Hanging By a Thread

Lucky {A Mother’s Tale}

{Note: I wrote most of this article about two and half years ago. I wasn't sure where the story would go back then. Of course, the story is not finished yet, but we're in a better, more confident place now. I hope that you will find this to be a positive message if your children are struggling with any issues, whether mental or physical.}

Lucky.

Lucky is not the word I would have chosen. It's a word that has been thrust upon me by well-intended friends, teachers, even parents of other exceptional children who didn't discover the reason for their children's learning challenges until their kids were older than my son. To me, "Lucky" infers an envious position, something that others long for, like winning the lottery.

No, there are many positive and negative words I might choose to describe our story and position, but I don't think "lucky" is one of them. And yet, over and over, I hear that word. I'm not sure what my expression says when I hear it. I try to politely smile and nod, without saying anything, because I'm not sure what words would come out of my mouth if I tried to describe my feelings about whether we're "lucky" in this journey of educational and life challenges.

Perhaps I should feel lucky; lucky we found a teacher to offer direction, lucky my son was only 7 at the time that we found an answer, lucky we had good resources to turn to, lucky we had the means to figure out a way to pay a private school tuition, lucky it wasn't a terminal disease we were facing, merely learning disabilities, but that's not how I felt.

I felt sad that it had taken 7, almost 8, years to find an answer and nervous about the change to the new school and betrayed by traditional education and worried about using all of our funds we could scrape together to pay for this gargantuan tuition and misunderstood by so many parents and teachers. I wanted to feel lucky. I tried to feel lucky, but the best I could muster was relief.

The Moment of Truth

Oh! How I hated school conferences! And yet, there was nothing to be done except to put a smile on my face and march in. I had tried to dress cute and perky, but not too dressy, the perfect mom; as if somehow the way I looked and acted would make a difference. It started with the customary awkward pleasantries and then the same thing I'd been hearing since his 3 year-old preschool class.

"Carsten is a great kid. I love having him in class. He's creative and funny and sweet and always has great ideas to share and everyone really likes him and clearly he's bright. BUT…."

There was always a BUT. A Huge All-Caps BUT. It was always the same. Carsten was struggling with reading and spelling and math and handwriting and working independently and getting his work done on time in class and failing to test well.

I already knew all of this, and yet I always left completely crushed with tears in my eyes, the blood pounding in my head, looking for an answer and just wanting to run home and hug my son, sheltering him from a world that cannot understand him.

BUT this time, his teacher went a bit further. His second grade teacher was familiar with the behavior she was seeing. Her son was very similar to my son.

For the first time, I was told that my son might have a learning disability. Mrs. T. explained to me exactly what she was seeing happen in class.

She knew he was bright, but the light in his head went dim anytime he was asked to accomplish a lesson on paper or do a task on his own. Somewhere along the way, the messages and directions were getting lost or confused. Mrs. T. suggested that we get an assessment done outside of the public school system.

I was still crushed, and yet, I was also uplifted knowing I had the beginning of an answer. I had really always known there was something going on, but I had no idea of where to start in my search for answers.

How It All Started

My son, my first born, was always very smart and alert. He began talking at 5 months old. He spoke two words then: "Hi" and "duck." We read books to him from the first day he was born. He loved to listen to the books.

He rolled over at 1 week. He began pulling up at 6 months. He walked at 10.5 months. He was interested in everything. By 1 year, he talked and talked and talked. At 18 months, we had detailed conversations with him. He spoke and understood a great deal.

But as he got older he could not identify letters or numbers when others his age were doing this. Holding a crayon or pencil and drawing was difficult and he hated to use writing instruments. He loved his toddler art classes, but rarely ever followed the step by step instructions; making beautiful and amazing abstract art instead.

At age 5, we found out he has severe astigmatisms in both eyes. I thought to myself, "This is why his handwriting and reading have suffered and why he has trouble identifying letters and numbers. He can't see!"

But Carsten continued to be at the bottom of his class when it came to reading, writing and math as he finished kindergarten and then 1^st grade and entered 2^nd grade.

I was grasping at my limited knowledge of education and learning challenges, trying to figure out how to proceed. What I was sure of was that a traditional public school education was not going to cut it for my son. What I found broke my heart and mended it all at the same time.

Finding Answers

We got the assessment…dyslexia and ADHD along with a superior IQ. We enrolled him at Groves Academy, a private school specializing in nonverbal learning disabilities. It was an amazing, transformative, heart-breaking and inspiring year for many different reasons.

My son started third grade at a first grade reading level and finished at a 4^th grade reading level. The curriculum Groves uses, Wilson Reading, is fantastic and really works!

We are in our second year of homeschooling now. This is the direction we decided to take after discovering our second son is also dyslexic and coming to the realization that we could not afford two kids at Groves. We still use Wilson Reading as our reading and spelling curriculum and my older son, now a 5^th grader, began this year at a 7^th grade reading level, after only 2 years with Wilson Reading. My younger son is making strides and began this year only 1 year behind where he should be based on his grade. He, too, will learn to read and read well. It all just takes time, but we know we're on the right track now.

Knowledge and Connection Equals Power and Hope

I know we are not alone in this journey of searching for a place where both my sons can flourish. I also know how lost and helpless I felt for so long, not knowing where to look or who to confide in. And even once I began to find answers, I couldn't find any similar stories written by other moms in the same boat. I felt that I should share our story, where we came from and what we found and where we are going.

I think this is how moms gain support from each other and feel secure in the directions they take with their kiddos; that is, finding other moms who say, "you are not alone" "we understand" "you're on the right track" "keep advocating for your kid" "you're doing a great job."

And this is precisely my goal in writing this; to connect with other moms experiencing what I am and extend a hand to those who are seeking answers and don't know where to start. I write from the perspective of a mom, not a medical or educational expert, although I happen to think that a mom is a pretty good expert when it comes to her own child. So, in a way, I am writing from the perspective of an expert.

Never doubt yourselves or your child. This is a lesson I had to learn several times. You, too, are an expert. You know what you know, even before assessments and reports and diagnoses. Trust your instincts; have faith in yourself; and fight like hell for your kid.

I think I can finally agree we were lucky in this matter. Over and out…

Anna

This is 42

Today marks my 42^nd year.

I'm not sure what to think of where I'm going or where I've been, but I know who I am and what I stand for and I'm not afraid to speak my mind when so inclined to do so.

I am so grateful to have made it this far along the road of life. At this time of year, I think of the friends and family who did not get to this point and I'm reminded of what a gift each day of life is.

But how easily I can forget this when I'm frustrated by my kids and their messy room and their sharp, sassy retorts and their disagreements over what's being served at mealtime and their sibling arguing or when I'm harried by a work deadline and the need to run to get groceries and make dinner and plan out school lessons and get kids to bed or when I'm feeling unlucky or unfortunate.

So, today (and for the next few days) it's my goal to remember this and go out and enjoy the gift of life with some of my favorite people and do some of my favorite things. I really do love my birthday. It's always so beautiful with the fall colors and crisp, cool air. You can be sure there will be plenty of chocolate and fall leaves and apples and pumpkins and laughing…lots of laughing.

This past year has been a good one, filled with travel and family and friends.

May the coming year bring me opportunities to serve those in need, travel with my family and see my friends more often. My birthday wish is to focus on writing again and spend more time drawing and keep traveling and exploring.

I have lots of gray hairs on my head. My joints hurt sometimes. I can't go without sleep as much as I used to. I have some wrinkles on my face. But all that's ok because that's all part of growing older and living life. And I'm trying to soak up as much living as I can. This is 42. Happy Birthday to me. Over and out…

Anna

Related articles

Be a Tree

The Face of Dyslexia: Silly, Quirky, Smart, Creative {Dyslexia Awareness Month}

Dyslexia is a slippery little booger. It lurks under high IQs. It hides from unsuspecting teachers and parents. It disguises itself as inattention, slow cognition, disinterest, anxiety, shyness and anger. Dyslexia is hard to see if you don't know what you're looking for. It's hard to understand if you haven't been educated about it. Dyslexia does not discriminate against male or female, white, black, brown or purple. Dyslexia is an equal opportunity learning challenge.

What is not an equal opportunity is the educational choices available to the kids with these special challenges. Most public and private school teachers don't know what to look for and have not been educated about dyslexia at all based on my experience and the experience of those I have heard from.

This is a tragic loss for all of us. People who have dyslexia are generally smart, creative, clever and witty entertainers, problem solvers and resilient creatures who think outside the box. They have to be these things to make it through school and life.

Struggling to read and failing to thrive in the school, year after year, can have a terribly detrimental effect on a person. Undiscovered and undiagnosed dyslexia can lead to depression, withdrawal, low self-esteem and a hot temper, as you might imagine.

Statistics show that 1 in 5 people have dyslexia. That's a lot. So, stop and think about how many kids in schools are not being properly identified as dyslexic, but ARE being labeled as lazy, slow, inattentive or having ADHD, angry, bullies.

My kids were labeled as slow learners, despite showing high intelligence and being interested in learning. My kids' teachers said, "Some kids just take longer to learn to read." This was even said to me by my older son's reading specialist teacher that he went to from kindergarten through second grade.

While this statement is true, each kid learns at his or her own pace, I feel that teachers should be educated to recognize the signs of dyslexia and other common learning challenges, especially reading specialists!

October happens to be Dyslexia Awareness Month. So, I thought I'd take this opportunity to share a little bit about dyslexia. This Ted-Ed video by Kelli Sandman-Hurley happens to be the best explanation I've found: 

So, my kids are dyslexic. This means their brains are wired a bit differently. Consequently, they need to be taught to read in a specific way. Note this method has been shown to make any student a better, more efficient reader, regardless of being dyslexic or not.

Further note that my children, having been taught through the Wilson reading program will not have any residual reading issues. And further note that being dyslexic does not translate to being slow or having a diminished capacity or a low IQ. On the contrary, many kids with dyslexia, including my own children, have high IQs and are exceedingly bright and creative individuals.

After just 2 years of Wilson Reading my 5^th grader was reading at a 7^th grade level at the end of 4^th grade. This is a kid who was reading at a first grade level at the start of 3^rd grade. That's impressive!

The dyslexic kids and adults I know are amazing, interesting, creative, super smart, quirky, funny, witty, extraordinary individuals. There's no stopping them!

So, please get the facts straight and don't assume…we all know what happens when you assume…If you have a question about dyslexia, I'd love to hear from you. If you're looking for an excellent resource for answering questions about dyslexia, getting an assessment, finding a tutor or enrolling your child in an excellent school for kids with dyslexia or similar learning challenges, check out Groves Academy. Over and out…

Anna

Travel Cents {Savvy Travel Tips}

My children will grow up to be world travelers with a passion for exploration or hermits who never want to leave the comfort and familiarity of home. I'm hoping for the former.

Since my kids were little bitty, we have gone and done all that we could afford and fit into the schedule. I decided early on that they would have to roll with it when it came to schedules…that is, I didn't keep strict schedules of mealtimes, naptimes and bedtimes – not if it interfered with doing something fun or meeting a friend out for a walk or coffee and playtime.

There were certainly lean years that we could afford only the nearby and free events, but more recently we've been able to go farther and do more, more frequently. Traveling when and where we want to is just one of the perks of homeschooling.

So, my kids are still having to roll with it and drive and fly and walk wherever I find a good deal to go and explore. In this past year we've spent time in Florida, Missouri, Texas, Oklahoma, Washington, D.C., Virginia, Illinois, Georgia, Iowa, Wisconsin and explored our own state of Minnesota. We go where I find cheap airline tickets and where we have family and friends.

Traveling teaches so much. Of course, we learn about the history or industry or art or culture of the particular area in visiting museums and going on tours, etc., but we also learn about the people who live there, the ins and outs of a city – the way a city feels, especially the cities we walk. Traveling itself can teach patience and resilience and going with the flow when things go wrong. But more than anything else, removing yourself from the familiar and going out into the world and exploring and experiencing new things broadens the mind. And this is what I strive to achieve when we hit the road or soar into the sky.

Oh, sure, there's often whining or complaining along the way, but I choose to ignore that and keep pointing out the beautiful, interesting, new things we're seeing. And once we get somewhere the boys forget their worries or complaints.

So, that's the why and here's the how.

I search for deals.

I particularly like to fly Southwest Airlines. There are no hidden fees, each person gets 2 checked bags free and you can get really amazing fares. Recently, we flew to Atlanta for $49 apiece. For this most recent trip, I actually bought us 3 different one way tickets and it saved us about $700 in the end.

I check Groupon and Living Social for specials on activities. I do this for local activities and for the places we travel to. I have gotten bus tours and mini golf and boat tours and museum passes and even transportation deals this way. I even found a fantastic deal on a hotel in Miami through Groupon. Sometimes I call the business and check on availability or schedules before purchasing and often they give me a better deal to just go through them.

I schedule our trips for the off-season, if possible. This can really save money. 

Learn about the area if you won't have your vehicle with you and figure out if you can walk from hotel to activities/tours, etc. or if there is mass transit that's a good option. In D.C., we had several good, economical mass transit options to choose from. We went with the D.C. Circulator bus week pass that cost of $11 apiece.

If no good mass transit options exist, perhaps Uber is a good choice or maybe you need to rent a car. If you end up needing to rent a vehicle, do call your insurance agent beforehand and see if she/he suggests skipping the added insurance that can really raise the price of the rental. My insurance agent told I didn't need to get any, no matter what the rental agent told me.

If you will be traveling for more than a few days, plan to bring along snacks of nuts, fruit, crackers, granola bars, tins of tuna, meat sticks, packets of nut butters, etc. I have been known to make a mean little smorgasbord from our snack stash. This point is especially important if you have special dietary needs and may not be able to get food that fit your needs in airports, on the go or in the middle of nowhere. I speak from experience.

Be sure your kids have activities to distract them from layovers or early or late travel. I have found that all my kids really need to keep themselves occupied while traveling is a computer or tablet, but I still encourage bringing along travel games, sketchpad and book, some snacks in their own bag and some suckers, if flying. My favorite suckers are the Organic Trader Joe's suckers – no artificial colors or flavors – and they work well for takeoffs and landing.

Do your research before your go. Be sure you know the costs and times of activities. Check weather and map out distances. Plan out an itinerary – even if it's just a tentative plan. Know where restaurants are in conjunction with your activities, especially if you have picky eaters or special diets to consider. Hangry kids are no fun! Plan accordingly.

Double check with TripAdvisor. There are reviews on just about everything these days, and I have found this site to be very helpful in deciding whether to go somewhere, how long we will need to allow for activities, the cleanliness of hotels and which rooms/floor/side to request, etc.

If you homeschool, be sure to ask if there is a special rate for homeschools/educators/students. There often is a discount to be had.

And if you have a membership at your hometown museum or zoo, be sure to check reciprocity deals. Our Minnesota Science Museum membership has more than paid for itself due to its many partnerships with other museums.

Now, what's stopping you? The whole world is out there waiting. Over and out…

Anna

Homeschool: Year Two

Last year, I was full of hope and questions and uncertainty as we embarked on our first year of homeschool. I had NEVER intended to educate my kids at home, but our plans for life don't always work out the way we think they will and when that happens I have learned to roll with it and figure out another route. So, last year happened.

There were days that I yelled and shut myself in my room for a few minutes of quiet to collect myself and put my emotions in check, but there were also days that we all flourished and laughed and learned and explored and went on adventures and accomplished everything on that day's lesson plan. And those are the days that I cling to, knowing it can be good and happy and successful.

Really, it's just like parenting, with good and bad days, which I've been doing for 10 years now. So, it turns out I've got experience with this kind of gig.

For me – and my kids – it was a year of learning and growing and adjusting. I learned a lot about myself and my kids. There were some things I expected and other things I did not. There were good parts and bad parts. And there was freedom. I really do love freedom – freedom from other's schedules, other's rules, other's expectations, other's tests and measurements and other's judgment.

So, here's what I learned and what I'll do differently and things that I'll keep on doing just as we did last year.

(I like lists)

1. I learned to cut myself some slack if we don't accomplish everything on a day's lesson plan. There's always tomorrow….because usually that meant we got caught up in some discussion of a topic or person that interested us or that something happened in the world that grabbed our attention and gave us cause to switch gears or we were really interested in the book we were reading together or that someone was sick or mentally spent or the boys really got into something they were playing or creating.
2. I worked hard to incorporate interesting books, ideas, authors, poems, topics, historic events, etc. into our "morning meetings" because those things interest me and I think kids should be familiar with various viewpoints and authors and ideas and knowledge of our history and the news and events of today even when it's prickly.

   And because when I was in elementary school and had to present weekly current event to my class , my dad had me go through Time magazine and pick out something to share.  It was always complicated and way above my head and all the other students too. But my dad, over breakfast and on the ride to school, explained it and discussed it with me until I was clear on it and could present it clearly and thoroughly to my classmates, whether it involved legislative bills or oil and gas prices or relations with the Soviet Union.

   So, I, like my dad, don't dumb down or sugar coat all these interesting and important points, current or past. We discuss, break down, look up more information, discuss again and it makes this homeschooling gig more fun and interesting for me too.

3. We leave the house frequently. I need this and the boys need this. We have regularly scheduled activities and we have field trips out and about. We went to theaters and orchestra halls and farms and historic sites and museums and nature centers and much, much more. We got out of the house, we socialized, we learned. It was great!
4. Oh, and did I mention the freedom to travel throughout the year? Well, it's a big perk! We went to Southwest side of Florida, we spent a week in the D.C. area, we traveled to Chicago and we visited family in Missouri and Texas and Oklahoma and friends in Iowa and even made a stop in Arkansas. And we learned things at every single stop. It was wonderful! And this school year we've already traveled to Atlanta, GA and Miami and Marco Island, FL and the North Shore of Minnesota.
5. I learned how my kids learn. They each learn in a different way. What's easy for one is hard for the other. What makes learning fun and concrete for one, doesn't work for the other. This does create some challenges for me, but I will continue to work to make learning fun and efficient and tangible for both kids.

I do often struggle with my kids over certain subjects, pencils, fidgets…anything they can fuss over, stalling our process and making learning NOT FUN for any of us. So, there are definitely a lot of challenges too. It certainly is not all smiling, happy people over here all the time.

This year, I will really work on not feeling rushed to get everything I think we need to or guilty if we have a not so productive day. I will try very hard to be more patient with myself and my kids. I will make more of a point to praise their good work. We will keep on keepin' on, taking one year at a time...make that one day at a time. Over and out…

Anna

 

Friday Family FUN! {An At-Home Activity and Meal Schedule}

Most Friday nights you'll find us at home. And I'm not gonna lie – that often means we each retreat to our own corners, but I decided that we should have a Friday fun schedule to do stuff together as a family as we start the weekend.

So, I came up with a mostly at-home  Friday activity and meal schedule. We'll rotate through them and change it up as necessary. These are things we've done in the past just not on any kind of schedule. The same goes for the meal schedule; we'll figure out what works best for each week. After all, I'm not a very rigid schedule keeper.

Friday Night Theme/Activity

1. Movie Night
2. Board Game Night
3. Dress Like Your Favorite (movie star/food/color/animated character/book character/etc)
4. Historic Period Night (time period or historic event)
5. Boys' Game Night – Card games and/or Xbox
6. Out to dinner and bookstore browsing (probably in Uptown so we can end up at Magers and Quinn Booksellers)

Friday Night Meals

1. Make Your Own Pizza
2. Take-Out
3. Smorgasbord
4. Historic Period Night Themed Meal
5. High Tea

I'll stick up a sign-up list for movies and games. Each family member can vote or add preferences. Then, we'll choose based on votes/list.

Pizza: I buy pizza crusts and then I'll have sauce and cheese and toppings like ham and pineapple, sautéed veggies, sardines, turkey pepperoni. Then, each person can add what he or she prefers.

Take-out: We like to get Thai or Vietnamese, generally. I order a variety of dishes and we all share and I hope for enough leftovers for Saturday night dinner.

Smorgasbord: I put out trays of sliced salami and cheeses, nuts, fruits, veggies, crackers, etc. I'll make a big bowl of popcorn (1/2 cup of popping corn and ¼ cup coconut oil) and perhaps I'll make some chocolate chip cookies too.

High Tea: I make a pot of tea and put together a variety of items. I like to make an almond cake or cornmeal orange cake or scones and then some little sandwiches and fruit. Or whatever I pull together from the fridge. The fun thing about a tea and a smorgasbord is that it can really be anything you come up with that you have on hand.

And I'll figure out what to do for Historic Period Night…this one will definitely take more thought and organization.

What do you like to do on Friday night? Over and out…

Anna

Celebrating Failure

Failing simply means you tried something. It's OK to fail. In fact, it's good to fail.

Of course, I don't mean it's ok to neglect work or lessons and blow off practicing, planning or studying. But the message we should be sending to our kids and the way we should be approaching life is that failing is a positive thing.

Failing could mean figuring out something isn't your "thang." It could mean getting one step closer to solving a problem or making a breakthrough or winning (whatever that means). It could mean stepping outside your comfort zone and going out on a limb. It could mean realizing you have to work even harder to succeed.

Failing accomplishes a lot. But mostly it means you tried. And getting started and trying is often the hardest part.

Over the years, I have tried and failed and tried and succeeded. Sometimes the failures meant an end to that particular route, but often the failures just meant I needed to reevaluate and shift strategies and try again.

I'm sure you're familiar with the proverb written by W.E. Hickson : "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again." It turns out, he's talking about failing… If you fail, you must keep going, keep trying.

My children are privileged and spoiled and oblivious to the fact that they are privileged and spoiled. They are white, male, middle-class, Americans. We don't go without food or clothes or entertainment or education. We are free to go and do and say. This is not a fact lost on me.

You might think that teaching my children it's a good thing to try and fail would be simple, but we live in a world of ease and comfort and success. I'm forever striving to teach that success is most often achieved by hard work, which means trying and often failing, before succeeding. And yet, too often, they look for the easy route, the fast track.

As a family, we have started discussing and praising our struggles and failings, examining how and when we have stepped out of our comfort zones, looking for ways to fail in order to learn and try something new or test the waters. It makes for a good dinner table discussion.

Failing and recovering from that failure and trying again contributes to instilling resiliency. For when one fails or falls or loses and is short on money, resources, answers and direction, one will need to be resilient to weather those failures and falls and losses and then bounce back. And resiliency is one of the most important key elements to surviving and succeeding, in all of arenas of life.

But I think that resiliency must be learned through the experience of failing and learning and surviving and overcoming. Resiliency is not something another can show or give to someone.

So, I will continue to try to {gently} push my kids to do things, even if it means failing – or especially if it means failing – and keep praising their successes and failures and strive to live my life in this way too. How have you failed today? Over and out…

Anna

Mom Shopping {One Mom's Story}

I rarely shop for clothes any more. It's not easy. It's not fun. Becoming a mom has sucked all the joy out of clothes shopping. Now, I'm not talking about my body, but that's seen better days too.

No, what I'm referring to is the process of choosing clothes to try on: picking clothes that look like something I'd like and/or look good in, those that are my size; taking said clothes to the dressing room and trying on the large stack of cute, stylish clothes; then looking at myself in the mirror, picturing where and when I'd wear said clothes, checking out all angles, sitting, standing, etc.; and finally carefully deciding whether to purchase said clothing by examining price and material/care tag and fit and style.

It's a long process. Sometimes it requires a whole day to do this properly.

I can barely remember what that was like. For the past 10 years my clothes shopping looks more like one of these two scenarios:

Scenario 1: My boys are with me.

I grab clothes. Whatever is the easiest to get my hands on as I walk by. Style matters not. I hope for something close to the right size. I snatch about 6 to 8 pieces of clothing as quickly as possible and head for the dressing rooms. The clock is ticking….

When my kids were younger, I'd park them in the dressing room with me and hand them my phone to play a game. Now, they sit or stand right outside the dressing room area, close enough to talk to me and/or knock on my door. Regardless of location, the conversation would still sound about the same.

I tear off my clothes and remove clothes from the hangers at the same time…..then, I hear it…"Mom, are you done yet?"

"No. Sit down and wait."

I keep going…I get the first piece of clothing on. Does it button? Yes. Is there a gap? No. …Do I look fat? No…Is it black? Yes. Check…it passes all tests! NEXT thing!

There's a rapping on the door…"Yes?"

"Mom?"

"YES?"

"Are you still in there?"

"YES! Sit down!"

OK. Jeans on…No bulges…I'm not tripping on the legs…I'll take 'em! NEXT!

In mid-quick change…"MOM! HE HIT ME!"

"Almost done! SIT DOWN! DON'T HIT EACH OTHER!"

Two seconds later…

"MOM! ARE YOU DONE YET?"

"NO!" (It's been a total of 10 minutes since I stepped inside the dressing room!)

Continue throwing clothes off and on, glance in the mirror and repeat sequence.

Grab the "OK – it'll do" pile and dash for the checkout.

At this point I have no idea if they all require handwashing and hanging to dry or if I'm going to blow my budget with the this shopping spree because there is no time to check the garment tags or price tags or weigh the necessity of faux fur vest or red wool pants. They were in reaching distance and they fit and that's all that matters right now! I'll figure it out later….and more than likely return about half after a re-try at home. Now, on to the next thing on the to-do list…

Scenario #2: I'm ALONE!

I'm actually alone in a store! I can shop without haste! It's all so shocking and unfamiliar that for the first 30 to 60 minutes I walk around like a zombie; my mind a blur, my mouth agape, my eyes glazed over. I just soak up the silence. I can't quite focus on what I'm there to do.

Finally, I gather my senses and begin to shop. Slowly going from rack to rack looking at clothes, feeling the fabric, checking styles and sizes and prices. I begin to gather a variety of pieces to try on…that's when I get the first text…

"When are you coming home?"

"I'm not sure. I'm just getting started."

"You've been gone an hour already."

"Yep."

I go to the dressing room. I begin to sort through the clothes to try on. Another text….

"What are we supposed to eat?"

"Whatever you can find."

"OK"

I keep going, sorting into yes, no, maybe and try on again piles. Another text…

"Can you get some milk?"

"Sure."

I continue my slow process of deciding upon the clothes that actually fit. I contemplate going back for another round of looking and choosing and trying on. Another text…

"When do you think you'll bring the milk?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! I give up.

"I'm getting milk now….heading home!"

And that folks is why most of my jeans are as old as my kids and why I often wear black shirts and cardigans and scarves and hats. After all, cardigans, scarves and hats can be quickly tried on right there in the aisle.

And really it doesn't matter. I spend most of my time with my kids and other moms and their kids and they don't care what I wear. I often work in the middle of the night in pjs while sitting at my dining room table surrounded by sleeping dogs and cats. They don't care what my work wardrobe looks like either.

Surely, I'm not alone in this….

Over and out…

Anna

My Prayer: A New School Year

Every year since my older son started kindergarten I've written a start of school year prayer. Last year that prayer was a little different because I was not only mom, but also teacher. This year begins year two of homeschooling. And, as always, this start of the school year prayer is essential.

Dear Lord,

I pray for peace and patience to not yell at my kids when they push every single one of my buttons. I pray for lightheartedness to not take our days and lessons too seriously and to laugh and enjoy the time we spend together. I pray for the wisdom to guide them to where they need to be and how they need to be taught in order to truly learn. I pray for the fortitude to be mom and teacher and wife and attorney.

I pray for the boys that their minds will be opened and receptive to the lessons I strive to teach. I pray that they will be patient with me, with each other and with themselves as we continue through this still new, uncharted territory. I pray they will be happy and positive and confident in their studies.

I pray for my parents as they once again take on the task of teaching our children once a week. I know this time is so precious and important for the boys. I pray that they will be filled with love and grace and knowledge during this days with their grandparents.

I pray for all the teachers and students who have already or will be starting this school year. I pray for peace and confidence and patience and open minds and hearts throughout all the schools in our nation.

I'm so thankful to have the resources to make this choice to homeschool our kids. I'm thrilled to be able teach through travel and experience and have so many opportunities to go out into our community and beyond to learn first-hand lessons. I pray that we may be a blessing and a beacon of Your love and peace to all those we come in contact with throughout the year. I come to you, Lord, with a grateful and hopeful heart.

Amen

Anna

Itinerary: Washington D.C. Trip Part II

Itinerary making is not to be taken lightly. I spent many hours on this and went through multiple drafts before settling on this one. Of course, we made little adjustments throughout each day. And then, each night we went over the next day's schedule and made changes.

Regardless, here is what we ended up doing each day. The pedometer on my phone showed that we were walking an average of 15 miles a day. We packed it in from early am to late pm. And we all survived, learned a lot and loved all the exploring.

Tuesday

Flight from MSP to Baltimore/Washington 8:05 ET

Town Car from TransGapLimo (better deal than taxi) to Best Western Rosslyn/Iwo Jima in Arlington VA

Wednesday

Taxi to Senate Office Building – 7:45am

Breakfast with Sen. Al Franken (for MN constituents – check with your Senator) 8:45 am

Capitol Tour with Franken staffers

Lunch

Walk around Capitol and down toward the National Mall

Unplanned stop at National Botanical Gardens for bathroom break – beautiful place for a quick rest

1:30 to 3:30 DC by foot tour of Supreme Court, Capitol & Library of Congress tour (outside only with exception to Library of Congress)

Dinner

7 to 9 Lincoln Assassination Tour

Taxi to hotel

Thursday

Taxi to Senate Office Building – 8 am

9 to 10 am Breakfast with Sen. Amy Klobuchar (for MN constituents)

10 to 12 Senate and House Chambers to observe business being conducted

12 lunch Wicked Waffle

Stumbled upon Farmers' Market on 15^th & K Street & meander through Lafayette Square and past White House on way to tour

2 – 6 pm DC by Foot All in One Tour (National Mall and Tidal Basin)

6:30 Meet friends at the Willard Hotel for dinner in drinks – Café du Parc

Taxi to hotel

Friday

Rosslyn Metro Station to buy DC Circulator week passes $11

Breakfast at Wicked Waffle (yes, again – it was good, cheap and quick)

10:45 arrive at White House for 11 am Tour – takes a while to get in through security checkpoints, but once inside it's a self-guided tour that you can go through at your own pace. We took our time – how many times in your life do you get to spend time in the White House!

1-4 American History Museum – eat lunch there

4:30 to 7:30 Natural History museum

Take bus back to hotel

Saturday

Taxi to boat dock 7:45 am

Board Spirit of Mt. Vernon at 8:15 am

8:30 to 3 pm Potomac River (1.5 hrs to Mt. Vernon 3 hours at Mt. Vernon and 1.5 hrs back). Lunch on boat after Mt. Vernon

Walk to museum

3:30 to 7:30 Air and Space Museum

Dinner – Ledo's Pizza at hotel

Sunday

10 – 12:30 DC by Foot Arlington National Cemetery Tour

Lunch Plan B Burger

Spy Museum

Madame Tussauds Wax Museum

 

Monday

Breakfast at hotel – slower morning

12 (arrive at 11:45) National Archives

Lunch

3-5 Ford's Theater

Tuesday

10 White House Visitor Center

12 Newseum – lunch onsite

4:00 to hotel to get bags

5 town car to airport

Flt home at 8:40 pm.

And a whole lot of walking in between and around and to and from…

What got pushed off the schedule due to time was the National Gallery of Art, and I really regret this.

While there were a few things we really enjoyed seeing at American History and Natural History Smithsonian museums, we were not greatly impressed by these museums, as a whole.

I must say that in my mind's eye my 8^th grade self was greatly impressed, but I had not seen much of the world at this point in my life. And my children have at their young ages already been to many impressive places and museums and exhibits. So, they are certainly wonderful museums, but we were simply underwhelmed by them and I wish we had instead gone to some of the many art museums.

We stumbled upon a beautiful sculpture garden and a sunken garden, farmers' market and the National Botanical Garden in our meanderings and relished in these little finds along the way. Everywhere we went we made friends and found helpful, kind, patient people.

We definitely took more time than planned at some places and less time at others. So, in the end it worked out. We chose to do a tour everywhere possible. We always got so much out of each of the tours – information, stories, tips we would have never known about on our own.

Each of us had input regarding what made it on to our schedule. This is why Madame Tussauds Wax Museum ended up on the itinerary. My 7.5 year old son had seen a kid Youtuber do a review of it and REALLY wanted to go. I was not thrilled with adding this, but it was his No. 1 pick! And I have to say it was a really nice surprise. We were all so glad we went. I'll add more about this in the next post of our thoughts, reviews and tips. Over and out…

Anna

Travel Plans: Washington D.C. Part I

I really love to travel. I haven't always had the money or the freedom of schedule to do so, but when I have the chance, I go…dragging along my kids and husband or sometimes my mom on whatever adventure I've hatched. And when we travel, we don't just push back and relax, we explore, we walk and walk and walk, we find hidden gems and we get the local scoop.

The thing I love most about homeschooling is the freedom we have to go and do and explore and learn firsthand anywhere and anytime we choose to do so. We've done a lot of that locally, but we have also taken to the road. We went to Southwest Florida in September, Kansas City area in November, Sioux City, IA in March (believe it or not, there's a lot of history and culture there) and Washington D.C. area in April.

For me, a huge part of travel is the planning that takes place before we leave home. I like to get the best deal. I like to have reservations when able to do so. I like to have an itinerary that allows quite a bit of flexibility. I like to know what our options are for activities, for meals, for breaks, for groceries, for transportation, etc. I explore maps, websites and blogs to the degree that by the time we arrive I already have a general sense of where things are and how to get here and there. I plot and plan and make lists and notes and first drafts of itineraries. I make phone calls and check out deals and FINALLY make out the official itinerary.

Here's how I planned the D.C. trip and how it worked out for us:

Step One: Where are You Going & How are You Getting There?

I had not planned on going to D.C. this year, but then in early January, I happened to see that Southwest Airlines was having a big sale. I scanned the deals from MSP, my home base of Minneapolis/St. Paul, and found that D.C. was the cheapest destination and it was too low to pass up. I phoned my mom to see if she was game to accompany me and the boys and bought the tickets. It's my philosophy that if you find deals that are truly too good not to go, you go!

Now, with Southwest, you can't lose. If you can't make the flight you bought tickets for, you get credit to go somewhere else when you can go. And they don't hide any fees like I have found on Frontier and Spirit. What you see is what you get, PLUS you get 2 FREE checked bags for each ticketed person! We, flying from MSP, are somewhat limited with Southwest, but they keep expanding the number of cities they are flying to from here. In fact, we were on the inaugural flight from MSP to BWI (Baltimore Washington International).

The only problem with flying into BWI is that it's about a 45 min drive to D.C. You can take a train or a taxi or hire a town car. We opted for a town car that was there to pick us up when we arrived and then picked us up from hotel and drove us back to airport at end of stay. I found a good deal on Groupon and then called and negotiated an even better deal. So, it was still cheaper for us to fly Southwest into BWI.

Step Two: Where are You Going to Stay?

The next hurdle was finding cheap, but clean and safe and nearby accommodations for us. How did we travel before the internet was around? Thank goodness for Trip Advisor! I was able to locate and then read hundreds of reviews on a Best Western in Arlington, VA, very near Iwo Jima, the National Cemetery and a big metro station. The reviews were mostly good, but I was able to figure out exactly which rooms/what part of the hotel I wanted to stay in.

So, when I called to book my reservation I knew exactly what to ask for. I have to admit I had concerns we'd get there and it would be a dump, but I also thought hundreds of reviews couldn't have gotten it wrong. We ended up paying $902 for a whole week when many middle range hotels in the area costs $350 a night – ridiculous!

We just needed a place to shower and sleep, basically. I hoped and prayed it would be clean and without bed bugs. And it was perfectly fine. It was clean with no sign of bed bugs. The staff was nice and helpful. It was conveniently located and easy for us to walk, catch a bus or take a short taxi ride. There was a really good (& cheap) pizza place attached to the building, and they even had a gluten free crust for me. Bonus: they always had hot coffee in the lobby – and it was good! Only downside was that it was small and fairly cramped for four people, but again, we were there from about 10 pm to 7:30 am on most days. So, it wasn't a problem. We would definitely stay there again.

Step Three: What are You Going to Do?

I put in a lot of screen time researching and reading reviews and contacting our MN senators regarding tours and events and locations. Then, I logged a number of hours coordinating times and locations. The result was a jam-packed week-long history lesson.

The thing about Washington D.C. is that there are a ton of FREE things to do with your family! How often is that the case when you go on vacation? None of the historical sites, including the Capitol, White House, Library of Congress, National Archives and all the monuments, cost a cent. Additionally, all of the Smithsonian museums are free. AND the DC by Foot tours are free – you just pay your guide a tip at the end, based on what you felt you got out of it and what your budget is. There are even free performances at the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts at 6 pm every evening.

Both of our senators had breakfast gatherings for their constituents and this seemed to be a fairly standard practice with other state's senator's offices. So, be sure to check your senator's website. Plus, you'll need to go through your senator's office to get a Capitol tour and White House tour scheduled. They are also able to arrange Pentagon, F.B.I. (recommended age for this one is 16 and older) and other tours.

I'll provide our detailed daily itinerary in the next post.

Step Four: How are You Going to Get Around?

We opted for taxis when we had a specific time to be somewhere first thing in the morning. We got week passes for $11 each to ride the D.C. Circulator trains for nonspecific start time days, on our way back to hotel, around the mall area, etc. And we walked and walked and walked, logging about 15 miles per day. The city is easy to get around in and we met many people who were willing to help with directions or walk us to a station or give us insider tips, etc. We, my mother, two young boys and I, were out after 10 p.m. several nights and were not concerned about our safety. Of course, I always feel less worried about safety in a city I'm unfamiliar with. In your own city, you know where murders typically occur, the areas to avoid, the corner that was on the news last night after a couple was robbed at knifepoint, etc. I know D.C. is not necessarily a safe city, but the areas we were in were vibrant and friendly and filled with police and secret services officers. So, we never felt unsafe.

To Be Continued…Check in later this week for my "Official Itinerary" and our reviews of the things we did and places we went. Over and out…

Anna

One More Opinion Re: Bathrooms and Policies

There has been a lot of discussion on Target's bathroom policy regarding transgender persons. I, myself, am baffled by why this is an issue that Target thought they needed to address. I think people can and have been deciding which bathroom is the right one for them without an official policy announcement.

Target is not the only company who has such a policy that basically says people can use the bathroom that best aligns with the gender they identify themselves as, but by making a formal announcement of this policy they have grabbed the attention of folks who, in the name of protecting Christian values and the sanctity of the family, choose to prey on people's fears of those who are different from themselves and create a culture of hate.

I am pretty sure that we have all been using public bathrooms alongside transgender persons for many, many years. Their use of the public restrooms has not created a danger for women and children (this is the group of people these "Christian Family" groups say they are worried about) any more than using public facilities with any strangers does.

Which brings me to something I have been thinking of lately regarding public bathrooms, having just returned from a weeklong trip to Washington D.C. with my two boys, ages 7 & 9 , and my mother. I, as a female with two boys, worry about bathroom situations every time we are out in public without my husband to go with the boys to the men's bathroom. My boys are getting too old to accompany me into the women's bathroom and yet I do worry about sending them into the men's bathroom alone, not knowing who is in there, the setup of the facilities, the condition of the facilities. When I do send them into a men's bathroom (always the two boys together) I stand VERY near the door and tell them to scream if ANYTHING happens that makes them feel uncomfortable and I'll be there immediately.

These days there is often a family/companion care bathroom available, which is always a relief to me. And I am sure this is also a relief to those who are transgender or don't in some way identify with their gender as we as a society identify such gender.

However, I will say that in certain settings or situations I do bring my boys into the women's bathroom with me. I do this prepared to tell anyone who dares challenge me to mind her own business. No one has ever said a word to me, but I'm always prepared.

Recently my 9 year old was feeling sick while we were out and the only bathroom options were men and women. I was not going to send my son into the men's room when he was sick where I couldn't get to him. We went into the women's bathroom together where I was able to be there with him and help him.

No matter what society says about what we should be doing and how we should be acting, I am a mother first, and I will do what is safest and best for my kids in any situation. However, the real or perceived dangers of a child using a public bathroom without a parent there have always been the same. This policy is not changing the possible threat involved.

So, when these "Christian Family" organizations say, "oh no, we can't let transgender people use the bathroom with US!" And then make people believe that on top of having to worry about transgender persons, this policy will also open the door, literally and figuratively, to people with evil intentions, red flags go up for me. These organizations are Christian in name only. Don't be fooled.

Christ did all things in love and embraced all people, regardless of whether they were sinners or saints, believers or nonbelievers, rich or poor, men or women. We, as Christians, are called to do the same. But these organizations, besides casting a false light on Christ Jesus, are breeding a culture of fear and hate and an Us v. Them attitude.

I would argue that people who intend to commit evil acts don't need a policy in place to perpetrate these crimes. There are bad people out there. Period. And we need to be alert, aware and careful in all situations. True. But I don't think that this policy announcement has increased that threat to women and children. It may, however, have increased the threat to those who are hated and feared because of their differences.

The argument addressed by the American Family Association reminds me of another time; one from not so long ago when in the south there were separate bathrooms for blacks and whites, in addition to separate restaurants, drinking fountains, seating, churches, schools, etc. The white "Christian" men made these rules and laws and drew these lines out of fear and hate, but said it would protect their families and was the right thing to do. Well, thankfully, those laws and rules and way of thinking (for the most part) have been struck down and we see how ridiculous and hate-filled these policies from the past were.

When I read about boycotts and policies and arguments brought forth from these "Christian Family" organizations I see hate and fear and narrow mindedness brought about by ignorance and reliance on people who call themselves good Christian family men and women. I come from Texas and I call myself Christian, and I know and love many people who unwittingly fall for these ruses promoting values and morality that in reality are truly hate and fear of difference and a need to force all people to conform to their views and beliefs.

So, I will continue to worry about the safety of my boys every time I send them into a public men's bathroom alone, but not because I am worried about transgender persons. I will continue to stand VERY close to the door in case I'm needed. And I will continue to work to embrace and pray for all people, even those whose beliefs are so different from mine, such as these people who align themselves with this American Family Association, because that is what Jesus Christ calls us to do. And I will continue to try to teach my boys that we can learn so much from looking at situations from other's points of view and then drawing our own conclusions and showing them how beautiful our world is filled with people with so many differences.

Over and out…

Anna

This I Believe

There's a free little library "on a stick" on Lyndale Ave in Uptown where I've found a few treasures over the years. I usually check it on my way to eat lunch at French Meadow. Their parking situation is terrible. So, I park a block down on a side street and we walk a bit, passing by this little free library on the way. On my most recent visit, I found an old book called "This I Believe:" It's the "personal philosophies of one hundred thoughtful men and women" written for and with a foreword by Edward R. Murrow with a copyright date of 1952.

These essays are interesting reads, and it made me think about what I believe and wonder if others think about this and could articulate these beliefs if asked do so. I think it's important for a person to think on these things and be ready to answer this question. One never knows when one might be called upon to stand up for this cause or that right, and in this case, one must know whether he or she believes in this principle or that tenet.

This is what I believe:

I believe in the good of the world and its people. I believe that when depraved ugliness rears its terrible head the good in people will shine through, helping strangers and fighting injustice and wrong in any way possible, simply because that is the right thing to do. There will always be evil in the world, but over and over good has prevailed.

I suppose this means I believe in eternal optimism.

I believe in prayer…not grandstanding, loud, long, dramatic prayer, but talking to God all day long kind of prayer. Sometimes it's a quick whispered prayer and sometimes a deep, earnest prayer, but always with a fully faithful and trusting heart.

I believe in second chances.

I believe in following my heart and my gut.

I believe in advocating for myself, for my family, for my community, for anyone who needs an advocate.

I believe life is hard and rough and heartbreaking, but I also believe that life is beautiful and fun and inspiring and full of opportunities.

I believe that we MUST stand up for what is right and good.

I believe that life is a full contact sport. If you're just a spectator, you're missing out.

I believe that walks through the woods and along beaches are the best therapy for staying sane in this fast-paced, hectic life.

I believe in lifelong learning and finding the best education possible, in and out of a classroom, and refusing to settle for a "fine" education for my kids.

I believe there is hate and fear and evil and ugliness and hunger and poverty and hurt in this world, but I also believe that each of us, individually and collectively, can change this by opening our hearts and arms and minds to the possibilities and offering love and peace and shelter and food and jobs and solutions.

I believe things will get better….year after year…I believe this.

I believe in travel and exploration.

I believe in loving others even when we don't understand their beliefs, their lifestyles and their choices. This does not mean we must compromise our own beliefs, but it won't hurt to simply be kind and show them love.

I believe in the power of chocolate and the magic of coffee.

I believe in growing old together and that the best is yet to come.

I believe in mercy.

I believe music is an essential ingredient to living.

I believe in God.

I believe in never giving up on dreams.

I believe in the love of and for a pet.

I believe in quiet solitude.

I believe a walk with a friend is the best medicine for loneliness, a bad attitude and the need for a rant session.

I believe in a mother's love.

I believe in being silly and lots of laughing.

What do you believe? Over and out…

Anna

Open Letter to Republicans from a Friendly Democrat Who’s Worried for You

I've been wrestling with this for a bit. I've been trying to decide whether to keep my mouth shut or speak up. If you know me very well, you know that keeping quiet is something that is VERY difficult for me.

What bothers me most is injustice, hate, bigotry and ignorance. And if these things don't bother you, I'm concerned for the state of our country and you won't get my point here. So, you might as well move on now. If it does bother you, then this is for you.

Let me be clear. I am not anything close to a Republican, but I am seriously worried about the future of the Republican Party. Truly.

It's up to you, Republicans, to stand up together to take back your Party! Democrats can rant and stomp our feet and share articles and information and vote, but none of that will change the fate of your political party.

You must take a firm stance and be the face of strength and certainty and truth. Maybe I'm just a liberal optimist, but I really feel that the true Republican is not racist and hate-filled, intolerant of all people with exception to those who look and act like themselves.

At this point, you, the Republicans, have allowed a loud-mouthed, bigoted, buffoon to take over your Party. If you are happy about this and support Trump then it's clear to me that you must be an ignorant, unintelligent person who can't think for himself and is full of hate and fear. And if that's the case, I think you're probably a lost cause, but I'll be praying for you. Now, I know many Republicans aren't happy about this, BUT you aren't doing anything to take back your Party.

This confounds me.

Unless, I'm wrong and you all, the Republicans, are all racist, privileged, fearful, feeble-minded people, herded as easily as cattle. But I just cannot believe that is true.

So, what are you going to do? Whatever it is, you better do it NOW! Time is running out for you.

I suggest a little history lesson. Do some research and find out what it is the Republican Party represented and believed in and take a look at its roots. Look at a few of the past Republican presidents…Ronald Reagan, perhaps. Read some articles. Do some fact checking. Take a minute to remember who you are, what you believe and where you want to go. Go ahead, take a look at what Trump stands for, paying close attention to the words he uses. Check to see if his views align with yours. You might even want to read about Germany in the early days of Hitler's rule… here's an interesting point to ponder on that topic.

Even if you don't support him, he could very well be YOUR Republican candidate, whether you like it or not.

Oh, and for the record there is a [h]Uge difference between refusing to be politically correct, speaking your mind, saying things how you see them and being disrespectful, rude, ignorant, distasteful, hateful and downright ugly. Trump is the latter – always.

Heck, I'm from Texas, and I say things that aren't politically correct all the time (without even realizing it) and I ALWAYS speak my mind. This I can respect, but that is NOT what Trump is doing. I know the difference. If you don't understand and see the difference….well, again, I'll be praying for you.

Me? I'm happy with either of my Party's choices this election season. Over and out…

Anna

A Memo: The Good Stuff You Need to Be Reminded of Sometimes

Because sometimes we forget the good stuff…

You are loved.

You are enough.

You are beautiful.

You are talented.

You are unique.

You are strong.

You are smart.

You are worthy of love and success and good things.

You CAN do it.

You matter.

Life can get crowded and hectic and loud. And sometimes when this happens we can lose touch with our deep down inner selves. The part that sends us memos reminding us of these very important points. So, here's your memo.

Whether your day goes as planned or is wildly chaotic…whether you get the short end of the stick or win the lottery…whether you are alone or surrounded by family and friends…remember some days suck and some days are sweet and fluffy like a cupcake with pink frosting.

So, tuck this little memo into your pocket and pull it out to read to yourself every day lest the good stuff gets crowded out by all of life's hectic, routine stuff. Have a happy day! Over and out…

Anna

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My Whole Life {Thinking Out Loud}

This may strike you as selfish, but lately I've been feeling like I – as in my hopes and dreams and ideas and purpose for My Whole Life – are disappearing; being swallowed up. And I'm mourning this loss of me.

When I was a kid I looked ahead and thought I have My Whole Life ahead of me. And boy was it rosy...in my mind's eye. I envisioned having a whole gaggle of kids, a wonderful husband, a brilliant career in something that made me lots of money – the exact details of that career changed from time to time over my childhood. I would have a big, beautiful home filled with beautiful, expensive things – the kind I saw in my grandmother's Southern Living magazines. But more than anything else, I planned to DO SOMETHING BIG with My Whole Life. I just didn't know what it was yet. My Whole Life ahead of me looked amazing!

This vision continued throughout the years, changing slightly, tweaking this or that, lowering the number of children, etc.

Of course, life doesn't usually follow a blueprint drawn out by a 10 year old or an 18 year old or even a 24 year old.

So, by the time I was in my 20s, My Whole Life ahead of me looked different. I still felt that we'd rise above the low starting incomes of just beginning and stupidly acquired debt and still have the big, fine house filled with lovely things and I still thought I could DO SOMETHING BIG in life. By then I was undecided about whether I wanted to have any kids at all, but I was sure I didn't want "lots of kids."

By 30, we had made up our minds about kids…we'd try for 2 – no more than that for sure. We'd soon have our first child. We felt triumphant and thrilled at this new chapter. Life was going well. I had started to ponder what I REALLY WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE. I was beginning to dream of writing.

By 40, MY WHOLE LIFE was beginning to be swallowed up by my 2 little humans. Life had thrown us several curve balls in my 30s and I began to lose heart in what My Whole Life would look like in the end. Now, I no longer look at my life and think about DOING SOMETHING BIG in the way that I once did.

My Whole Life is taken up by teaching my kids, doing laundry, shopping for groceries, making meals, struggling through parenting with 2 stubborn, well-versed in arguing, young men, doing my legal editing work at night, paying bills, trying to fit in at least one uninterrupted conversation with my husband, fighting to find some time to do a little writing and all the other minutiae of My Whole small daily Life.

My vision of MY Whole Life is beginning to fade and dry out and crack and crumble like a maple leaf still hanging on the tree late into November.

I have come to realize that My Whole Life is really all about my kids now. I never intended this to happen. This was not my plan. I truly thought I had some big role to play in this world other than raising a family, being a working housewife (not that there is anything wrong with that, but that wasn't what I intended to do with my life)... And now I'm not so sure I will have served much of a role or made much difference at all when it's all said and done.

This is not to say that my life is over or that there is no purpose left or that I have not served some purpose in raising my kids. Not by a long shot. I {hope} I still have lots of time and I have many goals and dreams, but my purpose, my role in this world, is still not clear to me. My Whole Life, as I used to view it, is gone.

Of course, this is not the first time my view of My Whole Life has slipped from view and had to be recreated or adjusted or edited. This happens with each major decision or detour or challenge. And yet, I still held on to this rose-colored view of My Whole Life…until recently.

Sometimes I contemplate whether I should have decided not to have kids. I love my kids and they have added many good things and lots of adventures and laughter to my life, but they have also added more anger and sadness and hurt and struggle to it. And so, I wonder, what would life have been like if we had never decided to have kids? What would My Whole Life look like at 41 then?

I also contemplate what My Whole Life would look like if I had decided to start writing earlier…if we had moved to a different city….if I had changed directions in my career earlier…if I had more passionately pursued a high power career. How would these things change the view from where I stand now?

But it was adding children that took the most enormous bite from my life, gulping it down, leaving me little room to make big changes or do things not centered on them and making me question my purpose and role more than ever. As much as I love my kids and have dedicated so much of my life to raising and educating my kids, this was not what I had in mind for My Whole Life. And honestly, I'm not even very good at this parenting gig. So, maybe that's the ironic part in all of this.

Regardless, from where I stand, My Whole Life now hangs in the balance, awaiting final verdict. Will it have been a well lived life? Could I have lived it better?

So, call me selfish, if you like. Either way, day in and day out, I give much of myself to my family. And perhaps this is what I'm supposed to have done with My Whole Life all along. Or maybe I'm a late bloomer, and there's still something Big to come.

I do hope you read this in the voice I wrote it in. This is neither a complaint nor a "woe is me" call for pity. I'm not depressed or sad. I'm simply mulling it over, looking over the years and realizing how late in the game I am at this point in my life. It is also not intended to place judgment on those who have chosen and intended to choose to devote their whole lives to having kids and raising them. To each his own!

I have to believe I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing right now, even if this was not what I envisioned or planned or would have chosen for myself. Can you relate to how I feel? Over and out…

Anna

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5 Things: For My Boys

I'm always telling my kids stuff. Some stuff is important and a lot of it is just mundane stuff… "Pick up your coat and put it on the hook." "Put your dish in the sink." "Remember to put clean underwear on…yes, again…You have to put new underwear on every day!" "Brush your teeth…yes, again…yes, you already did it once today. Do it again!" "Sit on your chair properly, PLEASE!" But I think those mundane things are important too otherwise they would be dirty, stinky pigs, living in a filthy home.

And yet, I don't want them to think back on their childhoods and remember only the discussions on hygiene and manners and simple chores. These days, I spend a lot of time with my kids, and I say a lot of stuff to them. So, yes, those routine commands and reminders and discussions are important for all human beings, but these are the messages I really want them to get and remember and live by.

To my boys:

1. Be Yourself. Whoever that Is. Express yourself through music, art, written words, creations, performances or any other form you see fit. Don't be afraid to be different. It's fine if you stand out or if you blend in or do both from time to time. Be true to thine own heart in all you do. You have much to offer, but you must first accept who you are and understand your strengths and weaknesses. You are not the gift to the world, but you have many gifts to offer the world once you understand who you are and work hard to fully develop these gifts.
2. Be Kind. This means being merciful, loving, generous, respectful and forgiving, be like Jesus…to yourself and to all others, even your brother….especially your brother. Do not be lulled by the loud, angry voices of the world. Those mantras lead only to unhappiness, discord and hurt. Instead, seek peaceful resolution and compassionate understanding and acceptance. This does not mean letting go of your own convictions and values. It's the opposite. It's standing tall for what you believe in and hold near to your heart even when pushed to the absolute breaking point.
3. Work Hard. You will never get anywhere or do anything of value or have anything worth having unless you work hard. This means doing even the shit work at the bottom of the ladder; the stuff you don't like or have no passion for, the stuff that doesn't seem to matter. But it does matter. It all matters. Get a job as soon as you can. Feel what it's like to earn money for working hard. Keep working your way through until you get to the stuff that you love. Try your darnedest to find a profession that fills you with passion and joy. But if you don't, keep working hard and build a life that fills you with passion and joy!
4. Dance. Always dance as you do now and always have since you could stand on your own two legs and groove. Don't lose this zeal for uninhibited freedom of movement. Refer to #1…be yourself! It doesn't matter if you look silly, you are silly and that's a good thing! For so long, I was not sure enough of myself to dance and that is one of the only regrets I have in life. Isn't that funny? You might not think that dancing or not dancing is an important enough issue to be a regret, but it is. So, never stop movin' and groovin' to the beat of the music…even if it's your own beat.
5. Keep Your Mind and Eyes and Ears Open to the World Around You. There is so much to learn. Every. Single. Day. Often, it's the places and times and people you least expect to learn from that teach you the most. Never shut your mind off. Do not ever think you know everything you need to know. You do not. Explore places and cultures and flavors. Understand the lessons of the past. Look to the future and embrace the ideas not yet realized. And when you encounter a question, a problem, a riddle in life, remember to look for the solution, the answer, the way through or around or under or over no matter how difficult or unsolvable it seems. You have the tools to solve it and find the answer. Never doubt that. Stop talking long enough to look and listen and really see and hear what is all around you. You learn more by listening than by talking. I have said this many times to you, my little chatter boxes.
6. And one bonus: I Love You! Always remember that you are loved so much that sometimes it hurts just thinking about you out in the big, wide world. And no matter how often we get upset with each other or have arguments or exchange words that are not kind or disagree on big or small things, I will NEVER stop loving you and believing in you. You are my heart.

These are just a few of the messages I want to imprint on my young men. Time goes by so fast that sometimes I wonder what they will remember or think back on and will they know the stuff that mattered more. So many times I hope and pray that I am not crushing, ruining, destroying, stunting these precious, still growing and developing beings from God. My prayer is that the important stuff sticks and all the filler falls away into oblivion. Over and out…

Anna

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Cut to the Chase: Getting Past the Questions on Homeschooling

When I was in college, I went through sorority rush and joined Alpha Phi in the end. It was one of the best decisions of my life, but that's a story for another time…my point is, when rushing, both as a "rushee" and "rusher" (in the following years), you ask and answer the same questions over and over. And in that week of "parties" you begin to feel like a robot, repeating the same words over and over with different people. (Sorority girls out there, you know what I'm talking about!)

Well, this is how I have felt in the last four months, except instead of "Where are you from?" or "What's your major?" it's "How's homeschool going?"

Now, don't get me wrong. I truly appreciate all the support, enthusiasm and curiosity from everyone, but I feel very repetitive. So, I thought, just in case you're wondering and haven't seen me or had a chance to ask me, I'd go ahead and cut to the chase and give you all the answers to your kind and well-meaning questions here and now.

Question #1 (Always!) How's homeschooling going?

My Answer: Great for the most part. Some days are horrible, and I'm ready to run away from my family screaming and shaking my fists. Other days are amazing. Of course, this is no different than being a mom in general. So, I'm sure, as a parent, you can understand this.

Question #2 How do you make sure your kids are being socialized?

My Answer: Well, we still see friends and participate in youth/homeschool classes at our local YMCA, through the Children's theater, with a homeschool group and through community education. They play sports. And the boys get outside with the neighborhood kids. Additionally, we go to theatrical productions, museums, historical sites and special events. The boys attend Sunday School at church and we volunteer with our church's outreach to the poor ministry once a month. We see and interact with lots of people of all ages all the time.

Question #3 I wish I could/I wish I had the time/I would love to homeschool, but I'm not smart enough/don't have enough time/wouldn't know where to start/don't have the patience. How do you do it/fit everything in?

My Answer: Believe me, I said a lot of that before I ever made the decision to become my kids' teacher. I now schedule the heck out of each day. My parents' teach the boys on Wednesdays.

Oh yes, even my parents are in on this homeschooling gig. My mom and I are team teaching Wilson Reading. My mom is a retired Pre-k, K and 1^st grade teacher and she took a course last summer through Groves Academy to learn the Wilson Reading Program and how to teach it. So, she is perfect for this job.

My Dad leads them on nature walks and teaches them about leaves and trees and poems and many, many other topics. They are now working on an archaeology unit. They also do art or sewing projects or cooking, etc. And most importantly, they spend time with their grandparents each week.

So, I get Wednesday to work and run errands and have quiet time. This is very helpful, but it's not enough when I have my legal editing contract work. During those times, I work late into the night, which is when I prefer to work anyway. And we set our own schedule, which means I'm not waking up at the crack of dawn to get my kids up and off to school.

But I do feel as though I am never off. I just keep changing gears and trading one hat for another all day and all night. I do get tired, but I can crash on weekends, generally.

And if you mean what you say and you'd like to try homeschooling, then do so! You'll figure it out as you go.

Question #4 When do you start and end your school day?

My Answer: Typically, we begin at 10 am to end at 2 pm, but sometimes (often) we have classes or activities that make our start or end time differ.

Question #5 Do you get sick of each other?

My Answer: Of course! Don't you get sick of your kids whether you see them all day long or just before and after school and/or work? And yet, the more time we spend together, the better it gets. This doesn't mean we don't each need time to be alone or with people other than the three of us. We do! And we make time and adjust for this too.

Question #6 How long are you going to homeschool?

My Answer: I have no idea. It's working right now, and we're having fun making up our own schedules and deciding what to learn about and traveling and going on field trips, and they are learning! So, we'll do this until it's not working for one or both of the boys or for me or our family, as a whole.

When and if they do go back to a school setting, it will most likely be a private or charter school. I have lost hope and patience and faith in public schools for my kids. This is not to say that I don't support others and their kids at public schools. We do. Our philosophy is to each his own…each family must figure out what is best for them.

And there you have it. All the questions you may have wanted to ask and all my answers.

I'm not a saint or an angel or a super mom or a crazy right winger or left wing nut. I'm just a mom choosing to do what I see as the best choice at this time for my kids. 

Curiously, a few people have seemed surprised that the homeschooling is going pretty well and that I'm not ready to throw in the towel. The thing you have to know about me though is that I am determined and tenacious. So, once I decide to do something I dig in and start planning and learning and putting into action. I'm not one to give up easily once I've made up my mind. And my mind was made up a long time ago.  

If you missed the why, as in why I decided to homeschool my kids at all, then you'll need to read this.

Again, thank you so much for all your enthusiasm, support and curiosity! We so appreciate that. I just hate to sound like an automaton when answering your well-intended questions. Over and out…

Anna

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Renewed: A New Year, A New Word and New Goals

I've struggled this past year. Oh, it has not always been visible on the surface. I keep smiling and going on, but underneath that thin smile there has been unrest, deep sadness, stress, turmoil. It was a hard year with big decisions, loss, guilt, uncertainty. I thought I was doing well, soldiering on, keeping a smile on my face, but by December I realized the toll this year had taken on me.

In 2015, we found out our second son is dyslexic, just as his older brother is. That same son ended up in hospital with an appendicitis – the first surgery for the four of us. A friend of my nine-year old son suddenly and heartbreakingly died. We made the tough decision that I would homeschool the boys. Our beloved dog had a very serious infection and almost died, but thankfully - after a VERY expensive surgery - she has fully recovered.

But we also had the great pleasure of traveling to Wisconsin with friends and to Texas and Oklahoma to spend time with family and friends. We had a blast visiting Marco Island and the Everglades of Florida. We were so thankful to spend Thanksgiving in Kansas City with our family. And the boys and I loved our many local adventures with our friends.

We grew closer to some friends and formed strong bonds with new friends. And we were so proud of the amazing academic accomplishments of our nine year-old son who had struggled in school for so long.

We cried a lot, but certainly cherished those times and the people that brought us laughter and loved and supported us through all the difficult times.

It wasn't just the big stuff that had gotten to me, but the smaller stressors too, I began to recognize. Of course, it wasn't all bad, not by a long shot. There were many wonderful highlights in 2015, as well. And yet, it was the hard stuff holding on to me, pulling me down, by December, which is already the darkest, hardest month of the year for this Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) sufferer.

I sought joy in the most magical time of the year. This time of year that I love so much for so many reasons, but this year over and over the old familiar traditions and activities that I was sure would bring me joy instead let me down and left me feeling disappointed and sad and ripped off; empty. And this made me even sadder.

I tried to sort through my feelings and figure out what to do to change the outcome; to be happier and more joyful, but each attempt failed and the more hollow I felt.

I had not fully realized the amount of stress I had put on myself taking on the education of my children, adding this big, bulky, time-consuming job to my existing responsibilities as a legal editing consultant and house manager. I had not fully recognized the deep guilt and sadness that filled us when my son's friend died last spring; guilt that my sons are still here on Earth and the heartbroken sadness as a mother and friend. And honestly, I still don't fully grasp the depths of these feelings and responsibilities, but I am acknowledging them and accepting that I don't have to fully understand it all.

I like to choose a word for the New Year. And sometimes that word finds me. And this year, I wasn't sure what that word was until I picked up my well-loved, well-worn devotional, God Calling, and read the entry for January 3^rd…"You must be renewed, remade…Only Love is a conquering force…Take heart, God loves, God helps, God fights, God wins. You shall see. You shall know. The way will open."

And then I knew my word. It is "Renewed." I must be renewed and remade this year. 2016 must be a year of healing and renewal for me in all areas of my life.

On that note, these are my aspirations for 2016:

• Write a letter to the mother of a friend who died. This should have been done years ago.
• Make a detailed plan with dates and activities for Date Nights each month with my Husband. Otherwise, we will never have date nights. We're off to a good start with this one.
• Stay on Schedule. This is not an easy task for me, but it has become necessary for staying on task for work, for school, for sleep. I can do this as long as every once in a while I can totally go off schedule for a bit.
• Yell less. I think this can be accomplished by taking more time to be alone…completely alone to read, write and think.
• Write more. This I can do if I follow the above suggestion to take more time for myself to be alone.
• Walk more. I like to walk, alone or with a friend, and I feel better when I walk a lot. But this is the thing that gets pushed back and out and forgotten. So, I must put it on the schedule and stick to it.
• Pray more. I've always been a prayer, but sometimes I get too busy, too bogged down and I forget how important that is to my every day mental health.
• Take at least 3 trips this year and have hundreds of little adventures. I'm off to a great start on this goal too!
• Be Merciful with myself and others.
• Surround myself with people who are positive and uplifting and loving.
• Be a positive and uplifting and loving friend.
• Remember to "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."
• And keep on: reading, talking with my kids – there's always so much to talk about – and really listen to what they have to say too, adventuring, traveling, experiencing and laughing with friends and family. Without these things, I don't see much point. These are the essentials to me.

So, I press on, looking forward, shedding my old, dry skin of 2015, but remembering the lessons learned, holding on to the beauty and joy of things seen and experienced while letting go of the hurt and the disappointments and the ugliness. Here's to a Happy, Prosperous, Adventurous, Interesting Renewal in 2016! Over and out…

Anna

Advent Season {Counting Down the Days}

I kind of love our Advent wreath. The boys and I made it. It's not perfect. In fact, it's even late. Advent began last Sunday. Of course, I'm a pro at being tardy; so, there's nothing new there.

We haven't ever done an advent wreath before. We have used Advent calendars, but I like the ones with scriptures and those have gotten hard to find. That's what my mom always got for us when I was a kid. But my husband is Catholic, my kids are Catholic and we attend a Catholic church. I figured it was time we had an Advent wreath.

No, it's not perfect. We used what we had. And I like that.

The candles should be 3 purple and 1 pink, but I had these candles. The boys made them at the Minnesota Honey Store this summer during a class on beeswax candles. These are special.

I had leftover evergreen tips after working on my window box. The shells came from our trip to Florida a few months ago. The pinecones are a variety I've had and used for years to decorate the house in the winter. The grapevine wreath is one I got at the dollar store a few years ago and decorated with a ribbon and gold berries and twigs. Even the cake stands were found items at Arc Value Village a while back.

If you look closely you could probably spot dust in the back corner of the hutch. No perfection here.

But we made it together with stuff from our house. Even though one boy was a bit grumbly yesterday and not really in a reverent mood, it was nice.

A little background: The Season of Advent begins four Sundays before Christmas Day. It's basically a countdown to the birth of Jesus. Advent comes from the Latin word meaning "coming." It's a time for Christians to prepare for the coming of Jesus through prayer, forgiveness and fasting. And yet it's also a time of celebration and joy. Hence the three purple candles – the first, second and fourth Sundays of Advent that represent penance - and the fourth rose colored or pink candle that is lit on the third Sunday of Advent which stands for joy. There are prayers and scriptures that go along with the lighting of the candles each day of Advent.

Do you have a special custom, new or old, to celebrate the Advent Season or count down the days to Christmas? Over and out…

Anna