Hanging By a Thread

Be Kind and Do the Right Thing {It’s Really That Simple, Isn’t it?}

What if we made decisions based on reason and good sense and because it was in the best interest for all or at least most? What then?

What would our world look like? What would we think of our leaders then? How would we feel about mankind? How would we feel about ourselves?

There are a few things that have really bothered me over the last few weeks; items from news headlines and articles. Here they are {in brief} and my thoughts on them {in brief…as brief as I can be}:

All Parents have Challenges

Gwyneth says moms with "regular" jobs working 9 to 5 have it easier than "movie stars" working 14 hours on location.

My Take: Don't compare yourself to others and their situations. You have no idea the challenges, burdens and sacrifices that another has faced or is facing. Simply be kind to others and live your own life. And if you don't like your life, take steps to change that – this goes for "movie stars" too.

I have no doubt it is challenging to be a celebrity and a mom, but it is also challenging to be "regular" mom working 9 to 5 in an office or working from home or working shifts or whatever a mom's situation is. Can we just agree it's challenging to be a mom?

Government could Save $400 Million with One Simple Change

Fourteen year-old boy comes up with a simple (& proven) way to save the federal and state governments $400 million dollars each year by changing the font in which they use for printing purposes; Times New Roman uses more ink than Garamond. By printing in Garamond, the governments would save this astronomical (to me) amount in ink costs.

My Take: This is remarkable. And yet, will the branches of government even consider such a change; a change that could mean closing the gap in other areas of their budgets or that this money could go towards more important things than ink? I doubt it. It seems that the government (federal and state) and the politicians running them are rarely interested in ways to truly be economical or do what is safer, healthier or smarter with our money. It is almost always about spending money in their districts or with their constituents or something that will benefit them personally, I am sorry to say.

But wouldn't it be great to see the government truly working with this 14 year-old and implementing this simple change?

If the government was run like a household budget, the government would most certainly try this money-saving plan.

Watch YourSELF! Don't be a Bully!

Self Magazine published a photo of two women running in a marathon wearing superhero-inspired tutus…and featured it in their BS Meter, Legit or Lame segment, calling it lame and making fun of them for wearing the tutus…one of the runners in the photo has cancer, ran while doing chemo and makes and sells the tutus to help fund a youth development program for girls…

My Take: This whole thing really smells to high heaven. They asked permission to use this photo and then proceeded to make fun of her and her friend… that's bad enough. But then, they find out she has cancer and was going through chemotherapy during the time she ran and she does good with the money she makes in selling these tutus….wow!

So, editors at Self, clearly you failed miserably on this photo, but I think you have failed overall with this whole segment. Who are you to poke fun at anyone? Even if she and her friend were simply runners, no cancer or nonprofits involved, it's not OK to make rude comments about someone. That is bullying behavior. I say ditch your BS Meter altogether.

I applaud the self-expression, and you can call me lame if you like, but anything superhero-inspired is cool in our household. And seriously, these two women were RUNNING A MARATHON! They ROCK…period!

Privacy Issues in School Bathrooms

There was a recent incident in a St. Paul school when a janitor was inappropriate in a boys bathroom.

My Take: As a mom to boys, I have often thought this is a bad idea for the men on staff to share a bathroom with the boys in the school, considering there are urinals and not just stalls. I think both boys and the male teachers/staff should have privacy in a bathroom at school. And having separate bathrooms for students and personnel affords protection from such instances, for both the adults and students. Of course, the same can be said for the girls bathrooms too, but there are at least stalls and doors, giving more privacy. And really, I'm not sure urinals without enclosures have a place in schools.

Suing Your Parents is NOT a Good Idea…EVER

A high school student sued her parents, trying to force them to pay for her college expenses. The suit was dropped and the girl moved home, fortunately.

My Take: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Clearly, this girl had lost her way somewhere and has hopefully found her path again now. There was little basis to her lawsuit. There was no evidence of abuse or neglect. Instead, it appeared to be a case of a girl not wanting to follow her parents' rules (which by reports from her parents were not terribly restricting) and leaving home on her own accord to live with a friend's family once she turned 18, but wanting her parents to continue to fund her life.

This friend's father was an attorney. It sounds like he talked her into suing her parents for her Catholic high school tuition payment and college living expenses for the next year. This is very unfortunate, it not only put attorneys in a bad light yet again, it also makes the girl look like a spoiled rotten, greedy brat (which may not have been the case at all) and these shenanigans cost all involved a great deal of expense and energy and heartache….all for nothing.

Usually simply talking out a problem is a good and cheap solution to most familial issues.

These are the headlines that have been knocking around in my head lately. And now you know my take on them. Over and out…

Anna

 

 

 

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I’ll Never.... {Eating Our Words}

I reasoned and justified and talked myself in and out of it and finally succumbed. The simple truth was that he wanted this one thing for his birthday from us and my parents, and we actually thought it wasn't a bad idea. And yet, I had always said, I'll NEVER buy that!

But we did. We bought our 7 year old a Nintendo 3DS for his birthday....and you know, we haven't regretted it yet.

The world of parenting is full of "I'll Never....." moments that must be choked down, sometimes with bitterness and other times with laughter.

You want to know a few of our "I'll Never" statements from the past?

I'll Never let my kids sleep in our bed.....

I'll Never feed my kids fast food....

I'll Never let my kids watch TV for hours....

I'll Never buy any Gaming system for my kids...

I'll Never dress my kids in clothes with characters on them....

I'll Never yell at my kids...

Famous last words!

The truth is that before we have kids we have no idea what it's like to negotiate the parental minefields day in and day out. We certainly think we do, but we don't.

A couple that we are quite fond of once said pre-kids, "We'll NEVER let our kids scream." Seriously. We still laugh (good naturedly) about that one.

They now have kids. I have heard their kids scream. They weren't able to stop it from happening.

So, were we right to give in to our "I'll Nevers?" Does this make us poor parents? Does this make us weak?

No, it means we are mere mortals who negotiate our way to more sleep or through a busy day or with a happy kid wearing a Lighting McQueen t-shirt and Batman shorts with Transformer sandals or kids who sometimes get yelled for good or for bad and who sometimes have lazy TV days while eating McDonald's Happy Meals on occasion.

And we are all OK.

Never is a strong word. Never lasts a long time.

Before we have kids we are pretty much in control of our days and nights. We make adult decisions with the reasoning of an adult. We don't have much cause to yell on a daily basis. We go to sleep and stay asleep until it's time to get up. We don't repeat ourselves 600 times a day or wipe someone else's bottom or remind someone to pee into the toilet instead of all around the toilet or in the backyard. We don't say things like, "Please don't lick the window" or "Where did you get that French fry?" or "Stop hitting your brother with the sword!"

Before we have kids we are pretty reasonable, decent, clean and well-kept individuals with broad minds and deeply social calendars. And then, we bring tiny little bundles into our homes.

They don't look very dangerous. They can't even walk or talk. But they pretty much destroy just about everything you thought your life was.

They make you eat your pre-baby words and change your heart and soul and living space and schedule and calendar entries.

Now, if you have kids you know what I'm talking about, and if you don't then you are one rigid, structured parent with very pliable offspring. If you don't have kids....well, watch your words. Some of those "I'll Nevers" are hard to swallow.

Of course, having to swallow ill chosen words can come from judging other's parenting style or lack thereof too. Another point we must all remember and keep in mind before spitting out those words that follow, "I'll Never" is that unless we have walked a mile in another's shoes, we don't know all the circumstances and we aren't permitted to weigh in on the character or fitness of another parent (unless under severe circumstances, as outlined below).

And yet, there are a few "I'll Nevers" that MUST be followed...

I'll Never shake my baby...

I'll Never leave my child unrestrained in a vehicle....

I'll Never text and drive, especially while my kids are in the car...

I'll Never leave my young child in a vehicle alone...

I'll Never leave out chemical cleansers or other poisonous hazards...

So you have to choke down a few "I'll Nevers." We all do. It simply means we're parents. So, have a cup of joy and side of silliness with your bitter sweet "I'll Never" because laughter is always better than resentment. And remember to be gentle with yourself and others and reserve judgment. Over and out...

Anna

Inked: Minor Obstacles

Tattoo Collection

I have a small junk drawer in my kitchen. In it you will find a few markers, some twist ties, a variety of small notepads, a few old corks, some outlet covers left over from when there were toddlers in the house, a battery or two, a small screwdriver, myriad other odds and ins and a number of temporary tattoos. This collection of tattoos includes butterflies, animals, Pixar character, pizza joint logos and more.

We've been accumulating this collection for the last 5 years. They've come from Valentine's cards, birthday parties, restaurants, nannies, trick-or-treating, various community events, etc.

My kids love tattoos. I can't remember when it started or where the first tattoo came from, but what I do know is that they quickly figured out how to apply them by themselves & they wear them with great pride; the bigger and more colorful the better.

Allure of Ink

I have never understood the allure of tattoos; whether temporary or permanent. This is certainly something I will never do. The pain alone is enough to stop me. I almost didn't have children solely based on the pain of childbirth. And yet, I find other's tattoos very interesting; the colors, the design, the statements being made. They are pieces of art on living canvasses.

Lately, I've been seeing more and more people with tattoos; many with several tattoos, bright and big and covering large parts of their bodies; people shopping at Target; the baristas at my favorite coffee shop; parents at t-ball games; at the pool. In fact, as I write this, while seated at a coffee shop, a man with tattoos reaching out from his short sleeves, peeking out from his collar and dotting his forearms came in and sat at the table next to mine. I don't know what's responsible for this societal shift, but there appears to have been one.

Protection for Government Interference?

It's fine for an adult who understands and accepts that permanent ink displayed on body parts that may be visible even when dressed from head to toe may not be looked upon favorably in certain professionals, may not always be in vogue and most certainly may not always fit one's personal style and preferences to make that decision to get a permanent tattoo, but how much liberty should a minor have in making this decision?

According to National Conference of State Legislatures, as of December 2011, there were 39 states with laws restricting tattooing minors. Many of these laws include body piercing, as well. Note that I used the word "restricting" not "prohibiting." Many of these laws provide that a minor under 18 is prohibited from getting a tattoo or body piercing unless there is parental consent.

Should it be in the parent's control? Is this an issue of cultural, societal and personal preferences?

Most parents aren't suggesting that their children get inked or pierced or giving in to such requests from their tweens or teens. And yet, if mom and/or dad are covered in tatts or cultural and societal norms aren't mainstream and the parents and/or guardians think it's fine for junior to get a tattoo at age 5 or pierced bellybutton at 15, is that OK?

Or would that be abuse to be reported to child protective services?

Well, in Florida, whose law changed in January 2012, a grandfather with custody of his grandson found himself in hot water when he allowed the 10 year-old to get a tattoo of his initials on his leg; a family tradition.

The FL law had previously allowed minors under 16 to get a tattoo with parental consent. It now restricts minors under 16 from getting tattoos except for medical or dental reasons and minors 16 to 18 are permitted to go forward with the inking with the consent of a parent.

The grandfather lost custody of his grandson based on his decision to allow the tattoo, regardless of the law restricting this action.

Often it's the tattoo artist who gets in gets in trouble with the law, as well as the parent.

The Scoop

I'm not a fan of tattoos; permanent or temporary. And I hope my boys never decide they should mark their skin with ink of the permanent kind, at least. But if they do want to get a tattoo or pierce through their skin and add ornamentation of some sort, I can guarantee you it will not be while they are minors and are required to seek parental consent.

As for the law, there may be those who see this as government interference into the rights of parents to make decisions for their kids, but I see it as protection from parents who may not quite appreciate the full repercussions of allowing minors to make body modifications at such a young age. Over and out...

Anna

Crossing the Line: To Train Up a Child

A Different Point of View

Isn't it funny how time and age and experience change the way we see our favorite books and movies from our childhoods?

The other day some friends and I were discussing reading the Little House on the Prairie series to our own children. The series was a favorite of ours as children and aside from the nostalgia of reading these books there is a different perspective now; that of a parent.

We were musing over how well behaved the children were and how well they listened to their parents and followed directions; carrying out many difficult chores day in and day out; and all with just a few handmade toys and no DVDs. What made these children so hard-working and obedient?

Of course, times have changed...a lot. But for one thing, there was corporal punishment; and the kids knew this and expected it. There was a certain amount of fear mixed with respect when it came to their parents.

Today, as I discussed in yesterday's post, there are many different schools of thought about the best way to discipline and raise a fine, upstanding, well-behaved child. However, there is a point where so-called discipline crosses the line and becomes abuse; even murder. There is a book that has been the cause of concern for parents, social workers and prosecutors in the last several years.

Excuse to Abuse

This book advocates for using spankings on children as young as 6 months old to train them to submit to authority; to essentially break children in the same style that the Amish break their stubborn mules. Michael Pearl self-published his book, To Train Up a Child, and it has become popular in ultra-conservative homes, especially in Christian homeschooling households.

This book, which suggests using a switch for spanking a child in one example, describes how to use a quarter-inch flexible plumbing line for hitting the arms, legs or back and even advocates for periodic fasting for children, has now been linked to the deaths of several children. These children all died at the hands of their parents after being systematically beaten, most with the plumbing tubing mentioned by Pearl, having food withheld from them and subjected to other means of "discipline" supported by Pearl. Pearl's book was found in the homes of each of these children.

When Discipline Becomes Abuse

This is not to say that the book is to blame for these parents lashing out and killing their kids in an attempt to train them to submit to their authority. The parents are to blame. However, these parents had been led to believe that such behavior is acceptable. It is not.

Pearl has said it's not his fault if delusional, mentally ill parents took the wrong idea from his book. I think they understood his general principles and they just took it a step further, which resulted in the death of their children.

I would say it is never, not even once, acceptable to hit your child on the arms, back and legs with a switch, rubber tubing or any other instrument. This is abusive behavior that will only teach your child to fear and hate you.

The parents who followed Pearl's book, albeit extreme cases of following his teachings, were indicted for murder and are serving prison sentences now. Their discipline was most certainly actually physical and mental abuse. Their praying during or in between beatings does not make it alright either.

The Scoop

There is a wide expanse between parents who use spankings as a way to discipline their children and parents who withhold food and use various instruments to hit their children in the name of discipline. If you feel that you need clarification of where the line is drawn between discipline and abuse, see this link to the U.S. Administration for Children and Families.

Abuse in the name of discipline is still abuse. Abuse is a criminal offense. Abuse hurts everyone.

Teaching respect, trust and reason makes for a stronger, kinder, more confident child and adult. Over and out...

Anna

Bad Behavior: Discipline of a Child

Spankings

As a child, I was spanked. In my recollection, it was quite often, as I was a precocious child, and I talked back quite frequently. My brother and I didn't think much of it. All of our friends were spanked too. Generally, it was the mother who took care of routine wrongs, but it was the father who came into the picture when there was major misbehavior or when the mama was done dealing with the kids.

Of course, I grew up in Texas. There, no one is shocked by a parent spanking a child as a part of discipline. In fact, the shocking part is if a kid is not spanked by his parents.

I was recently reminded of this during a trip to Texas. As old friends and I, now all moms, discussed parenting techniques, I realized that the spanking is still alive and well down in Texas.

Differences in Direction

Up in Minnesota, parents must be at the end of their ropes and then some before ever even considering spanking his or her child. A spanking is of last resort only; a move they hope to never have to make. And perhaps would never even consider.

Minnesotans would point to study after study that says that spanking a child could increase aggressive tendencies in children and even as adults. Texans will point out that if you spare the rod, you'll spoil the child.

Now, I realize this may not account for the mindset of every parent in TX or every parent in MN. I'm definitely making generalizations based on my own experience as a child in Texas and a parent in MN. I'm not saying that I think the MN parent is right and the TX parent is wrong, or vice versa; I'm simply pointing out the difference in cultures from south to north.

Passive Discipline

The discipline of a child has become a controversial issue over the years. It wasn't always such a big deal. Even when I was a child, not that many years ago, it was more acceptable for a teacher to spank a child in school. Well, at least at my extremely strict, private, Christian school it was. When I was in kindergarten, I got a spanking for speaking {to the teacher} without raising my hand. {Truly}

But things have changed. There is no corporal punishment at all in public schools now. Positive re-enforcement, re-direction, detention, etc is used instead. Discipline today is rather passive and whether it works better than corporal punishment is debatable. Putting the fear of God into me in kindergarten sure worked for me; I was never in trouble in school ever again. So, when one reads of a kindergartner being cuffed and taken from school to the police station, it makes an impression.

Cuffing a Child

Last week, police in Milledgeville, GA were summoned to an elementary school after a fit-throwing kindergartener could not be contained. The 6 year old girl had been sent to the principal's office after she pushed several classmates and threw items from her teacher's desk.

School personnel struggled to get her to the principal's office and once there she became even more combative throwing furniture, hitting the principal with one piece of projectile furniture; biting the door handle, jumping on a paper shredder and trying to break items on the principal's desk all in an attempt to escape from the office.

When they could not get control of her, the school called the police for help. The school tried to contact the girl's parents, but weren't able to reach them. The police stand by their decision to cuff the girl, saying they tried to calm her down, but could not. And their standard protocol for transporting a person in the backseat of a police cruiser to the police station is to cuff the person, regardless of the age of the person.

Once at the station, the girl was uncuffed, placed in a briefing room and given a drink. They were then able to reach an aunt who agreed to pick up the girl.

The girl was charged with simple assault and criminal damage to property, but won't be prosecuted because she is 6 years old; instead her case will be turned over to social services for any aid she and her family may need. She has also been expelled from school for the rest of the year.

The girl's parents are furious, saying this was a school issue, not a law enforcement issue. They think the principal, counselors and social workers at the school should have dealt with her mood swings.

Now, clearly this is an extreme case of misbehavior; the police do not normally get involved with the misconduct of a 6 year old. However, I am wondering if this was the first outburst of this kind from this girl or if this particular incident just escalated above and beyond all the others. I'm also wondering if the child is suffering from a psychological malady.

The Scoop

Often, I think the issues surrounding discipline are about respect. If a child respects the adult, the child is less likely to misbehave. I'll be the first to admit that I'm no expert about child discipline, but it seems to me that one of the biggest problems with the youth of today is respect for adults.

When we, as adults, see another child misbehaving at the park, at a store, walking down the street, etc. do we say anything or just ignore it? Often, it is ignored. That isn't the way it always was.

I've never been one to bite my tongue and I've been known to say something to the child pushing another child at the park or to the child harassing the geese at the zoo or to the child taunting another child at the mall play area, etc., etc., etc. If it's something that I wouldn't accept from my children, I say something when no one else is. Maybe I shouldn't, but I don't think adults should sit idly by and let kids run amuck bullying other kids and adults alike.

I actually have more to say on this subject; I'll be back tomorrow. Over and out...

Anna

New Beginnings: State Laws Taking Effect January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

January 1^st....the start of a new year, a day a big sales at retail giants, the first day of a new diet for many and the day a number of new state laws take effect. January is definitely the month of new beginnings and that rings true for many laws too.

While I haven't surveyed every state, I did take a look at some of the new state laws from around the country. I have highlighted the new laws {or absence of pertinent new laws} that have just taken effect that concern parents, kids and/or families.

While you may think this is unimportant information, take a look; there may be a few that concern you and your family. With almost 40,000 new laws going into effect on January 1, 2012, there must be something that affects you or someone you know.

A Few New State Laws

Minnesota

No news laws that pertain to families. {Let it be noted that it was quite an argumentative year in MN.}

Texas

College students attending school in Texas to get a meningitis vaccine. This law is applicable to all state universities, community colleges and junior colleges. TX is the first state mandate this. The students must have had this vaccine within the last 5 years.

Texas homeowners will be protected from aggressive homeowner associations that try to foreclose on homes based on late dues, fees and fines.

New York

Hookahs, water pipes, and shisha (a product made of primarily tobacco and smoked) shall not be sold to minors.

A new law will strengthen DEC's authority to ban products that contain mercury.

Middle class tax cuts will reduce tax rates on middle to their lowest levels in more than 50 years About 4.4 million middle class taxpayers will receive a total of  $690 million in personal income tax relief.

California

Open carrying of guns is banned;

Children under 8 and those who are too small to wear regular seat belts must use a child safety seat or booster seat.

Florida

The federal government will no longer have a hand in control the Florida school meal programs This will allow the state of Florida to use more Florida-grown fresh fruit and vegetables on school menus.

Illinois

Hotels are now required to be equipped with at least one smoke detector within 15 feet of every room that is used for sleeping purposes. (HB 1398/ PA-97-0447)

Allows local school boards to, if federal grants are available, opt in to a full-year pilot plan if a school is on academic watch status for more than 2 years. Schools that opt in must increase their school calendar by 35 days, and requires students attend a minimum of 215 days. This pilot program affects only schools in Sen. James Meeks' district.

Requires criminal background information on an employee that has been obtained by a school district within the last year to be shared, upon request, with any other school district.

Changes legislation to reflect the current criminal penalty for making a false report of child abuse to DCFS, and updates the required posted warning to reflect that a false report is a Class 4 felony violation.

Allows people in divorce situations to use life insurance as a security for child support and maintenance obligations.

Requires all employees of licensed child care facilities who care for newborns and infants to complete training every 3 years on sudden unexpected infant death (SUID), sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and on the safe sleep recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Requires adult passengers in the back seat of a vehicle to wear a seat belt, and also requires those 18 and younger riding in a taxi cab for school-related purposes to wear a seat belt.

Colorado

Coaches must not allow players as young as 11 to continue playing a sport if a head injury is suspected. In order to return to play, the athletics will be required to have medical clearance. Furthermore, coaches in public and private schools and even volunteer coaches of Little League and Pop Warner football are required to take a free annual online training to learn the symptoms to recognize a concussion.

Delaware

Same-sex couples can now enter into a civil union or domestic partnerships, which give them the same state rights and obligations of those who are married.

The Scoop

Does your state have any new laws worth checking out? I'll be touching base regarding distracted driving issues in this New Year on Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Over and out...

Anna

Motherly Advice: When Parenting Brings Out the Worst in a Person

They say parenting brings out the best in a person. Parenting has brought out a lot in me; sides of me I had never seen before and hope to never see again. I sure hope that's not the best of me because if it is at best I'm crabby, irrational and always tired.

Yesterday I finished up my shopping. I was at Target in the kids' shoes looking at boys' slippers. There was another mom there with her three sons. They were also looking at boys' slippers. One of the sons, in particular, was being difficult about choosing a pair of slippers that fit correctly. And the mom was being just as difficult. Later, I heard her again; still being difficult in the boys' clothes department. She had had enough; she needed a break.

Years ago, before I had kids, I would have judged her a bad mom. I would have felt sorry for her boys. I would have thought how I would do it differently. Today, she got no judgment from me. I have been there....many times...many, many times.

In fact, every parent has been, and if you can't admit to it, then you or your children are angels disguised as humans or you or your children are robots. The mom I saw today needed some time alone and perhaps a glass of wine or a cup of tea or a whole bag of chocolate kisses or a hot shower or a good night of sleep or something else, but she'll get over her funk; I can't guarantee that the difficult son will go over his mood, but she will. And this doesn't mean she's a bad parent; this just means she's human.

Parenting is always a challenge; life is often difficult; and life in Minnesota during the very short days and long, dark nights of December is cruel. Getting upset with your child is normal, but there is never, never, never a time that punching your child in the face is alright. Sadly, this past week, a Twin Cities man did just this to his 8^th grade son.

The man and his son were walking out of school after the son's basketball game and he began punching his son repeatedly in the face. I don't know this man's story, but I don't have to. There is simply never a time that it's OK to punch your child; not at home in private; not at school in public; not anywhere; not ever.

Other parents restrained this man and called the police. The man was arrested and spent the night in jail, but was bailed out without any conditions the following day. Fortunately, the son did not need medical attention and will recover; that is, his physical wounds will heal. Unfortunately, this public display of abuse was probably not the first, nor the last, violence this child will suffer at the hand of his parent.

During this time of joy and festivities, let us not forget that the best gift we can give our children is a good example. Of course, this is harder than it sounds. So, let us also not forget that the best gift we can give ourselves is time; time away; time alone; time to relieve stresses; time to rejuvenate; time to forgive our shortcomings and disappointments; time to remember why we love our children. Over and out...

Anna

Child Obesity: What’s in the Child’s Best Interest?

Truly a Growing Problem?

I came across an interesting article earlier this week, and I'm not even sure what my opinion is regarding this matter. It has to do with weight. Weight is a touchy issue; very few of us, have never struggled with a weight issue, whether the issue was to lose weight or gain weight. At various times of my life I have been on both sides of this issue.

Let me also preface this subject by saying that I have tall, muscular, broad kids (both built like their daddy) who both tip the scales at the top of their age ranges; they also rank in the top of height percentiles, as well. In fact, at the last well-check of each Darling Boy the pediatrician explained that based on their weights alone, he was forced to check them off as "obese" for insurance purposes. This reporting is done anonymously in a large pool of all kids who have well-checks, based on specific ages.

My children are not obese for any other purpose (check out those sweet, skinny boys above & don't let the 3 year-old's pudgy cheeks fool you; he's the skinniest). I, of course, spoke up and argued this point. While my sons' pediatrician agreed with me, he told me that his hands were tied because this "mandatory" reporting is linked to insurance companies paying the doctors for their services to patients. He went on to tell me that every big, strong high school athlete he had recently seen for school physicals were also labeled as "obese" for the insurance reports.

Now, this makes me think twice when I see the reports of the high percentages of obese kids; and all of the reports, studies, groups and grants concerning this issue. At the same time, I know there are kids who are obese and who need to learn how to eat a nutritional, balanced diet and exercise on a daily basis. There are also kids who have a genetic predisposition to weight gain. And now for the story I read. Then, you can decide where you stand on this topic.

200 Pound Third Grader

This subtitle reads like a tabloid article, and you can just picture the photo running with the headline in the newsprint placed next to the bubble gum at the checkout counter, but this is sadly true. A boy in third grade weighing 200 pounds was removed from his mother's custody and placed with a foster family due to his weight related health issues. The mother had taken her son to a hospital last year when he started to have breathing problems; clearly, a concerned parent. It was determined that he has sleep apnea. At that time, the hospital enrolled him in program aimed at reducing his weight. Through that program, he was being monitored by social workers and had been losing some weight, but had recently begun to gain weight again.

When he started putting pounds on, the social workers asked a juvenile court to remove the boy from his mother's custody based on his obesity as a medical neglect issue. The boy's mother claimed that she was following the dietary guidelines provided by the hospital program and was doing her best to help her child.

Obesity as Neglect

This may seem extreme, but remember the court's duty is to do what is in a child's best interest. So, is this in the child's best interest? What if the child was severely underweight instead of grossly overweight? How would you feel about this issue then? If the child appeared to be starving, the court would remove the child in this instance too. The court must do its best to ensure that any child that comes to its attention has a clean, safe and healthy environment with adequate nutrition and direction in which to live and grow.

Clearly, this is an extreme case, but it has happened before. The article I read from ABC News cited a 90 pound 3 year old girl who was removed from her parents' home for two months due to her large size and inability to lose weight in her parent's care. She was returned to her parents when it was determined that she had a genetic predisposition and she did not lose any weight while in foster care despite following strict guidelines.

The Scoop

Are we going overboard on the subject of obese kids? Is obesity a legitimate cause for concern and reason to lose custody of your child, even temporarily? For me, this is hard question. How do you feel about this issue? No matter which way you view this story and others like it, it's very sad for the child and the parents involved. Over and out...

Anna

Choose Your Side Carefully: A Word to the Students of Penn State {On a Soapbox}

Kill the Messenger?

Hold the stinkin' phone. I just found my soapbox. I had been planning to note the various sad, ludicrous state of affairs repeated over and over again on every news medium concerning myriad subjects. Then, I read that Mike McQueary, the one-time grad student who gave the most damning testimony before the grand jury, had been sidelined and won't be at tomorrow's Penn State game due to threats. In fact, PSU has now placed him on administrative leave.

I was already quite disappointed to read how a number of the PSU student body reacted to the firing of Head Coach Joe Paterno by rioting in the streets. This demonstration was ridiculous. Paterno may have met his legal obligation, but his moral compass was off....perhaps for a good many years, with regards to Jerry Sandusky.

What I can't find is additional information about the threats received by McQueary, and who is threatening him. My assumption is that it's past and/or present students and diehard fans who have misplaced their fury involving this far reaching university shakedown.

Making Sense of It All

The anger, resentment and disgust should be placed firmly on the shoulders of Sandusky. The disappointment falls to the PSU administrators who knew of these sick and illegal actions perpetrated by Sandusky, but did nothing to stop it and failed to alert authorities to these crimes. Sadness shelters these vulnerable boys, known as victims 1 – 8. The utter disbelief goes to students who reacted so inappropriately at the news of the PSU Trustees' decision to fire Paterno and the University President.

How deep with festering sore reaches into the heart of this University is yet to be seen, but this must serve as a reminder to all of us that when we see or hear of an injustice, an inappropriate action or questionable situation, we must not turn a blind eye simply because we can't believe it, because it might be difficult for a family, a church, a business, the adoring public, a school to accept or that it will bring down a respected, prestigious, wealthy, well-known figure. These are excuses and are irrelevant.

The focus must be on what is right and wrong; whether a person is being harmed; whether some wrongdoing is afoot. It matters not who is committing the crime; no one is above the law. And eventually that person will be exposed for who he or she really is and this might mean bringing down a whole institution, but so be it.

A Message to the Students

To the students of PSU*, don't be fools; stand on the right side of this playing field. It takes a strong person to support the weak, the unheard, the forgotten; it takes weak, insignificant, superficial person to say we don't care about the morals, the crimes, the children; the game must be won at all costs. So, students of PSU, one day when you have children, what will you think of your actions? What will you tell your children about this chapter of your college career? There is still time to rectify your misguided stance. I believe you are better than this; prove me right. Over and out...

Anna

*I realize that PSU is a very large campus and not all of the students are acting in this way, but these few are destroying the image of the student body as a whole.

On A Soapbox: Suing Mom?

Worst Mommy in the World

I am not the most patient mom in the world. I'll admit it. I have been known to lose my temper. It's true. I have, at times, been called "the worst mommy in the WORLD!" by my hot-headed, tantrum-throwing offspring. I've been judged and sentenced to time out or prison, whatever that is to a 5 year-old. I have sometimes agreed with the sentences pronounced upon me...sometimes.

But my children are still young, impetuous and unschooled in life, and I expect that in time they'll grow and mature and understand that life isn't fair; they don't get everything they want whether they deserve it or not; and that they won't always deserve, or need, the things they may think they simply cannot live without.

Extreme and Outrageous Behavior

I pray that my kids will understand these things and love me regardless of how much {or how little} I spend on them. I sincerely hope my kids don't ever sue me because I wasn't the "world's best mommy" in their view every day.

You think it's absurd that I would hope such a thing? Because seriously, what kind of values am I teaching my kids, right? What kind of brat would sue a parent over such trivial and unimportant issues? Who, indeed? Well, I'll tell you precisely who: Stephen A. Miner II and Kathryn Miner, now 23 and 20, respectively, of Barrington Hills, a wealthy Chicago suburb.

These spoiled, rotten brats {in my opinion}...ahem...siblings sued their mother. What did they claim she did to them as children? Were there allegations of locking them in the closet; leaving them in the car until 2 a.m. while she sat in a bar drinking; physically, sexually or mentally abusing them, withholding food or shelter from them? No, these two claimed emotional distress and sought damages for her alleged "extreme and outrageous" behavior. Here are some of the specific instances that lead to these claims by said Plaintiffs: The Respondent, a.k.a. Mom, allegedly:

• Told Steven when he was 7 that she would call police if he didn't buckle his seat belt.
• Failed to send college care packages and birthday cards for many years, and when she sent cards, failed to include cash.
• Changed her last name, causing distress at school events.
• Sent Steven a birthday card showing a bunch of tomatoes, one with googly eyes, with the caption: "Son I got you this birthday card because it's just like you … different from all the rest!"
• Haggled over the amount spent on Kathryn Miner's party dresses.
• Called Kathryn Miner at midnight while she was at homecoming and told her to come home.
• Played favorites with the kids.

~Source: ABA Journal, August 29, 2011

Family Dynamics

So, where was the father of these shallow kids when they were contemplating suing dear ol' mom? Where, indeed? Why he was one of the attorneys who helped to bring this suit to court. Their father represented them in this lawsuit. Ah, this is starting to make more sense, isn't it?

When little Steven and Kathryn were and 7 and 4, their parents divorced. Steven Miner, Sr., their father, was awarded full custody of young Steven and the two parents shared custody of their young daughter. Clearly, there are still some issues that should probably be resolved in therapy or during long, open-hearted, emotional conversations with each other.

This week, an Illinois appellate court dismissed this case finding that the mother's alleged conduct was neither extreme nor outrageous. The Court further stated that a ruling in favor of the children "could potentially open the floodgate to subject family child rearing to ...excessive judicial scrutiny and interference" as quoted in the ABA Journal, August 29, 2011.

The Scoop

This frivolous, petty, overly litigious claim not only wasted the time and money for all involved, but as nj.com points out it also lessens the very real and tragic stories of kids who are truly abused and mistreated by their parents.

The mother, Kimberly Garrity, other than perhaps having her heart broken by her malcontent offspring, also could have gone broke fighting this lawsuit. From several articles I read, it looks like Ms. Garrity will not recoup her attorney fees in this matter. And yet, the Plaintiffs, who supposedly lost this battle, won't have to pay much, if anything, considering Daddy was their attorney. So, who really won?

Hmmmm, something stinks here. Clearly, there was some abuse here. The Miners, all three of them, abused the judicial system in trying to settle a personal and very petty score. Over and out...

Anna

The List: Countering Tragedy with Information

Birthday Wishes

For our family, this week was a week of celebrating Darling 1's 5^th Birthday; having fun with family in Texas and cross-country driving. We laughed and played and ate and soaked up the hot, dry heat. Even though the last leg of our trip home was a difficult one with all of us worn and wearied from our road trip adventures, we did not suffer any tragedies; we endured and we made it home safely.

Sadness Abounds

And yet, this week there were a number of headlines that deeply saddened me. Young lives were lost and put at risk due to misjudgment, ignorance or pure accident. Despite every precaution, thoughtful planning and protective measure taken, tragedies still do occur, but parents should continue do their best to educate themselves and their children about safety issues in order to reduce the risk associated with merely living life and growing up.

I have written past posts about the issues surrounding each of these tragedies. Please take a moment to refresh your memory and remind your kiddos of these safety measures regarding guns, becoming separated from a parent and leaving children unattended vehicles.

A Hot Topic

It's been exceedingly hot in numerous areas of the country lately. While you should never leave a child unattended in a vehicle for both health and safety reasons regardless of what the weather conditions are, it is particularly vital to be completely mindful of whether your child is in the vehicle during these scorching hot days. It takes only a matter of minutes for hot metal car out in the sun to become a hot metal oven.

In St. Louis, MO, this week a mother and two companions left a 5 month-old infant and 21 month-old twins in a hot car with one window partially down on a day when there was a high heat advisory issued. The trio left the kids in the car to go into a restaurant and place a t0 go order. All three sat and waited for their order, drinking soft drinks and eating an appetizer. Fortunately, witnesses quickly called authorities and these three screaming, dehydrated, sweat drenched kids were rescued.

Clearly, these people knew what they were doing, but didn't care or realize the consequences. Most often it's purely a slip of the mind that causes this kind of catastrophe.

Not Even for a Minute: Children Left Unattended in Vehicles

There but for the Grace of God, Go I: Tips and Websites for Keeping Your Child Safe In and Around Vehicles

Guns Kill

Guns in homes scare me; particularly when there are youngsters in a home. Whether it's your own home, your parents' home or a friend's home, if there are any guns in the home make sure they are all secured. By secure I mean unloaded and locked away in a case that cannot be accessed by little hands.

Also in St. Louis, Lilianna Moore, 3 year-old little girl, found a loaded gun between two mattresses in her home and accidentally shot and killed herself this week. Strangely enough, on the very same day, two other kids were also injured in separate instances, also in St. Louis. These shooting appear to be related to gang activity.

In my opinion, it's not worth the risk to have a gun in your home. I realize that some people don't have a choice, as in the case of law enforcement personnel, etc., but there are ways to ensure that accidental shootings do not happen in your home or anywhere your children are visiting or playing.

The Right to Bear Arms in Your Home: McDonald v. City of Chicago

The Cautious Approach to Life: Tips for Teaching Your Kids Gun Safety

A Parent's Greatest Fear

At what age a child is old enough to be on his or her own walking to a park, a community pool, a friend's house, or in the case of Leibby Kletzky, to meet his mother after leaving a day camp is a decision that each parent and child must determine for themselves, but it's certainly a question on the minds of many parents this week.

Little Leibby's story is almost unspeakable. I read one article that said the fact that we are all shocked about it is a good thing because that means it isn't something that happens often. In my opinion, if even one child is walking down a street, asks a stranger for help with directions and is then stolen away and murdered, as was the case with Leibby, then it is happening too often...period.

Regardless of whether your child becomes separated from you in a public place or doesn't arrive home at the designated time after school or from visiting a friend, etc., you and your child should know what to do in the case of being lost or separated. This is something to be practiced and talked about in a matter-of-fact manner often. This way, if you ever become separated, neither of you will overly panic {at least that is the hope} because you will both know what to do in such a circumstance; and you will know what your child will do, as well.

Holding on Tight: What to Do if Separated from Your Child

The Scoop

My heart breaks each time I hear such horribly sad stories as these. My prayers go out to each family involved in these tragedies. Let information be your sword and shield, and do your best to protect your family through informing and educating them. Over and out...

Anna

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt: The Casey Anthony Verdict

The Verdict

You probably won't agree with me on this, but this is my perspective of the Casey Anthony verdict.  I think that justice was served from a legal perspective.  Take note that I am referring to the jury's verdict; I did not say that I believe Anthony is innocent.

Neither you nor I sat through every minute of testimony, examined every bit of evidence and applied the instructions from the court to the evidence presented. The jurors chosen for the Anthony trial did do these things, and in the end they decided the evidence did not show beyond a reasonable doubt that Anthony murdered her 2 year old daughter, Caylee, in the summer 2008. The jury did find Anthony guilty of four counts of providing false information to the police.

Emotional Reaction

As you most likely know from the heavy media coverage, the jury returned its verdict on July 5, after more than 10 hours of deliberation and after weeks of hearing evidence during the trial. The not guilty verdict was met with anger, frustration, confusion and tears all across the country. People in almost every state have rallied, representing little Caylee, an innocent child who was murdered three years ago, and felt that justice was not served in this case.

I read one article that mentioned a woman who had started a petition to have the judge overturn the verdict. Many people say that they are certain Anthony is a murderer; other articles and comments called the jurors incompetent; and absolute outrage has erupted across the Internet following this verdict.

The Jury

These 12 jurors, 7 women and 5 men, in Orlando, FL, were charged with weighing the evidence presented and determining whether beyond a reasonable doubt Anthony murdered her daughter. They have done their job. They were not asked to go with their gut instincts; they were not asked to decide based on popular public opinion; they were not asked to listen to legal talk shows "experts" and opt for their legal spinnings; they were told to listen to the evidence presented and follow the instructions given to them in order to decide this case based on legal principles. They have done their job.

Standard of Proof

Florida's standard of proof for felony murder is beyond a reasonable doubt. Black's Law Dictionary defines "Reasonable Doubt" as "not a mere possible doubt; because everything relating to human affairs, and depending on moral evidence, is open to some possible or imaginary doubt. It is that state of the case, which, after the entire comparison and consideration of all the evidence, leaves the minds of jurors in that condition that they cannot say they feel an abiding conviction, to a moral certainty, of the truth of the charge."

Black's further provides, "In deciding whether guilt has been proved beyond a reasonable doubt, the jury must begin with the presumption that the defendant is innocent." This is not something the general public, media or legal pundits must do. Anyone, who is not on the jury, is free to form his or her own opinion about any given person, incident, evidence or verdict. The jury must stick to the evidence presented.

While the state had an abundance of evidence, there was no "smoking gun" and due to the severely decomposed body, there was a loss of physical evidence, according to State Attorney Lawson Lamar. Beyond a reasonable doubt is the highest standard of proof in the law. The State had the burden to prove the guilt of Anthony beyond a reasonable doubt. They were unable to do that, based on the verdict delivered.

The Justice System

As to the woman who started a petition for the judge to overturn the verdict; that is not how our justice system works. If the prosecution or defense feels there have been errors made during the trial, either party may be able to make an appeal to a higher court.

Our justice system is not arbitrary; it is not based on popular opinion or belief. It is based on evidentiary rules; court rules; and precise legal standards and laws. And if you were the one sitting in the defendant's chair, you wouldn't want it any other way.

Many people have gone to prison maintaining their innocence and years later it's proven they were indeed telling the truth; sometimes far too late for the wrongly convicted and sentenced, but always a horrible tragic injustice...for all of us.

So, was justice serviced in the Anthony case? Yes. It was served because the jury decided the case based on the evidentiary standard of proof of beyond a reasonable doubt and did not simply go with an emotional response. Did Casey Anthony murder her child, know who murdered her child or assist the murderer? I don't know. And that is something we may never know, but in order for our justice system to work we must trust our juries.

The Scoop

Regardless of how you feel about Casey Anthony and the verdict, clearly justice was not served for little Caylee. I recall reading an article about the disappearance of Caylee back in July of 2008, soon after she had been reported missing. I, too, had a 2 year old in July of 2008. I couldn't imagine losing my child; not knowing where he was; what had happened to him. What kind of mother wouldn't report her child missing immediately...immediately?

If I lose sight of my Darling Boys for even a few seconds, my heart begins to pound, my insides feel weak and I do my best not to let my voice go shaky and shrill as I call for them. I have not ever actually, truly lost either of my Boys for more than a few seconds thankfully, but if I did, I would be contacting authorities within minutes of them going missing.

My son who was 2 years old the summer of 2008 when little Caylee lost her life, is 5 years old today, and I thank God for him every day. I'll have more on juries and the justice system this week. Over and out...

Anna

Holding on Tight: What to Do if Separated from Your Child

The Zoo

Last week, the Darlings and I visited Como Zoo in St. Paul. We don't often go to this zoo. I was completely surprised to find that it was absolutely packed with visitors. To begin with, the parking lots were full and we had to park a million miles away. This should have been my first tip off, but we relentlessly continued on our quest to get to the gate. Secondly, the fact that this zoo is essentially free, with a suggested donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children, should have made me realize this zoo would be chock full of people on any warm, sunny, summer day, but it didn't. Thirdly, connected to one side of the zoo is a small amusement park for little tikes, which was also brimming with people.

We did finally make it to the doors. Once inside, we began to navigate our way through the animal enclosures. The exhibits inside buildings were nearly impossible to wield my giant double stroller through and around all the people clambering to get a look at the polar bears or the seals or other creatures, especially considering there was a giant, soundly-sleeping 2.5 year old tucked inside the stroller {He was asleep before we even got to a parking spot despite being very excited to go to a new zoo. That's how long it took for us to wind through the various parking lots looking for a spot, and then walk several miles, or at least it felt like it, to the zoo}

Somehow we made it through the throngs of people and managed to see everything and stick together even after Darling 2 woke up and both boys wanted to walk along with me. Fortunately, my Darlings are very watchful and cautious and want to hold my hand in situations such as this, especially Darling 1.

Losing Sight

If Darling 1 ever thinks he has been separated from me, he begins scanning the people looking for me, calling out for mommy; and I am constantly watching the two of them if they are loose and playing at the park or frolicking nearby or walking along through an exhibit area, but even then sometimes they can slip from my view.

In those few seconds that I can't see them, my heart rate quickens and my voice gets a tad bit shrill as I call out for my boy. And then, all is well again, as my eyes lock onto their eyes again. But the "what ifs" are terrifying in that scenario. I don't like to dwell on those at all.

And yet, here we are smack in the middle of summer; the time for family outings and trips to baseball games, the State Fair, amusement parks, tourist attractions, large cities, remote areas, airports, etc. All of these places are filled with strangers; some with a great number of strangers and others with just few strangers. Either way, with young kids on the loose, this could be a recipe for disaster if you don't talk to your children about the dangers of strangers and come up with a family plan for dealing with such situations.

Tips for What to Do if Separated

First of all, these tips from National Center for Missing and Exploited Children are quite helpful if your child is suddenly missing:

• If your child is missing from home, search the house checking closets, piles of laundry, in and under beds, inside large appliances, and inside vehicles, including trunks—wherever a child may crawl or hide. {I would add check any and all areas with standing water; pools, spas, beaches, fountains, etc. first.}
• If you still cannot find your child, immediately call your local law enforcement agency.
• If your child disappears in a store, notify the store manager or security office. Then immediately call your local law-enforcement agency. Many stores have a Code Adam plan of action— if a child is missing in the store, employees immediately mobilize to look for the missing child.
• When you call law enforcement, provide your child's name, date of birth, height, weight, and any other unique identifiers such as eyeglasses and braces. Tell them when you noticed that your child was missing and what clothing he or she was wearing.
• Request that your child's name and identifying information be immediately entered into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Person File.
• After you have reported your child missing to law enforcement, call the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) on our toll-free telephone number: 1-800-THE-LOST).

Source: Missing Kids

Additionally, Kiwi Magazine offers some great tips for what to tell your 4 to 5 year olds about what to do if they get separated from the family:

• "Don't help an adult you don't know." Yes, you should teach your child to be polite and friendly, but well-meaning adults don't ask kids to help them do anything. Well-meaning adults know better, and if they truly need help, they will ask another adult.

   

• "If you're lost, don't try to find me." Kids will typically freak out and keep moving, wandering and looking for their parents if they become lost or separated. It's important to teach your child to stop moving and stay in one place. If a stranger offers to help, your child should refuse and ask the person to get a police officer or security guard to come and help instead.

Source: Kiwi Magazine Online

Here are some of my own tips:

• If you have more than one child, dress them in the same colored shirts and pants or shorts, this way you will have only one color to look for in the crowd of kids on the park, etc. Also, it's helpful if you also wear the color the kids are wearing so your kids can easily remember what color to look for when trying to spot you in a crowd of parents. Bright or unique colors are best.
• Snap a photo of your kiddos with your cell phone camera or other camera if you are taking it along too. This way, if a child turns up missing, you will have a very current photo of your child with the same clothing he was wearing at the time.
• Write your cell phone number on your child's arm in an area that won't be rubbed off from sweat, hand-washing or sunscreen application. This way, if your child is too young to have your cell phone number memorized, he can still show a police officer or other authority the phone number to call.
• Order temporary tattoos to be applied to your child any time you go out to places where you and your child might become separated. These tattoos can be ordered blank and information written on them or ordered with pre-printed information on them. You can even order some with QRs that can be scanned with smartphones to provide additional information about your child.
• Order an ID bracelet for your child to wear with the important contact information on it. You can order reusable, more permanent bracelets from Vital ID or temporary, disposable wristbands from Mabel's Labels. Both can be customized to include not only contact information, but also relevant medical information, such as food allergies, etc.
• Talk to your kids over and over about stranger dangers and the importance of sticking together when in public. Don't try to scare them, but be frank with them about the dangers.
• I once read that kids don't realize that their parents can't see them if they wander to the next aisle or on the other side of a large exhibit, etc. So, the parent should remind the child, "If you can't see me, then I can't see you." The child will then be cognizant of staying near enough to see the parent. I try to use those words with my boys.
• My friend tells her kids if they become lost to look for another mom with kids to ask to get help. She reasons that another mom is probably not going to harm her child, but will sympathize with the situation and know to contact authorities right away. I think this is reasonable advice.

The Scoop

This subject of lost or missing kids is a scary one, and it's not my intention to frighten you at all. I intend to inform you only and discuss ideas of prevention. If you have a plan of action if becoming separated; if you have discussed this issues; if you plan ahead to avoid such a scenario, it's more likely that you and your kids won't be separated when out and about.

What tips do you have about playing it safe and staying together in public? Over and out...

Anna

 

The Keys to Child Care Success: Laws Regarding Licensing, Facility & Staff Requirements

Best Choices

Would you go to a dentist who had a revoked license? Would you get your nails done at a salon who had been cited for unsanitary conditions? Would you take your car to an auto repair shop to get new brakes if you'd heard negative things about the mechanic's abilities to repair vehicles? I'm guessing your answer would be no to each of these questions.

And yet, how many know parents who continue to send their kids to daycares with questionable safety issues, unqualified staff, citations or past revoked licenses? How many parents actually check the licensure of a center or in-home daycare or know what a particular state mandates regarding such licensure issues?

When it comes to child care and finding a reputable, safe, loving, educational environment for a child, parents should accept nothing but the best. Just what is "best" may vary from family to family based on location, curriculum, schedules, cost, etc. as I pointed out in yesterday’s post, but "best" in terms of safety, sanitary conditions, licensure, staff qualifications, etc. is easier to pinpoint.

State Requirements

Each state sets out very specific regulations regarding just about every aspect of a child care facility's physical building, meals provided, schedules, toys, care in general, first aid, diaper changes, ages and ratios of children provided for, staff experience and requirements, and on and on. Not much is left to chance.

Click here for a list of state requirements, based on each state's laws as listed on OwnADaycare.com. Another resource for licensing and other information on child care is the National Child Care Information Center (NCCIC) site under the Administration of Children and Families and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

These laws are in place simply to protect children in the care of such child care facilities. At times, the detail of the laws may seem silly or trivial or even difficult for the parents to follow. Case in point: DH complains weekly about having to write the Darlings' names on every single food container, baggie, package or cup that goes in their lunch boxes; and sometimes forgets to label EVERYTHING. I remind him of why this is important; i.e. other student's food allergies, but it still irritates him as he packs the boys' lunches.

The Scoop

Of course, the state is not able to constantly monitor the goings on of every facility on a daily basis. Each state does conduct regular inspections of licensed child care facilities, but in between these checks, the state relies on parents, staff or other observers to report any concerns.

Are these state requirements enough to keep our kids safe? How do you keep tabs on things going on in your kid's daycare or preschool? Over and out...

Anna

You might also like:

The Power of Mom: Preventing Child Abuse

A Change in Circumstance: Modification of a Child Support Order

Birds of a Feather: Tips for Choosing the Best School for Your Child

Trusting Parental Instincts: Tips for Choosing a Child Care Facility/Preschool

Baby Steps

There are many parts of parenting my young fellas that tug at my heartstrings, keeping me up at night, searching the Internet, flipping through parenting books, polling friends and strangers alike trying to find the right answer, if there is one, to whatever the issue is. One such issue that has been a recurring theme in the tug o' war match between my heart and brain is child care/schools.

Early on, I felt secure in choosing a part-time nanny. We've had great experiences with most of those nannies, staying close to several over the years. Then, there came a time that choosing a preschool was prudent. I languished over the many choices, advice and recommendations from parents who had chosen or who had been there before. Then, I backed off and waited another 6 months before making a decision and sending Darling 1 to preschool.

Preschool

While it was just a few mornings a week, it was a huge step for our family. My Darling Boys do NOT separate well from me. But Darling 1 was ready and happy in his class. Darling 1 moved on to a Pre-K class in September at the same school. Unfortunately, we have been underwhelmed and frustrated in a few instances with this class, but after changing classes early in the school year for several reasons, we have been reluctant to make any additional changes. Let me be clear, our issues and concerns have never been questions of safety or well-being.

Darling 2 also started preschool in September at the same school. Darling 2 has had a wonderful experience with fabulous teachers. And yet, based on Darling 1's experiences with the older classrooms, we are again on the prowl for a new school for Darling 2.

The Never Ending Search

I began searching a few months ago for a summer program for Darling 1. Before that, I was consumed with finding the "right" kindergarten for Darling 1. And prior to that, I was pondering whether we should send Darling 1 to kindergarten next year or wait until the following year.

The quest for the "best" schools and/or child care for my Darlings seems to be an on-going issue and will be for some time. I am excited about the choices we, as a family, have made for Darling 1's summer plans and kindergarten in the fall, but I am perplexed as to where to go next in pursuing Darling 2's social/educational development.

Placing the educational, social, psychological and physical needs of your child in the hands of strangers can be unnerving. We have all read the stories of day care gone horribly wrong or the safety hazards cited, licensing issues reported or mistreatment documented at child care facilities, large and small. Clearly, it's an area that, we as parents, must be vigilant in noticing potential issues or inconsistencies in care or reports, and not be hesitant to speak up and question the care of our children and/or report these issues to authorities.

When I held my little guys in those very early hours of life, I made a promise to myself and to them that I would always advocate for them in all situations. The well-being of our children must be a primary concern, always.

Tips for Finding "The One"

Here are tips for choosing the "right" child care/school for your child:

1. Decide what your choices are considering your city, neighborhood, work location, etc. How important is the location, nearness to work or home, etc. Make a list of what you want the facility to offer or focus on, etc.
2. Search online for centers, schools and churches with child care/preschools in the area you are looking. Then, talk to friends, parents at the park, your pediatrician, the school district or anyone else who might have suggestions about which options are best and why.
3. Once you have a list of potential choices, call and talk to the admissions director, curriculum director or center/school director. Don't be afraid to ask questions regarding cost, fees, schedules, teacher experience and tenure, educational approach, potty training, snacks and meals and anything else that's important to you.
4. Based on your phone conversations, choose a few to visit with your child. If you would rather visit alone first, that's fine too, but make sure to bring your child for a visit before choosing a school. You will be able to "feel" the climate of the school right away, and so will your child. Your child's initial reaction to the school's environment is a good indicator of how the school "fits" your child.
5. While visiting ask questions or make a list of questions to ask at a later time. It's important that you have a thorough understanding of the school's philosophy regarding families, kids, education and care. Never feel silly about asking a question.
6. Ask for and check references. If it's an in-home or small center with only a few on staff, you should also have background checks run for criminal history. You can also check for proper licensure and whether there have been any citations by the State.
7. Trust your instinct when it comes to choosing child care. If you don't have a good feeling about a facility or person, go with it, even if other's rave about the school. A center might be right for one family, but not another, and that's OK.

Additional Resources

Here are other resources for finding the "best" child care/preschool for your child:

• The New Parents Guide to Choosing a Daycare Center
• Kids Health Choosing Child Care
• University of Minnesota Extension Finding Child Care: Questions to Ask
• Douglas County, Kansas, Child Development Association's Questions to Ask When Choosing Child Care

The Scoop

It's important to find a safe, secure, nurturing environment for your child when you aren't there, but don't torture yourself about finding the very best in all areas, highly sought after child care learning center. The most important criteria are that you feel good about your pick and your child is happy there. If you change your mind regarding facilities for whatever the reason, that's alright. You can certainly move on to another learning center if one doesn't end up suiting your family.

I'm flip-flopping the order in which I'm writing this week. Later this week, I'll provide legal information on licensure, etc. and what to look for in choosing child care regarding. Meanwhile, I'll be calling a few potential preschools for Darling 2 and asking lots of questions. Over and out...

Anna

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"Choosing" Work over Baby: The Reality of Parental Leave in the United States

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When Staying Isn’t an Option: Tips for Identifying an Abuser and Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Sleeping with the Enemy 

When I think of an abusive relationship, I think of the movie Sleeping with the Enemy starring Julia Roberts. Julia is quite compelling. Watching that movie I feel the fear and apprehension Julia's character felt as an abused woman. Her husband made my skin crawl and my shoulders tense, even before the audience knows of his abuse.

Julia's character does not merely decide to leave and simply walk out the door hoping all works out for her. Instead, she has spent months preparing for this day; she has plotted every step and planned every minute detail; with exception to the fact that her wedding ring is too heavy to be flushed down the toilet. And this one tiny oversight leads to her discovery. And yet in the end, all turns out alright. Of course, that's a movie, and we're talking about real life.

The Rational Approach

I write not as someone who has experienced this in a relationship and do not pretend to know how stressful and scary it is to be in such a situation. Tips about how to leave an abuser that seem practical in theory may not be in practice. Ideas that seem reasonable, rational and safe may not actually work when dealing with someone who is clearly unreasonable, irrational and drunk, high and/or emotionally unstable. With all of this in mind, I will offer these seemingly good tips for spotting the signs of an abuser and leaving such a relationship.

Tips for Identifying an Abuser

Some abusive relationships are easy to spot, both for the person in the relationship, as well as that person's friends, family and co-workers. Other relationships may appear to be healthy, happy relationships to people on the outside, but for the person(s) in the home it may be a different story.

In general, people think of the abuser as male and the abused as female, but that's not always the case. The abuser can be male or female. The abuser may torment his or her spouse, partner, girlfriend or boyfriend; children or step-children; and/or pets. The abuse could be mental, financial or physical or a combination of those. Here are some tips for determining if you are in an abusive relationship:

Does your partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/other…

1. Control your finances, whereabouts, appearance, choices, etc.;
2. Get jealous of friends, family, etc.;
3. Embarrass or belittle you;
4. Lose his or her temper and become violent;
5. Dictate who you can see, where you can go and what you can do;
6. Blame you for his or her emotional state or temper;
7. Physically hurt you;
8. Pressure you to do things you don't want to;
9. Use alcohol or drugs; or
10. Have a history of abuse?

If you answer yes to any of these warning signs, then you are probably in an explosive, unhealthy relationship, and you should consider ending the relationship. At the very least, you should consider counseling for both you and the abuser.

Tips for Leaving the Abuser

For someone who is in an abusive relationship or has been in one in the past, he or she knows it's harder than just making a split second decision to leave and doing it; especially if you have kids. It takes planning and saving and courage to leave such a relationship. In fact, I found one statistic that said on average the abused leaves seven times before never coming back to the abuser.

Unless it's an emergency situation that you need to leave immediately, think about where you will go and what you will need before you leave. Here are some tips to make leaving the relationship easier and avoid having to come back to the residence:

1. Plan ahead by saving and stashing money in a safe place outside the home or give it to a trusted family member or friend to keep until you need it;
2. Have a set of keys outside the residence; in a magnetic case under the vehicle; or with a trusted neighbor who understands the situation;
3. Collect and remove from residence all legal/financial/personal documents. www.AARDVARC.org provides this list of examples of important documents to gather before you leave:

   a. Identification for self
   b. Children's birth certificates
   c. Birth certificate for self
   d. Social security cards
   e. School and vaccination records
   f. Money
   g. Checks & ATM card
   h. Credit cards
   i. Keys - house/car/office
   j. Driver's license and registration
   k. Welfare identification, work permits, Green card
   l. Passport(s), Divorce papers
   m. Medical records
   n. Lease/rental agreement, deeds, mortgage payment book, car payment book or other bills
   o. Bank books, Insurance papers
   p. Pet licenses, vet receipts or paperwork establishing your ownership
   q. Password to any online accounts

4. Have an emergency escape plan, if necessary;
5. Make arrangements with trusted family members, friends or a shelter for you and your children to stay at a safe location once you leave;
6. Make sure that trusted friends, family, co-workers and neighbors understand the situation and will not divulge any information to the abuser if abuser calls or comes looking for you;
7. Make a list of contact information for crisis agencies/shelter/police/support groups
8. Take any valuables, pets or anything with sentimental value with you. If possible, bring your cell phone and a laptop computer;
9. Bring any evidence of the abuse with you: photos, notes, police reports, hospital reports, broken or torn items or other evidence. You will need it in Court.
10. Be sure to take any prescription drugs you and/or children might need;
11. Pack and plan as if you won't be coming back ever.

While leaving will not solve your problems altogether, it can be a first step to safety and normalcy. Once you leave, be prepared that your abuser will more than likely try to find you by contacting every family member, friend, neighbor and co-worker. It's important that once you and your children are safe that you file a police report, get a protective order (Monday's Post) and if necessary, retain an attorney (if your abuser is a parent of your children or if you are married to the abuser or own property together, etc.). You may qualify for a pro bono attorney. Check with your local agencies that provide support to persons trying to leave an abusive relationship.

Websites

Here are some websites with great information and resources for those in abusive relationships:

• http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/page11.htm There's more in depth information about what to take when preparing to leave the abuser and other helpful information.
• http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/plan.shtml This link has an emergency plan form and lots of other informative and helpful information regarding abusive relationships.
• http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=13427&state_code=PG Lots of useful information on this site.

The Scoop

A few words or warning: a protective order is just a piece of paper and may not deter a desperate, irrational, upset abuser; and if you use a computer the abuser has access to beware that the abuser could track your Internet use and view the history of the pages you have visited, etc. Most libraries have computers with Internet that can be used at no cost. This is a good option if you are concerned about your abuser having access to the computer you use. Be Safe. And take of yourself and your children.

On Friday, I'll post a bit of Motherly Advice. Over and out…

Anna

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The Quest for Peace on Earth: Domestic Violence & the Holidays {Post from the Past}

 Happy Holidays?

This festively bright and merry holiday season is a time of celebrating, catching up with family and friends, gift giving, laughing and spreading joy, for most, but it can also be a time of stress, parties where alcohol is served and memories from Christmases past that weren't filled with holiday joy. Add to this, unemployment and financial woes that tend to add even more strain to already explosive relationships, and often this combination can lead to incidents of domestic violence.

While domestic violence of any kind at any time of year is heartbreaking, it's especially unsettling during the holidays. And in fact, it's during the holidays that reports of domestic violence actually increase. Some research shows 911 calls regarding domestic violence increase by 22% on Thanksgiving; 17% on Christmas; and 32% on New Year's Eve.

Legal Remedies

If you (or someone you know) are in a violent relationship the first step to regaining control over your life is to call the police and report the violence. A report will be filed and criminal charges may also be filed against the person committing the acts of domestic violence. To further protect you and/or your children, you will need to petition for a protective order.

Most laws relating to domestic violence are state laws. Each state has its own term for the particular protective court order. However, in general, the protective order is a type of injunction that stops a person from coming near another person and his or her home, place of work, child's school or daycare or even other family members' homes. This type of court order is referred to as a restraining order; an order for protection; a protection from abuse order; temporary or permanent order for protection, etc. For state specific information, see http://www.womenslaw.org/laws.php.

Getting a Protective Order

You will have to go to court to obtain a protective order. Often, there are domestic violence advocates through the sheriff's office or the court system who can help with the process of filing a petition and going before a judge to obtain such an order. It's important to have as much specific information regarding the abuse and any evidence such as, photos, text messages, emails, etc. to present to the court.

Here is a general description of the process for obtaining a protective order (however, keep in mind, the exact procedure will vary from state to state):

1. If the judge decides you are indeed in need of a protective order, he or she will grant your petition immediately. This will be your temporary order. You will need to carry a copy with you at all times and file one copy with the police;
2. After the order is issued, it becomes effective once the abuser is notified by the Court by receiving a copy of the order;
3. Within 10 days to 4 weeks, you will have to attend another hearing where your abuser will get a chance to tell his or her side of the story. You and your abuser may bring attorneys. Or you can contact the local domestic violence program for help in finding a pro-bono attorney and/or aid in preparing your case against your abuser;
4. You must be prepared to tell your story again. Bring witnesses and all available evidence that shows abuse, threats, violence, etc.;
5. The judge can extend the protective order for a year or more if it appears from the evidence presented that there is a continued need for such an order.

Source: www.aardvarc.org

An Abuse, Rape, and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection (AARDVARC) points out that a protective order can do many things:

Any of the following provisions that apply to your situation may be added to the basic order:  

• Restraining Order - Your abuser must not come near you or abuse you again.
• Vacate Order - Your abuser must move out of the shared residence.
• Child support Order - Requires your abuser to provide temporary support for the children.
• Custody Order - You will receive temporary custody of your children. Remember, without a court order saying otherwise, a spouse or other legally recognized guardian has every legal right to take the kids.
• Restitution Order - Requires an abuser to compensate you for lost wages, medical expenses, or other costs and damages.

Source: www.aardvarc.org

The Scoop

It's up to you to speak up and explain and/or clarify any information for the court to ensure that your protective order does protect you and your children as much as possible. It's also important to keep in mind that each state's procedure and laws vary. WomensLaw.org (http://www.womenslaw.org/laws.php) is a great resource for finding your state's laws regarding domestic violence, as well as the agencies available to offer aid and the legal remedies available to you. There are many resources available to help men, women and children leave abusers. If you and/or your children are in imminent danger go to a hospital, a church or synagogue or a police station.

But bear in mind that a protective order is just a piece of paper. It is not a magical force field that protects those listed from all harm. If only there was something like that. Often, that piece of paper is not enough to stop the rage and violence that permeates some relationships.  In such cases, taking the steps to get a protective order may or may not be in one's best interest.

On Wednesday, I'll post the warning signs of domestic violence and triggers to watch for, such as holiday parties where alcohol is served, etc. and tips for helping a friend or family member get out of a dangerous relationship. Over and out…

Anna

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The Unintended Result: When "Good" Laws Go Awry

The Mundane Decisions

As a parent of two young children, I have to make decisions all day every day that will affect not only me but also my little Darlings. Most of the decisions I make will not change the world or make much difference to anyone other than our family, i.e., whether to have PB&J or turkey sandwiches for lunch; whether to go to the zoo or the arboretum in the afternoon; whether to watch Cars or Diego; whether to interrupt Darling 2 while quietly playing trains to change that wet pull-up or wait until he notices and runs to the bathroom, etc. Oh, the important and critical issues a parent must decide.

But in truth, I do make decisions that can affect others, such as whether to vaccinate my children and whether I choose to use my cell phone to make calls or text while driving. However, most decisions I make throughout any given day are rarely given a second thought. It's just part of my everyday life.

A Bigger Impact

Everyone makes good and bad decisions. But what if you had to make a decision that could impact an entire state or the whole country? Our state and federal legislators make these kinds of decisions on a regular basis. Arguably, legislators are influenced by a variety of factors. Some base decisions on how to support, draft and/or vote on legislation on his or her principles, experience, needs and/or views of constituents, etc. Others make choices regarding legislation based on personal gain, whether for campaign purposes, financial incentives from lobbyists, or status, etc. And we accept this as politics.

Unforeseen Results

As one philosopher states, the single universal element of all such statutes, ordinances, codes, taxation provisions, appellate court decisions, prescribed punishments and rules for civil and criminal procedure is the presumed and stated intention of the law to correct some evil, injustice, inequity or promote some important and desirable good for the majority of civil society. Yet regardless of the intended purpose behind certain legislation, some laws, codes, regulations, etc. create unintended consequences. Many times, these inadvertent results have negative, unforeseen effects. I started thinking about this issue after reading an article about a high school football coach in FL. I soon found other good laws that have had unexpected results. Here is a potpourri of such laws, regulations and codes:

The Football Coach

When a FL high school football coach found out that one of his football players was homeless he took him in, allowing him to live in his home. Sounds benevolent, right? Yes, except for that fact that this violates the Florida High School Athletic Association (FHSAA) code.

The particular rule violated states: No school employee or representative of the school's athletic department can provide or promise free or reduced-cost housing for a potential athlete in their program. The code is meant to prevent coaches from recruiting players from other cities.

While no one questions the intention of the coach as being anything but kind-hearted, and the high school self-reported this violation to the FHSAA, the player has been sidelined pending the outcome of the investigation by the FHSAA.   Even though the school district reinstated the coach to both his coaching and teaching duties, after having to sit out one game, he may still have to forfeit some or all of his $3,850 annual coaching stipend, depending on the decision of the FHSAA.

It was certainly not the intention of the FHSAA to punish athletes who happen to be homeless. It was merely meant to stop high school coaches and other school district personnel from shopping around for athletes. And yet it's not right that a decent human being can't do something out of the goodness of his heart without violating a rule. Hopefully, this situation will be remedied soon.

Source: rivals.yahoo.com

Bike Helmet Laws Leaving Kids Behind

Several months ago I posted on bike helmet laws and the reasons for such laws. The intent is to protect children, and sometimes adults too, from head injuries if thrown from the bike or hit by a car while riding. While these laws have reduced the number of injuries and fatalities, apparently these laws in over 20 states have also reduced the number of children who bike.

According to the article Intended and Unintended Effects of Youth Bicycle Helmet Laws by Carpenter and Stehr, there are several possibilities as to why this is happening. One likelihood is that the cost of bike helmets is problematic for some. It's speculated that another cause of reduced biking is that it simply is not cool to wear bike helmets, and social acceptance is important to tweens and teens.

The problem is that reduced biking among youth means less exercise, which goes against the current trends of tackling childhood obesity. And as one article suggests, some kids are turning to other less regulated activities, such as skateboarding and in-line skating, which could be just as dangerous as biking without a helmet. Again, it's unfortunate that laws with good intentions are having such negatives effects when the laws were put into place to protect children from injury.

Source: Ideoblog

Sexting and Other Teen Exploits

These days photos, videos and written materials can be easily exchanged and shared with numerous people in a matter of minutes through texts, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Over the past several years I have read many articles about teens who consensually took nude photos of themselves and sent the photos to boyfriends or girlfriends over the Internet or others who willingly took videos of themselves engaged in sexual activities, who then found themselves charged with child pornography crimes and prosecuted.

The intent of these laws is to protect minors from abusive adults who seek to harm them both physically and psychologically. These teens who have been charged with such crimes and found guilty are labeled sex offenders for the rest of their lives. When, in fact, the teens were doing nothing more than exploring their sexuality, not committing a crime.

While I'm not condoning this activity, I believe there are other ways to handle such situations. There is no crime being committed in most of these circumstances. Being found guilty of such a crime means being stuck with a misleading and false label for the rest of one's life and can ruin college, career and family opportunities. This was certainly not the intent of the legislature when these laws were passed.

Source: Wired

Historical Unintended Consequences

Historically, there have been other laws that were intended to stop something or promote something and yet went terribly wrong. Two such instances: prohibition and prohibiting abortions. I know I'm treading on dangerous ground bringing up these two points, but this is my opinion.

                Prohibition

Prohibition was intended to eliminate drunkenness, promote industry and hard work, reinforce the sanctity of the family unit and generally encourage and assure sobriety and adult responsibility in America. The results were contrary to the motivation for the federal and state laws that outlawed the manufacture, sale and transportation of alcoholic beverages. Crime increased, and previously unknown petty criminals and street gangs were quickly transformed into wealthy, powerful and organized crime syndicates. The consumption of alcohol actually increased over pre-Prohibition levels. Agencies and departments intended to enforce the law and keep the peace were on the whole corrupted with bribes. Clearly, this law did not accomplish its intended purpose.

Abortion Laws

Prior to Roe v. Wade, abortions were illegal in almost all circumstances with a few exceptions, such as rape and incest. Instead of stopping abortions from taking place, the law merely forced women to seek out doctors and/or clinics or others who operated outside the law. The result was that many women died or became ill with infections because of the non-sterile equipment, inexperience or lack of expertise of the person performing the abortion. In many circumstances, women were so desperate that they risked their lives to have an abortion. Certainly, it was never the intention of the legislators who deemed it an immoral procedure and banned abortions that women would seek to have an abortion regardless of the repercussions, but that is exactly what happened.

Fortunately, both prohibition and the ban against abortion have been lifted thereby diminishing the unintended impact, although some remnants of those ill effects still linger. There are other such laws written and passed with an intended positive result that, in fact, is never achieved, such as Don't Ask, Don't Tell in the military, certain tax laws and enforced busing of students after desegregation of schools.

The Scoop

How does the Legislature prevent laws created with good intentions from going awry? As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Can you think of other circumstances where an unintended result occurred? On Wednesday, I will post tips on decision making. Over and out…

Anna

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The Power of Mom: Preventing Child Abuse

Today, a friend forwarded me an email with kids' responses to questions about "Why God Made Moms." I'm sure you've seen it before. I had, but I read it anew and laughed and agreed once more. The answers are funny, insightful and sweet. Overall, the answers define "Mom" as powerful, in charge, aware, loving, necessary, kind, magical and basically there to meet the needs of the family. The "Mom" is not portrayed as interesting or with interests of her own, highly intelligent, with great professional experience or having accomplished important things. But that's not what kids see or care about. Kids want to know that they have someone who is going to give hugs and kisses, pick them up after a fall from the bike, make yummy meals, wash their favorite firefighter t-shirt, find Lightning McQueen hidden between the couch cushions, run to get the baseball hit over the fence, read to them at bedtime and come when they call out in the middle of the night. Now, we, as parents, know that a "Mom" is a lot more than the "bare necessities of life," but it's the basic stuff that counts when you're a kid.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Moms (& dads) are powerful. It is that power that can make a difference in a child's life, whether it is your own child, a child you know or one you don't. Here are some simple ways you can reach out and help kids and parents:

• Anything you do to support kids and parents can help reduce the stress that often leads to abuse and neglect.
• Be a friend to a parent you know. Ask how their children are doing. Draw on your own experiences to provide reassurance and support. If a parent seems to be struggling, offer to baby-sit or run errands, or just lend a friendly ear. Show you understand.
• Be a friend to a child you know. Remember their names. Smile when you talk with them. Ask them about their day at school. Send them a card in the mail. Show you care.
• Talk to your neighbors about looking out for one another's children. Encourage a supportive spirit among parents in your apartment building or on your block. Show that you are involved.
• Give your used clothing, furniture and toys for use by another family. This can help relieve the stress of financial burdens that parents sometimes take out on their kids.
• Volunteer your time and money for programs in your community that support children and families, like parent support groups or day care centers.

These tips come from: http://www.preventchildabuse.org/help/reach_out.shtml.

Here are some additional tips from the same website that you can use next time you feel that you are about to lose it (at least I found this list helpful for me!). It's a good one to post on the fridge where you can see it often to remind yourself of these simple defusing techniques:

Twelve Alternatives to Lashing Out at Your Child

The next time everyday pressures build up to the point where you feel like lashing out -- STOP!

Try any of these simple alternatives. You'll feel better... and so will your child.

• Take a deep breath... and another. Then remember you are the adult.
• Close your eyes and imagine you're hearing what your child is about to hear.
• Press your lips together and count to 10... or better yet, to 20.
• Put your child in a time-out chair (remember this rule: one time-out minute for each year of age.)
• Put yourself in a time-out chair. Think about why you are angry: is it your child, or is
your child simply a convenient target for your anger?
• Phone a friend.
• If someone can watch the children, go outside and take a walk.
• Take a hot bath or splash cold water on your face.
• Hug a pillow.
• Turn on some music. Maybe even sing along.
• Pick up a pencil and write down as many helpful words as you can think of. Save the list.
• Call for prevention information: 1-800-CHILDREN

http://www.preventchildabuse.org/publications/parents/downloads/twelve_alternatives.pdf

Prevent Child Abuse America's website has numerous articles and resources that are quite helpful in reaching this goal. Another website with loads of information and resources for preventing and identifying child abuse is Child Welfare Information Gateway,  http://www.childwelfare.gov/can/.

On Friday, I will post a bit of Motherly Advice. Remember that tomorrow, April 22, is Earth Day. Over and out…

Anna