Hanging By a Thread

The Importance of Graphic Novels {yet another way in which reading challenged kids are failed in our school systems}

Hey there….it's been a while….and I am bubbling over with all kinds of things I'd like to share, discuss, argue about, etc. and I'm starting with this…

Back in May, the boys and I were at a Scholastic book fair at a public elementary school. We never turn down a chance to find new books to read and call our own. My younger son was looking for a particular Scholastic graphic novel that he'd seen elsewhere, but thought they might have it at the book fair for a cheaper price. I asked my friend, who happened to be working the book fair, if they had the graphic novel. She told me no, they didn't order many graphic novels because they encouraged the kids to choose other {basically, more substantive} books to read. At these book fairs, each student at this school gets a free book to take home, and she told me that they don't allow them to choose a graphic novel for their free book.

It was at this moment that I realized I had a passion for the IMPORTANCE OF GRAPHIC NOVELS! Don't worry, I am about to expand your world with my passion!

Let me remind you that both of my boys are dyslexic. Let me further remind you, or inform you, that it is estimated that 1 in 10 people have dyslexia. Additionally, it is estimated that 40 million adults have dyslexia and only 2 million know it.

So what do these statistics mean and what do they have to do with graphic novels? Well, these stats mean there are a great number of kids and adults who really struggle to read and spell and don't know why. Often, kids {who then grow into adults} start to think they can't read or read well because they are dumb and they lose confidence in themselves.

Let me pause here to clarify that dyslexia has NOTHING to do with IQ. In fact, often people with dyslexia have extremely high IQs and are gifted in a number of areas and are highly creative, innovative thinkers and quite entertaining. Simply put dyslexia is a neurological condition caused by a different wiring of the brain.

And so, when it comes to books and reading, people with dyslexia greatly struggle, especially those who have not yet been or never are diagnosed with dyslexia.

Now, to the graphic novels…

When my sons were struggling to read, both before and in the early days of being diagnosed as dyslexic, they had a hard time finding books they could read that were of interest to them. That is to say, if one is reading at a significantly lower level than others in that child's grade/age level, one will often find that the topics covered in books they can read or kind of read are topics below their maturity/interest level.

BUT graphic novels cover many reading levels and many categories. To illustrate, my older son, who is entering 7^th grade and now reads at a 12^th grade level thanks to Wilson Reading System, reads all kinds of chapter books, but still really loves a good graphic novel. His favorites cover historical periods. He is currently reading one on Alexander Hamilton. There are graphic novels that are specifically for adults, not kids, due to the topic/graphic nature just as there are graphic novels for 3^rd graders, 5^th graders, middle schoolers and high schoolers.

Thus, graphic novels are for everyone. They do have fewer words than chapter books, but still pack the punch of a chapter book and can be quite entertaining, educational and still a lot of work to get through if you are a poor reader. But these types of books enable those poor readers to get through a book (a book with a topic they are interested in), build confidence and not look like the class dummy reading a book about ducks that is meant for 1^st graders when they're in 5^th grade. Or alternatively, these kids who are, for whatever reason, poor readers in order to not be embarrassed pick out a book that they will never be able to get through, but their buddies got this book, it's at their grade level and so they get it and it sits unread in the bottom of a drawer.

I, for one, would rather see a kid reading graphic novels with far fewer words than a chapter book than to just not read at all.

And those parents/teachers who made that decision to not order many graphic novels or let students choose a graphic novel for their free book, CLEARLY have never sat and cried with their child as they struggle to get through a simple sheet of the alphabet or read just a few pages of a VERY simple book. Once again, the public school system has let down these undiagnosed or more than likely just ignored children challenged with dyslexia or other learning challenges that make reading a difficult task for them.

Graphic novels are creative and interesting and artistic, and this household is a great fan of them. However, until my friend made that statement at the book fair, I had no idea how very important graphic novels were to me.

In my opinion, teachers should be using them a great deal with reading challenged kids. It has been the jumping off point for many fascinating historical and literary discussions with my kids. Not only do they really get into these types of books, they also write and create their own too. Graphic novels are full of potential…just as these amazing kids are!

Are graphic novels the answer to dyslexia and other reading challenges? Of course not, but they are an aid for building self-confidence and a boost along the way to {perhaps} an eventual love of reading. The answer for kids who struggle to read is early detection and a massive, across the board, change in how we, in our country, teach kids how to read. It is all quite doable, but are our public school systems willing to make these changes?

Over and out….

Anna

 

The Face of Dyslexia: Silly, Quirky, Smart, Creative {Dyslexia Awareness Month}

Dyslexia is a slippery little booger. It lurks under high IQs. It hides from unsuspecting teachers and parents. It disguises itself as inattention, slow cognition, disinterest, anxiety, shyness and anger. Dyslexia is hard to see if you don't know what you're looking for. It's hard to understand if you haven't been educated about it. Dyslexia does not discriminate against male or female, white, black, brown or purple. Dyslexia is an equal opportunity learning challenge.

What is not an equal opportunity is the educational choices available to the kids with these special challenges. Most public and private school teachers don't know what to look for and have not been educated about dyslexia at all based on my experience and the experience of those I have heard from.

This is a tragic loss for all of us. People who have dyslexia are generally smart, creative, clever and witty entertainers, problem solvers and resilient creatures who think outside the box. They have to be these things to make it through school and life.

Struggling to read and failing to thrive in the school, year after year, can have a terribly detrimental effect on a person. Undiscovered and undiagnosed dyslexia can lead to depression, withdrawal, low self-esteem and a hot temper, as you might imagine.

Statistics show that 1 in 5 people have dyslexia. That's a lot. So, stop and think about how many kids in schools are not being properly identified as dyslexic, but ARE being labeled as lazy, slow, inattentive or having ADHD, angry, bullies.

My kids were labeled as slow learners, despite showing high intelligence and being interested in learning. My kids' teachers said, "Some kids just take longer to learn to read." This was even said to me by my older son's reading specialist teacher that he went to from kindergarten through second grade.

While this statement is true, each kid learns at his or her own pace, I feel that teachers should be educated to recognize the signs of dyslexia and other common learning challenges, especially reading specialists!

October happens to be Dyslexia Awareness Month. So, I thought I'd take this opportunity to share a little bit about dyslexia. This Ted-Ed video by Kelli Sandman-Hurley happens to be the best explanation I've found: 

So, my kids are dyslexic. This means their brains are wired a bit differently. Consequently, they need to be taught to read in a specific way. Note this method has been shown to make any student a better, more efficient reader, regardless of being dyslexic or not.

Further note that my children, having been taught through the Wilson reading program will not have any residual reading issues. And further note that being dyslexic does not translate to being slow or having a diminished capacity or a low IQ. On the contrary, many kids with dyslexia, including my own children, have high IQs and are exceedingly bright and creative individuals.

After just 2 years of Wilson Reading my 5^th grader was reading at a 7^th grade level at the end of 4^th grade. This is a kid who was reading at a first grade level at the start of 3^rd grade. That's impressive!

The dyslexic kids and adults I know are amazing, interesting, creative, super smart, quirky, funny, witty, extraordinary individuals. There's no stopping them!

So, please get the facts straight and don't assume…we all know what happens when you assume…If you have a question about dyslexia, I'd love to hear from you. If you're looking for an excellent resource for answering questions about dyslexia, getting an assessment, finding a tutor or enrolling your child in an excellent school for kids with dyslexia or similar learning challenges, check out Groves Academy. Over and out…

Anna

Emotional Range {3 Separate Asides}

Connected in Thought and Feeling

I am forever connected to my children through invisible lines that stretch endless distances carrying various emotions to and fro. I feel what they feel. I hurt when they hurt. I sigh when they are placid and happy. I cheer when they are excited. I itch with nervous energy when they are on edge.

We are like E.T. and Elliot; our lifeblood runs as one.

And so it is that I am a ball of nerves and stress lately. I am frustrated and let down and irritated with the public education system in general. I am done with this school year; I am tired; I have a single focus.

These feelings are siphoned from my son and fed into my veins. I hate that he feels these things, but I am without a plan to change these circumstances of the last four weeks of school.

In a Land Far, Far Away

It's silly really. It's not as if I got to see her terribly often and it's not as if this should change how often I talk to her, but still, I feel the added distance and it makes me miss her. My best friend from college; the one I have seen the most and talked to the most over the years just moved from Texas to Idaho.

In Texas, I had the chance to see her, stay with her, get to know her boys as I traveled there for work and family visits. I have reason to travel to Texas. I know the route well. It's all familiar.

Idaho is far, far away from me. It's all unfamiliar. I don't know the way there. I can't picture where she is or know anything about the place. I feel sad for me; I don't know when I will see her again.

But I feel happy for her and her family as they begin a new adventure in this far away corner of the country. And I envision a long road trip with my boys, along new terrain, on our way to visit my friend. And then, once again, I will know the way to her and what her house looks like and where she has settled and she won't feel so far away when I talk to her and think of her.

In the meantime, we'll make a point to call each other more often.

Life After Loss

Life from day to day has no certainty for any of us. And yet, we keep going without thinking much about our own mortality or that of our loved ones until we are forced to. It's best this way. For if we dwell on such matters for long we'll be consumed by the questions for which we cannot know the answers.

But when there is a sudden loss; loss without reason, without preparation, without last sentiments exchanged, without time to think through, it's hard to know where to begin again. It's hard not to think on those dark questions of which we cannot know the answers. And yet, we must not.

We must go on living and doing and laughing and loving and working through all the lovely and momentous and unpleasant and insignificant and bright and dark moments of life. And that realization is both terrifying and reassuring all at the same time.

It's terrifying to think that life must simply go on with this gaping hole in life's cast. And it's reassuring, that eventually, this will be the new normal and life will resume again, altered and not so shiny, but still full of hope.

Starting up again is never easy, whether it's losing a spouse or child or parent or grandparent or sibling or beloved pet. It's just isn't. And that's OK, but know that one day the tears won't come so easily and the sun will seem a little brighter and your smile will feel a bit more familiar and then you'll know it's all going to be alright.

Over and out…

Anna

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On a Winter's Day {A Series of Asides}

Three Separate Asides {Brief, Honest, Fleeting Thoughts}

Adjusting the Scale: From Feet to Inches

There is absolutely nothing simple about my son. In fact, he just gets more complicated with each year. I have always known that my son was very intelligent, but now I have proof. I have always known that there was a disconnect somewhere, somehow, but now I have proof. I have always believed that my son will do amazing things, and I still believe that.

My son has a superior IQ and he also has an attention deficit disorder and dyslexia. I am not ashamed to say this. These labels will not stop my son. No, in fact, the knowledge of these things will only enhance his curiosity, his passions, his abilities, his creativity and his compassions.

Starting in September, he will begin to learn how to decode the written words that have eluded him, harness the power of his thoughts and words and train his mind in a new way. He is excited and nervous and absolute and unsure and every emotion in between…as am I.

My son does not learn as others do, nor will he ever see the world quite like other people. This is not a disadvantage. My son has the capacity to know things far beyond his years and loves to talk and talk with adults and yet some of the tasks that come so easily or even with hard work and focus to others in his class are so difficult for him.

We must adjust our scale, measuring the inches of progression, rather than the feet when it comes to reading and spelling and writing.

It's ironic that it's the written words that don't make sense to his brain, when it is words that he dearly loves; that is, spoken words, from the time of his infancy and written words read aloud to him by others and words dictated by him to others, telling the stories created in his head.

As his mother, it matters not and it matters a great deal that he has these extra abilities. It matters not because he is still the same son I have always known was different from the other kids and have always loved. And I will love him and support him and argue with him and be with him always, regardless of anything. It matters a great deal to me because I know the struggles he has been through and the struggles he will encounter in the future because of these extra abilities.

My son is a fighter. He doesn't always know it, but he is. He has come so far in his 7.5 years, and I am so proud of him. I also know the best is yet to come. So, we will cheer on every quarter of an inch, every inch, every foot and every yard gained.

{Please note that I do not use the word "disability" and I would use it with great caution, considering the synonyms for that word are frailty, infirmity, incapacity, debility and NONE of these terms describe my son. Instead, we will view his superior IQ, dyslexia and attention deficit disorder as gifts that help him to embrace his own ideas and create his own path and propel him farther.

I acknowledge we have not been on and will not be on an easy path as we maneuver through this unknown terrain and gather our bearings, but there is nothing shameful or embarrassing about these revelations. On the contrary, a burden has been lifted by these answers to our lingering questions.}

 

{This photo. His brother took it. They were goofing around with my phone, taking photos with various tones and poses. I like this photo because he is wearing his serious, contemplative look. He wears this look often as he mulls over an idea or a  problem or listens to a book being read. And I have no idea what he was doing with his hands.}

Over and out…    

Anna

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A Mother's Prayer for the School Year {Second Grade}

Falling Through the Dark Portal: Seasonal Affective Disorder {SAD}

Where are you, Christmas Joy? Dealing with the SADness of Seasonal Affective Disorder

The Cruelest Month

December is the cruelest month. I have always loved winter and Christmas, but since moving to Iowa and then Minnesota 11 years ago, I have felt the blues begin to settle in come end of November and beginning of December when the days get exceedingly short and dark and dreary. I drag around completely exhausted, with bags under my eyes. I have no energy or "unction" to do anything. I feel low and down and sad.

Each year it seems to get a little worse. A number of years ago, I began to notice the pattern and acknowledge my blues. I would tell myself I wasn't going crazy; it would pass. And it does...eventually. I have come to realize that I suffer from SAD; that is, Seasonal Affective Disorder.

This year, with Ben's death, one month ago, and the many stresses of 2011, I have really begun to feel the SADness deepen and settle all around me like thick, black fog. I feel as though I am slogging through wet cement, hot tears roll down my cheeks as I drive along running errands or sit typing out articles, I can't get enough rest and I can't muster the joy of the season no matter how much I try.

A Ray of Light

This year is especially low, but this year I have a SAD lamp. Years ago, my brother lived in AK and suffered from SAD too. He now lives in sunny and humid Houston and I am now the proud owner of a big, bulky, very bright and sunny SAD lamp. I have used it only a few times, but I am working on getting into a schedule of using it on a regular basis in an attempt to brighten my mood.

Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD affects people in winter or summer, spring or fall, year after year. It can happen at different times of the year, but often occurs during the winter when a person with otherwise normal mental health suffers from episodes of depression.

SAD occurs more often in women than men, and those who live in places with long, dark winters have the greatest chance of suffering from this type of depression. Apparently, it's estimated that 20% of SAD sufferers are Irish; about 10% of those in Netherland are afflicted with SAD and 8.9% of Alaskans suffer from this disorder. Other factors include hormones, genes, amount of light exposed to each day and body temperature.

Symptoms of SAD

While there is no test to determine if one does indeed suffer from SAD, a health professional can make a diagnosis based on symptoms of the patient and by ruling out other illnesses. A person with SAD usually presents these symptoms:

• Increased appetite and weight gain;
• Irritability and unhappiness;
• Lack of energy;
• Difficulty concentrating and remembering details;
• Fatigue;
• Difficulty sleeping or oversleeping;
• Sad, anxious or empty feelings;
• Social withdrawal;
• Loss of interest in work or other activities; and
• Sense of hopelessness.

Phototherapy

There are a number of treatments that can be very helpful for SAD sufferers. The most common treatment comes in the form of light; a very bright light. It helps to get outside and exercise during the hours with sunlight, but light therapy is best way to get the "sunlight" needed. This is accomplished with a special lamp with fluorescent lights up to 10,000 lux.

Studies have shown that light therapy of 3,000 lux for 2 hours a day for 5 weeks or 10,000 lux for 30 minutes a day for 8 weeks is effective for many. By sitting a few yards away and glancing at the light occasionally, the "rays" can help ease the SAD symptoms.

However, commercial light boxes are not regulated by law in the U.S. So, use caution when selecting a phototherapy lamp. They are not all the same.

And, of course, neither are we humans all the same. Therefore, light therapy does not work for everyone. In fact, 20 to 50% of SAD sufferers do not feel a difference with the light box. If that is the case and the symptoms are severe and unrelenting, other treatment could be sought; that is, vitamins or supplements, occupational therapy or antidepressants. As with any medical diagnosis or treatment, seek the advice of a medical professional before beginning any treatment.

For now, I'm sticking with my light box and trying to find the right time and place to use it each day. I have been told that starting off each dark morning for a 30 minutes of light and/or 30 minutes of phototherapy each evening when it's already dark will be helpful.

The Scoop

I am optimistic, as always, even through this very low time. I give myself pep talks and try to force myself to keep up my social calendar, but it's extremely difficult getting through each day. Much of the time, I feel like I am accomplishing only the mandatory tasks of each day and going through the motions, leaving much undone.

This may sound backwards and crazy to some, but I really feel that some bright and beautiful snow would lift my spirits. There is more light reflected and less darkness when there is snow. Now, where are you snow? Where are you Christmas? Please come to me in Minnesota and light my very dark winter, and lead the way to a soggy spring and beautiful summer.

Does this sound familiar? Do you or someone you know suffer from SAD? How have you dealt with the lack of sunshine during the winter months? Over and out...

Anna

Losing It: Mental Illnesses and Child Custody Issues {A Post from the Past}

Some Days

There are some days; days that I feel that I am one step away from completely losing my marbles. The chaos, the lack of sleep, the stress, the ups and downs of life, it can be overwhelming. But I keep it together...for the most part. I know that these days are just that; one day ever so often in a life full of many days. I don't have a mental illness, and I have a spouse who can take the helm for a bit while I sort through my feelings, get some rest and move past the funk.

Mental Illnesses

And yet, there are parents out there who do struggle with mental illnesses. For some of these parents just making it through each day is a challenge; every day. For other parents with mental illnesses, medication can alleviate the symptoms and bring balance back to that parent's life; and the family's lives, for that matter.

Some of these parents have to find a way to cope with their illnesses and handle divorce and/or custody issues too. And other parents struggling with mental diseases are single parents dealing with everything on their own; work, finances, illness, parenting, medications. Many questions arise in these situations.

Custody Issues

For parents with severe mental illnesses the rate of losing custody is between 70 – 80%. Some states have laws that list mental illness of a parent as a condition for losing custody. The severity of the illness, combined with the symptoms of the particular mental illness, side effects from medications and the absence of another parent in the home are among the determinants for removing a child from the house of a mentally ill parent.

While all parents have a right to raise their children without government interference, the courts must weigh what's in the best interest of a child with a parent's mental disabilities and the impact on the family. If it's clear to the court that a child will be endangered by the parent's incapacity to care for his or her child, the court must remove the child from that parent's home and award custody to the other parent {in a divorce situation}, a grandparent or another competent adult.

In order for a court to determine what's in the best interest of a child, extensive mental health evaluations are ordered for the parent. The mere presence of a mental illness does not determine whether that parent will completely lose custody rights. In some cases, the court will find that based on all the evidence presented, a parent with a mental illness is still capable of caring for his or her children, at least some of the time.

A court's concern is that a child living with a mentally ill parent may suffer from neglect or abuse, be subjected to unsafe conditions or situations or be forced to take care of the parent instead of the other way around. Courts take these situations very seriously.

Due to these concerns of the courts and the high chance of losing custody, some parents in this situation may attempt to hide the illness or minimize the effects of the disease or the medications. Parents may even avoid needed treatment for mental diseases for fear of losing custody. While this is understandable considering how painful it would be to lose custody of a child, the parent must keep his or her focus on the child's safety and general well-being.

It's important to be forthright with any investigation, whether you are the parent being assessed; or the parent being evaluated is your spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse, a friend or a family member. Again, the focal point must always be the best interest of the child.

The Scoop

No matter the determination or outcome of any case involving a parent and/or child with a mental illness, it's a heartbreaking situation; and not one taken lightly by the courts. Termination of parental rights is final, but a custody situation is changeable, depending on circumstances. For instance, if a parent seeks treatment, becomes stable on medication, etc. the parties could revisit the custody arrangements, if so desired.

No matter how you look at it, a case involving a parent suffering from a mental illness is never easy for anyone involved. Over and out....

Anna

Profile of a Stranger in a Coffee Shop: Mental Health Issues

Her pale green eyes gazed out at her surrounding without truly seeing what lay before her. She systematically without thought or feeling plucked small clumps of hair from her thick, wavy, salt and pepper mane; twisting the bits into wads and stuffing them into the front pocket of her jeans.

She sat with the book, Resume Writing for Dummies, draped across her lap and on occasion would glance at the pages intently and take a note or two before returning her blank gaze outward, sipping her hot coffee intermittently. Her expressions were as blank as her stare.

What was going on behind that placid, but sad face? What thoughts were forming; what decisions were being made?

Moving with halting steps and small ticks of her head she whispered disapproving messages to herself as she made her way out the door, to her car and slowly, ever as haltingly, drove away.

Her pain was palpable to me. The way she pulled her hair out made me wince and twisted my stomach. I watched her and felt her heartache. And yet, she was all but invisible to everyone else there.

I wondered if there was anything I could have done; something I should have done. But I did nothing. It seemed she had a mental illness of some sort. It was apparent that she was wrestling some demon in her mind; working hard to keep the destructive forces at bay.

Did she win the battle that day? I'll probably never know. I'm a regular at that coffee shop, but it was the first time I'd ever seen this woman. What brought her there to that coffee shop to sit and ponder life as she gave deep, yet fleeting, thought to the Resume Writing for Dummies spread open across her lap?

I often think of her when I look at the chair that she once sat in; and I wonder about her whereabouts, her mental health, whether she had a spouse or kids and what her resume held.

On Wednesday, I'll explore legal issues regarding parents with mental illnesses. Tune in again tomorrow. Over and out...

Anna

Something Different: IDEA Part C Updates to Take Effect

Gawking Strangers

The stares. I'm still not used to the stares. And it's not kids; it's adults; it's other parents. We were surprised by this part of it. I suppose we shouldn't have been though. Three weeks ago, Darling 1 got two casts from below his knees down to his toes. He isn't hurt; he isn't in pain. He is a toewalker and has been since he began walking at 10 months.

I've been working on treatment for this since that time. Finally, he's getting treatment. He's growing new muscle in his calves that will give him more range of motion. We have a remedy. Every Tuesday he gets new casts, slowly, but surely changing the angle of his foot.

The Casts

The new casts each week is the fun part of this process. He is being very brave, and we are very proud of him. He has had only a few melt-downs about not being able to wiggle his toes or being itchy, etc. But he knows what the casts are doing, and he wants to be able to walk flat-footed. So, he endures.

His friends, classmates and teachers have been wonderful about it. They love to see what colors and designs will show up each Wednesday. They are totally accepting of his new look. Darling 1 gets around perfectly fine; he just can't run, but he can walk really fast.

Mind Your Own Beeswax

The adults we come in contact with, or merely pass by, are the ones who stare and ask questions; questions that make Darling 1 cast a fixed gaze to the ground. The stares have gotten to me. I stare back. I answer the probing questions from strangers with terse, vague answers. Darling 1 hasn't noticed that anyone is rubber-necking as they drive by as he happily walks along next to me on our way home from school or as we amble into the store from a parking lot or as he easily makes his way up, over, under and through the playground equipment at the park or while we wait to be called back for our appointment at Children's Hospital. Thank God.

I know these strangers don't mean any harm; they don't mean to be rude; they're simply curious. "Two casts?" "Wow, two broken legs?" "Oh, that must hurt?" "What did you do?" Well, when you're 5 years old and just want to fit in and you see the differences, those questions can be hurtful and perplexing.

I won't pretend to know all the heartbreak, the difficulties or the joys and the pride of raising a child with extreme disabilities. I'm sure they are many. But I now have a new appreciation for the outward appearance of something different from others, i.e. helmets, leg braces, etc.

IDEA Part C

If your young child has developmental delays or disabilities, you should be aware that on Friday, October 28, 2011, new, updated Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) Part C regulations will take effect. IDEA Part C applies to the youngest of those at risk; birth to 2 years. Part C has been around since 1986, but has not been fully updated since 1999 (there was a statutory update in 2004).

Well, a lot has changed in our world since 1999. Check for specific information or topics in this side-by-side comparison of new and old text. There is a lot of text (over 900 pages); so, I suggest looking up the subject you are interested in and viewing those parts, as opposed to reading through all the regulations.

There are agencies trying to wade through these new texts and get summaries and outlines out. Here are a few websites to watch for more information: National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY), idea Partnership and the U.S. Department of Education.

IDEA aides over 340,000 children and infants. This federal grant program provides over 400 million dollars to State run IDEA programs. This program assists States in facilitating early intervention programs for infants and toddlers with disabilities and developmental delays. The objective is to prepare as many of these kids as possible for preschool and kindergarten to ensure a greater rate of educational success for these high needs kids.

The Scoop

If your child falls into these categories be sure to monitor the changes on the sites listed above. I also don't pretend to know much about the laws governing special needs and disabilities, etc., but the sites listed above specialize in these areas. And if your child does not fall into these categories, remember... please don't stare when you see a child who is different in some way. Over and out...

Anna

A Case of Misidentification: Ultrasound Mistake Leads to Court

A Sneak Peek

Some of the best parts of my pregnancies with Darling 1 and Darling 2 were the ultrasounds. I vividly recall each of them; a sneak peek at my tiny baby. I had two ultrasounds with each son. We were anxious to get a look at them, but mostly we wanted to know if everything was developing correctly and working properly.

At Darling 1's first ultrasound we thought everything was perfect. He was active, had all his limbs and organs and his heart and kidneys were functioning well. Then, the obstetrician told me that the there was one "soft marker" for chromosomal defects, a Calcium buildup in his heart. We were referred to a perinatal specialist obstetrician for a more detailed, second ultrasound.

At the second ultrasound, the doctor assured us all was well. She had seen at least 5 others with the same issue just that day. She said our doctor was just erring on the safe side. She explained that this phenomenon was relatively new and it was thought that perhaps these Calcium blips have always been there are now showing up due to our advanced technology. It causes no problems and often is absorbed later.

A Shattering Thought

We were so incredibly relieved to know our unborn baby was healthy, and grateful to have another look at our mover and shaker. However, the first night after the first ultrasound with the possibility that something was wrong with my baby hanging over my head was excruciating. It was so painful that I tried to forget about it; I tried to ignore the constant nagging in my brain; I tried to talk the worry away with Dear Husband; I tried to fill my mind with positive research information concerning this tiny bit of Calcium.

To no avail; I cracked in the middle of the night that night. All of my fears and concerns came rushing out, flooding the room with sadness, as if a dam had broken in the dark of night without any warning to the town below the dam. After letting all my terrors escape out of my brain, I was able to wait the two weeks until the second ultrasound that set us free. And 4.5 months later, my baby was born and was perfectly formed.

What Would You Do?

There are many opinions about what one should/would do if met with a severe disability, abnormality, medical condition or other conundrum during an ultrasound or subsequent amniocentesis. If you could or would have known something would you have decided to end the pregnancy? Would you ever choose to end a pregnancy?

I know some who felt certain about terminating a pregnancy should a disability be detected. I know others who would have never terminated a pregnancy, regardless of the prognosis or issue found. Thankfully, I never had to make this decision or even think about it. No matter which way you view it, there are no easy answers.

Large Award for Defects

I just read about a case out of Florida that awarded 4.5 million to Ana Mejia and Rodolfo Santana, the parents of a child born with severe defects, back in September. This child was born with no arms and only one leg. The couple had two ultrasounds performed during the pregnancy and were told everything was fine with the baby. They were told there was an extremely minor chance of a chromosomal disorder; the same remote chance that most people have.

When their son was born so severely disabled they were shocked and terribly upset that this information that escaped the ultrasound technician and obstetrician. They were saddened for their son who faced a life of hardship. They sued the two obstetricians they felt were responsible for this oversight and negligent in failing to provide such important information.

The couple claims they would have terminated the pregnancy had they had this information in hand after the ultrasounds. The couple sued in order to provide the care and medical procedure and prosthetics for their young son, now 3 years old.

They asked for 9 million, but the jury came back with a 4.5 million dollar award that will provide for his needs for the rest of his estimated 70 years of life, even if something happens to his parents.

A Case of Negligence

Now, perhaps you fall in the same camp as Mejia and Santana; or maybe you'd accept the fate of your child and the cost of caring for this severely disabled child and not blame the doctors for dropping the ball and neglecting to detect these very obvious defects. Whether you would have sued or not, it's clear {to me and the jury, at least} that these doctors were negligent.

As illustrated from my experience with Darling 1 and the tiny Calcium buildup in his heart, ultrasound technology is quite advanced these days, and my ultrasounds were 5.5 years and 3.5 years ago. It should be quite clear to a trained ultrasound technician whether a child is missing limbs. And even if a technician missed it, then an obstetrician reading the films should for sure catch such a grave defect.

However, this case is not for you or for me to decide. It was for the jury. And the jury found the obstetricians at fault and decided this award of damages was in order, based on the testimony heard, evidence presented and instructions provided by the court.

A Call for Humanity

I happen to find the lawsuit, the jury finding and the award in order. What surprised me were the 159 comments {OK, I didn't read all 159, but I read a number of them}. The majority of the comments were hateful, rude and disrespectful. The comments were overwhelmingly against these parents. Some comments remarked that the parents should have been aborted. Other comments made the parents out to be gold diggers, trying to win big money for themselves. And on and on, the comments attack these parents.

I was surprised and shocked by these comments. I know, I shouldn't have been, but I'm a bit Pollyanna-ish when it comes to humanity. I always expect people to treat others with more respect and kindness than they do. But it seems that the anonymity of leaving a comment online seems to bring out the worst in people.

If we could put ourselves in other's shoes and understand that we don't know what's it's like to live someone's life until we walk a mile in someone else's shoes. If you have not seen your idea of having a perfectly formed child dashed against the rocks, watched your horribly disfigured child, knowing he will never experience life like other children and realized that for the rest of your life you will be caring for this child, then you have not walked a mile in their shoes. I know I have not.

The Scoop

There are many overly-litigious lawsuits out there. I'll be the first to admit it. But a lawsuit such as this is not one of them. A lawsuit such as this will help ensure these doctors and hopefully others don't make this kind of mistake again. Over and out....

Anna

Talk About It: Estate Considerations Part II

Memories of a Christmas Past

I remember a Christmas Eve 16 years ago when my cousin had lung cancer. She was 30; I was 21. Our family had celebrated together that evening, but she had not been feeling well. She got worse as the night wore on and ended up with a high fever. She and my aunt headed to the hospital about 45 minutes away in the city where my parents live. My cousin's husband had stayed back home with their two young children. After all, Santa would be coming in the morning.

We were headed back to my parents for the night, but detoured and made a stop at the hospital to be there with my cousin and my aunt late in the night on that Christmas Eve. As we stood awkwardly chatting while the nurses put in IVs and took notes and begin pumping drugs into my cousin's veins in an attempt to lower her fever, we talked about the sugar cookies my mom and I had made that morning.

I still vividly recall this conversation. Inside my head, I was hysterical over the absurdity of the conversation about sugar cookies. The mundane chatter about the ingredients and decorating and who we took the cookies to meant nothing at that moment. My cousin was dying, and we talked about sugar cookies.

Outwardly, I smiled and made small talk and nervously laughed and joked as if it was completely normal to be sitting in a hospital room on the oncology floor at midnight on Christmas morning. My cousin, always sweet and smiling, made us feel comfortable despite how miserable she was feeling.

My cousin survived that Christmas Eve infection, but it was her last Christmas here on earth. She died the following October at the age of 31; and it broke my heart.

Life does not always go as planned.

Talking about the What Ifs

It can be depressing and stressful to dwell on the negative, but if a serious health issue crops up or a terrible freak accident occurs, it will be less stressful and frustrating if all your ducks are in a row regarding treatment, last wishes and who is to make these decisions and who has legal authority to make these decisions, etc.

Please note that each state has its own requirements, just like wills and trusts, and may use varying terms for these documents. So, be sure to check your state's requirements and terms when preparing this information.

An advance directive can include several documents: living wills, powers of attorney (both medical and financial), do not resuscitate (DNR) order and the like. (See Monday's article for definitions of these terms)

In order to determine what you want your living will and any DNR to state, you must think about your own wishes and discuss them with your spouse and/or other close family and friends. Your family and friends certainly don't have to agree with your wishes about these matters, but it will help ease the tension in the moment when and if a quick decision must be made if those closest to you understand your position and know what to expect.

Getting Your Documents Straight

It's important to understand that a living will ensures that your wishes regarding giving and withholding medical care and end-of-life decisions, but it does not set out who will pay the bills or represent your interests while you are incapacitated or at your death. For these issues you will need a durable power of attorney for finances in addition to the living will.

Of course a durable power of attorney for finances in place will not give your agent the authority to receive your medical information and records. For that, you will need a durable power of attorney for healthcare. I will discuss more on powers of attorney later this week.

The Scoop

Again, it's best to talk with an attorney about these documents and the specific requirements of your state, but if you simply can't afford attorney fees, you can run an Internet search for your state's forms and instructions. If you fill it out yourself, be sure to follow the instructions for making the documents legally binding, i.e. witness signatures and/or notarized, etc.

So, start thinking about your wishes for medical care and end-of-life decisions and then talk to your family about your thoughts on these matters. Don't forget to think about who you would like to name as your agent(s) in the powers of attorneys, as well. That is the first step in making these estate considerations. Over and out...

Anna

 

 

Supersized Everything: A Big Fat Lawsuit {On a Soapbox}

Disclaimer

I should probably start with a disclaimer of sorts. This post may step on a few folk's toes; rub some the wrong way; and ruffle a feather or two.

So, here's my disclaimer: I have been many sizes in my life, ranging from so tiny that the smallest sizes I found were too big and my mom had to take them in to well, let's just say, not small. I understand how difficult it is to lose weight having tackled that task many times, and I realize that it's sometimes out of the control of a person due to side effects from medications, illness, etc.

 

Frivolous Feud

I found this lawsuit to be ridiculous and overly litigious. This lawsuit is not really about overweight people. Look closely and you'll find it's really about a cantankerous, sour, unhealthy man.

Back in 2009, a portly gentleman, Martin Kessman, went to his favorite White Castle burger joint in Nanuet, New York, ordered his sack of aforementioned burgers and went to choose his seat. Upon noticing that there were only booths with affixed seats and no tables and chairs, he attempted to wedge himself into a booth to enjoy his meal.

Apparently, his protruding belly made this a difficult task. He left angry and embarrassed. This gentleman wrote a letter to the corporate office, demanding that White Castle do something about this issue. He said they sent back a letter saying they intended to remedy the problem and sent coupons for free burgers. They say they sent him a letter with the locations of other White Castles in the area that are equipped with tables and chairs.

Meanwhile, this poor gentleman robbed of his "right" to enjoy his White Castle along with other diners, did not stop eating the beloved steamed burgers, he simply sends his wife to get them for him.

Seeking Damages

Fast forward to September 2011, the disgruntled gentleman has filed a lawsuit against White Castle for failing to provide seating that will accommodate his rotund body. He claims it's not just about him, but also for pregnant women and disabled citizens. He has lodged his legal argument based on his alleged right to have a place to sit and enjoy his meal. Kessman contends that White Castle's seating arrangements infringe on The Americans with Disabilities Act.

So, how big is Mr. Kessman? He states that he's not humongous, weighing in at 290 pounds. The Plaintiff is asking for larger seats and an undisclosed amount of damages for his troubles. Kessman says that he can comfortably fit in other fast food restaurant seating and simply wants "to sit down like a normal person."

Drawing the Line

Sorry. I still say it's overly litigious. What if White Castle granted Mr. Kessman's request for larger seats and then a tiny person... um, I mean a height challenged person comes in and finds that the giant seats are far too large and there is much too much distance between the fixed seat and the table and this person also makes a stink about it? What then? Will White Castle and other restaurants have to have designated seating? "This area for those over 200 pounds." "These tables for those under 5 feet, 2 inches tall." "This section for persons over 6 ft tall." And so on...

And in my opinion being fat is not a disability. I think that to call it a disability is demeaning to those who truly are disabled in some way. Now, I can see where it could be a handicap. Being overweight does make it more difficult to move around, in general, and can make someone feel and look awkward and clumsy. Regardless, this scenario does not make it reasonable to sue a business.

If this lawsuit is allowed to move forward and if Kessman receives damages because he wasn't able to comfortably fit in a fast food restaurant dining booth, then what is the limit? Where do we draw the line? If we each think about it, I bet we could each come up with a way in which we were wronged that comes as close as this case does to being legit.

The Scoop

I've said before, I'll say it again. Our court systems are clogged; our state and federal budgets are stretched to the limits; there are legitimate cases where real civil wrongs have been committed that should go to court, but lawsuits such as this one, waste time and energy and already strained resources {tax dollars}. Mr. Kessman, I have a few solutions to suggest: Take your business elsewhere, go on a No-Fast-Food diet or both. I bet you'd be happier and healthier if you'd drop this whole matter.

He says he was mortified that he couldn't fit into the booth properly. Well, I wonder how he feels now with all of the media attention that he brought upon himself? Over and out...

Anna

Homegrown: An Increase in Homeschooling

Limitations

I think a person should know his or her limitations. I'm all for reaching for the stars, dreaming big, stretching one's self, learning as much as possible, going on adventures and trying my hand at a multitude of tasks, but I do know my limitations. For instance, I know that I can't climb a telephone pole {it's a long story}; I know that I'm a lousy camper; I know I'll never be a mathematician or a physicist; I know I'm no good at flipping pancakes and omelets; and I know I absolutely cannot blow up a balloon {I have no idea why though}.

I also know that I would be a terrible teacher to my Darling Boys. Of course I teach them things every day, both intentionally and unintentionally {both good and bad}, I expose them to art, culture, nature, food, and more when we go on our mini {and many} adventures, I explain words, sayings, jokes, signs, actions and more by the hour, but a homeschooling parent I'm not.

This is not to say that I think ill of those who do homeschool their kids; I don't. I just know that I am neither patient enough, nor do I have the desire to teach my Boys at home. I do think that my children have been and will be greatly rewarded by meeting, interacting with and learning from the other teachers they have and will come into contact with, whether it's in a music class or swim lessons or tee ball or preschool or nature camp or kindergarten and so on.

Choosing to Homeschool

That said, there are a number of parents who are choosing to homeschool their kiddos. There are a variety of reasons for making such a decision. Here are the top motivators for homeschooling based on several polls and studies found online {in no particular order}:

• Concerns regarding school environment {other students, drugs, safety issues, peer pressures, etc.};
• Concerns regarding the curriculum, academic environment and faculty or staff;
• Concerns regarding a child's special needs that isn't being met at school;
• A wish to teach religious instruction;
• A wish to teach in a nontraditional format; and
• Concerns regarding a child's physical or mental disability

Sources referred to: www.secularhomeschools.com & www.wikipedia.org referencing a 2007 poll by the U.S. Department of Education.

Honestly, these are great reasons. I have many of these same concerns for my children, but I still know I'm not the right teacher for them. Instead I have a school that I believe will address the issues and concerns I have about public education.

Staggering Statistics

The number of children being homeschooled has dramatically increased from 1999 to 2007 {the last time a survey with this data was collected}. In 2007, there were 1.5 million students being homeschooled in the U.S. representing 2.9% of students; in 2003 there were 1.1 million students being homeschooled, representing 2.2% of students; in 1999, there were 850,000 students being homeschooled, representing 1.7% of students.

According to the National Center for Educational Statistics, the increase from 1999 to 2007, represents a 74 % relative increase. Interestingly, the percentage of parents who reported their reason for homeschooling to be for religious instruction increased from 72% in 2003 to 83% in 2007.

    Sources: www2.ed.gov & nces.ed.gov

The Scoop

Homeschooling looks to be an increasingly popular choice. Will the number of students homeschooled continue to increase? Or is this merely a trend in educational choices? Homeschool Laws Part II is coming up this week. And stay tuned for a guest post from a mom who is about to start homeschooling her child. Over and out...

Anna

You might also like:

The Changing Seasons: Types of Schools Available to American Children

The Measure of an Education: A Look at U.S. Education System Statistics

A Plea to MN Public Educators

Birds of a Feather: Tips for Choosing the Best School for Your Child

 

Open Hearts and Minds: Embracing Diversity

Our Neighborhood

We live in a culturally rich neighborhood; there are Latino, Caucasian, African, Hispanic, Asian, and African American families living in our neighborhood. The school Darling 1 will go to starting in September is equally culturally rich. Some might see this as a negative point, but I see it as a positive.

Toleration

So often our society uses the word "toleration" when discussing diverse cultures and practices. Tolerate is defined as, enduring without repugnance; putting up with something; or allowing the existence, presence, practice or act of without prohibition or hindrance; permitting; from the Latin tolerates, meaning "to bear."

Toleration really isn't much. It shouldn't be viewed as much of an achievement on one's part. It's just a tad past putting up a fight against something or hating something or disallowing something. Tolerating is what someone does when trying to enjoy a lovely summer night while swatting at swarms of annoying mosquitoes.

I would make the argument that tolerating differences is not enough. Teaching toleration will not change our reactions and perceptions to those who are different in skin color, religion, education, backgrounds, languages, beliefs and family dynamics. Teaching our children (& ourselves) to see differences as an opportunity to learn from someone and embrace the unique and diverse experiences each of us bring to our society should be our goal.

Everyone is Different

To accomplish this, we must accept that each of us is different from other human beings in some way. A conservative relative from Texas is fond of saying, "Well, that's different!" about the more liberal and unfamiliar practices he has encountered on various trips to visit us in Minnesota. It's true; things are done differently in different neighborhoods, in different states, in different regions, across our great country and certainly beyond our borders. And this is good news.

If we were all the same in looks, in beliefs, in tastes, in ideas and in thoughts there would be no passion in life; there would be no reason for changing how we do things or when we do things or why we do things; there would be little to explore and learn; and there would be no debates or discussions. In short, we would be an awfully dull society.

Embracing Differences

How can we, as parents, be sure to teach our children to embrace diversity in every way? Here are a few ideas:

1. Keep lines of communications open with your kids; talk frequently and openly about a variety of subjects, including news stories, political issues, religions, ideas in general and history;
2. Expose your family to as many cultures as possible through neighborhood events, museums, festivals, books, music, etc.;
3. NEVER EVER tell jokes that put down or poke fun at any ethnicity, gender, socio-economic group, disability or any group of people;
4. If someone is making racial remarks in front of you and/or your child take a stand against such remarks and tell the person why you object to such statements;
5. Treat all persons with respect and honor;
6. Do not fear people who are dressed differently than you or look different than you or speak another language than you;
7. Celebrate differences;
8. Be open-minded, but don't compromise your own beliefs; and
9. Of course, meet and get to know as many people from different backgrounds as possible.

The Scoop

These are but a few suggestions about teaching your kids to embrace differences among our fellow citizens. How do you ensure your kids will grow up with open minds and open hearts and yet still be secure about their own belief systems? Over and out...

Anna

You might also like:

Bringing Up Baby: Tips for Raising "Good People"

Giving from the Heart: Tips for Raising Thoughtful, Generous Kids

There's a Storm a Brewin' in Minnesota: NOH8MN

Some Call It Worrying, I call it Accident Prevention

Mommy Brain

As a mom, part of my brain is dedicated to coming up with worse-case scenarios of what might happen to my Darling Boys if.... and then devising plans and solutions to avoid and/or survive such imagined occurrences.

Much has been written, spoken and tweeted about the death of Osama bin Laden this week. I'm thrilled he is out of the picture and that the U.S. has been able to thwart so many terrorist plots over the last 10 years, but interestingly enough, as much as I'm horrified of being caught in a terroristic attack, that's not the kind of scenario that usually pops into my head.

It's the everyday, freakish, what-are-the-odds-of-that-happening kind of catastrophic event that really concerns me.

Here's What Really Scares Me:

I'm scared to death of the day they are old enough to take off on their bikes {wearing well fitting, undamaged bike helmets} on adventures up and down and across streets; streets with no sidewalks or shoulders where drivers recklessly careen about in their vehicles without concern for the well-being of my children.

I'm petrified my Boys will choke on popcorn, marshmallows, tomatoes, small Lego pieces, Star Wars figurine heads {why, oh why do they detach from the body} or a million other items. Darling 2 did choke on a tomato just a few weeks ago. I did not freeze up and was able to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him and get the tomato unstuck. Thank God! I have played this scene over and over and prayed I would be able to do what I needed to do out of instinct; and I did.

I worry that my children won't get the proper servings of veggies per day or enough of the right kind of veggies or that the veggies they do eat will be contaminated with pesticides which will lead to cancer in the prime of their lives.

I contemplate what I will say when they come to me with broken hearts because their true loves don't love them back or kids they thought were their friends did something or said something that was not at all friendly. I fret about whether they will be well liked, well mannered, well accepted, well adjusted and happy as they grow and mature and become young men who never think this world is too much and contemplate their own demise.

I pray that a driver distracted by sending a text, reaching for coffee, putting on makeup, looking for a CD or having an in depth discussion over the phone does not cross into the lane I'm driving in and smash us to smithereens, but should this happen I pray that I will not die or be critically injured and leave my babies; and that the hand of God would protect my precious boys securely and lovingly strapped into their seats behind me.

I hope they never ride their bikes or run while listening to music through earphones that could muffle the sound of a trash truck, train or rabid dog fast approaching.

I take measures to ensure they don't accidentally ingest a poisonous plant or mistake a bleach bottle for a milk bottle or have access to brightly colored pills of medicine that look eerily like candies.

Crazy Lady?

Whew! I said it. Sometimes I even worry that by actually voicing these fears, they could come true. This list is not exhaustive and it changes as they grow, but this is how my heart and brain work; this is how I get through the horrible things that happen all in our world. And then I can focus on the beautiful, wonderful, magical things that also happen every day.

I think through these things; I take precautions; I implement plans; I teach my boys safety; and I pray a lot! Now don't mistake me for saying that I dwell on these things constantly and am all-consumed by tragedy and disaster. I'm not. Intense; paranoid; empathetic; analytical; planner; pray-er: yes.

The Scoop

I cannot always be there. I cannot stop everything from happening to them; and nor would I want to. In the words of a spunky, blue fish named Dory, "Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo. {Nemo}" From Finding Nemo.

I want them to take risks; the kind of risks that lead to innovation, creativity, discovery, love, laughter, success and sometimes failure. After all, it's from good, bad, happy, sad, interesting, boring, small and big happenings that a person learns and grows and experiences. These are good things, but, Please Lord, no shattering events that would break my heart in two forever!

You can tell by the links in this post that I've written posts about many of my motherly fears. What do you worry about? Or maybe you don't! Here's to a safe Thursday! Over and out...

Anna

You might also like:

The Right to Bear Arms in Your Home: McDonald v. City of Chicago

Celebrating the Red, White and Blue: Be Prepared to Follow the Law

Not Even for a Minute: Children Left Unattended in Vehicles

Know It. Name It. Stop It. Stalking Awareness Month Part II {Repost}

Friend or Foe

Through the years, I've had a friend or two who crossed the line of being friendly and became overbearing; who showed up at my door uninvited at inconvenient times; who was angry with me for not answering my phone when she called, repeatedly; who sometimes drove to my home to tell me she had been calling and I was not answering; who was jealous of the time I spent with DH (who was then Dear Boyfriend); who gave me expensive gifts; and the list goes on. These things made me nervous at times; angry at other times; and left me feeling stuck in the "friendship."

I severed ties with these folks years ago. And while I never feared for my safety, to this day I worry that one of them will show up at my doorstep some day. In fact, just a few years ago, I got a Christmas card from one. The card was sent to an address she should not have had. Every few years, I get emails from these people sent to email addresses they shouldn't know about. One or both of these people could be reading this very post for all I know. These experiences serve as reminders that anyone can find just about any kind of information he or she is looking for on the Internet.

I wrote in yesterday's post that I have never been stalked and while I wouldn't have called these "friends" stalkers then, when looking at the definition of a stalker they come very close to fitting the bill.

Stalking Statistics

Only 10% of victims are being stalked by strangers. The majority of stalking is done by someone the victim knows. And generally, not only do the victims know their stalkers, but they have had close relationships with these people. According to National Center of Victims of Crime (NCVC), people with disabilities have a higher chance of being stalked. "Stalkers may target these victims because of their disabilities or exploit their disabilities in committing crimes." Source: NCVC

StalkingAwarenessMonth.org reports that only 37% of male victims and 41% of female victims report this crime to police. The website says there are three reasons for this: 1) the person minimizes the seriousness of his or her experience; 2) the person does not understand the behavior of the stalker is criminal; and 3) the person being stalked doesn't think the police will take the stalking incidents seriously.

What Constitutes Stalking

In many jurisdictions , the crime of stalking begins with the second harassing, intimidating, threatening or terrorizing encounter. If you, a friend or family member is experiencing any of the following, you, your friend or family member may have a stalker:

• Follow you and show up wherever you are.
• Send unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or e-mails.
• Damage your home, car, or other property.
• Monitor your phone calls or computer use.
• Use technology, like hidden cameras or global positioning systems (GPS), to track where you go.
• Drive by or hang out at your home, school or work.
• Threaten to hurt you, your family, friends or pets.
• Find out about you by using public records or online search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers.
• Posting information or spreading rumors about you on the Internet, in a public place or by word of mouth.
• Other actions that control, track or frighten you.

These behaviors may make the person being stalked feel afraid, threatened, nervous, insecure, confused, unable to sleep, angry, unsafe, alone or a host of other emotions.

Source: www.NCVC.org

Resources

The best website for stalking information and resources is the National Center of Victims of Crime. The NCVC partnered with the Department of Justice Office of Violence Against Women to create the Stalking Resource Center (SRC). The NCVC provides a good list of Things a Person Being Stalked Can Do like keeping a written record of each incident, calling a crisis hotline, developing a safety plan, trusting your own instincts and calling 911 when you feel you are in danger, etc. The items on the list are simple and involve common sense, but if your safety and sanity are being compromised, you may need this type of list. The website also has a great number of Resources listed.

The Scoop

Stalking rarely stops on its own. In fact, stalking often escalates over time. NCVC reports that 11% of victims have been stalked for over 5 years. Stalking is a serious crime and should be regarded as such.

Click Stalking Awarenes Quiz to test your Stalking knowledge. Hint: If you have read this post and yesterday's post you should get all of the answers correct.  Over and out…

Anna

You might also like:

Growing Pains: How to Handle Bullying Whether Your Child is Being Bullied or Doing the Bullying

When Staying Isn’t an Option: Tips for Identifying an Abuser and Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Getting Over the Shock: How to Handle Being Bullied as an Adult

The World at Our Fingertips: Finding a Link to Another Attorney/Mom/Blogger

Our world is getting smaller all the time. On a daily basis, I communicate with people in Canada, the East Coast, the West Coast and everywhere in between all thanks to the ever present social media community. Because of these media outlets like Twitter and Facebook, people from around the globe can and do read my blog and millions of other blogs. It's really incredible to think about it. People are now able to express themselves through writing, photography, art, cooking, etc., and at the same time reach out to others with similar stories, goals, theories, questions; sometimes touching millions. The opportunities are limitless in this new sphere.

 

Last week, attorney Danielle G. Van Ess found Motherly Law through the social media community. She is Massachusetts. I am in Minnesota. We have never met, and we do not have any common acquaintances. Nonetheless, we have been emailing back and forth, and have discovered we have a lot in common. She, like me, is not only an attorney, but also a wife and a mom (to three little ones). We are both night owls. We both have cats. We both are striving to develop our careers as attorneys, yet spend as much time as possible raising our kids and being moms, which means spending much of our time working after the sun goes down and the kids are in bed.

 

Danielle has developed a solo practice in which she focuses on estate planning, residential real estate and adoption. She understands the issues facing young families. As a part of her practice, Danielle blogs about these issues: from wills and trusts to 529 College Savings Plans to long term care for aging parents, and much more. While Danielle hails from Massachusetts and adds specific state information to most of her posts the general topics and gist of the laws are relevant to all.

 

Since I have declared this the "Best of" week and my wills and trusts post came in 2^nd on the survey, I thought I would link to Danielle's recent post: "What's the Best Way to Leave Our Children Their Inheritance?" She has great information about various options and the difference between testamentary trusts and revocable living trusts. You can also go back and read my post on the importance of having a will and trust, tips for getting your estate in order, estate planning for your special needs child and check out the supplementary estate planning document.

 

Please leave Danielle a comment and let her know you found her through Motherly Law. She has lots of great posts. So, take some time and peruse her site or bookmark it for later. You can also find Danielle on Twitter and Facebook. As always, feel free to leave me comments too. You know where to find me. Tune in tomorrow for the winner of the "Best of" Wednesday Tips and Websites Post. Over and out…

 

Anna

 

Preconceived Notions and Infant Heel Stick Screenings: Privacy Rights v. Early Diagnosis

Before your child is born, you have preconceived notions about how you will do things: what your child will and will not eat, drink, play with, watch, wear, etc, etc, etc. For instance, before Darling 1's birth, we thought it was terrible to allow a child of any age to sleep in the parent's bed. We would never consider such a thing. Never, never, never! I don't know how this opinion was formed necessarily, but nonetheless, our child was going to sleep in his crib, period! OK, flash forward, Darling 1 is born (the light of our life!); we go home from hospital; time for bed; feed the baby; change the baby; rock the baby; place baby in crib; go to bed, right? Wrong! Try again, and again, and again. Crying from exhaustion, collapse into bed with child on chest, voila, baby is asleep! And that, folks, is how Darling 1 began sleeping in the parent's bed. Not to say that we did not repeatedly try to get Darling 1 to sleep in his crib in the ensuing months and year; we did. It just never worked until we got him his own bed (not crib) when he was 20 months old. Darling 2 has been better at sleeping in his crib; that is to say, at least he starts out in his crib each night. Of course, at this very moment, as I sit in my bed writing this post, he is sleeping in my bed next to me, having already migrated from his crib. In the end, we did what was right for our family in order for us to get sleep. I'm certainly not saying it is right for everyone, but it was for us. Come to think of it, many of our preconceived, prior-to-birth notions have not stood the test of time. Sometimes we are influenced by the "chatter" of society, religion, politics, celebrities, etc that feed into our need to be "right", accepted, cutting-edge or whatever, but that doesn't mean it is the best choice based on all the facts. And that is what I think is happening when it comes to parents choosing to opt out of the infant heel stick screening.

 

OK, I know what you are thinking. I said I was going to write a post on child abuse prevention since April is the month designated as such, and this does not sound like anything to do with child abuse. Well, maybe it's a stretch, but in my mind it is abusive to refuse to screen your child for metabolic and genetic disorders. On Wednesday, I will have tips and websites regarding child abuse prevention, but I think this is an important issue to think about today. I recently read "The Test That Saved My Baby's Life" written by Kate Ledger, an article about infant heel stick screenings in Parents magazine. The information in this article both surprised and concerned me. I have established that I like to be informed, ask lots of questions and do lots of research about everything in my life; however, I never questioned the heel stick screening done at the hospital within hours of both of my sons' births. I knew why it was done and took it for granted that everyone would want to have such a screen performed on their kids too. I like to cover my bases. This screen covered my bases by informing me whether there were markers of any of the 50 plus metabolic and genetic disorders present in my infant's blood. That is information that I wanted to have. So, it never entered my mind to opt out of this screen. According to the Parents article, there are a growing number of parents that are opting out based on privacy rights. I am a very private person and always very watchful about my family's privacy rights being violated (I know that sounds crazy coming from a person who writes a blog, but it's true!), yet I am even more concerned about my kids' health and any preventative measures I can take to protect them from illness and disease.

 

A heel stick screen, performed within 48 hours of a baby's birth, can prevent chronic illness, severe disability or even death. It is a simple procedure: Medical staff cleans the infant's heel with antiseptic, makes a microscopic puncture, and draws a few drops of blood onto a piece of paper, making a "blood spot." My experience has been that this procedure is always performed in the middle of the night when mother and child have finally drifted off to sleep, as are the weight checks, hearing screening, pain medicine dispensing, etc. I have never figured out why they do that to a new mom and infant, but nonetheless it is a very important screen and worth being woken up for in the middle of the night.

Statistics show that one out of every 1,500 babies born will develop one of the disorders detectable through newborn screening. Since most newborns appear normal, there is no way of knowing if the child has a metabolic or genetic disorder until outward symptoms appear. By then, it may be too late to halt or reverse the effects. Testing is recommended also because there may be no history or knowledge of genetic disorders within a family.

All 50 states plus the District of Columbia require the infant heel stick screen by law. The number of metabolic and genetic disorders screened for varies by state, with some states testing for 21 conditions and others for 50 or more. The March of Dimes would like to see all babies in all states screened for at least 29 specific disorders, for which effective treatment is available. You can check which tests are routinely screened in your state by asking your health care provider, going to your state health department website or visiting the National Newborn Screening and Genetics Resource Center website.

 

So, what is the problem? It's the law; it saves babies lives; it's a good thing. Well, there are some organizations that are using scare tactics to get parents to opt out (if that is an option) or avoid, if possible, these life-saving screenings. While states do keep the blood spots for a designated number of years and use it for further research and testing purposes, there is not a giant DNA stockpile of blood spots being kept by the federal government to conduct genetic profiling to be used to discriminate against certain individuals at some time in the future as one group would have soon-to-be parents believe. The Minnesota Department of Health Newborn Screening website provides detailed information about who has access to the blood spots, the vital statistics attached to the blood spots, what is done with them, etc. Minnesota does use the blood spots for genetic and metabolic disorder research, but only under very specific guidelines, including removing all identifying information from the blood spots used. You can check with your state's Department of Health for details concerning your state.

 

While some jurisdictions do allow parents to opt out of the screening by filling out a form, many states don't allow this. Each state has its own specific requirements. For instance, Maryland actually requires parental consent for the infant screen to be done, but it is the only state with such a condition. If you are concerned about privacy rights, another option is have the screen done, but request that the state destroy the blood spot card once the screen results are returned.

 

The point is; infant heel stick screenings are too important to skip. I don't think the anti-infant screening organizations are advocating for a child's death or for genetic and/or metabolic disorders to go undetected, but that is exactly what the result of foregoing a screen could be for your child. There are numerous excruciatingly sad stories about normal looking, acting and developing infants and toddlers that died or became very ill due to an undiagnosed disorder that could have been prevented by such a screening. Don't let your child be one of those stories.

 

I would love to hear any heel stick screening diagnosis and treatment stories. On Wednesday, I will post tips on child abuse prevention and provide a few helpful websites, as I said I would do. Over and out…

 

Anna

 

* Today's photo was not taken by Darling 1.

 

Putting All the Pieces Together: Ways You Can Support Autism Awareness, Plus a Supplementary Estate Planning Document

The other night when Dear Husband emerged from the Darling Boys' bedroom after the infinitely long process we like to call "bedtime," he looked at the living room and said to me, "It wasn't this messy when I went in." As if I had gone into the living room and thrown all of the boys' toys from the shelves and baskets onto the floor while he was reading to them. I assured him that I had not done so, and that it had indeed looked like that before the kids retreated into their bedroom for their nightly cease-fire from the daily assault on the house. Then, quick as quick can be we proceeded to re-assemble the living room, aka Central Command Post for all kid activity, as we do most every night. Part of the clean up was to sort and piece together the numerous puzzles that had been dumped into one gigantic pile. Now I don't know about you, but I have learned to put the boys' puzzles together in record time. Yes, I know it may not sound like a tremendous feat to be able to assemble a puzzle meant for 3 year-olds in under a minute, but I am pretty impressed with my sorting and assembling stats.

 

But what if you could never get all the pieces to fit together? What if it looked like all the pieces belonged to the same puzzle, but they just would not fit together? Or once you finally got the pieces together you were still missing a few pieces and could never finish the puzzle. That is how parents of kids with autism spectrum disorders must feel. A puzzle piece is the symbol chosen to represent autism awareness. This symbol was created in 1963 by the National Autistic Society. The puzzle piece is so effective because it says something about autism: autism is a puzzling condition, isolating autistic persons from normal human contact, causing them to not "fit in." The interlocking, multi-colored puzzle piece has become the international symbol of autism. The symbolism in the piece is multi-faceted: representing for some, the mystery and complexity of the disorder and for others, standing for the mechanical nature of the autistic person's thought process. The bright colors signify hope.

 

Here are some Ideas for Celebrating Autism Awareness Month:

1. Autism Speaks' "Walk Now for Autism" events take place nationwide (throughout the year).
2. Toys "R" Us has partnered with Autism Speaks and has an in store fundraising campaign at its Babies "R" Us stores that began on March 1st and ends on May 1st. Babies "R" Us also publishes a list of the ten most helpful toys for children with autism.
3. TJ Maxx will be offering its customers at checkout a puzzle piece (the symbol for autism) for a $1 donation.
4. Modell's sporting goods stores will also be hosting the $1 puzzle piece donation.
5. Build-a-Bear Workshop has a purple teddy bear called Nikki III that it will be selling during April and donating the funds from sales to Autism Speaks. Once purchased, the bear will have an Autism Awareness ribbon attached. Also, a satin purple heart priced at $1 can be purchased at the store with funds being donated to Autism Speaks.
6. Thomas and Friend's Live performances will be offering discounts to children with autism and their families.
7. The Discovery Health channel will be providing information on autism diagnosis and treatments through its programs.
8. Show your support for people with autism by wearing the Autism Awareness Puzzle Ribbon this month – as a pin on your shirt, a magnet on your car, a badge on your blog, or even your Facebook profile picture - and educate folks on the potential of people with autism! For suggestions and resources, visit www.autism-society.org/ribbon.
9. On April 1, the Autism Society is asking supporters to change their status on Facebook and/or Twitter to "Autism affects 1 in 110. Text "AUTISM" to 50555 to donate $10 to the Autism Society. Help spread the word: http://bit.ly/bUAVRf." 100% of your donations will go to support the Autism Society's mission of improving the lives of all affected by autism.
10. There are several important bills moving through Congress that will have important effects on the autism community – safer educational settings (Keeping All Students Safe Act), better autism services (Autism Treatment Acceleration Act), greater financial independence (Achieving a Better Life Experience Act), better protection against toxic chemicals (Toxic Substances Control Act Reform, introduction anticipated soon), and more. For more information about this legislation and to take action to support it, visit www.vote4autism.org.
11. The Autism Society and inflatable playground franchise Pump It Up are bouncing again with "Bounce for Autism" – over 100 community-based fundraising events that combine family fun with raising awareness and support for autism in locations nationwide that welcome children on the autism spectrum. Check out www.bounceforautism.org for more information and locations.
12. The Autism Society is working with AMC entertainment to bring special-needs families "Sensory Friendly Films" every month. Our special showing of How to Train Your Dragon is coming to a theatre near you on April 10. Visit www.autism-society.org/sensoryfilms for more information.
13. Locally, here in the Twin Cities, Fraser Walk for Autism will take place on Saturday, April 17, 2010, at the Mall of America. For more information about Fraser and the Walk for Autism, go to http://www.fraser.org/calendar/autismwalk_index.html .
14. For more ideas or to find activities and events in your area just search online for autism awareness events.

Here are a few Web sites that have a lot of great autism information:

Autism Society of America: http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer

Autism Speaks: http://www.autismspeaks.org

Autism and PDD Support Network http://www.autism-pdd.net/autism-resources.html (this one has good legal resources)

 

This Web site has great estate planning and other legal resources for parents of special needs children: Academy of Special Needs Answers: http://www.specialneedsanswers.com. Academy of Special Needs Answers also has a link to download a Memorandum of Intent.

A Memorandum of Intent is a supplementary document to be used by parents or guardians of special needs children (whether a minor or not). The Memo is meant to be a personal letter from you to the people who will care for your child when you no longer can. It supplements your estate plan by providing information that is not appropriate to include in your special needs trust because that information changes over time, is your wish but not a legal requirement, or is too lengthy to include in the trust. Click here to go to the site to download the memo: http://www.specialneedsanswers.com/moi_order.asp.

 

Tune in on Friday when I post a bit of "Motherly Advice." April happens to be a month of special causes: Autism Awareness, Child Abuse Prevention, Earth Day and Law Day (actually May 2^nd). So, for the rest of April, I will be bringing you law and information pertaining to these topics. Over and out…

Anna

April Showers Bring May Flowers: Estate Planning You Do Now Will Benefit Your Special Needs Child Later; Plus Supporting Autism Awareness Month

The other day I was looking at Darling 1 and noticed that he has gotten so big and tall lately, not roly-poly, cuddly and chubbly like Darling 2 still is. I asked Darling 1 "How did you get so big?" He answered, "All your kisses made me grow big." Awww! Doesn't that just melt your heart?! And he's right in a way. I water my Darling boys with love and kisses, healthy foods, knowledge from books, experiences, explanations and discussions and time to run and play outside, and they grow both physically and mentally. I take that for granted. Some parents do all of these same things and their children still struggle to reach each developmental milestone. I salute these saints, otherwise known as mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, etc, who have far more grace, endurance, patience and humility than I, who are raising exceptional children with special needs despite the daily hurdles they encounter.

April is Autism Awareness Month. The Autism Society has been celebrating National Autism Awareness Month since the 1970s as a chance to educate the public about autism and issues within the autism community. There are many ways you can support Autism Awareness and numerous special events and activities taking place over the course of the month all over the country. I will give you some ideas of how you can participate and contribute in Wednesday's post. While this post is more specifically focused on autism, the information regarding estate planning with your special needs child in mind pertains to any child (minor or not) that will need care and support to some degree throughout his or her lifetime.

As a parent of young children, I feel that autism spectrum disorders are widely known about and discussed since it is now estimated to affect 1 in 100 births. However, I wanted to give some general information about autism spectrum disorders. Children with a form of autism generally have problems in social interaction, language and behavioral development. Autism symptoms vary greatly from one child to another; children with the same diagnosis may act quite differently and have strikingly different skills. In most cases though, the most severe autism is marked by a complete inability to communicate or interact with other people.

Many children show signs of autism in early infancy. Other children may develop normally for the first few months or years of life but then suddenly become withdrawn, aggressive or lose language skills they've already acquired. Some of the comm0n signs of this disorder are: failure to respond to name; poor eye contact; resists holding and cuddling; starts talking later than other children; loses previously acquired ability to say words or sentences; may repeat words or phrases verbatim, but doesn't understand how to use them; performs repetitive movements, such as rocking or spinning; becomes disturbed at the slightest change in routines or rituals; unusually sensitive to light, sound and touch and yet oblivious to pain. Of course, there are many explanations if your child has one or more of these traits, but if you are concerned, call your child's physician.

There is no known single cause for autism, but it is generally accepted that it is caused by abnormalities in brain structure or function. Brain scans show differences in the shape and structure of the brain in children with autism versus neuro-typical children. Researchers are investigating a number of theories, including the link between heredity, genetics and medical problems. While there is no known cure for autism, there are treatment and education approaches that may reduce some of the challenges associated with the condition. Intervention may help to lessen disruptive behaviors, and education can teach self-help skills that allow for greater independence.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the importance of parents having a last will and testament, a trust for the financial support of minor children, choosing guardians, etc. The same holds true in the situation of parents with a special needs child. One difference is that the special needs child might need care and support throughout his or her life rather than just until the age of majority. Another difference is that if your special needs child receives state or federal aid, you will have to be careful how much and in what way you leave your estate to your child so your child does not lose eligibility for essential government benefits.

 

First, let's consider the types of government benefits:

• The first type is not affected by the financial resources available to the beneficiary. An example of this type of aid is Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI). SSDI will be received by the beneficiary regardless of financial need;
• The second type is affected by financial resources. Examples of this type is Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and Medicaid. To be eligible for this type of aid, a person cannot have too many assets or too much income or he or she will be ineligible for the aid.
• The third type of aid is also affected by the financial resources of a person, but the amount of income a person has does not disqualify him or her, but it does determine whether a person must pay for the available services and how much the person must pay.

With these government benefits in mind, you must structure your estate distribution in such a way that is the most beneficial to your special needs child.

 

There are several approaches to handling your estate. If you have modest assets and your special needs child's financial requirements are fairly great, the best approach may be to disinherit your child. Yes, that sounds cruel, but in reality it really might be the best for your child if it means that he or she will be eligible for the essential government benefits that are necessary for his or her care and support. Another option is to establish a trust for your child. A special needs trust could be the most effective way to help your child financially without disqualifying him or her for government aid.

A special needs trust is set up for a person with special needs to supplement any benefits the person with special needs may receive from government programs. A properly drafted special needs trust will allow the beneficiary to receive government benefits while still receiving funds from the trust. There are three main types of special needs trusts: the first-party trust; the third-party trust and the pooled trust. All three name the person with special needs as the beneficiary. A first-party special needs trust holds assets that belong to the person with special needs, such as an inheritance or an accident settlement. A third-party special needs trust holds funds belonging to other people who want to help the person with special needs. A pooled trust holds funds from many different beneficiaries with special needs. Here is a look at the three types of special needs trusts:

• First-Party Trust: In order to qualify for SSI, an applicant or beneficiary can have only $2,000 in his own name. If the person has more than $2,000 in his own name, (typically because of excess savings, an inheritance or an accident settlement), the government allows him to qualify for SSI so long as he places his assets into a first-party special needs trust. The trust must be created by the beneficiary's parent or grandparent, or by a court, but it cannot be created by the beneficiary, even though his assets are going to fund the trust. While the beneficiary is living, the funds in the trust are used for his benefit, and when he dies, any assets remaining in the trust are used to reimburse the government for the cost of his medical care. These trusts are especially useful for beneficiaries who are receiving SSI and come into large amounts of money, because the trust allows the beneficiary to retain his benefits while still being able to use his own funds when necessary.

   

• Third-Party Trust: This trust is most often used by parents and other family members to assist a person with special needs. These trusts can hold any kind of asset including a house, stocks and bonds, and other types of investments. The third-party trust functions like a first-party special needs trust in that the assets held in the trust do not affect an SSI beneficiary's eligibility for benefits and the funds can be used to pay for the beneficiary's supplemental needs beyond those covered by the government aid. The difference is that a third-party special needs trust does not contain the "payback" provision found in first-party trusts. This means that when the beneficiary with special needs dies, any funds remaining in his or her trust can pass to other family members or charity without having to be used to reimburse the government.

 

• Pooled Trust: A pooled trust is an alternative to the first-party trust. A charity sets up this type of trust. A pooled trust allows beneficiaries to combine their resources for investment purposes, while still maintaining separate accounts for each beneficiary's needs. When the beneficiary dies, the funds remaining in his or her account reimburse the government for his or her care, but a portion also goes towards the non-profit organization responsible for managing the trust.

Many financial planning businesses do offer qualified special needs planners that can assist you with setting up the right trust and organizing your estate so that your special needs child is provided for throughout his or her life.

On Wednesday, I will post ideas for educating yourself and your children about autism spectrum disorders and ways in which you can support Autism Awareness Month. I will also provide you with a Web site for finding out more about autism and a link to a helpful supplementary document for estate planning when you have a special needs child. Over and out…

Anna