Hanging By a Thread

Bookmarked {a Collector of Information}

I have a problem. I collect information…recipes, bits on a new law, a list of clever hacks, ideas for using mason jars, a list of science projects to do with my kids; reasons for eating cabbage every day, something I want to remember for later, party ideas, listings of seasonal events, articles on dyslexia, a bit about a new restaurant or a list of top restaurants with patios, the list goes on and on and on. I just keep tucking away information like a packrat. I say to myself that at some time in the future when I have a chance I will read it all.

That time never seems to come…but it will…I'm sure of it…I think.

Now, it's not 1998. I don't have stacks of paper cut out from magazines and newspapers or reams of paper containing information printed from my computer sitting in corners, occupying shelves or pinned to the wall…anymore.

No, it's all invisible to those unaccustomed to my habit.

It's all online {for the most part}. I simply click the star in the corner of my screen and store it away in my bookmarked pages.

It's a great way to be sure you can get back to pages you may want to visit again. So, what's the problem?

Well, I have hundreds and hundreds, maybe thousands of pages bookmarked. I know… I know…ridiculous…over the top….crazy. True, but I go back to this list over and over to grab a bit of info or look up something again or confirm something. I do use this information…eventually.

In fact, during my upcoming vacation, I plan to spend a day just reading through these bookmarked pages and perhaps I'll categorize some and get rid of others and hold on to a few…oh, alright, who am I kidding? I'll keep a good number of these bookmarks and not get through all of them in one day. But hey, it's a start; and I imagine I'll get some ideas and gather some inspiration for writing a few posts too.

I have always been an information hoarder. You should have seen my wedding idea stash. Do you remember Monica's wedding binder from Friends? Well, mine was bigger and more detailed than hers.

I used to keep printed information on all kinds of things. I love reference books and have such books on Shakespeare, Birds of North America, quotes from women, quotes from lawyers, history of the courts, historical courthouses, an old atlas, numerous dictionaries of various types, gardening books, cookbooks, books on London and Paris and Mount Vernon and all kinds of maps, including one of Boise, ID, oddly enough. {Well, you never know….I might need it again sometime…we have been to Boise…14 years ago…and did use this laminated map.}

Of course, one does not need such printed material anymore. It's all at one's fingertips…and can be bookmarked for later uses. And still, I hang on to my books and maps.

There is still something glorious about using an actual map and flipping back to an index to look up an actual page in an actual book. So, I keep these printed materials.

And I'll continue to bookmark my virtual pages, as if I'm folding the corner of the page in my book so it will be waiting for me to return and take up where I last left off.

I am a collector of information. Information empowers me. Information keeps marching forward. Information gives me ideas. Information restores me.

Do you crave information? Do you store it away in your head, on bookshelves, in a virtual file cabinet? What do you do with your information? Over and out…

Anna

Related articles

On Aging {and Reading Glasses}

5 Things You Should Know {Current Events}

5 Things {On My Bookshelf}

I have a lot of books in my home. In fact, there are books in every room. I like books; not the kind that take up no space with no bindings or pages and lay hidden inside an electronic gadget. No, I like real, tangible books with pages that can be turned and folded and marked up.

I like the feel of a book in my hand and the musty, dusty smell of old books which have been undisturbed for many seasons. I like the outside covers of books and the printed insides and the dedication pages and the publication dates.

I suppose I'm old-fashioned in this way, but I'm OK with it.

I also like old-fashioned books; that is to say, I am quite fond of the classics. I love to revisit books that I have not read since I was child being read to by my mother or as a high school student or in college. It's always so interesting to see how I feel about a book or the circumstances of the story or how I view a particular scene as an adult in comparison to my child self.

This is no trouble since I have kept many of my books over the years. I simply peruse my book shelves, going room to room, until I settle upon a title. Some books are well-loved and well-worn, such as my beloved Jane Eyre. Some books have stood on my shelves for years, but have yet to be read. One day…one day…

During this long, cold winter; one filled with illnesses and days stuck inside I have had more of a chance to read and rediscover forgotten volumes. So, here are 5 books on my shelf, either just read or patiently waiting in line soon to be read and a few that are picked up from time to time with a passage or two read here and there.

1. Selected Poems by Robert Frost. Robert Frost has long been my favorite poet. I remember as a child of about 8 or 9 choosing volumes of Robert Frost at the library; I loved the words and how he strung them together. 

   Of course, whatever I understood of them then, has changed. And really poetry changed for me when I took a course on Modern Poetry. Ironically, it was one of my worst grades in English, and I took a lot of English classes, but it's one that has really stuck with me. 

2. The Art of War by Sun Tzu. I found this book at Barnes & Noble in Chicago when Will and I were there in December. It was raining and blowing and cold and we were walking back to our condo and ducked in to escape the dreary weather outside for a bit. I have always loved spending leisurely time in book stores with no particular errand in mind. 

   I found a kindred spirit as I traversed the stack of books on a display declaring there was a gift for everyone on your list right there. We chatted as we had to keep moving out of each other's way. I, with a stack of books in hand, and he, with a stack of books in hand, – none for gifts, but for our own libraries. He said how he loved books like this on all sorts of subjects and bits of information; I agreed with him. I later heard his wife/girlfriend questioning a few of his choices and he defending his need/desire to read about math and psychology and poetry. I think he won the argument; after all, the books were quite reasonably prices for quick and easy gift giving.

   But Barnes & Noble aside, The Art of War is such a fascinating and wonderful book. I am convinced it should be on the reading list of all law schools, business schools and military academies, at the least. There is such truth and beauty and calculated savagery and simplicity and complexity all at once in this ancient writing. This shall surely be a book that I often refer to and adhere to. 

3. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I am reading this now. I have never been a Jane Austen fan. I know this is surprising, if you know me, and know that I adore Jane Eyre. But to be fair, Charlotte Bronte and Jane Austen have very different styles of writing, it just happens to be from around the same period and in the same country. 

   However, I will say, for the first time, I am enjoying this book. I have had the volume since high school, but have never gotten all the way through it. I had the same realization years ago when I read the Tale of Two Cities as an adult. As an 8^th grader, none of it had meant anything to me and had been rather boring. As an adult, I completely fell for the book. 

4. The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. This book came to me this summer in a stack of books my grandmother had discarded. I picked it up out of curiosity and couldn't put it down. It was like nothing I had ever read before. It pulled me in and made me feel everything his characters were feeling. I had the same experience several years ago when I stumbled across Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking at a garage sale. These are books that will stay with me always.
5. Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson. This is a book that I had not read since my mom read it to me and my brother when I was around 9 or 10 years old. We loved books of adventure and Robert Louis Stevenson was one of our favorites. I read this book quickly because I started while I was in bed sick with strep and an ear infection.

   I loved the complexity of the characters and the political divisions that added to the story. As a child, I picked up on the excitement of the situations and the adventure of it all, but as an adult I understand the relationships between the characters and all the subplots involving historical events.

My 7 year-old and I have been reading The Hobbit together, after his 5 year-old brother has fallen asleep. We are almost finished with this volume now. He so enjoys the adventure and characters in this novel. I will not be surprised if he requests that we begin the Lord of the Rings series once we get through this book.

I do love reading to my kids. It was always something my mom and brother and I loved to do too. We read all kinds of classics and series and adventures…so long as there was no cruelty to animals or kids. I simply could not take it; so, no David Copperfield; no Call of the Wild; no Black Beauty. I have still to this day never read those books, and I don't plan to either.

What's on your book shelf? What books do you enjoy reading with your kids? Over and out…

Anna

Related articles

{Don't} Just Get Used to It...2014

First Impressions {Allowing Yourself to Feel Life}

My Life...So Far {38 Lessons}

Life is a constant lesson. Just when you think you've got a hold on it and you've learned everything the world can teach you, a new saga begins. But without these adventures, trials, heartbreaks and triumphs life would be dull and lifeless; at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I have lived almost 38 years on this earth, and I've been thinking about the lessons I've learned over the years. And here they are; 39 of them:

1. Stepping out of your comfort zone is always worth it;
2. Quietly taking in your surroundings and evaluating the situation can be very helpful in future dealings;
3. Always take each opportunity that comes your way; it may not present itself ever again;
4. Surround yourself with pets; you will always feel loved and understood, even when the world doesn't get you;
5. Be true to yourself; this can be hard when your heart falls hard and leads the way {in the wrong direction};
6. Fall in love, even if it might mean getting hurt; it's worth it;
7. Stand up for what you believe is right;
8. Never compromise when it means giving up on a dream;
9. Even if dreams have to be shelved for a while, don't let them stay on the shelf so long that they become unrecognizable;
10. Never give up...not ever; not even on the darkest nights; the morning will come;
11. When one road is closed, start searching for alternate routes....there's always at least one;
12. Be your own cheerleader;
13. You can always come home...or call home; my parents are my rock, my life support, my ultimate fans;
14. My relationship with my brother is one of the most important ones in my life;
15. My sorority sisters are my sisters and true friends; I love them and when I'm with them we are still 20 and the years and miles between us are erased;
16. My husband does more for me, our family and our home than most husbands do, and I should show more appreciation than I do;
17. Brand new love is the most exciting, but old love is the most reassuring;
18. Love at first sight...or first dance...or first conversation happens;
19. Say what you mean and mean what you say;
20. Sometimes it's best to bite your tongue and leave a few things unsaid {a tough lesson for me};
21. Life can be disappointing, but whether it continues to be disappointing is up to you;
22. Loss hurts...acknowledge it....feel it...grieve and then get back to living life;
23. Take a chance...again....and again...and again;
24. Move...live in different cities... states...countries, if you can;
25. Being a mom has filled my life, but being a mom is not my whole life;
26. Be present; soak up the here and now because the days, months and years fly by;
27. Kids complicate things, bring out the best and worst, but the joy they add and lessons they teach are worth it;
28. Waiting to have kids was one of the best things we did for our marriage;
29. Never miss the chance to tell your child you love him;
30. Advocate for your children; you know them better than anyone else;
31. Always say you're sorry when you've made a mistake or said something that was hurtful;
32. Swallow your pride; you won't choke on it, but you'll end up playing the part of the pompous fool if you don't;
33. Dance anytime you have a chance....who cares what you look like {this took me a long time to realize};
34. Pray without ceasing;
35. Believe in miracles;
36. Speak from your heart; everyone has something important to say; don't be afraid to tell your story;
37. Sleep when you can;
38. Read only books you love; books that speak to you; otherwise, you're wasting your time; and one to grow on....
39. You don't have to live every minute of every day because that's exhausting, but do your best to live while you can.

I think I pretty much covered the big ones, but there are more, of course. And I the older I get the more transparent the life lessons become. What has life taught you? Over and out...

Anna

Ramblings: A Stream of Consciousness {On Writing}

This I know for sure; I am not a journalist. I am a commentator. It is not my desire to be in the trenches reporting the news. Instead, I wish to analyze it, study it, consider it and then provide a view of what it all means.

Isn't everyone a writer these days? At least it seems to me that just about everyone has a blog, giving him or her license to write and publish the written word. So, what determines who is a writer and who is not a writer?

I recently read a tweet that said, a person writing online is just a blogger until the minute he gets paid for his writing; then he becomes a writer.

By this definition, I am a writer.

What about value of the writing; does it matter anymore? Say, for instance, if someone writes for a small town newspaper and another person has published a few novels and another is paid to write a blog. Are all of these people writers?

Simply being published or getting paid to write does not mean that one writes really well. I've read some really horrid articles, books and blog posts before; of which all of the authors were presumably paid for the work.

To say, "I'm a writer" conjures up romantic visions of dark, smoke-filled bars occupied by the likes of Earnest Hemmingway and Mark Twain or a sunny meadow or bleak heath tread upon by Jane Austin and Charlotte Bronte as they spin hopelessly dreamy tales of love and heartbreak. I am neither of these kinds of writers.

As much as I love to read, I don't recall that magical moment that I knew I could read words, but I do recall the instant I realized I could write letters that became words. That moment is cemented into my memories. I know exactly where I was, what I was writing and how proud I was.

It is the writing and expressing that has always meant so much to me.

I have figured out what I want to be in my next chapter of life. I want to be a writer. But haven't I always been this if I am to be one at all?

Can one become a writer or is one simply born a writer; one day unfurling that bloom that has always been there, but had yet to be opened until the time was right?

Anna

 

Crossing the Line: To Train Up a Child

A Different Point of View

Isn't it funny how time and age and experience change the way we see our favorite books and movies from our childhoods?

The other day some friends and I were discussing reading the Little House on the Prairie series to our own children. The series was a favorite of ours as children and aside from the nostalgia of reading these books there is a different perspective now; that of a parent.

We were musing over how well behaved the children were and how well they listened to their parents and followed directions; carrying out many difficult chores day in and day out; and all with just a few handmade toys and no DVDs. What made these children so hard-working and obedient?

Of course, times have changed...a lot. But for one thing, there was corporal punishment; and the kids knew this and expected it. There was a certain amount of fear mixed with respect when it came to their parents.

Today, as I discussed in yesterday's post, there are many different schools of thought about the best way to discipline and raise a fine, upstanding, well-behaved child. However, there is a point where so-called discipline crosses the line and becomes abuse; even murder. There is a book that has been the cause of concern for parents, social workers and prosecutors in the last several years.

Excuse to Abuse

This book advocates for using spankings on children as young as 6 months old to train them to submit to authority; to essentially break children in the same style that the Amish break their stubborn mules. Michael Pearl self-published his book, To Train Up a Child, and it has become popular in ultra-conservative homes, especially in Christian homeschooling households.

This book, which suggests using a switch for spanking a child in one example, describes how to use a quarter-inch flexible plumbing line for hitting the arms, legs or back and even advocates for periodic fasting for children, has now been linked to the deaths of several children. These children all died at the hands of their parents after being systematically beaten, most with the plumbing tubing mentioned by Pearl, having food withheld from them and subjected to other means of "discipline" supported by Pearl. Pearl's book was found in the homes of each of these children.

When Discipline Becomes Abuse

This is not to say that the book is to blame for these parents lashing out and killing their kids in an attempt to train them to submit to their authority. The parents are to blame. However, these parents had been led to believe that such behavior is acceptable. It is not.

Pearl has said it's not his fault if delusional, mentally ill parents took the wrong idea from his book. I think they understood his general principles and they just took it a step further, which resulted in the death of their children.

I would say it is never, not even once, acceptable to hit your child on the arms, back and legs with a switch, rubber tubing or any other instrument. This is abusive behavior that will only teach your child to fear and hate you.

The parents who followed Pearl's book, albeit extreme cases of following his teachings, were indicted for murder and are serving prison sentences now. Their discipline was most certainly actually physical and mental abuse. Their praying during or in between beatings does not make it alright either.

The Scoop

There is a wide expanse between parents who use spankings as a way to discipline their children and parents who withhold food and use various instruments to hit their children in the name of discipline. If you feel that you need clarification of where the line is drawn between discipline and abuse, see this link to the U.S. Administration for Children and Families.

Abuse in the name of discipline is still abuse. Abuse is a criminal offense. Abuse hurts everyone.

Teaching respect, trust and reason makes for a stronger, kinder, more confident child and adult. Over and out...

Anna

Rudolph The Rich Reindeer: A Quite Different & Slightly Legal Version of Rudy the Red-Nosed Reindeer

You Only Think You Know This Story

You may be familiar with the story of a little reindeer named Rudolph who happened to be born with a birth defect. His nose, instead of being black like other reindeer, was big and red and even glowed like a light bulb.

His red nose didn't bother him or hinder him in any way. Rudy grew and developed just like any other little reindeer, but then one day he went to play with the others. Well, you can imagine how the young reindeer girls and boys teased Rudy about his nose. They had never seen such a nose before and they treated him as an outcast.

Reindeer Have Feelings Too

Well, actually it was even worse than making him feel like an outcast. They didn't ever leave him alone. They made jokes about him; they taunted him; they butted him with their little antlers; and they called him names. They were ruthless in the way they bullied poor Rudy. The other cruel reindeer basically cut him off from all reindeer contact; completely isolating him from society.

His father, Donner, was one of Santa's top reindeer. He didn't understand his son with the red nose and didn't think much of the teasing. Donner, a big, strong jock buck, simply told his son to "buck up" and butt back, which really wasn't very supportive.

Rudy ended up quite depressed. He wouldn't eat; he had trouble sleeping; he felt hopeless; and he refused to go to school or out to play with the other young reindeer. Instead, he spent all of his time in his room listening to Britney Spears' Blackout album over and over, which just made him feel worse about his troubles. He sat on his bed with his lights off and his red nose lighting the room.

Santa owned all of the reindeer and he was aware of Rudy's red nose and the physical and mental bullying that went on. In all his years of reindeer ownership he had never seen such a nose. He considered him to be a weak link, an embarrassment and just didn't care how he was treated. In fact, he himself, that right jolly old elf, even gave a hearty "ho, ho, ho" over some of the cruel jokes and nicknames for Rudy, which Rudy heard. Having Santa against him was the last nail in the coffin.

The Lawsuit

Rudy decided to consult with the outcast elf, Hermey, who originally wanted to be a dentist, but after realizing that you have to stick your hands in other elves' mouths, decided to become an attorney and represent the down trodden and outcast characters in the World of Fiction. Hermey decided that Rudy had a good case for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress.

While this cause of action is typically quite difficult to prove, Hermey felt that with the specific instances of ridicule and Rudy's doctor certified bouts of depression, Rudy had a good case. Hermey had to show:

1. Santa and his reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Defendants, acted intentional or recklessly; and
2. Defendants' conduct was extreme and outrageous; and
3. Defendants' actions were the cause of the distress; and
4. Rudolph T. Reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Plaintiff, suffers severe emotional distress as a result of Defendants' conduct.

Hermey was a very good attorney with a very convincing argument, and Rudy won the lawsuit.

Part of the damages awarded to Rudy included the right of first refusal to lead Santa's team of reindeer on foggy Christmas Eves as long as he is able. Additional damages included having a Christmas song, children's story and movie written about Rudy's plight as an outcast reindeer due to his uniqueness. The movie must be played on every television channel at least once during the Christmas holiday season for eternity. Of course, Santa had to pay 3.4 million dollars in damages, as well.

The Scoop

So, what happened to poor Rudy? Why he went down in history as the first {but not the last} reindeer to sue Santa and win. But the newly wealthy Rudy didn't let it all go to his nose....er, um, I mean head. No, he became an advocate for all special needs and bullied cartoon and book characters.

Rudy went on to work the speaker's circuit, charging half a million to speak. He became the wealthiest, best known reindeer ever. And Hermey....why, he never wanted for clients again. He became the Gloria Allred of fictional characters. And they all lived happily ever after....except for Santa, perhaps. Over and out...

Anna

The Million Dollar Question: Pop Culture Clues

What makes an idea or an article novel or appealing? What makes a reader choose to click a link? What makes a message amazing, eye-opening or viral? What makes an online writer stand out from the hundreds and thousands of others just alike floating around, bumping into each other out in cyberspace? That is the million dollar question, isn't it?

I'm working on figuring this out. And when I do have the answer, I'll let you know. I know this much; the answer has just as much to do with what will not put you in reach of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow as it does with what you should be doing to earn the gold star.

Here's what I know thus far:

1. There is no instant formula for fame and fortune in writing;
2. The more you write, the more you hear your own, true voice; and
3. The more you understand your readers, the more you know how to temper what readers want to read with what you want to write.

So, with these truisms in mind, I have a few fun questions for you, Dear Reader:

This survey is anonymous, and I would be so incredibly grateful to you if you would take just a few minutes of your time to answer the questions. The questions are completely random and whatever jumped into my head as I typed. While this is true, I do think these questions will give me great insight into how to choose topics and how my readers will perceive certain issues, etc. And I promise you know all the answers to this survey!

Thanks so much in advance for helping me get closer to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, so to speak. Over and out...

Anna

Minding Your Ps and Qs: Most Important Manners for Kids to Learn

Tiffany's Table Manners

When I was 11 my Grandma gave me Tiffany's Table Manners for Teen-agers. Yes, that Tiffany's. It was written by Walter Hoving, the head honcho of Tiffany and Company from 1955 to 1980.

The dining scenarios in this book, written in 1961 and given to me in 1985, were then and are now far above my social status in life. And yet, I still have this small, unassuming black and white book 26 years later.

From time to time, I look through it reminding myself of the basic table manners and chuckle at some of the absurd scenarios discussed. It was the only book on etiquette I ever owned until I received Ava Carroll-Brown's book, Where Is Your Mother? for review purposes.

Clearly, I do not live by the Bible of Emily Post or Miss Manners. I do try to instill basic respect, dignity, compassion and gratitude in my Darling Boys. I think these things are important.

I do agree with Ms. Carroll-Brown that etiquette is knowledge and knowledge is power. And this was my Grandma's intention in giving me this book as I entered those precarious pre-teen years. If I knew how to tackle social situations then I would be well-equipped to handle whatever came my way.

Etiquette Poll

I ran an impromptu poll last night on Facebook and Twitter asking "What's the most important rule of etiquette in your household?" A number of people responded, but the answers were very similar:

1. Please and thank you;
2. Respect others; and
3. Limit bodily noises to the bathroom.

All basic; all important to remember no matter who we are, how old we are or where we are.

Manner Musts

I recently ran across an article from Parents that I had ripped out of the March 2011 magazine entitled 25 Manners Every Kid Needs By Age 9. I won't recite the whole list, but here are a few of my favorites:

1. Don't interrupt grown-ups who are talking to each other unless there is an emergency. They will notice you and respond when they are finished.
2. When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are.
3. When you have spent time at your friends' house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had. {but not in the creepy Eddie Haskell way – just my two cents worth}
4. Keep a napkin in your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.
5. Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak and ganging up on someone is cruel.
6. Knock on closed doors and wait to see if there is a response before entering.
7. Never use foul language in front of adults. They already know all of those words and find them dull and unpleasant.
8. Always say "thank you" for a gift. In the age of email, a handwritten thank you note may have a powerful effect.
9. When someone helps you say "thank you." That person will likely want to help you again. This is especially true with teachers.
10. As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.

Source: Parents.com/manners-list

These are basic and all things we as adults know, but don't take it for granted that your kids know it too. You must take the time to teach these basic manners. And I speak not only to you, my dear readers, when I say this, but also to myself.

Time is always of the essence these days. Our schedules are packed with things we have to do, and we scarcely have time to sit down at the dinner table together. So, be a good example and do these things yourself and use any teachable moments you have to encourage your child to act and respond accordingly.

Don't forget to enter to win Where Is Your Mother? by Ava Carroll-Brown. Just click on the link to yesterday's post mentioned above and leave a comment there. Over and out...

Anna

 

Where is Your Mother? A Review, an Interview and a Giveaway

Shoes: to Remove or Not to Remove?

Eleven years ago Will and I moved from the South to the Midwest. Our first year in Iowa we weren't able to go home for Christmas. Some new friends who were also staying in town for Christmas kindly invited all the poor souls who were spending the holidays "alone" to come over on the afternoon of Christmas Day for food, games and fellowship.

We had lived there only since July and had not been invited over to anyone's home yet. As we arrived, we were surprised to see a pile of shoes just inside the door. As guests arrived, they were shedding their shoes before further entering the home. We followed suit and did the same. Later, on the way home, I remarked to Will that I was glad I had put on new socks that morning. Will, who is notorious for have holes in his socks, told me that he had quickly flipped his socks around so that the holes were on the soles of his feet and hidden from the others. Oops.

Basic Etiquette; Variations by Regions

We weren't sure what to make of this practice. Was it simply our host's preference? Was it a regional rule? Was it rude to leave your shoes on? As we made friends and invited them over to our home and they invited us to theirs, we quickly discovered it was indeed a regional etiquette rule and the norm in that area.

The same holds true for Minnesota. We are quite used to this "rule" now and even practice it in our own home. My Darling Minnesota Boys immediately slip off their shoes upon arriving home or at a friend's home to play and even when visiting grandparents in Texas. We now always make sure our socks are clean and without holes or bare feet well-manicured before heading to someone's home.

In Texas, our home state, this is unheard of. In fact, it drives my in-laws nuts, both that we would like them to remove their shoes in our home and that there is a pile of shoes next to their back door when we are visiting.

While some rules of etiquette ring true for everyone, everywhere such as the three magic words of please, thank you and excuse me, there are a number of regional, cultural and religious rules that we may not know about until stumbling into a situation where it's being practiced and you're expected to understand it and follow it too. Other more universal manners include basic table etiquette, polite introductions and common courtesies.

Where Is Your Mother?

Earlier this week, I had the pleasure to talk to Ava Carroll-Brown, etiquette expert and author of the new book, "Where Is Your Mother?" This book is a basic guide to etiquette. It's not intimidating or confusing as some of the huge volumes of manners can be. This is a slim book that runs the gamut from essential table manners to stationery to cell phones to gifting issues.

I asked Ms. Carroll-Brown how she defines etiquette. Her response is that proper etiquette is a combination of simple grace and common sense. Ms. Carroll-Brown reminds us that etiquette is about thinking of the feelings of others. Based on our conversation, having good manners means that you are prepared about what to do or say or how to react or respond or behave in any situation. Being prepared for each situation will put both you and others you interact with at ease.

It's Ms. Carroll-Brown's opinion that having good etiquette is having power; a power of knowledge that sets us free; gives us confidence and polishes our appearance. She wrote this book with the intention that anyone, in any phase of life, could pick up her book of manners and look up the information that he or she needs or sit and read it cover to cover in order to be completely prepared. I found this to be the case after I received my copy of the book.* I repeatedly picked it up and flipped through it with no specific purpose. Each time I found some gem of information regarding how to reach out and be of help to a friend grieving a loss, a guide to tipping, reminders of simple table manners to teach my kids, etc.

Ms. Carroll-Brown's tone in print and over the phone is never threatening or condescending. She truly believes the world would be a better place if we all minded our manners and thought about how to treat others and considered their feelings.

Etiquette Pet Peeves

I talked with Ms. Carroll-Brown about her top three etiquette pet peeves Here's what she said,

1. Table Manners; she feels that table manner are very important and she spends a great deal of time on this topic in the book;
2. Silence; Ms. Carroll–Brown says that silence can be as rude as non-stop talking or interrupting conversations. Engage in conversation; excuse yourself from the table or a conversation, rather than just walking away without a word; and
3. Stationery Errors; there is no excuse for making errors on invitations, failing to reply to an invitation or neglecting to write thank you notes.

Etiquette Musts for Parents

I also asked Ms. Carroll-Brown what she thinks are the top five manners that parents must teach their children:

1. Basic Table Manners: sit down and eat, stay in your space, napkin in lap, chew with mouth closed, no talking with mouth full;
2. Use Flatware: This is an easy task to teach early on, rather than letting your kids use their hands;
3. The Three Magic Words: Please, Thank you and Excuse me
4. Write Thank You Notes: It's considerate of the gift-giver. Have a younger child draw a picture, purchase the fill-in-the-blanks cards for children who can write, let you child dictate a note to you.
5. Think of Others: Teach your kids to be inclusive of others in a group or at the park, take responsibility for your own actions and share with others.

Ms. Carroll-Brown has raised her own children and now has grandchildren. She noted that her brood is well-mannered, but not perfect and that the key to teaching this basic etiquette is little reminders and gentle lessons.

The Scoop

You will note that these are not ground-breaking new rules. These are simple graces, basic manners, common sense and common courtesies, as the subtitle of the book and the author stresses. For the most part, we know these things, but we are busy; we neglect to teach our kids these things; and our society moves on a little less thoughtful, a little less courteous and little by little we become completely self-absorbed and oblivious to anyone or anything around us.

So, take a few minutes at the dinner table to talk about staying in your own space or staying seated during the meal or how to excuse yourself from the table; or after receiving a gift talk about the giver of the gift and how thoughtful it was to send the gift, regardless of what the gift is, etc. There are numerous everyday scenarios that can be used to teach these "rules" in an enjoyable way.

Giveaway

Ms. Carroll-Brown has been so kind as to provide a copy of Where Is Your Mother? to be given away here on Motherly Law. If you are not versed in every line of Emily Post, but would like to have a basic understanding of etiquette and simple grace for your purposes and for teaching your kids, then you're going to want to enter this giveaway.

Here's what you need to know:

• I will use random.org to "draw" the winner on Thursday at 10 p.m. CST.
• To enter, you may:
  • leave a comment below;
  • "Like" me on Facebook (Motherly Law or click Facebook icon above);
  • Follow me on Twitter (@MotherlyLaw or click Twitter icon above);
  • Share this post;
  • Subscribe to Motherly Law's RSS feed (click RSS icon above);
  • Follow Ms. Carroll-Brown on Twitter (@AvaCarrollBrown); and
  • Subscribe to Ms. Carroll-Brown's blog: http://wiym.tumblr.com/

Leave a comment for EACH entry telling me what you did. So, if you do all of these things for a chance to win, you will have 7 comments. If you are interested in purchasing this book or reading more about it, you can find it here on Amazon. Good luck! Over and out...

Anna

*I must disclose that I did receive this book free of charge for review purposes. However, the opinion and review of the book are my own.

Motherly Advice: Babies No More

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

~ Love You Forever, the "never-fails-to-produce-tears" children's book by Robert Munsch

I asked my Darling Boys, "Who's my baby?" and then specifically to my not-quite 3 Darling 2, "Are you my baby?" His reply, "No, usses are boys!"

And just like that I officially have no more babies. Not so long ago, Darling 2 would have answered, "Yes, Mama, Me Your Baby." And now, he is a boy. Admittedly, it's been a while since my over 3 and half foot tall, 40 pound 2 year-old resembled anything close to a baby, but in my mind, they will both always be my babies.

This week is our last full week of summer and life as we have known it for the last 5 years is changing as we get ready to embark on the next giant step of childhood with Darling 1 starting Kindergarten.

As any well-meaning person with older children will tell you, it all goes so fast; so, enjoy all the moments. Yes, yes, I know, but quite frankly, there are some moments I don't want to linger over. And more than likely if they stopped to think about it they would remember how much they hated to be told this by strangers as they struggled with their kids to "just straighten up and focus on the task at hand", etc.

OK, maybe I'm projecting my thoughts and feelings about this matter onto my hypothetical, older stranger; and it's true, it does go by so fast and for some parts I'm grateful that it does.

I've never been one to lament the growing up, the maturing, and the reaching of new milestones. I enjoy seeing what comes next. I look forward to the new experiences and adventures. I like moving forward.

That isn't to say that I don't occasionally look back over the years and think about when my Darling 1 was a tiny peanut weighing less than 7 pounds and mommyhood was brand spanking new; recall how proud Darling 2 was when at 6 months he began to pull up at the train table and cruise around it while "playing" with his big brother; or remember the matter-of-fact moment that 26 month old Darling 1 first saw Darling 2 at the hospital, saying, "Is that our Baby?" and simply answering, "OK." when I affirmed it was indeed "our baby."These are all sweet memories burned into my brain, and I will continue to gather and store such moments.

They will always be my babies no matter how old they are, and I hope and pray they will always know that. I don't mean I will "baby" them, but that they will always mean the world to me; their needs will always be a priority to me; their voices will be able to reach me from any corner of the earth at any time; and I will stand behind them at all times, even if the world turns its back on them. To me, that's what it means to be a mother. That is what my mother has been to me.

It's Saturday…. Go eat some chocolate {this actually applies to everyday}. It's good for you, and you deserve it!

Anna

Nota Bene: I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all parents and kids are not created equally, but are wholly individual in personality and style. Regardless of these differences, the basic needs of love, patience and support remain constant. Here are the weekly affirmations, tips and reminders. Unless otherwise noted, these are entirely my opinion. Take them with a grain of salt, or not!

Sound Bites: Notes from the Keynotes

So, I lied. I have one more Blissdom-related post.

Nuggets of Wisdom

As I was going back over my notes from the keynote speakers I was reminded by all of the nuggets of inspiration and wisdom bestowed upon those of us "Following Our Bliss," and I wanted to share them with you.

Choose Discomfort Over Resentment ~ Brené Brown {Don't agree to do something just because you think you should, but know you will later resent the fact that you agreed to do it}

    People Spread Awesome! ~ Scott Stratten

                     Ask For What You Need. ~ Brené Brown

    Only 1 to 3% of Readers Leave Comments. ~ Scott Stratten

                Our Stories Matter Because We Matter ~ Brené Brown

Relationships Take Time to Build; Whether Online or In Person ~ Scott Stratten

Owning Our Stories & Loving Ourselves Through That Process is the Bravest Thing We Will Ever Do. ~Brené Brown

                Post Only When You Have Something to Say. ~ Scott Stratten

The Key to Living and Loving Wholeheartedly is Allowing Ourselves to be Vulnerable. ~ Brené Brown

Marketing is All About Connecting with People; Not Pitching What Your Selling. ~Scott Stratten

The Scoop

If you are curious about what else these perceptive thinkers, writers and speakers have to say I suggest you buy their books. While I have yet to open Brené's book, The Gifts of Imperfection, I can't wait to delve into it and my own thoughts and feelings. I recently saw a tweet from someone saying she wanted to start reading Brené's book, but was also scared of what she would find out about herself when she did. I did not realize it until I read this tweet that I was feeling the same way. And it all comes down to vulnerability....

I did not buy Scott's book, UnMarketing, but I've been thinking about the concept of "unmarketing" so much that I think I better get it and read it too. Unmarketing is all about connecting with people and building relationships with people who in turn do business with you because they have a relationship with you. There are so many customer service instances that beg for some "unmarketing." It's all really very simple, but for some reason most people just don't get it.

Is this awesome enough to post? What do you think? What's your favorite sound bite? While both Scott and Brené are truly funny and great speakers, their messages are quite different. Yet both authors offer much perspicacity whether you're an online writer or not. Over and out...

Anna

Introducing a Few of My New Friends: Blog List

New Friends

Last week, while attending Blissdom* in Nashville, I tried to approach each person there like my Darling Boys do at preschool. At their school, and I think most preschools, each child is considered and called "a friend" even when that friend "has made some bad choices" and not been very friendly to his or her classroom friends. So, I attempted to think of each person I met or came in contact with as a friend. And, indeed, after talking with a new "friend" for a few minutes that is often how I felt.

It's amazing how quickly people can connect through social media platforms just because they have similar backgrounds, experiences or interests despite geographical distances. Although it's actually easier to strike up a conversation with a stranger on Twitter than in real life, I talked with many ladies at Blissdom, connecting with a number of them; and came home with a fistful of business cards and a gaggle of new friends. These are friends I will continue to build a relationship with now that I am back at home thanks to Facebook, Twitter and our blogs.

I mentioned {& linked} to the ladies that were so kind to chat with me, hang out with me, laugh with me and cry with me at the Opryland Hotel in an earlier post, but I also wanted to introduce you to a few more blogs that I am getting to know better myself and a couple that I have been reading and knowing for a while.

Blog List

Without further adieu, here's the list of RANDOMLY DRAWN** blogs from my pile of business cards:

1. I'm Domestic...Not Dead! This blog is authored by my new friend, Alethea. Alethea is sweet, funny and welcoming in person and this shines through in her writing as well. Alethea's kids are in elementary school and this "professional housewife" is full of ideas about what to do with her time now and is intrigued by all the opportunities to work from home. Check it out...I'm telling you, I liked her from the "git-go." {It turns out people from Nashville sound just like people from my home state of Texas & its people are just as friendly as Texans too! I love these people! It feels like we have known each other for years. That's how it works in the South!}

    

2. babypop designs. Sherry, of babypop designs, makes great kid superhero capes, masks, costumes, etc. I love these products, and I will be ordering some superhero apparel from her. I met Sherry on the first night and briefly spoke with her, but that's OK; we follow each other on Twitter. I bet you will love these bright satin costumes as much as I do.

    

3. Raising CEO Kids. Sarah's site has a unique perspective. Her goal is to provide parents and kids with the tools to make dreams and ideas a reality by educating, empowering and encouraging parents to RAISE smart, savvy, successful and confident CEO KIDS. I plan to get to know Sarah more, but I could immediately tell she was kind, interested and personable...and Sarah has great lipstick! I know you're curious about Raising CEO Kids; go find out more.

    

4. Good Enought Is the New Perfect. This blog is authored by Hollee and Becky. I met Hollee and have been corresponding with her for the last several months via Twitter. Hollee is a research attorney too. Hollee and Becky are both well-educated, professionals, moms and wives just trying to "find happiness and success in modern motherhood." Their book by the same name as their blog will be coming out in April. I, for one, can't wait to get a copy. I had a chance to talk with Hollee while in Nashville and it sounds like this is a book that any mom who struggles with the guilt of motherhood and career and striking a balance between these two constants will want to get her hands on. You will be hearing more from me about this topic and Hollee's and Becky's book, but in the mean time go over to their site and take a look around.

    

5. Food For My Family. Shaina, mom of 4, wife, foodie, writer and photographer, actually lives in the Twin Cities. In fact, I had met Shaina in real life back in August at Love Feast Table's Blog Love party, but had never really talked to her. My friend, Gussy {from Gussy Sews}, and I sat with Shaina on the plane ride home from Blissdom and had a chance to get to know her better. Shaina is quiet, but funny, witty and opinionated. I like her. Shaina writes about cooking and feeding her family of 6 tasty, healthy food while saving time and money. One thing we discussed on the plane was picky eaters; she is doing a series of posts on that very subject right now. I know that is something all moms have to tackle at some point.

    

6. High Heels and a Hammer. Kristen is another person that I have known and been reading her blog for a while. She also lives here in the Twin Cities. I liked Kristen from the instant I started talking to her at a blogger gathering this summer. She is engaging, warm and smart. Kristen is always ready with a smile and a kind word. Her blog is so clever and full of beautiful and simple ideas. Kristen is always wearing her beautiful and stylish heels, but is quite handy with her power tools too; hence the name. Her projects are simple and inspire the reader to tackle her own small and large projects around the house. You're going to love this last site too!

The Scoop

I hope you will go and get to know my new friends. I think they all have a lot to offer; each in her own way. If you are looking to expand your blog reading list, these should keep you occupied for a while. Enjoy! Over and out...

Anna

*I know I said I was finished talking about Blissdom, but this is about my new friends that I met at Blissdom, not the conference itself.

**I randomly picked a few business cards while blindfolded by my new cool blue-gel GE swag bag eye mask. If you gave me your card, but you aren't featured, I still like you, friend.

I Am an Onion....

I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister and a friend.

I am a lawyer, a writer and a thinker.

I am silly, friendly, inquisitive and talkative.

I am judging, irritable and sensitive.

I am a Texan, Oklahoman, Iowan and Minnesotan.

I am open-minded, controlling and determined.

I am shy. I am worried no one will talk to me. I am uncertain. I am sometimes lonely. I am tired. I am ignored. I am vulnerable.

I am loved. I am noticed. I am important {to my kids and husband}. I am complex. I am accepted. I am imperfect, which I'm told is the new perfect. I am me.

I am all of these things every day. There are many layers to my being. Some layers are thin; some layers are thick; and sometimes it's painful to start slicing through the layers. I was all of these things and more this past week at Blissdom Conference in Nashville. I have found that a gathering like this brings out the best and worst of me.

Blissdom unlike BlogHer, did provide more opportunities for networking and conversation. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of business cards I exchanged with other attendees. I was also delighted to meet and connect with a number of really lovely people. There were some who intentionally struck up a conversation with me because I was alone {and perhaps looking tired and dejected}; who shared a smile, a kind word, a tweet and a hug with me. I am forever grateful to those ladies who at various times plucked me up and made me feel included and loved.

I was in awe of the amazing keynote speaker, Brene’ Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection. Let Go of Who You Think You Are Supposed to Be & Embrace Who You Are. I know that I am a better person for having heard her words of wisdom. I am certain that if I gained nothing else from this trip, Brene' Brown's speech was more than worth it. She's a lovely fellow Texan with a penchant for relating stories and research in a heartfelt, meaningful manner.

Was Blissdom worth the money, the time, the expense? I'm still processing the entire experience to decide this. I'm still deciding whether I will plan to go to Blissdom in 2012. If I do go next year, I know I now have #Blissdom friends. Thank you Shan {sorority sister from my chapter}, Alycia, Kristina, Alethea, Kristina L. {in photo above}, Joanna, Abby, Heather and Sarah. I would not have laughed or cried {in a good way} nearly so often without these girls!

The last night was a bit of a fiasco and a whole post unto itself. Thankfully, Kristina L. was there along for the ride and helped provide some comic relief to the situation. I'll tell you that story another time. Over and out...

Anna

 You might also like:

#Blissdom Day 1: What I Learned Today ...

Motherly Advice {Reflections of Motherhood ~ www.nummies.com}

Mixed Feelings: Next Week

Motherly Advice: 15 Books in 15 Minutes Link Up

Life and Books

 As I have mentioned, I love books. There are a few that I have read several times; each time I have taken away something new from the book depending on the season of life I have been in while reading it. Others I have read only once, but recall specific passages or characters often. A few of my favorites I read in junior high or high school and honestly gained very little from them then, but when I read them again in college and even after college, having lived longer and experienced more, I could see the characters more clearly; I could feel the depth of the emotions; and I could grasp the situations more distinctly.

 

15 Books in 15 Minutes

Recently a friend on Facebook sent me an invitation to contribute my 15 Books in 15 Minutes. Although I never actually got around to putting it on Facebook, I did make my list.

What is 15 Books in 15 Minutes, you ask? It's a list of 15 of your favorite books; books that mean something to you; books that have touched your life in some way. The point is to spend no more than 15 minutes coming up with your list of 15 books.

Below is my list of 15 Books in 15 Minutes, in no particular order. Please make your list and follow the instructions below to link-up your list here.

My 15 Books in 15 Minutes

1. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

2. Ben Hur by Lew Wallace

3. The Bible

4. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

5. Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

6. Woman in White by Wilkie Collins

7. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

8. Angry Housewives Eating Bonbons by Lorna Landvik

9. The Chronicles of Narnia Series by C.S. Lewis

10. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

11. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

12 My Life in France by Julia Child with Alex Prud'homme

13. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

14. Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

15. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame

 

Darling Boys' 15 Books in 15 Minutes

1. Dig, Dig, Digging
2. Twas the Night Before Christmas
3. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie
4. Henry & Mudge Series
5. Brown Bear, Brown Bear
6. Little Eddie Series
7. Any book about space
8. I'm Dirty
9. Oh, The Places You'll Go
10. Peek A Who
11. Fuzzy, Fuzzy, Fuzzy
12. Gorilla, Gorilla
13. Dino Soccer
14. Where the Sidewalk Ends
15. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

Over and out..

Anna

Leave a comment with your list or To Link up Your List:

 Powered by Linky Tools

Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list...

Con Law for Preschoolers: Exercising Our First Amendment Rights at Home {& in Schools}

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

    ~The First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution

Constitutional Rights Practiced in the Home

I take our Constitutional rights seriously. You may have noticed that I have written about the 2^nd Amendment Right to Bear Arms, the 1^st Amendment Establishment Clause and the 5^th Amendment Right to Remain Silent previously. In our household, we exercise each of the freedoms bestowed upon us by the 1^st Amendment on a daily basis. And I bet you do too. Here are some examples:

• We freely pray when we feel the need.

Example 1: In long line at Target check-out; it's 6 pm; the Darlings Boys are with me; we haven't eaten dinner yet; it's been a long day; need I say more; I pray for patience.

Example 2: Darling 1 has lost Little Teddy along Nicollet Ave in downtown Minneapolis in the dark; next day in the car; it's snowing; Darling 1 prays that Little Teddy is safe and out of the snow.

We don't do it in a loud, demonstrative way. We are respectful of those around us who may or may not pray to the same God.

• We each speak our minds to each other about how we feel or what we think about a particular subject or event.

 

Example 1: Darling 2 is playing with a Lego vehicle that Darling 1 built the day before; Darling 1 comes over and takes the Lego vehicle from Darling 2; Darling 2 yells "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" before hurdling towards Darling 1; I step between Darling 1 and the hurdling object that is Darling 2 to prevent a violation of such rights; Darling 1 must return said vehicle to Darling 2; Darling 1 must then exercise his right of freedom of speech by asking for the use of said vehicle.

 

Example 2: DH complains about my inability to function well in AM after repeatedly trying to wake me in AM; I remind DH that he has known this about me upwards of 15 years now; DH maintains his argument; I maintain mine….for years upon years.

 

• The Darling Boys are working on the peaceable part, but they do assemble to petition me on a daily basis; and I petition them, as well. Generally, there is a bit of freedom of expression thrown into this one for good measure.

 

Example 1: The Darlings have just been told no more DVD time today; Darlings first try the "Puleeeese!" with sugary sweet undertones tactic; when told "No!" they proceed to the "Just 1 more, PLEEEEEAAAASSSE!" with borderline panic undertones; when told "No!" again, the Darlings now pull out all stops with "Oh No, We'll Never Get to Watch {Insert Pixar/Disney/HIT Entertainment Character Here} AGAIN!" while writhing, whining, crying, and perhaps laying on the floor or hugging the portable DVD player with frantic, desperate, dramatic tones; and then we move on to something else; again, they're working on the peaceable part.

 

Example 2: I make a new dish for dinner full well knowing the Darlings are probably going to stage a protest, ah, another 1^st Amendment right; yet I still serve the new dish containing {insert any number of foods or foods prepared a certain way or foods they ate last week, but have decided they don't like this week}; the protest is full on; I peaceable petition the Darlings to try just a smidge; just a lick of the spoon; protest continues; I continue my peaceable, patient petition for them to just GIVE IT TASTE, DANG IT. I SLAVED AWAY IN THE KITCHEN MAKING THIS DELICIOUS AND NUTRITIOUS MEAL FOR US; this show of emotion has no impact on the protesters; meanwhile, their attention shifts to something else; they forget about their protest; they forget they weren't going to eat the new dish on their plates in front of them; they eat it; I win!

 

• Our family also believes in letting each person express himself whether through art or dress or demonstration {ahem, tantrum} or speech; regardless of whether some family members might think the form of expression is odd or ineffective {in the case of a tantrum}.

Example 1: We are going to the Mall of America; Darling 1 insists on wearing his orange, realistic-looking astronaut jumpsuit from NASA; I ask him to wear a pair of pants and shirt instead, pointing out that he might get his suit dirty; he insists and adds his NASA ball cap to his ensemble; I retreat; he has spoken his intentions and it won't harm anyone if he wears it; of course, he wore his firefighter rain boots with it too; if Darling 1 feels the need to express himself through his apparel who I am to stop him?

Example 2: See Protest involved in meal debate in Ex. 2 above.

You get the point. I bet you can think of many similar examples of your family members exercising each of his or her Constitutional rights.

Of course, there are limitations to these rights. In exercising your own rights you can't harm another person or infringe on his or her rights. This is something that takes time to teach when dealing with youngsters, but adults should know how this works.

Freedom of Expression & Students

Freedom of expression includes ideas, dialogues, poetry, photographs, art and anything else contained in a book. Not only does a person have the right to express his or her views as an author, anthologist, photography, editor, artist, etc., but a person also has the right to read, view and/or listen to his or her choice of books, art, photography, etc. so long as none of this is harmful to another, incites violence or is libelous.

The question here, looking at book banning in schools, is what about students? How much freedom is afforded to students in school? This is a question that has been answered by the U.S. Supreme Court.

In Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District, 393 U.S. 503 (1969), the Court observed, "It can hardly be argued that either students or teachers shed their constitutional rights to freedom of speech or expression at the schoolhouse gate." The U.S. Supreme Court has often times sided with the students in regards to Constitutional rights.

This is not to say that school administrators cannot reject certain newspaper article topics in the school newspaper (Hazelwood School District v. Kuhlmeier) or enforce the school's dress code or restrict vulgar language on the school's premises or regulate the students' behavior in hallways, etc.; the school administration still has authority over the students, but the students also retain their Constitutional rights while in school.

Case Analysis of Pico

In Board of Education, Island Trees Union Free School District No. 26 v. Pico, 457 U.S. 853 (1982), the school board "ordered the removal of the books from school libraries and proscribed their use in the curriculum because particular passages in the books offended their social, political and moral tastes and not because the books, taken as a whole, were lacking in educational value." Id. at 859. The school board responded "the board acted not on religious principles but on its conservative educational philosophy, and on its belief that the nine books removed from the school library and curriculum were irrelevant, vulgar, immoral, and in bad taste, making them educationally unsuitable for the district's junior and senior high school students." Id. at 392.

The questions before the Court, "First, does the First Amendment impose any limitations upon the discretion of petitioners to remove library books from the Island Trees High School and Junior High School? Second, if so, do the affidavits and other evidentiary materials before the District Court, construed most favorably to respondents, raise a genuine issue of fact whether petitioners might have exceeded those limitations?"

The Court held, "Local school boards have broad discretion in the management of school affairs, but such discretion must be exercised in a manner that comports with the transcendent imperatives of the First Amendment… such rights may be directly and sharply implicated by the removal of books from the shelves of a school library. Id. at 863-869. "Whether petitioners' removal of books from the libraries denied respondents their First Amendment rights depends upon the motivation behind petitioners' actions. Local school boards may not remove books from school libraries simply because they dislike the ideas contained in those books and seek by their removal to "prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion." West Virginia Board of Education v. Barnette, 319 U.S. 624, 642 . If such an intention was the decisive factor in petitioners' decision, then petitioners have exercised their discretion in violation of the Constitution." Id. at 869-872.

In this instance, the Court found that the evidence before the Court failed "to exclude the possibility that petitioners' removal procedures were highly irregular and ad hoc." Id. at 875.

Source: www.findlaw.com

The Scoop

For other interesting 1^st Amendment Cases involving Freedom of Expression, go to http://www.ala.org/ala/aboutala/offices/oif/firstamendment/courtcases/courtcases.cfm. I plan to have a link-up post on Wednesday involving books {if I can figure out how to do a link-up post}. On Thursday, I will post tips for finding great books to read with your kids, making reading a habit for your family and online book resources. Over and out…

Anna

You might also like:

Definitionof Family: Constitutionality of FL Adoption Law Banning Gays

CelebratingChristmas: The Plastic Reindeer Rule; Analysis of Lynch v.Donnelly

AccidentsHappen…or Maybe Not: A Child’s Duty of Care; Menagh v. Breitman

 

For the Love of Books: How and Why Books Get Challenged & Banned Part I

A Salve for the Soul

Books soothe my soul. And so there are books of every kind, size and thickness in every room of my home: Classic Literature; Bibles; Poetry; Children's Board Books, Picture Books & Chapter Books; Cookbooks; Coffee Table Books; Art; Reference; Biographies; Sets of Books; Out-of-Print Books;  Banned Books; Mythologies; Short Stories; Fiction; Nonfiction; Shakespeare (yes, he gets his own category in my list); Histories; Anthologies; Books of Quotations; Paperback; Leather Bound; and Mostly Jacketless.

While I love the library and being surrounded by books, I prefer to buy mine. I hate the idea of having to give up a book I particularly love and have a connection with in two or three weeks when the book is due.

There are a few that I have turned to over and over through the years. Those books…well, they're like old friends greeting me after a long absence, having waited patiently for my return. And because of the connection I feel with a book's characters or story, I simply cannot read books that I immediately dislike. There are some that I put down, never to pick up again. So, I cannot say that I love all books, but I do respect {almost} all books and know that someone somewhere might get something from a book that I didn't.

Taking the Books

The subject of banning books was recently brought to my attention by an article DH sent to me. The whole idea of taking certain books out of libraries, classrooms and/or bookstores because of particular content that puts some ill at ease seems so archaic; so far removed from modern practices. And yet, it's something that still goes on every year. For the most part, the push for book censorship comes from parents protesting certain books on class reading lists or the inclusion of certain books in school libraries, but other times its reach is further.

Over the years, many classics have been banned, depending on the mood of the country; what's going on politically, religiously and socially. Throughout the history of time, writings have been censored and often times burned. Historically, book burning has been a form of religious persecution.

Censorship

When it comes down to the bare bones of it, censorship occurs because someone feels threatened by another's point of view, religious beliefs, scientific findings, depiction of events, etc. Censorship is suppression of the freedom speech and expression. Banning or restricting access to books are the simplest forms of censoring the written word. However, the Internet makes removal or restriction of access more difficult for those who wish to do so.

According to the American Library Association (ALA), a book may be challenged or banned. "A challenge is an attempt to remove or restrict materials, based upon the objections of a person or group. A banning is the removal of those materials. Challenges do not simply involve a person expressing a point of view; rather, they are an attempt to remove material from the curriculum or library, thereby restricting the access of others. As such, they are a threat to freedom of speech and choice." Source: www.ala.org.

In general, books are sought to be removed or access restricted based on reasons relating to: religion; political views; family values; and minority rights. Often these issues are combined and often the concern is sexuality, language, ideas that are "un-Godly" "un-American" or "a deviation from the norm." Concerns are almost always couched in statements about protecting the morals of the children.

Constitutional Rights

While there may be some instances where a challenge or ban is necessary to restrict children of a young age from having access to sexually explicit images and/or language; for the most part limited or no access to certain material is restrictive of constitutional rights of all citizens.

School boards, a select group of citizens, city councils, librarians, etc. cannot simply choose to restrict access to or remove a book or set of books without violating the First Amendment of the United States. Specific review policies and procedures should be followed to ensure that citizens/students rights are not violated.

According to USA Today, many books facing the guillotine as of late have been those on advanced course lists for teens. The question is how much freedom of expression/speech should be afforded high school students. In the USA Today Article, Judith John, an English professor at Missouri State University, stated "When people are afraid, they become more conservative and reject changes." John points to the uncertain economy and rise in terrorism in recent years as the source of fear in this instance.

The Scoop

I find it interesting that parents and others are so concerned about the required reading lists in schools and/or the books available in school libraries considering most teens have multiple avenues of mostly unrestricted Internet use. If a tech savvy teen is looking for information on any subject, more than likely he or she will find it quickly. Tomorrow I will post a case analysis of a case or two regarding banned books in schools and examine the tests applied by the Court.

Lastly, here is a list of books that have been banned at some point in the U.S. Over and out…

Anna

You might also like:

The Right to Bear Arms in Your Home: McDonald v. City of Chicago

The "Unambiguous" Right to Remain Silent: Changes to the Miranda Warning; Berghuis v. Thompkins

Walking a Fine Line: Social Host Laws and Underage Drinking

Books On Hold: Guest Post Substitution; Book Burning Tomorrow

At the beginning of each January, I always think about my reading plan for the new year. I like to set reading goals along with other goals for the year. I decide what I would like to read; how many books I think I can realistically read in this timeframe; and if there are any favorites I want to revisit.

 

In so doing this, I decided to do a post on the laws governing the banning of books and censorship; an act that has always puzzled me and frightened me. And that is exactly what I will do tomorrow, but on Sunday night the weekend of family illnesses and paid work deadlines got the best of me. So, instead you are getting a guest post from Dear Husband, Will, originally written as a guest post for bookdads.com. Book Dads is a great resource for finding good reads for parents and kids.

 

Guest Post: Never a Dull Moment: Setting the Stage for Learning to Read

 

Crash! Bang! Ouch! Mine! No0000! These are all sounds and words that can be heard around my house on a regular basis. The absence of sound is rare, but when it comes to sitting down and reading, my 2 and 4 year old boys love to do it. And reading every day is something we've been doing since they were infants.

 

As I think back over my childhood I can honestly say I don't remember ever enjoying reading. I tried. My mom, brothers and I would pack into the Suburban every couple of weeks during the summer and head over to the library. I would pick out some chapter books with the goal of reading them over the next two weeks. Unfortunately, I rarely did. This was a reoccurring theme over the years.

 

I know my boys are still very young and don't actually know how to read yet. However, the excitement they show about reading is something I didn't experience until I was well into my 20s. So I must say that I'm quite excited for them, and I love it when I find my two year old sitting quietly by himself as he "reads" a stack of books one at a time; or when either one brings a book to me so I can read to them.

 

Over the last year we have begun reading chapter books, and this is really fun. Being able to watch my 4 year old envisioning the scenes is fantastic. He tries to capture every detail and asks very inquisitive questions. It all started with The Black Stallion. After that he was hooked and so was I to be honest with you.

 

Picture books are great, and I think very important for early development. However, in my opinion, I think reading chapter books can help with a child's imagination, focus and listening skills. We still read picture books, but the interest my boys have in reading has only grown as we have added chapter books.

 

I've heard the opinion that 2 and 4 is too young to start reading chapter books. The people in that camp argue that the tots won't understand and can't digest the story. My first reaction to this is how do you know if your kids aren't ready unless you try reading a chapter book. I suggest experimenting with it. Go to your local library and search the children's section for some chapter books. You can always ask for help from a librarian or check the library's website if you don't know where to start. Either way just give it a shot and see how your child reacts.

 

Before I know it my boys will both be reading, and more than likely re-reading the books we've read. I am truly lucky and thankful to be able to be a part of the reading adventure my boys are on. And that says a lot for a guy who rarely sits down to read without falling asleep.

 

The Scoop

 

Reading with a child is such a gift and a joy. In our family, it signals that it's time to slow down; be calm and quiet; and listen instead of talk (something that is rare in our household). I think that access to books of all kinds and on many different subjects is vitally important for a democratic society, and you'll hear more about that tomorrow.

 

Meanwhile, be sure to check out this week's Sunday Spotlight Article. I would love to hear from you; so drop me a line! Over and out…

 

Anna

 

Too Many Toys: Tips for Buying the “Safest” Toys & Checking for Recalls

Child Psychology In Reverse

Two years ago, I bought the book "Too Many Toys" by David Shannon, thinking it would be a good way to start a dialogue on giving away toys that aren't played with anymore. Wrong. I thought we had too many toys then. Wrong again. That was two year ago, Darling 2 was just a few weeks old. He had not even begun to add his own toys to the stash. Now, here we are, two year later, still with too many toys! (Please note this is exclusively the opinion of the parent in this case)

The premise of the book is that the boy, Spencer, has too many toys. Yes, I 'm sure you got that part already, but there's more. He gets toys from everyone, from grandparents to the dentist. Spencer never gets rid of any of them. That is, until one day when his mom has absolutely had enough of stepping on the toys, and then it's much more difficult than she ever imagined because Spencer begins to negotiate what stays and what goes. It's a cute book, and I thought it was a good tool. And it was, but not in the way I had planned.

Darling 1 quickly caught on to what the story was really about and what I was trying to do. And even more quickly memorized the book, and still, after two years, uses Spencer's lines against me. His favorite, "but I LOVE ALLLLLLL my toys" (said with big, sad eyes and in a pleading, drawn out, pitiful voice). This scene is played out every time I ever say anything about all of their toys and how we should go through them to see if there are any toys we could get rid of.

How Many is Too Many?

The thing is, my Darlings do have too many toys, but they do play with them all. And as soon I think there is a toy that they haven't played with in a while, along comes one or the other and plays with that toy for 2 days straight. Mind you, I said, as soon as I think it. It's as if they can read my thoughts (well, actually sometimes I think they can, but that's another story). I have managed to smuggle a few things down to the basement and hide them away until they can be donated, etc.

They won't even get rid of the broken toys. Case in point, Buzz Lightyear, see photo from Monday's post. He is now headless, wingless, missing one hand, wrapped in masking tape and tied up with a yo-yo, but don't you dare for one intergalactic moment think he's headed for the trash. Oh no, Darling 1 is working on making him a new head and thinking of how to give him a new hand. He'll be as good as new very soon, or so I'm told.

Now don't get me wrong. I love to watch the Darlings construct elaborate storylines and play with the hundreds of stuffed animals, hordes of Little People and McDonald Happy Meal Movie Character toys, legions of cars, trucks and planes and every single Pixar character in their play room, um, I mean, my living room, but I have to draw the line somewhere. I just don't know where that line is yet.

The Dangers of Toys

What I do worry about is lead paint covered toys, tiny batteries, magnets and other small ingestible items. I try to watch for recalls and inspect our toys for loose pieces (or broken off heads and hands, etc.), chipping paint and other dangers. There have been so many toys recalled in the last several years. Many of the recalls were due to the level of lead in the paint used.

Fortunately, the U.S. has responded to these recalls and other issues by tightening the standards and has seen promising results.

Tips for Buying Safe Toys

Here are CPSC's Top Safe Shopping Tips for this year:

• Magnets – For children under age six, avoid building sets with small magnets. If swallowed, serious injuries and/or death can occur.
• Small Parts – For children younger than age three, avoid toys with small parts, which can cause choking.
• Ride-on Toys – Riding toys, skateboards and in-line skates go fast and falls could be deadly. Helmets and safety gear should be sized to fit.
• Projectile Toys – Projectile toys such as air rockets, darts and sling shots are for older children. Improper use of these toys can result in serious eye injuries.
• Chargers and Adapters – Charging batteries should be supervised by adults. Chargers and adapters can pose thermal burn hazards to children.

CPSC also recommends using the following tips to help choose appropriate toys for children:

• Be a label reader. Look for toy labels that give age and safety recommendations and use that information as a guide.
• Select toys to suit the age, abilities, skills and interest level of the intended child. Look for sturdy construction, such as tightly-secured eyes, noses and other potential small parts.
• For all children under 8, avoid toys that have sharp edges and points.

Once the gifts are open:

• Immediately discard plastic wrappings on toys before they become dangerous play things.
• Keep toys appropriate for older children away from younger siblings or neighbors.
• Pay attention to instructions and warnings on battery chargers. Some chargers lack any device to prevent overcharging.

Source: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml07/07032.html

Additional tips from CPSC:

To help keep what has been called the most wonderful time of the year happy and incident-free, CPSC is encouraging consumers to adopt a three-pronged safety approach."

1. Which Toy for Which Child – Always choose age appropriate toys.
2. Gear Up for Safety – Include safety gear whenever shopping for sports-related gifts or ride-on toys, including bicycles, skates, and scooters.
3. Location, Location, Location – Be aware of your child's surroundings during play. Young children should avoid playing with ride-on toys near automobile traffic, pools or ponds. They also should avoid playing in indoor areas associated with hazards such as kitchens and bathrooms and in rooms with corded window blinds.

Source: http://cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml11/11042.html

Websites

• Check the CPSC's site for recalls: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/category/toy.html
• Check The Toy Association's site for all kinds of toy information, from safety to top toys to recalls to parent discussions on playing and toys: http://www.toyassociation.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=TINFO_Home
• For Toy Standards from around the world and agency contact information , check the International Council of Toy Industries site: http://www.toy-icti.org/info/toysafetystandards.html

The Scoop

It's trite and often goes unheeded, but CPSC swears by its "small parts regulations" that have been in place for more than three decades. You know, the warning on toy packaging that cautions of small parts and gives the age the toy is inappropriate for. It's a simple warning, and I have to admit, I rarely look at those warnings on packages. However, I do check toys for small pieces and put those away for a time when the Darlings are older. It's difficult with two children of two very different ages on the development spectrum. At age 2, Darling 2 is still likely to "mouth" small objects.

So, be cautious, be vigilant and have fun shopping this holiday season. How do ensure your kids' toys are safe? Do you watch for recalls? Does it matter to you whether a toy is made in the U.S. or China or New Zealand or Timbuktu? I feel like it mattered more to me when the Darlings were babies. Now it seems like it's all about which toys they want – plastic, commercialized, made in China!

Check back tomorrow for the $40 Caribou Coffee Gift Card Giveaway! On Friday, I post a bit of Motherly Advice. Over and out…

Anna

You might also like:

Risk Management: Tips for Preventing Choking and What to Do if Someone is Choking

The Cautious Approach to Life: Tips for Teaching Your Kids Gun Safety

The Days Keep On Rolling: Great Websites for Getting the Best Fit for Your Child’s Car Seat