as we did last year.

(I like lists)

1. I learned to cut myself some slack if we don't accomplish everything on a day's lesson plan. There's always tomorrow….because usually that meant we got caught up in some discussion of a topic or person that interested us or that something happened in the world that grabbed our attention and gave us cause to switch gears or we were really interested in the book we were reading together or that someone was sick or mentally spent or the boys really got into something they were playing or creating.
2. I worked hard to incorporate interesting books, ideas, authors, poems, topics, historic events, etc. into our "morning meetings" because those things interest me and I think kids should be familiar with various viewpoints and authors and ideas and knowledge of our history and the news and events of today even when it's prickly.

   And because when I was in elementary school and had to present weekly current event to my class , my dad had me go through Time magazine and pick out something to share.  It was always complicated and way above my head and all the other students too. But my dad, over breakfast and on the ride to school, explained it and discussed it with me until I was clear on it and could present it clearly and thoroughly to my classmates, whether it involved legislative bills or oil and gas prices or relations with the Soviet Union.

   So, I, like my dad, don't dumb down or sugar coat all these interesting and important points, current or past. We discuss, break down, look up more information, discuss again and it makes this homeschooling gig more fun and interesting for me too.

3. We leave the house frequently. I need this and the boys need this. We have regularly scheduled activities and we have field trips out and about. We went to theaters and orchestra halls and farms and historic sites and museums and nature centers and much, much more. We got out of the house, we socialized, we learned. It was great!
4. Oh, and did I mention the freedom to travel throughout the year? Well, it's a big perk! We went to Southwest side of Florida, we spent a week in the D.C. area, we traveled to Chicago and we visited family in Missouri and Texas and Oklahoma and friends in Iowa and even made a stop in Arkansas. And we learned things at every single stop. It was wonderful! And this school year we've already traveled to Atlanta, GA and Miami and Marco Island, FL and the North Shore of Minnesota.
5. I learned how my kids learn. They each learn in a different way. What's easy for one is hard for the other. What makes learning fun and concrete for one, doesn't work for the other. This does create some challenges for me, but I will continue to work to make learning fun and efficient and tangible for both kids.

I do often struggle with my kids over certain subjects, pencils, fidgets…anything they can fuss over, stalling our process and making learning NOT FUN for any of us. So, there are definitely a lot of challenges too. It certainly is not all smiling, happy people over here all the time.

This year, I will really work on not feeling rushed to get everything I think we need to or guilty if we have a not so productive day. I will try very hard to be more patient with myself and my kids. I will make more of a point to praise their good work. We will keep on keepin' on, taking one year at a time...make that one day at a time. Over and out…

Anna

 

Friday Family FUN! {An At-Home Activity and Meal Schedule}

Most Friday nights you'll find us at home. And I'm not gonna lie – that often means we each retreat to our own corners, but I decided that we should have a Friday fun schedule to do stuff together as a family as we start the weekend.

So, I came up with a mostly at-home  Friday activity and meal schedule. We'll rotate through them and change it up as necessary. These are things we've done in the past just not on any kind of schedule. The same goes for the meal schedule; we'll figure out what works best for each week. After all, I'm not a very rigid schedule keeper.

Friday Night Theme/Activity

1. Movie Night
2. Board Game Night
3. Dress Like Your Favorite (movie star/food/color/animated character/book character/etc)
4. Historic Period Night (time period or historic event)
5. Boys' Game Night – Card games and/or Xbox
6. Out to dinner and bookstore browsing (probably in Uptown so we can end up at Magers and Quinn Booksellers)

Friday Night Meals

1. Make Your Own Pizza
2. Take-Out
3. Smorgasbord
4. Historic Period Night Themed Meal
5. High Tea

I'll stick up a sign-up list for movies and games. Each family member can vote or add preferences. Then, we'll choose based on votes/list.

Pizza: I buy pizza crusts and then I'll have sauce and cheese and toppings like ham and pineapple, sautéed veggies, sardines, turkey pepperoni. Then, each person can add what he or she prefers.

Take-out: We like to get Thai or Vietnamese, generally. I order a variety of dishes and we all share and I hope for enough leftovers for Saturday night dinner.

Smorgasbord: I put out trays of sliced salami and cheeses, nuts, fruits, veggies, crackers, etc. I'll make a big bowl of popcorn (1/2 cup of popping corn and ¼ cup coconut oil) and perhaps I'll make some chocolate chip cookies too.

High Tea: I make a pot of tea and put together a variety of items. I like to make an almond cake or cornmeal orange cake or scones and then some little sandwiches and fruit. Or whatever I pull together from the fridge. The fun thing about a tea and a smorgasbord is that it can really be anything you come up with that you have on hand.

And I'll figure out what to do for Historic Period Night…this one will definitely take more thought and organization.

What do you like to do on Friday night? Over and out…

Anna

Celebrating Failure

Failing simply means you tried something. It's OK to fail. In fact, it's good to fail.

Of course, I don't mean it's ok to neglect work or lessons and blow off practicing, planning or studying. But the message we should be sending to our kids and the way we should be approaching life is that failing is a positive thing.

Failing could mean figuring out something isn't your "thang." It could mean getting one step closer to solving a problem or making a breakthrough or winning (whatever that means). It could mean stepping outside your comfort zone and going out on a limb. It could mean realizing you have to work even harder to succeed.

Failing accomplishes a lot. But mostly it means you tried. And getting started and trying is often the hardest part.

Over the years, I have tried and failed and tried and succeeded. Sometimes the failures meant an end to that particular route, but often the failures just meant I needed to reevaluate and shift strategies and try again.

I'm sure you're familiar with the proverb written by W.E. Hickson : "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again." It turns out, he's talking about failing… If you fail, you must keep going, keep trying.

My children are privileged and spoiled and oblivious to the fact that they are privileged and spoiled. They are white, male, middle-class, Americans. We don't go without food or clothes or entertainment or education. We are free to go and do and say. This is not a fact lost on me.

You might think that teaching my children it's a good thing to try and fail would be simple, but we live in a world of ease and comfort and success. I'm forever striving to teach that success is most often achieved by hard work, which means trying and often failing, before succeeding. And yet, too often, they look for the easy route, the fast track.

As a family, we have started discussing and praising our struggles and failings, examining how and when we have stepped out of our comfort zones, looking for ways to fail in order to learn and try something new or test the waters. It makes for a good dinner table discussion.

Failing and recovering from that failure and trying again contributes to instilling resiliency. For when one fails or falls or loses and is short on money, resources, answers and direction, one will need to be resilient to weather those failures and falls and losses and then bounce back. And resiliency is one of the most important key elements to surviving and succeeding, in all of arenas of life.

But I think that resiliency must be learned through the experience of failing and learning and surviving and overcoming. Resiliency is not something another can show or give to someone.

So, I will continue to try to {gently} push my kids to do things, even if it means failing – or especially if it means failing – and keep praising their successes and failures and strive to live my life in this way too. How have you failed today? Over and out…

Anna

Mom Shopping {One Mom's Story}

I rarely shop for clothes any more. It's not easy. It's not fun. Becoming a mom has sucked all the joy out of clothes shopping. Now, I'm not talking about my body, but that's seen better days too.

No, what I'm referring to is the process of choosing clothes to try on: picking clothes that look like something I'd like and/or look good in, those that are my size; taking said clothes to the dressing room and trying on the large stack of cute, stylish clothes; then looking at myself in the mirror, picturing where and when I'd wear said clothes, checking out all angles, sitting, standing, etc.; and finally carefully deciding whether to purchase said clothing by examining price and material/care tag and fit and style.

It's a long process. Sometimes it requires a whole day to do this properly.

I can barely remember what that was like. For the past 10 years my clothes shopping looks more like one of these two scenarios:

Scenario 1: My boys are with me.

I grab clothes. Whatever is the easiest to get my hands on as I walk by. Style matters not. I hope for something close to the right size. I snatch about 6 to 8 pieces of clothing as quickly as possible and head for the dressing rooms. The clock is ticking….

When my kids were younger, I'd park them in the dressing room with me and hand them my phone to play a game. Now, they sit or stand right outside the dressing room area, close enough to talk to me and/or knock on my door. Regardless of location, the conversation would still sound about the same.

I tear off my clothes and remove clothes from the hangers at the same time…..then, I hear it…"Mom, are you done yet?"

"No. Sit down and wait."

I keep going…I get the first piece of clothing on. Does it button? Yes. Is there a gap? No. …Do I look fat? No…Is it black? Yes. Check…it passes all tests! NEXT thing!

There's a rapping on the door…"Yes?"

"Mom?"

"YES?"

"Are you still in there?"

"YES! Sit down!"

OK. Jeans on…No bulges…I'm not tripping on the legs…I'll take 'em! NEXT!

In mid-quick change…"MOM! HE HIT ME!"

"Almost done! SIT DOWN! DON'T HIT EACH OTHER!"

Two seconds later…

"MOM! ARE YOU DONE YET?"

"NO!" (It's been a total of 10 minutes since I stepped inside the dressing room!)

Continue throwing clothes off and on, glance in the mirror and repeat sequence.

Grab the "OK – it'll do" pile and dash for the checkout.

At this point I have no idea if they all require handwashing and hanging to dry or if I'm going to blow my budget with the this shopping spree because there is no time to check the garment tags or price tags or weigh the necessity of faux fur vest or red wool pants. They were in reaching distance and they fit and that's all that matters right now! I'll figure it out later….and more than likely return about half after a re-try at home. Now, on to the next thing on the to-do list…

Scenario #2: I'm ALONE!

I'm actually alone in a store! I can shop without haste! It's all so shocking and unfamiliar that for the first 30 to 60 minutes I walk around like a zombie; my mind a blur, my mouth agape, my eyes glazed over. I just soak up the silence. I can't quite focus on what I'm there to do.

Finally, I gather my senses and begin to shop. Slowly going from rack to rack looking at clothes, feeling the fabric, checking styles and sizes and prices. I begin to gather a variety of pieces to try on…that's when I get the first text…

"When are you coming home?"

"I'm not sure. I'm just getting started."

"You've been gone an hour already."

"Yep."

I go to the dressing room. I begin to sort through the clothes to try on. Another text….

"What are we supposed to eat?"

"Whatever you can find."

"OK"

I keep going, sorting into yes, no, maybe and try on again piles. Another text…

"Can you get some milk?"

"Sure."

I continue my slow process of deciding upon the clothes that actually fit. I contemplate going back for another round of looking and choosing and trying on. Another text…

"When do you think you'll bring the milk?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! I give up.

"I'm getting milk now….heading home!"

And that folks is why most of my jeans are as old as my kids and why I often wear black shirts and cardigans and scarves and hats. After all, cardigans, scarves and hats can be quickly tried on right there in the aisle.

And really it doesn't matter. I spend most of my time with my kids and other moms and their kids and they don't care what I wear. I often work in the middle of the night in pjs while sitting at my dining room table surrounded by sleeping dogs and cats. They don't care what my work wardrobe looks like either.

Surely, I'm not alone in this….

Over and out…

Anna

My Whole Life {Thinking Out Loud}

This may strike you as selfish, but lately I've been feeling like I – as in my hopes and dreams and ideas and purpose for My Whole Life – are disappearing; being swallowed up. And I'm mourning this loss of me.

When I was a kid I looked ahead and thought I have My Whole Life ahead of me. And boy was it rosy...in my mind's eye. I envisioned having a whole gaggle of kids, a wonderful husband, a brilliant career in something that made me lots of money – the exact details of that career changed from time to time over my childhood. I would have a big, beautiful home filled with beautiful, expensive things – the kind I saw in my grandmother's Southern Living magazines. But more than anything else, I planned to DO SOMETHING BIG with My Whole Life. I just didn't know what it was yet. My Whole Life ahead of me looked amazing!

This vision continued throughout the years, changing slightly, tweaking this or that, lowering the number of children, etc.

Of course, life doesn't usually follow a blueprint drawn out by a 10 year old or an 18 year old or even a 24 year old.

So, by the time I was in my 20s, My Whole Life ahead of me looked different. I still felt that we'd rise above the low starting incomes of just beginning and stupidly acquired debt and still have the big, fine house filled with lovely things and I still thought I could DO SOMETHING BIG in life. By then I was undecided about whether I wanted to have any kids at all, but I was sure I didn't want "lots of kids."

By 30, we had made up our minds about kids…we'd try for 2 – no more than that for sure. We'd soon have our first child. We felt triumphant and thrilled at this new chapter. Life was going well. I had started to ponder what I REALLY WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE. I was beginning to dream of writing.

By 40, MY WHOLE LIFE was beginning to be swallowed up by my 2 little humans. Life had thrown us several curve balls in my 30s and I began to lose heart in what My Whole Life would look like in the end. Now, I no longer look at my life and think about DOING SOMETHING BIG in the way that I once did.

My Whole Life is taken up by teaching my kids, doing laundry, shopping for groceries, making meals, struggling through parenting with 2 stubborn, well-versed in arguing, young men, doing my legal editing work at night, paying bills, trying to fit in at least one uninterrupted conversation with my husband, fighting to find some time to do a little writing and all the other minutiae of My Whole small daily Life.

My vision of MY Whole Life is beginning to fade and dry out and crack and crumble like a maple leaf still hanging on the tree late into November.

I have come to realize that My Whole Life is really all about my kids now. I never intended this to happen. This was not my plan. I truly thought I had some big role to play in this world other than raising a family, being a working housewife (not that there is anything wrong with that, but that wasn't what I intended to do with my life)... And now I'm not so sure I will have served much of a role or made much difference at all when it's all said and done.

This is not to say that my life is over or that there is no purpose left or that I have not served some purpose in raising my kids. Not by a long shot. I {hope} I still have lots of time and I have many goals and dreams, but my purpose, my role in this world, is still not clear to me. My Whole Life, as I used to view it, is gone.

Of course, this is not the first time my view of My Whole Life has slipped from view and had to be recreated or adjusted or edited. This happens with each major decision or detour or challenge. And yet, I still held on to this rose-colored view of My Whole Life…until recently.

Sometimes I contemplate whether I should have decided not to have kids. I love my kids and they have added many good things and lots of adventures and laughter to my life, but they have also added more anger and sadness and hurt and struggle to it. And so, I wonder, what would life have been like if we had never decided to have kids? What would My Whole Life look like at 41 then?

I also contemplate what My Whole Life would look like if I had decided to start writing earlier…if we had moved to a different city….if I had changed directions in my career earlier…if I had more passionately pursued a high power career. How would these things change the view from where I stand now?

But it was adding children that took the most enormous bite from my life, gulping it down, leaving me little room to make big changes or do things not centered on them and making me question my purpose and role more than ever. As much as I love my kids and have dedicated so much of my life to raising and educating my kids, this was not what I had in mind for My Whole Life. And honestly, I'm not even very good at this parenting gig. So, maybe that's the ironic part in all of this.

Regardless, from where I stand, My Whole Life now hangs in the balance, awaiting final verdict. Will it have been a well lived life? Could I have lived it better?

So, call me selfish, if you like. Either way, day in and day out, I give much of myself to my family. And perhaps this is what I'm supposed to have done with My Whole Life all along. Or maybe I'm a late bloomer, and there's still something Big to come.

I do hope you read this in the voice I wrote it in. This is neither a complaint nor a "woe is me" call for pity. I'm not depressed or sad. I'm simply mulling it over, looking over the years and realizing how late in the game I am at this point in my life. It is also not intended to place judgment on those who have chosen and intended to choose to devote their whole lives to having kids and raising them. To each his own!

I have to believe I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing right now, even if this was not what I envisioned or planned or would have chosen for myself. Can you relate to how I feel? Over and out…

Anna

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5 Things: For My Boys

I'm always telling my kids stuff. Some stuff is important and a lot of it is just mundane stuff… "Pick up your coat and put it on the hook." "Put your dish in the sink." "Remember to put clean underwear on…yes, again…You have to put new underwear on every day!" "Brush your teeth…yes, again…yes, you already did it once today. Do it again!" "Sit on your chair properly, PLEASE!" But I think those mundane things are important too otherwise they would be dirty, stinky pigs, living in a filthy home.

And yet, I don't want them to think back on their childhoods and remember only the discussions on hygiene and manners and simple chores. These days, I spend a lot of time with my kids, and I say a lot of stuff to them. So, yes, those routine commands and reminders and discussions are important for all human beings, but these are the messages I really want them to get and remember and live by.

To my boys:

1. Be Yourself. Whoever that Is. Express yourself through music, art, written words, creations, performances or any other form you see fit. Don't be afraid to be different. It's fine if you stand out or if you blend in or do both from time to time. Be true to thine own heart in all you do. You have much to offer, but you must first accept who you are and understand your strengths and weaknesses. You are not the gift to the world, but you have many gifts to offer the world once you understand who you are and work hard to fully develop these gifts.
2. Be Kind. This means being merciful, loving, generous, respectful and forgiving, be like Jesus…to yourself and to all others, even your brother….especially your brother. Do not be lulled by the loud, angry voices of the world. Those mantras lead only to unhappiness, discord and hurt. Instead, seek peaceful resolution and compassionate understanding and acceptance. This does not mean letting go of your own convictions and values. It's the opposite. It's standing tall for what you believe in and hold near to your heart even when pushed to the absolute breaking point.
3. Work Hard. You will never get anywhere or do anything of value or have anything worth having unless you work hard. This means doing even the shit work at the bottom of the ladder; the stuff you don't like or have no passion for, the stuff that doesn't seem to matter. But it does matter. It all matters. Get a job as soon as you can. Feel what it's like to earn money for working hard. Keep working your way through until you get to the stuff that you love. Try your darnedest to find a profession that fills you with passion and joy. But if you don't, keep working hard and build a life that fills you with passion and joy!
4. Dance. Always dance as you do now and always have since you could stand on your own two legs and groove. Don't lose this zeal for uninhibited freedom of movement. Refer to #1…be yourself! It doesn't matter if you look silly, you are silly and that's a good thing! For so long, I was not sure enough of myself to dance and that is one of the only regrets I have in life. Isn't that funny? You might not think that dancing or not dancing is an important enough issue to be a regret, but it is. So, never stop movin' and groovin' to the beat of the music…even if it's your own beat.
5. Keep Your Mind and Eyes and Ears Open to the World Around You. There is so much to learn. Every. Single. Day. Often, it's the places and times and people you least expect to learn from that teach you the most. Never shut your mind off. Do not ever think you know everything you need to know. You do not. Explore places and cultures and flavors. Understand the lessons of the past. Look to the future and embrace the ideas not yet realized. And when you encounter a question, a problem, a riddle in life, remember to look for the solution, the answer, the way through or around or under or over no matter how difficult or unsolvable it seems. You have the tools to solve it and find the answer. Never doubt that. Stop talking long enough to look and listen and really see and hear what is all around you. You learn more by listening than by talking. I have said this many times to you, my little chatter boxes.
6. And one bonus: I Love You! Always remember that you are loved so much that sometimes it hurts just thinking about you out in the big, wide world. And no matter how often we get upset with each other or have arguments or exchange words that are not kind or disagree on big or small things, I will NEVER stop loving you and believing in you. You are my heart.

These are just a few of the messages I want to imprint on my young men. Time goes by so fast that sometimes I wonder what they will remember or think back on and will they know the stuff that mattered more. So many times I hope and pray that I am not crushing, ruining, destroying, stunting these precious, still growing and developing beings from God. My prayer is that the important stuff sticks and all the filler falls away into oblivion. Over and out…

Anna

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Cut to the Chase: Getting Past the Questions on Homeschooling

When I was in college, I went through sorority rush and joined Alpha Phi in the end. It was one of the best decisions of my life, but that's a story for another time…my point is, when rushing, both as a "rushee" and "rusher" (in the following years), you ask and answer the same questions over and over. And in that week of "parties" you begin to feel like a robot, repeating the same words over and over with different people. (Sorority girls out there, you know what I'm talking about!)

Well, this is how I have felt in the last four months, except instead of "Where are you from?" or "What's your major?" it's "How's homeschool going?"

Now, don't get me wrong. I truly appreciate all the support, enthusiasm and curiosity from everyone, but I feel very repetitive. So, I thought, just in case you're wondering and haven't seen me or had a chance to ask me, I'd go ahead and cut to the chase and give you all the answers to your kind and well-meaning questions here and now.

Question #1 (Always!) How's homeschooling going?

My Answer: Great for the most part. Some days are horrible, and I'm ready to run away from my family screaming and shaking my fists. Other days are amazing. Of course, this is no different than being a mom in general. So, I'm sure, as a parent, you can understand this.

Question #2 How do you make sure your kids are being socialized?

My Answer: Well, we still see friends and participate in youth/homeschool classes at our local YMCA, through the Children's theater, with a homeschool group and through community education. They play sports. And the boys get outside with the neighborhood kids. Additionally, we go to theatrical productions, museums, historical sites and special events. The boys attend Sunday School at church and we volunteer with our church's outreach to the poor ministry once a month. We see and interact with lots of people of all ages all the time.

Question #3 I wish I could/I wish I had the time/I would love to homeschool, but I'm not smart enough/don't have enough time/wouldn't know where to start/don't have the patience. How do you do it/fit everything in?

My Answer: Believe me, I said a lot of that before I ever made the decision to become my kids' teacher. I now schedule the heck out of each day. My parents' teach the boys on Wednesdays.

Oh yes, even my parents are in on this homeschooling gig. My mom and I are team teaching Wilson Reading. My mom is a retired Pre-k, K and 1^st grade teacher and she took a course last summer through Groves Academy to learn the Wilson Reading Program and how to teach it. So, she is perfect for this job.

My Dad leads them on nature walks and teaches them about leaves and trees and poems and many, many other topics. They are now working on an archaeology unit. They also do art or sewing projects or cooking, etc. And most importantly, they spend time with their grandparents each week.

So, I get Wednesday to work and run errands and have quiet time. This is very helpful, but it's not enough when I have my legal editing contract work. During those times, I work late into the night, which is when I prefer to work anyway. And we set our own schedule, which means I'm not waking up at the crack of dawn to get my kids up and off to school.

But I do feel as though I am never off. I just keep changing gears and trading one hat for another all day and all night. I do get tired, but I can crash on weekends, generally.

And if you mean what you say and you'd like to try homeschooling, then do so! You'll figure it out as you go.

Question #4 When do you start and end your school day?

My Answer: Typically, we begin at 10 am to end at 2 pm, but sometimes (often) we have classes or activities that make our start or end time differ.

Question #5 Do you get sick of each other?

My Answer: Of course! Don't you get sick of your kids whether you see them all day long or just before and after school and/or work? And yet, the more time we spend together, the better it gets. This doesn't mean we don't each need time to be alone or with people other than the three of us. We do! And we make time and adjust for this too.

Question #6 How long are you going to homeschool?

My Answer: I have no idea. It's working right now, and we're having fun making up our own schedules and deciding what to learn about and traveling and going on field trips, and they are learning! So, we'll do this until it's not working for one or both of the boys or for me or our family, as a whole.

When and if they do go back to a school setting, it will most likely be a private or charter school. I have lost hope and patience and faith in public schools for my kids. This is not to say that I don't support others and their kids at public schools. We do. Our philosophy is to each his own…each family must figure out what is best for them.

And there you have it. All the questions you may have wanted to ask and all my answers.

I'm not a saint or an angel or a super mom or a crazy right winger or left wing nut. I'm just a mom choosing to do what I see as the best choice at this time for my kids. 

Curiously, a few people have seemed surprised that the homeschooling is going pretty well and that I'm not ready to throw in the towel. The thing you have to know about me though is that I am determined and tenacious. So, once I decide to do something I dig in and start planning and learning and putting into action. I'm not one to give up easily once I've made up my mind. And my mind was made up a long time ago.  

If you missed the why, as in why I decided to homeschool my kids at all, then you'll need to read this.

Again, thank you so much for all your enthusiasm, support and curiosity! We so appreciate that. I just hate to sound like an automaton when answering your well-intended questions. Over and out…

Anna

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Advent Season {Counting Down the Days}

I kind of love our Advent wreath. The boys and I made it. It's not perfect. In fact, it's even late. Advent began last Sunday. Of course, I'm a pro at being tardy; so, there's nothing new there.

We haven't ever done an advent wreath before. We have used Advent calendars, but I like the ones with scriptures and those have gotten hard to find. That's what my mom always got for us when I was a kid. But my husband is Catholic, my kids are Catholic and we attend a Catholic church. I figured it was time we had an Advent wreath.

No, it's not perfect. We used what we had. And I like that.

The candles should be 3 purple and 1 pink, but I had these candles. The boys made them at the Minnesota Honey Store this summer during a class on beeswax candles. These are special.

I had leftover evergreen tips after working on my window box. The shells came from our trip to Florida a few months ago. The pinecones are a variety I've had and used for years to decorate the house in the winter. The grapevine wreath is one I got at the dollar store a few years ago and decorated with a ribbon and gold berries and twigs. Even the cake stands were found items at Arc Value Village a while back.

If you look closely you could probably spot dust in the back corner of the hutch. No perfection here.

But we made it together with stuff from our house. Even though one boy was a bit grumbly yesterday and not really in a reverent mood, it was nice.

A little background: The Season of Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas Day. It's basically a countdown to the birth of Jesus. Advent comes from the Latin word meaning "coming." It's a time for Christians to prepare for the coming of Jesus through prayer, forgiveness and fasting. And yet it's also a time of celebration and joy. Hence the three purple candles – the first, second and fourth Sundays of Advent that represent penance - and the fourth rose colored or pink candle that is lit on the third Sunday of Advent which stands for joy. There are prayers and scriptures that go along with the lighting of the candles each day of Advent.

Do you have a special custom, new or old, to celebrate the Advent Season or count down the days to Christmas? Over and out…

Anna

Hygge: Embracing the Season & Chicken Tortilla Soup {Recipe}

I love the winter! I know…people don't often say that, but it's true, I do! And I live in Minnesota where we get the full brunt of winter weather. So, I understand what minus 30 feels like on the bare skin of your face. I know how beautiful and peaceful it is to stand outside and in the middle of a good snow listening to the quiet snowflakes fall. I know the thrill of waking to a fresh, bright winter wonderland and going out to play or ski or skate or snowshoe or sled in it and then come inside with numb fingers and toes and noses to mugs of hot chocolate and bowls of warm buttery popcorn and thick, cozy socks!

I love to make big pots of hot, soothing soups and bake comforting cakes and breads and muffins and cookies. We certainly enjoy game nights under the warm glow of our dining room light, huddling around our table as the cold swirls and howls outside. Sometimes we declare a whole day dedicated to watching movies, covered in blankets and squeezed onto one big bed.

In a nutshell, we embrace this season and all that it offers outside in nature and we love to get cozy inside too. It turns out there's a name for that. The Danish call this, "Hygge." Now, the pronunciation is a bit of conundrum. I have seen the pronunciation written out and spoken several different ways. In fact, how to say it has become an inside joke in our home, but regardless of how you say it, it's a great thing to learn and put into practice in your own life!

Hygge is the Danish term for coziness, but really it's much more than that. Here's how VisitDenmark.com explains what "hygge" means:

"In essence, hygge means creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things in life with good people. The warm glow of candlelight is hygge. Friends and family – that's hygge too. There's nothing more hygge than sitting round a table, discussing the big and small things in life. Perhaps hygge explains why the Danes are the happiest people in the world?"

While winter is the high season of hygge, you can actually hygge any time really. And the more I learn about hygge, the more I realize that the Twin Citians do a really good job of hygge(ing) all year round.

We get out and do things in every season: picnics and outdoor movies and concerts and sports and walks and playing at parks and boating in the warmer months and skiing, snowshoeing and sledding and dinners with friends, and cozy coffee chats and marathon game nights and snuggly movie nights and boot hockey and relaxed brunches, winter hikes and hot chocolate and warm croissants and coffee shops on every corner, laughing, soaking up the beauty of the season, spending time with friends and family in the colder months.

So, embrace each season in your life, both the beauty of nature and the people surrounding you and the warmth of your own home, no matter how big or small it is.

Now, since the high season of hygge is upon us, I have a super tasty and ultra-easy soup recipe for you:

Anna's Chicken Tortilla Soup

1 onion, chopped

1 bell pepper, chopped

1 tsp minced garlic

1 13 ounce can of chicken breast or 1.5 cup of shredded cooked chicken

½ cup of frozen corn or fresh from the cob

1 15 ounce can of black beans

2 cups chicken broth

¾ cup cream of tomato soup (I have made this with tomato sauce too for a dairy free version, but I like the cream of tomato much better)

¾ cup salsa

Salt & pepper to taste

Get pot hot, add olive oil, then garlic, chopped onion and pepper and corn. Sauté on medium for about 5 minutes until onion is translucent.

Add chicken, breaking up any big chunks. Then, add chicken broth, black beans, tomato soup and salsa. Stir all together.

Taste and add salt and pepper or a dash of hot sauce to taste. Simmer for about 20 minutes on medium high to thicken soup and meld flavors.

This soup is not very thick though. And I like this because that means my pickier son will eat it.

We top our soup with shredded cheese, a dash of hot sauce, sliced avocado and a dollop of sour cream and serve with corn tortilla strips that I bake with a bit of olive oil and salt and pepper or corn chips from the bag.

For the tortilla strips. Use pizza cutter to cut a stack of corn tortillas into wedges or strips. Toss them with a little olive oil, salt and pepper and back on 375 for about 20 minutes, use spatula to move them around and separate strips. Then, cook another 10 to 20 minutes or until crispy. YUM!

Here's to a merry and bright hygge high season! Over and out…

Anna

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An Apology: Not Quite Myself

Yesterday, I was the person I complain about. I was not very friendly. I was curt. I was kind of a bitch. That wasn't my intention. I really didn't mean it. That's not who I am…on most days.

I was anxious and stressed. I'm not even sure why. Maybe it was the dull gray sky and wet drizzly rain making everything seem smeared and fractured. Or maybe something else. Who knows? The point is I was jittery and frazzled.

The boys and I were scheduled to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children. We were glad to go and excited to give our time, but it was our first time doing this. We didn't know what to expect.

There are a lot of rules and precision and hair nets and gloves involved, understandably so, but this made my stress level go up a notch. I was there with people I did not know; stress went up another notch. I had to monitor each boy plus man my station; bump, bump, bump stress level was now soaring.

I like to follow the rules in these types of situations. I don't like to mess up. And I was really trying to focus on our tasks at hand and remember all the rules.

The other mother working with me also had two boys, but they had been there several other times and knew what they were doing. She was friendly and tried to chat with me. I answered her, but I was VERY brief, and I didn't ask her any questions in return…it's hard for me to chat and focus on a new task.

She was kind when we made mistakes or when my boys didn't realize it was their turn to dump their ingredients into the bag. I was harsher and more direct, telling my boys to "pay attention" or "focus on what you're doing" or "be careful not to spill – we don't want to waste any."

I felt my face contort into a serious, focused façade and stay that way throughout the process. I felt my muscles tense and my back begin to ache as I stiffly stood there scooping, bagging, weighing and watching my kids, answering their questions, steadying their hands and keeping their minds on their jobs.

I was relieved when it was over. My kids said they felt good about what they had done. They loved helping in a group and then hearing that we had packed a total of 52 boxes, enough to feed 31 kids for a year. They were happy and joyful. I was tired and achy and thankful to be done. And then I felt guilty to feel that way, which made me feel more anxious.

I was trying to be positive and kind when I thanked the woman who had organized this homeschool opportunity, and told her this experience was very educational; I knew I'd be lying if I told her it was fun.

I came home feeling terrible that I had given the kind woman across from me such an awful first impression of me. I'm usually the talker, as those who know me would attest to, but I just didn't have it in me yesterday.

Do you ever have days like this? These dark days leading up to winter are always the hardest for me, but truthfully it can happen on any day in any season. I hate days like this. It's not me. And yet, I am reminded of My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss when I feel this way.

Some days are bright and yellow and some are dark and black and others are happy pink days, but in the end we go back to being ourselves.

So, to the friendly lady, I'm sorry you met me on a dreary gray day. I hope we meet again on a bright and buzzy day. Here's to a better rest of the week. Over and out…

Anna

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A Typical Day {Ain’t No Such Thing}

I'm not the kind of person who easily sticks to a schedule. I get distracted by all kinds of things…most of them are thoughts and ideas running through my own head. Yet, with this homeschooling gig, I've been trying to stay on track and be more structured. And for the record, I've been doing a really good job, if I do say so myself.

Then, the other day, I was telling a friend about our "typical" day with exception to Tuesday when we go to art and chess and Wednesday when my parents teach the kids and Thursday when we go to the Y for swim and gym and Friday afternoons when we head out for mini adventures and those days we go to the nature center for class or go to musical or theatrical performances and on and on and on. Later, I realized we don't have what you'd think of as typical days. Every day is a bit different.

This is not to say that we don't fill our days with learning. We do. It's simply that we don't have the same schedule each day. Even still, we do have a schedule.

Each evening, I meticulously write out a schedule of our next day. Sometimes we switch the order of things, and there are times we stop to get out a map or do an experiment or look up a question that has popped into someone's head or play a game or take a 10 minute Minecraft break, but we always get our "work" done.

And I'm coming to see that this is the beauty of our schedule, the best part of homeschooling, for me, at least…there is no typical day, no monotonous, pointless, redundant schedule.

And I see the progress my kids are making. I see the gears moving and the light bulbs turning on. We are learning together. We are also adjusting to spending almost 100% of our time together.

Everyone keeps asking me how things are going. And I think it's going well...this has been my standard answer, but I think it's true.

We all still have a lot to learn…in the books and outside of the books, so to speak, and only time will tell whether this is a success or not.

The bottom line is that we all have to do what works for us and our families. I know when it's all said and done, I will have learned much from this experience, and be glad for it.

Life is always going to throw you curve balls. This much I have learned in my 41 years of life. So, I'm doing my best to make lemonade with all those lemon-shaped curve balls coming my way.

I have no doubt in my children and their abilities and their potential to be amazing, creative, caring, giving, entertaining, game-changing adults. The only doubt I have is my abilities to cultivate all of this potential. But I do have faith and curiosity and resources and smarts. So, I'm doing my darndest. And so far, I'm loving all of our wildly varying "typical" days. Over and out…

Anna

Motherly Advice: Be Nice To Each Other

"BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!"

It's something parents of siblings say often. If you're a mom or dad, you know what I mean. Some days it's enough to my make me feel as though I'm losing my mind! But it's an important and simple lesson to learn. So, we keep saying it when our kids are spouting insults, slapping, shoving and generally being ugly to one another.

We, as human beings, should be kind to one another. And, as parents, we ask our kids to "be nice" and tell them "no hitting", "no pushing", "no yanking away toys from another kid", "no biting", "no whining" from an early age.

So, you'd think that we, as adults, understood this lesson ourselves, right? Well, so very often, I see the opposite.

Adults are frequently unkind to one another online with Facebook posts and comments or in news story comments; in person when standing at the grocery store checkout line or at a customer service counter; in cars while driving, when in line to pick up kids from school, etc, etc, etc.

So, why is this behavior from adults acceptable?

We wouldn't let our kids act this way, would we?

At times, there is a fine line between standing up for yourself and others and being rude or unkind, it's a line I have often come right up against. And I'm sure I've crossed it at times.

However, it's always my goal to be kind to others; reach out a helping hand; inspire positive action. And as unkind as my boys can be to one another, I hope and pray that we are instilling a loving kindness in their hearts and souls.

We, as humankind, cannot survive, without kindness for one another. Each and every one of us, have and will, encounter times in which we are in need of a hand to hold or a rope lowered down to pull us up from the deep hole we've fallen into or an sympathetic ear to listen to us or a kind word or a warm meal or even just a smile that gives us the strength and confidence to move forward, knowing we are not alone.

So, when someone cuts you off in line or the person in front of you presents 50 coupons to the clerk and you're in hurry or someone isn't kind to you or somehow gets in your way or offends you or bothers you, BE PATIENT, BE KIND, BE LOVING.

It's really very simple…that's what I tell my kids…it's not hard to just BE NICE! So, why do we so very often slip into crabby, mean, unkind, selfish, rude human beings?

This is my challenge to you {and to me}: Stop, Think and BE KIND! I think we'll find this will put us in better spirits and change our automatic reactions to thoughtful responses. This is my hypothesis…and I'm out to prove me right. Call it the Pollyanna Effect. Over and out…

{Polly} Anna

The Second Day of Homeschool

I started out exhausted, to begin with…after the first day of homeschool.

And you should know, I'm not a morning person by nature….NOT EVER…NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT!

But I was trying to make a grand start of things…by making a fresh, organic, healthy, pineapple, banana, peach, apple, kale (from our garden), berry yogurt, apple juice smoothie and not so healthy, but yummy, cinnamon toast.

I ended up with green smoothie in my hair and a splintered spoon before there was smoothie in cups {it's a long story}.

While preparing breakfast, I turned up the Christian radio on Pandora, but my kids were louder and that made me cranky! Then, I realized I was yelling at my kids while singing about Jesus…hmmm, that didn't seem right…

My younger son was irritating me by trying to change up my carefully planned morning schedule. Both sons were loud and bouncy and rubbing me the wrong way.

We had plans to meet a friend at a cool park, but it was raining really hard where the park is located.

I had 2 cups of coffee, 3 ibuprofen and 2 chocolate chip cookies {in secret} before noon.

We changed our plans to go to the friend's house instead.

Then, my car was on E and I had to stop to get gas. Then, we ran into a funeral procession and had to detour. Then, we ran into construction and our way was closed off. I was beginning to feel like we'd never get there. We did…finally.

And I got some adult/friend/fellow homeschooling mom time and the kids played inside and outside and got hot and sweaty and enjoyed getting to know old friends again.

And then on the way home {avoiding all highways at 5 pm} we happened upon an ice cream place and stopped for a scoop even though it was dinner time, and we still had to stop and get some groceries and go home and cook and eat.

And it was good, and the boys didn't even complain about having to go to Trader Joe's with me and my younger son didn't throw a fit when there were no frozen chocolate covered bananas in stock, even though he had been talking about getting more of those for weeks now.

And they ate dinner and took showers without any arguments.

And, in review, I realized we had accomplished things today: we learned about China and did math and worked on memorizing a scripture verse and did a morning devotional and recited the Pledge of Allegiance and had a good breakfast this morning.

So, I'll get up and do it all over again in the morning and the next morning, but tomorrow they get a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Oh, and I'm sleeping in on Saturday morning! Over and out…

Anna