Hanging By a Thread

Renewed: A New Year, A New Word and New Goals

I've struggled this past year. Oh, it has not always been visible on the surface. I keep smiling and going on, but underneath that thin smile there has been unrest, deep sadness, stress, turmoil. It was a hard year with big decisions, loss, guilt, uncertainty. I thought I was doing well, soldiering on, keeping a smile on my face, but by December I realized the toll this year had taken on me.

In 2015, we found out our second son is dyslexic, just as his older brother is. That same son ended up in hospital with an appendicitis – the first surgery for the four of us. A friend of my nine-year old son suddenly and heartbreakingly died. We made the tough decision that I would homeschool the boys. Our beloved dog had a very serious infection and almost died, but thankfully - after a VERY expensive surgery - she has fully recovered.

But we also had the great pleasure of traveling to Wisconsin with friends and to Texas and Oklahoma to spend time with family and friends. We had a blast visiting Marco Island and the Everglades of Florida. We were so thankful to spend Thanksgiving in Kansas City with our family. And the boys and I loved our many local adventures with our friends.

We grew closer to some friends and formed strong bonds with new friends. And we were so proud of the amazing academic accomplishments of our nine year-old son who had struggled in school for so long.

We cried a lot, but certainly cherished those times and the people that brought us laughter and loved and supported us through all the difficult times.

It wasn't just the big stuff that had gotten to me, but the smaller stressors too, I began to recognize. Of course, it wasn't all bad, not by a long shot. There were many wonderful highlights in 2015, as well. And yet, it was the hard stuff holding on to me, pulling me down, by December, which is already the darkest, hardest month of the year for this Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) sufferer.

I sought joy in the most magical time of the year. This time of year that I love so much for so many reasons, but this year over and over the old familiar traditions and activities that I was sure would bring me joy instead let me down and left me feeling disappointed and sad and ripped off; empty. And this made me even sadder.

I tried to sort through my feelings and figure out what to do to change the outcome; to be happier and more joyful, but each attempt failed and the more hollow I felt.

I had not fully realized the amount of stress I had put on myself taking on the education of my children, adding this big, bulky, time-consuming job to my existing responsibilities as a legal editing consultant and house manager. I had not fully recognized the deep guilt and sadness that filled us when my son's friend died last spring; guilt that my sons are still here on Earth and the heartbroken sadness as a mother and friend. And honestly, I still don't fully grasp the depths of these feelings and responsibilities, but I am acknowledging them and accepting that I don't have to fully understand it all.

I like to choose a word for the New Year. And sometimes that word finds me. And this year, I wasn't sure what that word was until I picked up my well-loved, well-worn devotional, God Calling, and read the entry for January 3^rd…"You must be renewed, remade…Only Love is a conquering force…Take heart, God loves, God helps, God fights, God wins. You shall see. You shall know. The way will open."

And then I knew my word. It is "Renewed." I must be renewed and remade this year. 2016 must be a year of healing and renewal for me in all areas of my life.

On that note, these are my aspirations for 2016:

• Write a letter to the mother of a friend who died. This should have been done years ago.
• Make a detailed plan with dates and activities for Date Nights each month with my Husband. Otherwise, we will never have date nights. We're off to a good start with this one.
• Stay on Schedule. This is not an easy task for me, but it has become necessary for staying on task for work, for school, for sleep. I can do this as long as every once in a while I can totally go off schedule for a bit.
• Yell less. I think this can be accomplished by taking more time to be alone…completely alone to read, write and think.
• Write more. This I can do if I follow the above suggestion to take more time for myself to be alone.
• Walk more. I like to walk, alone or with a friend, and I feel better when I walk a lot. But this is the thing that gets pushed back and out and forgotten. So, I must put it on the schedule and stick to it.
• Pray more. I've always been a prayer, but sometimes I get too busy, too bogged down and I forget how important that is to my every day mental health.
• Take at least 3 trips this year and have hundreds of little adventures. I'm off to a great start on this goal too!
• Be Merciful with myself and others.
• Surround myself with people who are positive and uplifting and loving.
• Be a positive and uplifting and loving friend.
• Remember to "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."
• And keep on: reading, talking with my kids – there's always so much to talk about – and really listen to what they have to say too, adventuring, traveling, experiencing and laughing with friends and family. Without these things, I don't see much point. These are the essentials to me.

So, I press on, looking forward, shedding my old, dry skin of 2015, but remembering the lessons learned, holding on to the beauty and joy of things seen and experienced while letting go of the hurt and the disappointments and the ugliness. Here's to a Happy, Prosperous, Adventurous, Interesting Renewal in 2016! Over and out…

Anna

Hygge: Embracing the Season & Chicken Tortilla Soup {Recipe}

I love the winter! I know…people don't often say that, but it's true, I do! And I live in Minnesota where we get the full brunt of winter weather. So, I understand what minus 30 feels like on the bare skin of your face. I know how beautiful and peaceful it is to stand outside and in the middle of a good snow listening to the quiet snowflakes fall. I know the thrill of waking to a fresh, bright winter wonderland and going out to play or ski or skate or snowshoe or sled in it and then come inside with numb fingers and toes and noses to mugs of hot chocolate and bowls of warm buttery popcorn and thick, cozy socks!

I love to make big pots of hot, soothing soups and bake comforting cakes and breads and muffins and cookies. We certainly enjoy game nights under the warm glow of our dining room light, huddling around our table as the cold swirls and howls outside. Sometimes we declare a whole day dedicated to watching movies, covered in blankets and squeezed onto one big bed.

In a nutshell, we embrace this season and all that it offers outside in nature and we love to get cozy inside too. It turns out there's a name for that. The Danish call this, "Hygge." Now, the pronunciation is a bit of conundrum. I have seen the pronunciation written out and spoken several different ways. In fact, how to say it has become an inside joke in our home, but regardless of how you say it, it's a great thing to learn and put into practice in your own life!

Hygge is the Danish term for coziness, but really it's much more than that. Here's how VisitDenmark.com explains what "hygge" means:

"In essence, hygge means creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things in life with good people. The warm glow of candlelight is hygge. Friends and family – that's hygge too. There's nothing more hygge than sitting round a table, discussing the big and small things in life. Perhaps hygge explains why the Danes are the happiest people in the world?"

While winter is the high season of hygge, you can actually hygge any time really. And the more I learn about hygge, the more I realize that the Twin Citians do a really good job of hygge(ing) all year round.

We get out and do things in every season: picnics and outdoor movies and concerts and sports and walks and playing at parks and boating in the warmer months and skiing, snowshoeing and sledding and dinners with friends, and cozy coffee chats and marathon game nights and snuggly movie nights and boot hockey and relaxed brunches, winter hikes and hot chocolate and warm croissants and coffee shops on every corner, laughing, soaking up the beauty of the season, spending time with friends and family in the colder months.

So, embrace each season in your life, both the beauty of nature and the people surrounding you and the warmth of your own home, no matter how big or small it is.

Now, since the high season of hygge is upon us, I have a super tasty and ultra-easy soup recipe for you:

Anna's Chicken Tortilla Soup

1 onion, chopped

1 bell pepper, chopped

1 tsp minced garlic

1 13 ounce can of chicken breast or 1.5 cup of shredded cooked chicken

½ cup of frozen corn or fresh from the cob

1 15 ounce can of black beans

2 cups chicken broth

¾ cup cream of tomato soup (I have made this with tomato sauce too for a dairy free version, but I like the cream of tomato much better)

¾ cup salsa

Salt & pepper to taste

Get pot hot, add olive oil, then garlic, chopped onion and pepper and corn. Sauté on medium for about 5 minutes until onion is translucent.

Add chicken, breaking up any big chunks. Then, add chicken broth, black beans, tomato soup and salsa. Stir all together.

Taste and add salt and pepper or a dash of hot sauce to taste. Simmer for about 20 minutes on medium high to thicken soup and meld flavors.

This soup is not very thick though. And I like this because that means my pickier son will eat it.

We top our soup with shredded cheese, a dash of hot sauce, sliced avocado and a dollop of sour cream and serve with corn tortilla strips that I bake with a bit of olive oil and salt and pepper or corn chips from the bag.

For the tortilla strips. Use pizza cutter to cut a stack of corn tortillas into wedges or strips. Toss them with a little olive oil, salt and pepper and back on 375 for about 20 minutes, use spatula to move them around and separate strips. Then, cook another 10 to 20 minutes or until crispy. YUM!

Here's to a merry and bright hygge high season! Over and out…

Anna

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An Apology: Not Quite Myself

Yesterday, I was the person I complain about. I was not very friendly. I was curt. I was kind of a bitch. That wasn't my intention. I really didn't mean it. That's not who I am…on most days.

I was anxious and stressed. I'm not even sure why. Maybe it was the dull gray sky and wet drizzly rain making everything seem smeared and fractured. Or maybe something else. Who knows? The point is I was jittery and frazzled.

The boys and I were scheduled to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children. We were glad to go and excited to give our time, but it was our first time doing this. We didn't know what to expect.

There are a lot of rules and precision and hair nets and gloves involved, understandably so, but this made my stress level go up a notch. I was there with people I did not know; stress went up another notch. I had to monitor each boy plus man my station; bump, bump, bump stress level was now soaring.

I like to follow the rules in these types of situations. I don't like to mess up. And I was really trying to focus on our tasks at hand and remember all the rules.

The other mother working with me also had two boys, but they had been there several other times and knew what they were doing. She was friendly and tried to chat with me. I answered her, but I was VERY brief, and I didn't ask her any questions in return…it's hard for me to chat and focus on a new task.

She was kind when we made mistakes or when my boys didn't realize it was their turn to dump their ingredients into the bag. I was harsher and more direct, telling my boys to "pay attention" or "focus on what you're doing" or "be careful not to spill – we don't want to waste any."

I felt my face contort into a serious, focused façade and stay that way throughout the process. I felt my muscles tense and my back begin to ache as I stiffly stood there scooping, bagging, weighing and watching my kids, answering their questions, steadying their hands and keeping their minds on their jobs.

I was relieved when it was over. My kids said they felt good about what they had done. They loved helping in a group and then hearing that we had packed a total of 52 boxes, enough to feed 31 kids for a year. They were happy and joyful. I was tired and achy and thankful to be done. And then I felt guilty to feel that way, which made me feel more anxious.

I was trying to be positive and kind when I thanked the woman who had organized this homeschool opportunity, and told her this experience was very educational; I knew I'd be lying if I told her it was fun.

I came home feeling terrible that I had given the kind woman across from me such an awful first impression of me. I'm usually the talker, as those who know me would attest to, but I just didn't have it in me yesterday.

Do you ever have days like this? These dark days leading up to winter are always the hardest for me, but truthfully it can happen on any day in any season. I hate days like this. It's not me. And yet, I am reminded of My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss when I feel this way.

Some days are bright and yellow and some are dark and black and others are happy pink days, but in the end we go back to being ourselves.

So, to the friendly lady, I'm sorry you met me on a dreary gray day. I hope we meet again on a bright and buzzy day. Here's to a better rest of the week. Over and out…

Anna

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Muddled {Note to Self}

I start to write, but then I come to an abrupt halt. The words don't string together right. I doubt my point. I wonder at the direction the words take. Everything feels jumbled.

This time of year is hard for me. The change from summer to fall and into winter. It always takes me by surprise. Shorter days and changes in weather. I struggle to accomplish tasks. I feel sleepy and groggy and out of focus. I wake up tired and panicky, warily starting the day.

I push myself to check off the tasks…do laundry, send an email, make a phone call, walk at Lake Harriet, pick tomatoes, paint the dresser, pick up boy #1, pick up boy #2, run to activities and to the store, make dinner, work towards deadline, make lunches for next day….slogging through the to-dos and then realizing how little I actually accomplished each day and feeling the guilt of sluggishness.

I must remember to be gentle with myself. I must remember to take my Vitamin D and get outside as much as I can to soak up the sunny daylight and push myself to walk fast in the cool, crisp air around Lake Harriet, willing by brain to clear away the fog. I must remember it doesn't last forever.

One day the words will come more easily again…my eyelids won't feel so heavy and my head so unfocused. I will return to my normal more alert and driven self…one day…

But right now it's time to get out the sun lamp and let the stories swirl around inside my head. They'll keep.

Do you feel this way this time of year? What do you do to get through the fog? Last year, the higher dose of Vitamin D made a huge difference for me….working on that now. Over and out…

Anna

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5 Things {To Save World}

OK….So, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit when it comes to saving the world, but still, hear me out.

Plastic is a big problem for our Earth. As in, it takes years and years and years and years to break down. Some sources say it may takes plastic containers, bottles and bags 100s or even 1000s of years to break down. The truth is, we don't actually know how long it will take. Plastic bags have been around only 50 years….and they're all still piling up in landfills, etc.

So, our family has been trying our darndest to greatly reduce the amount of plastic we use. I know what you're thinking, "Your one little family not using so much plastic isn't going to save the world or make any great impact." And you're right. That's why each of us should be doing our part in "saving the world" whether it's reducing plastic usage, using fewer or no harmful chemicals in our homes, reducing our overall all carbon footprints, etc.

And did you know if you used just 3 reusable produce bags a week, you'd reduce your plastic bag usage by 150 in just one year? And did you further know that the average family goes through about 500 plastic baggies a year just for school and work lunches?

The way I see it is that if we choose to do things that reduce the waste and the harmful chemicals released into our air and leave our world a purer place for our kids and their kids or at the very least slow the damage to our planet and our people, then it's worth it.

And really these 5 things are EASY…there's just one I have trouble with….

1. Norwex Snack Bags/Sandwich Wraps. We NEVER send plastic baggies in school lunches. We also opt for reusable spoons and forks and travel sized enviro cloths for lunch napkins for waste free lunches. These bags are also great for small toys, crayons, pacifiers, etc. even makeup or nail files and polishes, etc., etc.
2. Reusable Bags for Shopping. Here's the one I have trouble with. I have them in my car, and I usually remember to take them in at Trader Joe's and my co-op, but often forget them when running into Target or a clothing store or shoe store, etc. I'm working on this one. And when I forget I do take my plastic bags to Target to recycle….I hope they actually recycle them!
3. Norwex Mesh Produce Bags. I use these at the grocery stores for fruits and veggies and for picking tomatoes and peppers in our garden – we have had a huge tomato crop and these bags are great for this job. My son even took one to school to store his headphones in. I use one in the freezer for the bananas that go mushy before they are eaten and get used in muffins, breads and pancakes. They are also great for washing grapes so that you don't lose them down the drain or for washing and/or storing Legos bath toys or Barbies and so many other things!
4. Compostable Trash Bags. I feel good about using these. I found 2 different brands at Lakewinds Co-op. They aren't too pricey and there are several sizes, depending on your needs. We have found them to be pretty strong and to work well.
5. Norwex Stainless Steel Straws. Think about how many millions of straws are tossed out each day….staggering isn't it? Well, if you use them in your own home or often stop for a carbonated beverage or shake or smoothie, then these stainless steel straws will serve you well. There's even a handy brush to clean them well! Again, I am working out a system to keep them in my car and remember to grab these and not the plastic version when we stop for a refreshing drink. My boys love to use them with milk.

OK, OK….I actually have 7 points for you, not 5….

1. Silicone Lids. I have been using these for about a year or so now. Norwex just launched a version too – work just the same and they are fantastic! The lids are safe for stovetops, ovens, microwaves and the fridge. There are so many reasons to love them. I don't even use metal lids for my pots now. The silicone lids make perfect rice, make the pasta water boil faster, keep food warm and still good for hours, steams veggies to perfection, keep baked good fresh and moist AND no more plastic wrap! Plus fewer dishes to wash since you can go from stove to fridge in the same container. Oh, and they don't stain or retain odor.
2. Beeswax & Cloth Wrap. I found this at my Lakewinds Co-op too, and they are great! They come in several sizes and even a variety pack. I use them to wrap cheese, bread, fruits, veggies, whatever and, again, NO PLASTIC WRAP or BAGGIES! You simply rinse it with cool water and dry it off and then wrap up the food. The warmth of your hand will mold and seal the beeswax and cloth wrap.

And this is what we're doing, along with removing all harmful chemicals from our home and recycling tons of plastic, paper and glass. Of course, there are always more things we can do…and we will. What are you focusing on changing in your home? Over and out….

Anna

**Full Disclosure: one of the many hats I wear is that of Norwex Independent Sales Consultant. However, none of these products were given to me and no company sponsored this post. This is simply my opinion based on experience using these products in my home.

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Oh Captain! My Captain!

My heart hurts. My chest feels heavy. I didn't know him, but I laughed with him and cried with him. He made me think and feel and question. And I mourn his death and the deep pain and sadness he must have felt. And I feel a loss in this great big world.

I know I'm not alone in this. When word that Robin Williams was dead reached Facebook, my stream lit up with photos, quotes, tributes and video clips of this funny, humble, passionate man.

I will not presume to know or understand all the internal demons that Mr. Williams faced throughout his life, but I do know that he left a deep impression on the lives of those who watched him on screen.

But why do we weep and mourn for this person we didn't even know -- this endearing figure who danced across the small screen and large screen entertaining us?

I think, in this case, that Mr. Williams made us really feel life….the ups and the downs…he made us really think and take stock of our own lives…he made us laugh and cry and strive for more. His performances felt genuine and true. He was always vulnerable in his roles; a real, tangible spirit…someone each of us could relate to. He wasn't just playing a role; he became that person for us, the viewers. We believed in him.

He wasn't perfect. None of us are. He made mistakes. We all do.

I can't speak to his reasons or his mind frame or anything going on in his life or mind, but I can say with certainty, Robin Williams will be missed, but not forgotten.

I have an incredible urge to watch Dead Poet Society (my favorite) just to see his face with that smirky smile he always wore that seemed to say "I have a really wonderful secret" and hear that distinctive voice and soak it all up. And I can't wait until my boys are older to introduce them to him through this film and others.

I can still remember the first time I ever laid eyes on Mr. Williams. I was in 1^st grade. I had gone over to a friend's house for the evening. After dinner the TV was on….we didn't have a television in our home until I was 12… Mork & Mindy was playing on the TV that evening. I was intrigued…I laughed…this funny little man captivated me.

And that's what his secret was I think. He understood us all and knew how to reach us and captivate us even if he didn't know how to quiet the noise in his head. The way he touched our hearts and understood us made us love him and feel that he stood with us.

My prayer is for Mr. Williams' family and friends that they may have peace and feel the love that is surrounding them. My prayer is for those who personally understand the pain and suffering that Mr. Williams experienced that they might find peace and understanding in life. My prayer is for all of us to live big and passionately and truthfully with a smirky smile that says, "I have a really wonderful secret!"

Now, to introduce my kids to the wonderful, sometimes wacky, world of Robin Williams. And take note of the words of Walt Whitman's Oh Captain! My Captain! poem here. Over and out…

Anna

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Happiness {Overrated and Over-Hyped}

I think happiness is overrated and over-hyped.

Yep. I said it.

Now, hold on, let me explain where I'm coming from with this. Even my husband gave me a weird look when I told him this, but I think he sees my point now.

There are loads of articles, books and blog posts on how to be happy and tips for leading a happy life and reminders of things that we can be happy about, even Pope Francis has weighed in on this topic. There are plaques for our homes and offices that tell us why we should be happy and help us remember what makes us happy.

We're told we need to seek happiness. We buy into this idea that we should be happy always. We're convinced we deserve to be happy at all costs. We measure our lives by our degree of happiness. We're told we're missing out on something if we aren't happy.

Being happy is great, but sometimes being frustrated, angry, stuck, passionate, jumbled, low, apprehensive, conflicted or inspired is better. This broad range of emotions can be beneficial allowing for growth and reflection and creativity and variety and truth.

Happiness comes and goes and changes and flows through us and around us, but I don't think it's something you can find by reading a book on how to be happy or flipping through pages of things to be happy about. True happiness is deeper than that.

I think this quest for constant happiness is a result of our culture of instant gratification. We have become a society that always wants more and better without delay. We look for the shortcuts and the conveniences in life.

We move on from good and nice homes to bigger and grander homes; we upgrade to newer and faster phones and tablets and computers with each new model introduced; we outfit our kids with all the best toys, clothes and electronics; we have a continual wish list that never runs out of entries. We are controlled by consumerism. We look to things to make us happy.

The quest for a never-ending amount of stuff can lead to depression and sadness and frustration. We can't always get that instant gratification we crave and believe will fulfill us. We can't always have what the neighbors have or go on the trips our friends do on a constant and immediate basis. And this is where the quest to be happy often comes into play…I deserve to be happy…I'm supposed to be happy…why am I not happy?

This, of course, leads to more consumerism. "What can I buy to read or follow or do to be happier?" Well, the marketing departments and publishers everywhere have answered this call for help.

And yet, we are told we can't buy happiness….so, where does that leave the person who buys the books and plaques on finding happiness and leading a happy life?

Here are my thoughts on the subject: Happiness is something that comes about through introspection and reflection. Happiness is something that builds inside of us through self-confidence and self-reliance and friendships and faith and love and joy and peace and age. Happiness is not something that happens instantly or constantly for all people all the time.

Happiness may come and go. Happiness may elude us at times. Happiness is something we can choose to accept or something we can choose to reject. Happiness is not hidden, waiting for us to find it and then hold on to it, grasping at it with two hands for fear of losing it again.

Once we have figured out who we are and what makes us tick and can fully grasp all of life's blessings and can embrace those difficult lessons learned along the way and can have patience with ourselves and others and lean back and let go with full faith, we can be happy…truly happy.

There is no magic formula for this. There is no instant, go-to-the-front-of-the-line-for-your-happy-pill answer. There is only time and life and choice.

So, choose wisely and have patience and love and forgiveness at the ready…for yourself and others…and know that it's OK not to be happy sometimes. Heck, I've gone whole years without being happy. These were soul searching years that have resulted in great fruitfulness and eventual true happiness. Over and out…

Anna

Please note I am not at any point talking about clinical depression. I am merely referring to the obsession that people seem to have about being happy, as if it's a trendy fashion accessory or new herbal cure-all remedy that has just been discovered. Depression is a completely different beast altogether and professional help should be sought.

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Flattened {Some Days}

Some days I feel flattened, like the sculpture of the person in the photo. It can start the moment I get out of bed or it could happen after I have read my messages and texts and emails and look at my never-ending to-do list or get a phone call or feel the pressure or lose control and I feel the weight of the world bearing down on me.

The world and the issues we face day to day can be quite weighty.

Other days, I feel optimistic and happy and carefree despite dirty floors or piles of laundry or work deadlines or dreary weather or any other potentially heavy deal breaker.

Maybe it's the day of the week or the song on the radio or that I got up on the right side of the bed or that I actually remembered to drink my whole cup of coffee before it got cold or that I am close to accomplishing a goal or that the moon is in a new phase or the mood of my kids or nothing at all.

Just about everything we face could be much worse. And often others have much heavier things on their plates.

A mood can change the course of life, of culture, of politics, of history, of everything. So, whether we see the cup as half full or half empty may depend upon our mood on any particular day.

I think it's alright to feel the weight of the world sometimes. It puts things in perspective. It allows you to process feelings and thoughts and courses of action.

But allow the gravity to press upon you for too long and you may not be able to expand your form once it is lifted off your shoulders and returned to those of Atlas.

Fear not as you pass through the dark places, but do not linger in the shadows. Come out into the sunshine and fill your lungs with fresh, bright air.

Inhale...Exhale…

Life is good and worth living. All problems have solutions. All questions have answers. Patience is a virtue. And chocolate fixes a lot. Over and out…

Anna

Sleeping with the Enemy {Kids and PJs}

Empting out the Drawers

I just threw out all my kids' pajamas; all the fleecy, fuzzy Mario Bros, Angry Birds, Avengers, Ninja Turtles and snowmen playing football. No, I wasn't having a mommy tantrum. It wasn't a brain dead mommy moment either. Nope, I was lucid and calm, but not happy about it.

The reason I tossed my kids PJs is because they were flame resistant; said so right on the tags. Sounds like a good thing, right? Well, it's not.

No, I certainly don't want my kids to catch on fire while wearing their jammies. But you know what concerns me more? Toxic chemicals.

Missing the Forest for the Trees

Here's what the U.S. Consumer Product and Safety Commission says about kids pajamas,

To protect children from burns, these rules require that children's sleepwear must be flame resistant and self- extinguish if a flame from a candle, match, lighter or a similar item causes it to catch fire. The rules cover all children's sleepwear above size 9 months and up to size 14 and require that

(1) the fabric and garments must pass certain flammability tests; or

(2) be "tight fitting" as defined by specified dimensions.

What this means is that the majority of kids' pajamas are treated to be made flame resistant, especially synthetic or fleece materials.

The Danger of Flame Retardants

Mothering Magazine reports, "the most common chemicals used on pajamas are halogenated hydrocarbons (chlorine and bromine), antimony oxides, and phosphate based compounds. These offgas into the air kids breathe and are skin irritants."

HealthyChild.org found that "While flame retardant chemicals like chlorinated TRIS and PBDE have been phased out due to toxicity concerns, others remain, like tetrakis (hydroxymethyl) phosphonium chloride, a.k.a. "Proban" or "Securest." This popular treatment has been linked to a variety of health effects including genetic changes, cancer promotion, and liver and nervous system damage."

And yet, PracticallyGreen.com says that "One carcinogenic chemical, chlorinated Tris (TDCPP), which was removed from children's pajamas back in the 1970s was recently found by The Washington Toxics Coalition and Safer States in 80 percent of new baby and children's products!"

Why This Bothers Me

I watch what we put in our bodies, avoiding processed foods, high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated fat, artificial colors and flavors, preservatives, etc. I am careful about what we put on our skin; lotions, shampoo, sunscreen, makeup, skin creams, etc. I don't buy harmful chemical cleaners; we use Norwex, of course, cleaning mostly with microfiber and water (ask me how). We don't use products with harmful chemicals in our laundry room; we use Norwex there too.

I am careful to watch for other areas that chemicals could make their way into our home, but chemicals in the kids' pajamas, leaching out into the air, being inhaled, as my darlings sleep; that makes me mad!

Check the Labels

There's a remedy. Not all kids' pajamas are flame resistant. It's not necessarily easy to find them and they probably aren't covered in your kids' favorite characters and they aren't necessarily cheap, but you can find them. Look for snug-fitting, long-underwear style jammies. You can always get them at Hanna Andersson and Gap Kids has some styles that are not flame resistant online. The tags must say whether they are flame resistant or not; so always check there to be sure.

The CPSC requires all sleepwear that is not flame-resistant to bear a label saying, "For child's safety, garment should fit snugly. This garment is not flame resistant. Loose-fitting garments are more likely to catch fire." Look for this bright yellow tag attached to the jammies; this is what you want to see. This means it is free of toxic flame retardant treatments.

The Scoop

This is important to me. I care what goes into my kids bodies. Kids are effected much more than we, as adults, are when it comes to chemical levels in our bodies. The rate of cancer and other conditions related to toxic chemicals is astounding and on the rise. The question I have begun to ask is not why did so-and-so get cancer, but why do we all not have cancer.

This post is not meant to frighten you, but to arm you with information. If you have information, you can make informed choices and make a difference for your family. And if we all make informed choices, we could change our communities, our country, our world.

Now is the time to start taking a stand against harmful chemicals; it's not too late, but we must stand up and DO something.

And please note that the federal regulations require kids' sleepwear to be flame-resistant because of external heat sources that a child might come in contact with, such as a fire in a fireplace, a candle, an electric heater, a lighter, etc. This requirement is not in place in order to protect a child from a house fire.

Therefore, if you choose to clothe your children in pajamas that are not flame resistant, do exercise extra caution around any open flames/heat sources, as I would hope you would do regardless of whether their pajamas are treated with toxic chemicals.

And I have more to say on several related topics too….coming soon.

So, are you tossing out your kids' pajamas? Over and out…

Anna

Don’t Worry; Be Happy? {Living a Full Life of Feeling}

If you were to read all 720 some odd posts on this blog from beginning to end, you'd be in for a roller coaster ride of emotions. There are highs and lows and in-betweens at all levels and happy and sad and giddy and silly and witty and sassy and angry and contemplative and heartbroken and wistful and inspiring posts.

You'll find a full array of moods and attitudes, but you won't find an always sunny, happy glow here. I favor being genuine and keepin' it real. I don't gloss over things.

But I don't think we have to be happy every moment of every day. I think that there are sometimes that we are low and sad and reflective; some days we are angry and full of energy and movement; other days we are quiet and reserved, neither happy nor sad; and some days we are happy.

It's my philosophy that this is life.

And yet, it seems to me that everywhere I look there are blogs and books and articles and discussions on how to be happy or happier or find happiness in every single day and event and situation.

I just don't think it works that way.

Searching for happiness that lasts forever, renewing each morning, is just another example of instant gratification in our gimme this and gimme that and GIVE IT TO ME NOW society.

I think that life is a work {of art} in progress. Each experience and emotion and relationship weaves new colors and patterns into the piece that will slowly be revealed as one's life is played out.

Yes, how we respond and react and what we make of our days does shape our moods and attitudes about life in general, but we don't have to be happy in all we do all the time.

Happiness is fleeting. Happiness is elusive. One can have a deep sense of joy and satisfaction, which runs much deeper, without feeling happy.

If we were all happy every day we'd be living in a Brave New World type of utopia where we all popped pills throughout the day to keep our drug-induced euphoria from breakfast through late-night cocktails. Is that where our society is headed?

Life is simply not all butterflies and rainbows.

The dark times are hard, but they are a time of work and progress. We would not be who we are without the ups and downs and spins and whirls.

So, if you're concerned that you aren't as "happy" as some who are peddling a quick trip to Happy in articles, books and blogs, don't worry; it will just make you feel worse. But DO suck the marrow out of life as often as you can whether it's happy, sad, quiet, loud, thoughtful, musical, still, bouncy, joyful, bountiful, low, tight, stressful, imaginative, reflective, enlightening or indulgent or any combination of these or other emotions and experiences.

For we shall pass this way but once... Take it all in. Feel everything...the good and the bad. For that will fill your cup with the nectar of life. Over and out...

Anna

**Please note that I am not referring to clinical depression and/or treatments for this serious and real disease in any part of this article. Instead, I am merely referring to the ordinary highs and lows of human emotions.

5 Things You Should Know {On the Secret to Being Happy in Life}

This list just came to me one afternoon. As I age and become more comfortable in my skin, these are the "rules" I try to adhere to, in general.

Of course, there more to each of these succinct statements and these few words are not the be all and end all of a happy life, but I have been reading a lot about happiness v. joy and what makes us happy, etc.

And when it comes down to it, it's pretty simple. These points say nothing about work or faith or economic status or age or stage of life. These 5 (really 6) statements can apply to anyone and everyone, regardless of the level of ease of comfort of one's life.

 

1. Say No when you need to
2. Say Yes when you want to
3. Be present in the moment as much as possible
4. Don't feel guilty when you need to retreat from the world around you and be alone with your thoughts
5. Embrace where you are now and where you have come from, who you are now and who you are becoming, what you are doing and how you are getting where you are headed by refusing to give up or give-in, learning from your mistakes, continuing to move forward step by step, day by day and always offering a smile to everyone you meet.

Oh, and indulge a bit here and there! These moments are the cherries on top; shiny and sweet.

 Life is simple if we learn to travel lightly and ride the waves. This is not always an easy task, but one worth striving for. Over and out... {now humming "Don't Worry, Be Happy"}

Anna

Related articles

5 Things You Should Know {New Moms}

5 Things {How to Pretend Spring is Here or Trick Yourself into Believing it’s Actually a Mild January}

{Note: This post is from April of 2013, but I thought it would apply well to today after getting dumped on last night/today. Happy Spring!}

Here in Minnesota my calendar reads mid-April, but when I look out the window I see a cold, wet, blustery, often snowy landscape more reminiscent of early March or late November. It's been a long winter and while snow frequently makes its appearance here in April, it's also not uncommon to have a few sunny days that hit 65 degrees sprinkled through late March and April.

Not this year. No, this year the tail end of winter lingers, the sun hides behind a thick, bland curtain of clouds that often opens only to reveal more snow and sleet. And now, we have yet another winter storm taking aim at us.

Well, it's getting to me the same way that early winter gets to me. It drags me down and makes me sleepy and irritable and sluggish, but I have decided to fight back.

Here are 5 things you should know about how to pretend Spring is here or trick yourself into believing it's actually a mild January:

1. Dress for the season you want it to be, regardless of what the thermometer reads. I tried this on Tuesday, and I was a bit chilly, but I flatly refused to wear my coat or gloves. And later in the afternoon the sun came out and felt so nice!
2. On the worst of the faux spring days {perhaps today would be a good day for this one} claim a mental health day; stay in your jammies all day; drink hot chocolate and watch movies; and just get all your dreary moping done in that day. The next day move on and be cheerful knowing that spring has to be very near, if not summer.
3. Find a photo of the sun or a beach or plants budding out and tape it to the window you most frequently look out during the day. Focus on that photo instead. Maybe you can trick your mind into thinking it's real.
4. Roll your calendar back to January. When you do look outside, you will be pleasantly surprised by how little snow there is for "January."
5. Put shorts and a t-shirt on, layer on sweats and boots and a coat; stick sandals in a bag and high tail it over to Como Conservatory. Strip down to your shorts and tee, slip on the sandals and find a warm, humid spot to sit, whether among the palms or gazing at the beautiful blooms or near an exotic plant and stay there until you've convinced yourself that you're sitting outside.

Oh, and one more thing, avoid all Facebook friends who live in warm places or have traveled to warm destinations and feel the need to share photos of their sunny escapades! You are only risking severe depression if you indulge in such unhealthy temptations, especially for the next several days! Over and out....

Anna

Related articles

5 Things You Should Know {How to Pretend Spring is Here or Trick Yourself into Believing it's Actually a Mild January}

Signs of the Season {A Spring Break List}

Photo Op {Spring Comes in Many Shades}

Inside My Head

There's a lot that goes on inside my head. I make lists; I sing songs and hum along with an imaginary orchestra; I write posts; I referee debates between my head and my heart; I justify; I reason; I pray; I run through worst case and best case scenarios; I calculate, often having to do with time; I speak with an accent, usually British; I shut out the rest of the world.

We all need this alone time. And "alone" can mean many different things to each person. I can be completely alone at my desk, in a silent house, in the middle of the night; at the kitchen counter while chopping vegetables and surrounded by dogs, cats and little boys all needing different things from me at the same time; in the middle of a busy airport with people rushing to and fro, heading home or getting away or running to close a deal or visit grandma, as I sit with earbuds in, magazine open and oblivious to the perpetual motion; while shopping for groceries, wandering up and down the aisles without my kids and without a clock ticking for me to somewhere or do something. I can be quite alone in many places.

Being alone recharges my battery, clears away the webs of schedules, to-do lists, deadlines, the have-tos and need-tos, the push and pull of everyday. I can think again. I can put things into perspective. I can get back in the game of life.

Shutting off. Being Still. Meditating. Writing. Taking a walk. Just sitting without speaking. It shouldn't be so hard to do. Why does it feel so selfish sometimes to take this time to be alone?

For a mom this can be a difficult task....but it's a necessary one too. Today I'm celebrating taking the time to be inside my head and start the week off with a clear perspective of the tasks that must be tackled, taking into account that there will be very little alone time. Over and out...

Anna

God is with Us {Always and Everywhere}

In the aftermath of this horrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School I have seen various posts on Facebook and scattered through articles saying this massacre has nothing to do with stricter gun laws. Instead, these posts, remarks, quotes insist we need to "put God back in schools."

These statements sadden and confound me.

I am a Christian. I love my Lord. It matters not where I go, my God is with me always and everywhere.

To me, these statements imply that since our schools are secular, God abandoned these children and teachers in their hour of greatest need; as if God couldn't step through those shattered glass doors because our government adheres to the separation of church and state, respecting all religions.

Pardon me, but that's not the God I know. No, I know God was in that school on Friday, December 14, 2012 at 9:40 am.

God stood at those locked school doors, weeping as the gunman {whom I refuse to dignify by mentioning his name} made his way toward the school, resolute in his gruesome mission. God was there in the hall giving strength and courage to Principal Dawn Hochsprung and School Psychologist Mary Sherlach as they lunged for the gunman in an effort to protect every child and teacher and staff member in the building.

God was there in each classroom as the teachers realized what those popping sounds in the hall were. God was there guiding the teachers, holding their hands and steadying their voices. God was there wrapping his arms around the frightened children huddled in darkened closets, corners of rooms and cramped bathrooms.

Rest assured God stood with those teachers in those two classrooms where all those young lives were suddenly and tragically taken from this earth. I'm sure God wept as he held their tiny, broken bodies. God was there when barricaded classes quietly prayed at the suggestions of students.

God was there, as the police began to arrive and quickly and efficiently combed through that school. God was there helping to lead the frightened and shocked students and teachers from the building.

God was there waiting for the terrified families to arrive at the school searching for their children, spouses, parents, siblings and friends; looking for the familiar faces; hoping for a comforting word. God was there holding up the parents, siblings and friends when those 26 didn't appear.

God was present at every prayer vigil and service that has been held for these lives taken. God is with the family of the gunman helping them to cope with this terrible burden. God walked alongside those first responders who witnessed the tragic result of a mad man with an assault weapon.

God remains with those families who have been forever wounded and altered. God stands in judgment of the gunman's soul. And God silently waits with us as we, as a nation, ask what can be done to prevent this from happening again.

God is always with us everywhere. That is what I believe as a Christian, and that is what I teach my children.

Evil does lay in wait; looking for the opportune moment to strike and cause us horrible pain; hoping we will say that God has forsaken us; plotting to turn us against one another; pointing out our differences and preying on our weaknesses.

I refuse to give Satan that satisfaction. For Jesus tells us in John 16:33, "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

God is with us...always and everywhere!

Anna

Falling Through the Dark Portal: Seasonal Affective Disorder {SAD}

Words Elude Me

The words slowly float by on the low, gray clouds. I reach up to capture them, but I'm too slow. The fog is thick; my legs feel like they're stuck in cement. It's hard to think; it's hard to act; it's hard to write or cook or get up or accomplish much of anything.

A bad dream? Unfortunately, no.

It happens every year, and yet it takes me by surprise every year. I sit confused and bleary eyed at first trying to figure out what has happened; what's wrong with me. Then, I look outside at the gray nothingness and it hits me; I have stepped into that dark portal between fall and winter and am free falling into that black hole.

The Darkest of Days

You know, that time of year when you get up and it's dark; you take the kids to school and it's gray, damp and dreary; you go to pick up the kids and the dull sun has started to slip down behind the low, dark clouds; you run a few errands and emerge to find what little sunlight there was has slipped below the horizon; you glance outside and realize you better turn on the porch light for the husband because it's completely dark and the clock has yet to strike 5 o'clock.

Up in the northern regions, this happens in late October and lasts through the winter, but November and early December are the hardest as the days are especially dark and dreary. By mid-December the snow begins to make an appearance, lightening and brightening the night and day and this helps me immensely.

But at this moment, I am stuck in the dark fog that permeates my being.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

This is Seasonal Affective Disorder. Here's what the U.S. National Library of Medicine says about it:

Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with other forms of depression:

• Hopelessness
• Increased appetite with weight gain (weight loss is more common with other forms of depression)
• Increased sleep (too little sleep is more common with other forms of depression)
• Less energy and ability to concentrate
• Loss of interest in work or other activities
• Sluggish movements
• Social withdrawal
• Unhappiness and irritability

This about sums it up, but this year my appetite has decreased, which is a plus for me.

Treatment includes managing symptoms by sleeping enough, eating healthy foods, exercising, getting out in the sunlight, when possible and light therapy. I started using a lamp last year for treating my SAD symptoms.

These lamps use a very bright light (10,000 lux) that mimics light from the sun. The U.S. National Library of Medicine makes this recommendation regarding light therapy:

• Start treatment during the fall or early winter, before the symptoms of SAD begin.
• Follow your health care provider's instructions about how to use light therapy. A common practice is to sit a couple of feet away from the light box for about 30 minutes every day. This is usually done in the early morning, to mimic sunrise.
• Keep your eyes open, but do not look straight into the light source.
• Symptoms of depression should improve within 3 - 4 weeks if light therapy is going to help.

The Scoop

As I mentioned, I am caught by surprise each year by this annual visitor. I should have already started light therapy, but I will begin it now. And I will try to remember to pull out my lamp next September in anticipation of this dark portal.

How about you? Do the dark days affect your mood, upset your rhythm and break your spirit like it does mine? Over and out...

Anna

Making It Through the Dark: Joy Cometh in the Morning

I still remember every minute detail about the day; Friday will mark 12 years. I had just graduated from law school and I was already studying for yet another final exam; the bar exam. We would be moving to Sioux City, IA, in just over a month, and I was starting to cull through our things to ready the house for our big move from Norman, OK.

On this particular day in May of 2000, my brother-in-law was on his way to visit us for a few days, having just completed his sophomore year in college. He had arrived only a few minutes before we received a devastating phone call.

My husband's cousin had been found dead; an apparent suicide. This cousin had also just completed his sophomore year, alongside my brother-in-law. He seemed to have his whole life ahead of him; and yet, there must have been dark demons lurking somewhere just below the surface, unseen and unheard by others.

We were stunned, perplexed and deeply saddened by this completely unexpected news. I still think about him often; I still question the depths of despair he must have felt; and I simply wonder why.

On that day, as I have so often, I turned to my faith. I reached for my devotional; the one I've been reading since March of 1998. And of all the 365 passages in that compact volume, the shortest one of all, dated May 17^th, the day that our cousin drew his final breath, is the one I remember best of all.

This is the entry for May 17^th:

"Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

My bravest are those who can anticipate the morning and feel in the night of sorrow that underlying joy that tells of confident expectations of the morning.

That's it. Nothing more or less.

And every time I read these words, I think if only he had read this; if only he could have found that underlying joy of knowing that the morning light would bring clarity to his thoughts.

But he didn't.

Instead, he sat alone in the dark and decided that he couldn't face another day. He was unable to see even the faintest light beginning to streak across the night sky.

If ever you feel the deep despair as black as the night, please know that everything always looks better in the dawn's golden light. And that's a promise.

There are no second chances with suicide. It doesn't just end one life, but forever leaves all the lives around that person broken like a window that's been smashed with a bat. You can try to tape all the pieces back together, but there will always be a few pieces missing.

If you have final thoughts about ending it all, please reach out to someone; anyone. Help is near. Over and out...

Anna

5 Things You Need to Know {When Bullying Leads to Suicide}

As parents, we have a lot to juggle every single day, and it's easy to miss little signs that could signal big trouble for our kids. Whether you have a child in elementary school, middle school, high school or college, please take a second to read these 5 warning signs; it could save the life of your child.

5 Things That Might Mean Your Kid Needs Help:

 1. Withdrawal from friends and family;

 2. Lack of interest in things they used to enjoy;

 3. Coming up with excuses to be late or miss school;

 4. Change in performance in school or extracurricular activities; and

 5. Talks about or refers to death or dying.

My thanks to my sister-in-law, Susan Berend, who is the Counselor at Burgess Elementary in Wichita Falls, TX, who contributed these 5 Things You Need to Know today. Not only does Susan deal with bullying issues often in her capacity as school counselor, she has also weathered the crushing blow of suicide in her family.

 In the words of Rachel Ehmke, "I'm fine = I wish I could tell you how I really feel." Talk to your kids and find out how they really feel! Over and out...

 Anna

 

 

Motherly Advice: My Cup is Empty

My cup is empty.

My river has run dry.

I scream out in shattering silence.

I run through scenarios and scribble notes, numbers and nothing.

I work.

I try.

I do.

I think.

Dark waves crash over me and wash me in stinging, salty momentum.

My feet stay planted in the shifting sand as I sway to and fro without actually moving forward or backward.

The water rises deeper and deeper.

I'm not sure I remember how to swim.

Tis the Season: PSA on Female Drinking and Driving

In a Flash

One minute you're having a blast and not thinking about the grand scheme of life and perhaps being a bit reckless in your revelry and the next minute something happens that changes lives forever. It's like when you're watching a movie and everyone is having a great time laughing and full of bliss and life is just perfect, but you know something bad is about to happen to end all that happiness because you have the benefit of observing the whole scene from the outside, plus the soundtrack usually gives it away too. This is what having too much to drink and then choosing to drive home could look like.

A Focus on Women    

Much of the emphasis on drinking and driving has traditionally been put on teens and men. However, this is an issue that can affect both female and male; both young and old, including parents.

While both parents should use extreme caution when drinking and getting behind a wheel, this post is focused on women who have a drink and drive later. In 2008, women drivers who were drunk were involved in 1,837 road deaths.

A mom is less likely to take risks when his or her children are present than after a night of fun out on the town with friends, coworkers or a spouse. And generally, a mom out of the house without her children wants to relax, cut loose and perhaps have a drink. I certainly understand that and consume in a drink or two when out with my friends or my husband.

Consider these scenarios: a woman out to dinner with her friends misjudges how much she had to drink or how it affected her; or stops by for happy hour with co-workers at a bar on the way home and has several drinks on an empty stomach; or mom and dad leave the kids with a sitter and go out to dinner for a much needed date night and a bottle wine. These situations are probably easy to imagine because you have more than likely experienced them first hand.

In each of these scenarios, there is the possibility that the person will drink enough to become intoxicated and unfit to drive a vehicle. And in each case, the person is highly likely to drive home anyway. This issue is a problem at any time of the year, but here we are just a few days from New Year's Eve; one of the most alcohol saturated nights of the year. So, I thought this was especially on-point this week.

Women and DWIs

The number of women arrested for DWIs and/or involved in alcohol related accidents has dramatically increased over the years. The Century Council reports that in the 80s women accounted for only 9% of those arrested for DWIs, but from 1997 to 2007 that number had risen to 29%; and in the past decade has increased to 36%. So, what is causing this increase?

The social culture of our country and the role of women has changed significantly since the 80s. More women have full-time jobs in addition to the family duties at home. The pressure to be a super mom often manifests itself through alcohol consumption. There are books, blogs, twitter handles, and twitter parties devoted to a mom's need for a drink at the end of the day.

While our society has become more accepting of mom's Facebook post or tweet suggesting that she can't wait for her #wine, women are still quite adept at hiding actual addictions to alcohol and drugs. Most women are multi-taskers by nature and it appears that drinking is one of the things that women can do without anyone at home or work really noticing.

Studies show that women arrested for DWIs tend to be middle-aged or older, more educated and single, separated or divorced. The average female first time offender is 31 years old.

Affect of Alcohol on a Woman's Body & the Law

Addictions are one thing (& quite another blog post) and driving after drinking is quite another. It doesn't matter if you are drunk every night or once a year, women must be cognizant of that fact that our bodies are not the same as a man's and the effects of alcohol can be different too.

Women have less body water to dilute alcohol as it passes through the digestive tract; less of the liver enzyme, dehydrogenase, that metabolizes alcohol; and are therefore, more exposed to the alcohol and its harmful effects longer than males. Source: The Fix

Alcohol is tricky; its effects can depend on weight, gender, genetics, amount of food consumed, amount and type of alcohol consumed, medications taken, lack of sleep, stress levels etc. What many of us don't realize is how much {or how little} alcohol our bodies can handle when it comes to being intoxicated and unfit to drive, depending on all of these factors and more.

Blood Alcohol Level (BAL), or Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC), means the amount of alcohol in the bloodstream. All 50 states and the District of Columbia have laws that say a person is too intoxicated to drive when his or her BAC is .08 % or higher, which is .08 g of alcohol per 100 ml of blood.

When you drink an alcoholic beverage, the alcohol goes from your stomach into your blood, then to the liver heart and brain. Alcohol is not digested, but absorbed. Interestingly enough, an older adult consuming an alcoholic beverage raises the BAL 20% more than it does for a younger adult. However, a younger person with a .10 % BAL has a significantly higher risk of being involved in a fatal crash than an older adult with the same BAL.

As noted above, women have less water in their bodies, but they also have more fat. Alcohol does not enter fat cells as easily as other types of cells, which mean that the alcohol stays in a woman's bloodstream longer. And this can mean that a woman may still be drunk at the end of the evening out with friends, even though she stopped drinking long before.

Even our states of mind or menstrual cycles can have an affect on our level of intoxication. In fact, if it's a person's intention to drink to get drunk, it will take that person less alcohol to feel the impairment, as is also the case with a person who is overly tired or overly stressed. We can't fool our bodies.

The Scoop

As my husband's family has joked about for many years now, "Tis the Season" to drink during this month of holidays. Whether it's a cocktail over apps, a glass of wine with dinner and liquored up coffee or cocoa or simply 2 glasses of wine during a meal with friends or a beer on an empty stomach or an overly exhausted parent consuming one cocktail, we need to think twice before consuming alcohol and getting behind the wheel.

Don't let this happen to you. One careless mistake after a night of fun and laughter can fracture your world and forever alter the lives of your kids, spouse and perhaps someone else's family forever.

Think ahead, think twice, monitor the number of drinks you have consumed and don't be ashamed to call a cab, your spouse or a friend to drive you home. We must also not be timid about telling a friend that is clearly too drunk to drive that you are taking her keys and offering a ride, having her spend the night or calling a cab.

This is something we can control, whether before or after the drinks have been drunk. Drink responsibly; drive sober or not at all. Over and out...

Anna

 

Where are you, Christmas Joy? Dealing with the SADness of Seasonal Affective Disorder

The Cruelest Month

December is the cruelest month. I have always loved winter and Christmas, but since moving to Iowa and then Minnesota 11 years ago, I have felt the blues begin to settle in come end of November and beginning of December when the days get exceedingly short and dark and dreary. I drag around completely exhausted, with bags under my eyes. I have no energy or "unction" to do anything. I feel low and down and sad.

Each year it seems to get a little worse. A number of years ago, I began to notice the pattern and acknowledge my blues. I would tell myself I wasn't going crazy; it would pass. And it does...eventually. I have come to realize that I suffer from SAD; that is, Seasonal Affective Disorder.

This year, with Ben's death, one month ago, and the many stresses of 2011, I have really begun to feel the SADness deepen and settle all around me like thick, black fog. I feel as though I am slogging through wet cement, hot tears roll down my cheeks as I drive along running errands or sit typing out articles, I can't get enough rest and I can't muster the joy of the season no matter how much I try.

A Ray of Light

This year is especially low, but this year I have a SAD lamp. Years ago, my brother lived in AK and suffered from SAD too. He now lives in sunny and humid Houston and I am now the proud owner of a big, bulky, very bright and sunny SAD lamp. I have used it only a few times, but I am working on getting into a schedule of using it on a regular basis in an attempt to brighten my mood.

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD affects people in winter or summer, spring or fall, year after year. It can happen at different times of the year, but often occurs during the winter when a person with otherwise normal mental health suffers from episodes of depression.

SAD occurs more often in women than men, and those who live in places with long, dark winters have the greatest chance of suffering from this type of depression. Apparently, it's estimated that 20% of SAD sufferers are Irish; about 10% of those in Netherland are afflicted with SAD and 8.9% of Alaskans suffer from this disorder. Other factors include hormones, genes, amount of light exposed to each day and body temperature.

Symptoms of SAD

While there is no test to determine if one does indeed suffer from SAD, a health professional can make a diagnosis based on symptoms of the patient and by ruling out other illnesses. A person with SAD usually presents these symptoms:

• Increased appetite and weight gain;
• Irritability and unhappiness;
• Lack of energy;
• Difficulty concentrating and remembering details;
• Fatigue;
• Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping;
• Sad, anxious or empty feelings;
• Social withdrawal;
• Loss of interest in work or other activities; and
• Sense of hopelessness.

Phototherapy

There are a number of treatments that can be very helpful for SAD sufferers. The most common treatment comes in the form of light; a very bright light. It helps to get outside and exercise during the hours with sunlight, but light therapy is best way to get the "sunlight" needed. This is accomplished with a special lamp with fluorescent lights up to 10,000 lux.

Studies have shown that light therapy of 3,000 lux for 2 hours a day for 5 weeks or 10,000 lux for 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks is effective for many. By sitting a few yards away and glancing at the light occasionally, the "rays" can help ease the SAD symptoms.

However, commercial light boxes are not regulated by law in the U.S. So, use caution when selecting a phototherapy lamp. They are not all the same.

And, of course, neither are we humans all the same. Therefore, light therapy does not work for everyone. In fact, 20 to 50% of SAD sufferers do not feel a difference with the light box. If that is the case and the symptoms are severe and unrelenting, other treatment could be sought; that is, vitamins or supplements, occupational therapy or antidepressants. As with any medical diagnosis or treatment, seek the advice of a medical professional before beginning any treatment.

For now, I'm sticking with my light box and trying to find the right time and place to use it each day. I have been told that starting off each dark morning for a 30 minutes of light and/or 30 minutes of phototherapy each evening when it's already dark will be helpful.

The Scoop

I am optimistic, as always, even through this very low time. I give myself pep talks and try to force myself to keep up my social calendar, but it's extremely difficult getting through each day. Much of the time, I feel like I am accomplishing only the mandatory tasks of each day and going through the motions, leaving much undone.

This may sound backwards and crazy to some, but I really feel that some bright and beautiful snow would lift my spirits. There is more light reflected and less darkness when there is snow. Now, where are you snow? Where are you Christmas? Please come to me in Minnesota and light my very dark winter, and lead the way to a soggy spring and beautiful summer.

Does this sound familiar? Do you or someone you know suffer from SAD? How have you dealt with the lack of sunshine during the winter months? Over and out...

Anna