Hanging By a Thread

Anna the Enforcer: PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN {2012 Distracted Driving Challenge}

A New Job

A few months ago, Darling 1 and I were out running errands. I was pulling out of a parking lot when a car almost backed into my vehicle. I honked, and I stared at the rearview mirrors to get a good look at the driver. That's when I saw it. The driver was too busy talking on the phone to notice that my vehicle was directly behind hers when she started backing up; she was a Distracted Driver.

At this point, she had backed out and was now directly behind me. I slowed down and glared at her via the side mirror and then slowly proceeded to the corner. All the while, Darling 1 was aware what was going on. When I got to the corner, I stopped and intended to turn right. The woman who nearly backed into me intended to turn left; therefore, at the stop sign she was directly next to my car.

I looked straight at her, as she continued chatting away into her handheld phone. She was looking at me when I slowly and firmly said the words, "Put Your Phone Down!" to her through my rolled-up window. She saw me and gave me a completely shocked look. Then, I turned the corner.

At this point, Darling 1 said to me, "I think you need a new job, Mom." I said, "Oh yeah, what kind of job should I have?" to which Darling 1 responded. "I think you should a policeman." And I said, "Why is that?" and he said, "Because you have a big mean voice to tell people what to do."

The Absence of Distracted Driving Laws

I suppose I had sounded like a policeman, saying, "Put Your Phone Down" in a loud, authoritative voice, but it made me laugh. And yet, I am quite good at enforcing laws and rules; and I have always been very authoritative {just ask my brother}. In fact, I'm quite certain I'd do a good job enforcing a no phone use while driving policy.

However, I'm afraid that is one law that will never be passed and enforced. I don't think that we will ever see the day that all cell phones, both handheld and hands free are banned while driving in every state.

We are too connected to our technology; too convinced that we have to multi-task while doing anything and everything. We have persuaded ourselves that we are safe; we are able to focus on the road and the conversation; we are invincible. And lawmakers recognize this fact. It is my personal opinion that lawmakers themselves don't want to be held to such a standard as they race from location to location, meeting to meeting and "need" to use the phone while driving.

{No} Common Sense Safety

For me, this is not about a law. This is about common sense; this is about safety for ourselves, our families and strangers we come in close contact with on roadways. Why should we have to have a law to tell us to do the safe and reasonable thing?

Well, we had to have laws that tell us that we can't exceed certain speeds; we had to have laws that tell us we must wear seatbelts to protect us from injuries if there is an accident; we had to have laws that tell us to securely buckle our babies and young children into car seats and now booster seats; and we had to have laws that tell us that we can't drive while intoxicated. Clearly, we aren't capable of protecting ourselves from danger without laws to regulate our activity.

Interestingly enough, TX Gov. Rick Perry vetoed a bill last summer that would have banned texting in the state of TX. His reason for the veto: a law banning texting while driving would be micromanaging the behavior of adults; something he didn't want to do.

Pardon me if I don't see the difference between banning texting while driving and forcing drivers and passengers to use a seat belt while in the vehicle or limiting the speed of a vehicle or the amount of alcohol in one's bloodstream when it comes to driving. If it's micromanaging, so be it; apparently, that's what we need to be safer drivers.

When it comes to driving a vehicle on public roadways, it's not all about the driver. It's about taking care not to injure, cause harm or damage other people or their property. We must be considerate of the laws, but we must also use common sense in the way we operate our vehicles, weighing a ton or more; for our own sakes and for the sakes of others.

Phone Down Eyes Up Button

For those of you who are as serious as I am about distracted driving and putting your phone down and your eyes up on the road, I do now have a button that you can copy the code to place it on your website or blog too. You will notice it just to the upper right hand side with my slogan for this campaign; Phone Down Eyes Up. Thanks to my friends at Black Elephant Studios for creating it for me. If you click on the button, you will be taken to my Phone Down Eyes Up post.

I encourage you to spread the word about the dangers of distracted drivers. I see it over and over on the road; drivers chatting on the phone and driving too slowly, weaving in and out of lanes, not paying attention to the rate of traffic, not seeing a stop sign or a red light or failing to see the vehicle directly behind them as they back up.

The Scoop

Remember, I hit a kid with my car, and I wasn't distracted at all. Although, years ago, one evening while driving home from work and talking to my mom about a troubling issue, I drove 30 minutes south of my exit. When I finally became aware that I wasn't focused on my driving, I realized I had no idea where I was. I was, in fact, miles from home. I had not seen any exits or even noticed any of the cars around me; I had simply been on autopilots for miles upon miles.

This frightened me. And it should frighten you too. We should all be frightened at our often low levels of focus on the road. My 2012 challenge to you? You guessed it: Phone Down Eyes Up. Prove to me, to yourself and everyone you come in contact with on the roadways {and I hate to say it, but prove Gov. Rick Perry right too} that we don't need laws to wizen up and be safe about how and when we use our cell phones.

Tomorrow I will be addressing new distracted driving laws for 2012. Oh, and don't forget to grab the distracted driving button. Over and out...

Anna

For Traci: Drink Responsibly

The Phone Call

On November 12, 1993, I received a gut wrenching phone call in the early morning hours of that Friday. I was a freshman at Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, TX, about a 4.5 hour drive from my family. I was living in the dorm that year and was awakened by the phone ringing.

At first I thought it was my alarm going off, but quickly realized it was still dark and much too early for my summons to wake. I was so out-of-sorts from this abrupt awakening that I didn't even have that feeling of foreboding telling me something was terribly wrong.

A Death in the Family

It was my mother on the line; she was crying. It was hard to make out her words, but I soon understood what she was saying. My cousin, Traci, had been killed the night of November 11^th on the way home from dinner with a friend.

The Crash

She was the passenger in the vehicle. My cousin and her friend were traveling on a small rural highway heading back home and another vehicle on a side road pulled out hitting my cousin broadside. My cousin was killed instantly.

Her friend survived the crash albeit with multiple injuries. The woman driving the vehicle was drunk {and I should add that she did survive and without catastrophic injuries}. This was not the first time she had been caught operating a vehicle while drunk. She shouldn't have been on the road. In fact, I believe her license was suspended at the time of this accident. That woman shouldn't have been there that night....but she was and she took the life of a beautiful person.

Loss of Innocence

Traci was one of the best people I have ever known. She was pure, sweet, funny, thoughtful and very bright. She loved her family and it was her purpose in life to be a "window to God's love." She excelled academically, was very involved in her church, the Salutatorian of her high school, won scholarships, graduated with honors with multiple degrees and had just begun her career as a Process Engineer.

Traci's life was cut tragically short at a very young age. Traci had celebrated her 25^th birthday just 17 days prior to this accident. Her life was just beginning. Ironically, my cousin didn't even drink alcohol and yet it was because of the abuse of alcohol {of another} that she was taken from her friends and family.

All of this happened in a split second. My cousin and her friend were probably chatting and laughing as friends do. I pray that Traci never saw or felt the impact that fractured her skull and took her life. Her friend was knocked unconscious on impact and only later realized the full tragedy that had unfolded.

Interestingly, years later, my cousin and Traci's sister, happened to meet a man who had been a 1^st responder to that accident that claimed the life of Traci. He told my cousin that when he arrived that Traci was deceased and was not suffering. He was able to give my cousin details of the crash that comforted her and the family.

The Scoop

This woman who drank too much and climbed into her vehicle behind the wheel that night never intended to take anyone's life. She didn't contemplate whether she would injure someone; shatter lives; and crush families. She was simply selfish and irresponsible.

I can still hear Traci's voice as she tells a funny story and her happy laughter that follows. Traci was always full of optimism and had a sunny disposition. Her death left a gaping hole in our family.

Our family will never be the same. We will always miss her. To know Traci was to know God's love. While her life was short, without doubt I can say that she did achieve her life's goal.

Don't let this happen to you after a few drinks. Call a cab; call a friend; stay the night; don't go out; be responsible. Over and out....

Anna

Tis the Season: PSA on Female Drinking and Driving

In a Flash

One minute you're having a blast and not thinking about the grand scheme of life and perhaps being a bit reckless in your revelry and the next minute something happens that changes lives forever. It's like when you're watching a movie and everyone is having a great time laughing and full of bliss and life is just perfect, but you know something bad is about to happen to end all that happiness because you have the benefit of observing the whole scene from the outside, plus the soundtrack usually gives it away too. This is what having too much to drink and then choosing to drive home could look like.

A Focus on Women    

Much of the emphasis on drinking and driving has traditionally been put on teens and men. However, this is an issue that can affect both female and male; both young and old, including parents.

While both parents should use extreme caution when drinking and getting behind a wheel, this post is focused on women who have a drink and drive later. In 2008, women drivers who were drunk were involved in 1,837 road deaths.

A mom is less likely to take risks when his or her children are present than after a night of fun out on the town with friends, coworkers or a spouse. And generally, a mom out of the house without her children wants to relax, cut loose and perhaps have a drink. I certainly understand that and consume in a drink or two when out with my friends or my husband.

Consider these scenarios: a woman out to dinner with her friends misjudges how much she had to drink or how it affected her; or stops by for happy hour with co-workers at a bar on the way home and has several drinks on an empty stomach; or mom and dad leave the kids with a sitter and go out to dinner for a much needed date night and a bottle wine. These situations are probably easy to imagine because you have more than likely experienced them first hand.

In each of these scenarios, there is the possibility that the person will drink enough to become intoxicated and unfit to drive a vehicle. And in each case, the person is highly likely to drive home anyway. This issue is a problem at any time of the year, but here we are just a few days from New Year's Eve; one of the most alcohol saturated nights of the year. So, I thought this was especially on-point this week.

Women and DWIs

The number of women arrested for DWIs and/or involved in alcohol related accidents has dramatically increased over the years. The Century Council reports that in the 80s women accounted for only 9% of those arrested for DWIs, but from 1997 to 2007 that number had risen to 29%; and in the past decade has increased to 36%. So, what is causing this increase?

The social culture of our country and the role of women has changed significantly since the 80s. More women have full-time jobs in addition to the family duties at home. The pressure to be a super mom often manifests itself through alcohol consumption. There are books, blogs, twitter handles, and twitter parties devoted to a mom's need for a drink at the end of the day.

While our society has become more accepting of mom's Facebook post or tweet suggesting that she can't wait for her #wine, women are still quite adept at hiding actual addictions to alcohol and drugs. Most women are multi-taskers by nature and it appears that drinking is one of the things that women can do without anyone at home or work really noticing.

Studies show that women arrested for DWIs tend to be middle-aged or older, more educated and single, separated or divorced. The average female first time offender is 31 years old.

Affect of Alcohol on a Woman's Body & the Law

Addictions are one thing (& quite another blog post) and driving after drinking is quite another. It doesn't matter if you are drunk every night or once a year, women must be cognizant of that fact that our bodies are not the same as a man's and the effects of alcohol can be different too.

Women have less body water to dilute alcohol as it passes through the digestive tract; less of the liver enzyme, dehydrogenase, that metabolizes alcohol; and are therefore, more exposed to the alcohol and its harmful effects longer than males. Source: The Fix

Alcohol is tricky; its effects can depend on weight, gender, genetics, amount of food consumed, amount and type of alcohol consumed, medications taken, lack of sleep, stress levels etc. What many of us don't realize is how much {or how little} alcohol our bodies can handle when it comes to being intoxicated and unfit to drive, depending on all of these factors and more.

Blood Alcohol Level (BAL), or Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC), means the amount of alcohol in the bloodstream. All 50 states and the District of Columbia have laws that say a person is too intoxicated to drive when his or her BAC is .08 % or higher, which is .08 g of alcohol per 100 ml of blood.

When you drink an alcoholic beverage, the alcohol goes from your stomach into your blood, then to the liver heart and brain. Alcohol is not digested, but absorbed. Interestingly enough, an older adult consuming an alcoholic beverage raises the BAL 20% more than it does for a younger adult. However, a younger person with a .10 % BAL has a significantly higher risk of being involved in a fatal crash than an older adult with the same BAL.

As noted above, women have less water in their bodies, but they also have more fat. Alcohol does not enter fat cells as easily as other types of cells, which mean that the alcohol stays in a woman's bloodstream longer. And this can mean that a woman may still be drunk at the end of the evening out with friends, even though she stopped drinking long before.

Even our states of mind or menstrual cycles can have an affect on our level of intoxication. In fact, if it's a person's intention to drink to get drunk, it will take that person less alcohol to feel the impairment, as is also the case with a person who is overly tired or overly stressed. We can't fool our bodies.

The Scoop

As my husband's family has joked about for many years now, "Tis the Season" to drink during this month of holidays. Whether it's a cocktail over apps, a glass of wine with dinner and liquored up coffee or cocoa or simply 2 glasses of wine during a meal with friends or a beer on an empty stomach or an overly exhausted parent consuming one cocktail, we need to think twice before consuming alcohol and getting behind the wheel.

Don't let this happen to you. One careless mistake after a night of fun and laughter can fracture your world and forever alter the lives of your kids, spouse and perhaps someone else's family forever.

Think ahead, think twice, monitor the number of drinks you have consumed and don't be ashamed to call a cab, your spouse or a friend to drive you home. We must also not be timid about telling a friend that is clearly too drunk to drive that you are taking her keys and offering a ride, having her spend the night or calling a cab.

This is something we can control, whether before or after the drinks have been drunk. Drink responsibly; drive sober or not at all. Over and out...

Anna

 

Twas the Night Before Christmas: Motherly Law Style

Twas the night before Christmas,

When all thro' the house,

Not a creature was stirring,

Except for the Mom;

The stockings were hung

By the chimney with care,

Full to the brim with Angry Bird pencil toppers, Pez dispensers, chocolate, Squinkies and socks;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of superheroes and pirates danced in their heads,

And Dad in his fleece had just started to snore—

When out on the lawn

There arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my work to see what was the matter.

Away to window I flew like a flash,

Peeked out of the blinds

And checked the triple locked door.

The moon shining down on the brown grass below

Gave no reflection at all;

When, what to my squinting eyes, peering into the darkness, should come into sight

But 8 plastic yard reindeer attached to a broken down sleigh,

With a little, middle-aged driver, so wobbly and slow,

I knew in a moment he must be drunk.

More rapid than eagles these reindeer were not.

And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name:

"Now! Jack {Daniels}, now! Jim {Beam}, now! Jose {Quervo}, and Crown,

On! Bailey{'s}, on! Bud {weiser}, on! Malibu and Captain {Morgan}"

"To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves before a wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle...really, what does this line have to do with Christmas?

Regardless, up to the house-top those coursers did not try;

With a tired old sleigh and a tipsy St. Nick, those plastic reindeer didn't move an inch.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the window pane

The tapping and rapping and prying and tugging and struggling of that drunk Santa.

As I stood against a wall in the shadows, and reached for my Smartphone from the pocket of my flannel pajamas,

That fake Santa opened the window and climbed in with much difficulty:

He was dress'd all in synthetics,

from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnish'd

With chili cheese fries and root beer {say it like a Minnesotan and root rhymes with foot, kind of};

An empty bag he had flung over his back,

And he reminded me of...well, the Grinch

Just opening his {empty} sack:

His eyes – oh, how bleary!

His dimples very un-merry and really more like scowls,

Now, his cheeks were like roses

And his nose like a cherry {because of the liquor};

His droll little mouth was

Drawn down in a frown.

And the beard of his chin

Was as red as the nose on a clown;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth

And the smoke was thick and stinky,

Messing up my freshly cleaned house.

He had a broad face, and a

Big round belly

That bumped into my treasures and trinkets as he tread across my floor;

He was chubby and plump,

A right sad old elf,

And I dialed 911 when I saw him

In spite of my staring

A droop of his hand and nod of his head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but

Went straight to sleep.

As he sank into my couch in his filthy old suit,

He turned on his side and began to saw logs.

Giving a nod {to the police} as they arrived at my home,

Out he was dragged before

He could awaken and make haste out the door to escape.

Once revived by fresh air, he sprung into action,

To his team {of plastic reindeer} gave a whistle,

But alas, to no avail, those old yard decorations gave no heed,

And away the cops took him, as fast as they'd descended upon

My humble abode,

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight-

Merry Christmas to you, and I'm not the real Claus, just an imposter.

Well, I'll have you know that fake Santa was booked, jailed and bailed,

Then charged, put on trial and convicted

Of the theft of 8 plastic yard reindeer and one antique miniature sleigh,

Disorderly conduct {based on his action at the bar prior to the theft of holiday decor},

And breaking and entering of a residence,

For which he received quite generous sentence in exchange for the promise

That that red-bearded elf would never play Santa again.

And, the red and white Santa Claus suit?

He swears it came in the mail,

Addressed to K. Kringle at his address penned beneath.

He donned it for a lark, but liked its affect

And wore it out for the night of pre-Christmas delight.

Alas, his folly got bold and he landed in prison, abject.

Over and out....Happy Christmas Eve!

Anna

Driving Our Kids: School Bus Driver Requirements

Where are the Seat Belts?

As we boarded the big yellow bus for our trek around the neighborhood, Darling 1's first question to the driver was, "No seatbelts?" The school bus driver replied, "Nope, you don't need them. This bus weighs just under 27,000 pounds. I could hit a brick wall with this thing and you'd be fine." Perhaps this is true, but let's not find out.

While school buses are considered quite safe, even though most buses don't have child restraints or seat belts, when a school bus is involved in an accident, generally, it makes the news, it's pretty bad and it sticks in people's minds {well, at least they stick in my mind}.

One accident that's seared into my brain happened 5 or 6 years ago in a suburb to the east of St. Paul. This is what I recall from the news story: a dad was driving his young son to daycare and was stopped in a lane with his blinker on waiting to turn into the daycare parking lot. A school bus was driving on the same road as the father and son, going the same direction on its way to drop off kids at school. Perhaps the sun blinded the driver or perhaps he was momentarily distracted; regardless of why it happened, the driver did not notice the stopped car he was fast approaching and he crashed into the rear of the small car, never putting on his breaks until it was too late. The little boy, strapped into his car seat in the back seat died instantly. No one on the bus was injured. {This is what I recall. The facts might be a little off, but not much}

Statistics

According to The Center for National Truck and Bus Statistics at the University of Michigan Transportation Research Institute (UMTRI) who conducted a study on 293 fatal crashes involving all types of buses in 2008, school buses are among the safest. Here's the breakdown of figures involving school buses from that study:

School buses were the most common operator type of vehicle studied at more than 39 percent of the total pool. The number of school buses involved in fatal crashes rose 7.5 percent to 120 in 2008 from 111 the year prior, and school buses accounted for 40 percent of all fatalities. About 50 percent of the fatal bus crashes occurred from 6 a.m. to 8:59 a.m., or from 2 p.m. to 4:59 p.m., primarily involving school buses due to the hours school is in session.

This seems like a high number of crashes involving school buses, but Daniel Blower, the director of the Center for National Truck and Bus Statistics at (UMTRI), was quick to point out that "it should not be assumed that the greater amount of school bus crashes mean that school buses are less safe than other types of buses. In fact, he said the opposite is true as the school bus fatality figures are an 'artifact of exposure.'" There are simpler more school buses lumbering through the streets of our cities than any other type of bus.

This article from June 2011 and the source for the above information on the study conducted by UMTRI can be found here.

School Bus Standards

So, the question becomes, to what standard are the drivers of these big yellow giants held? While each state has its own set of laws regulating school bus drivers, I examined MN's laws on this subject. Some of the provisions are regulated by federal law, which means it would be the same for each state. For the most part, the laws from state to state will be similar on this subject.

Here are the basics for MN:

• Driver's License Requirements:
  • The minimum age for a school bus driver is 18 years old;
  • Generally, a commercial driver's license (CDL) with a school bus endorsement and passenger endorsement is require, with a few exceptions;
  • Driver's licenses are verified annually for each school bus driver.
• Seatbelt Requirements:
  • Passenger seat belts are not required to be installed in large school buses. School buses can be equipped with an approved seat belt assembly. Federal safety standards require certain A-I school buses to be manufactured with a lap belt or lap and shoulder belt.
  • If a school bus does have seat belts, the passengers must use them, but students can be opted out of this provision by submitting a written document stating such.
  • Use of child restraints is required when transporting children in Type III vehicles and Head Start Vehicles.
• Drug & Alcohol Testing/Physical Exams:
  • A physical exam is required for those who have a CDL with a school bus endorsement and who operate Type A-I school buses; and for those whose only duty is to transport students in a Type III vehicle.
  • The exam must be administered every 2 years;
  • Federal law required that driver who have a CDL must be tested for drugs and alcohol during pre-employment screenings {controlled substances only}, randomly, due to reasonable suspicion, when returning to duty, as a follow-up to a positive screen and after an accident;
  • District or transport contractor policies may include drug testing, but it's not required under state law for Type A-I bus drivers.
• Background Checks:
  • All new or renewing CDL applications with a school bus endorsement must have a background check run. This means a criminal history check and a driving record check in the state.
  • A national criminal history check must be run if the person applying has lived in the state of MN less than 5 years.
  • A background check is also required for Type A-I drivers who do not have school bus endorsements on their licenses.
  • Additional checks can be run if deemed appropriate by the Department of Public Safety;
  • Background checks will be conducted every 4 years.
• Training (Drivers & Students)
  • Drivers must be trained in:
    • safe operation of the school bus;
    • traffic laws, rules of the road, etc.;
    • emergency situations;
    • dealing with students; and
    • safety procedures for loading and unloading passengers.
  • Students must be trained in:
    • School bus safety;
    • School bus rules; and
    • Entering and exiting the school bus safely
• Loss of Driving Privileges:    
  • Cancellation of School Bus Endorsement for 5 Years:
    • Conviction of DWI violation (Not while operating a school bus);
  • Disqualifying Offenses Permanently Cancelling School Bus Endorsement:
    • Any felony offense;
    • Certain drug-related violations;
    • Violations of prohibitions relating to minors; and a
    • DWI violation while operating a school bus;
    • Other less serious convictions will cause a loss of license too; see Source below for all.

Source: For these and other provisions regarding school bus drivers in MN, click here.

The Scoop

Next week, I'm going to discuss cyberbulling as it pertains to students, but school buses are often the site of old-fashioned physical and mental bullying. School bus drivers are often unaware of this happening on the bus, as they maneuver through traffic, dropping off kids and keeping their schedules. Before school starts up again, make sure to read or re-read my posts on bullying as a reminder about these issues and remedies {see links below}.

If you, like me, don't know the difference between a Type III or A-I bus, here's a guide to School Buses. Over and out...

Anna

You might also like:

We're Not Gonna Take It: Anti-Bullying Laws Leaving Kids Unprotected

Growing Pains: How to Handle Bullying Whether Your Child is Being Bullied or Doing the Bullying

Cyberstalking: Stalking Awareness Month Part IV

 

Party of Five: Girls' Night Out; Nourishment for the Body & Soul

My Sisters

Six years ago this week, 5 women met together for food, cosmopolitans, fellowship and laughter. Each woman knew at least one person there. The evening ran into the wee hours of the morning with parting promises of getting together two weeks later. Little did we know we had just formed a sisterhood that would nourish our bodies and souls for years to come. I and my four Girls' Night Out sisters have now been getting together every other week for the last 6 years, with exception of May and June; our summer break. In those six years we have brought 8 babies into the world and watched our lives change forever.

These ladies are not only my friends, they are my family; they are my every other week escape. We certainly don't always agree; we don't always like each other, but we always love and support each other. We have had our fair share of conflict and turmoil over the years. We've shared good times and bad; we've laughed together and cried together. We've broken bread together; toasted each other; and been there for each other. We've gone on trips together; golfed together; dressed up and gone out together; we've had breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, high tea and dessert together; we've seen plays and movies and art together; but mostly we talk together.

We've debated and discussed just about every single topic you can imagine; and yet there are some things we have not talked about. The sharper than usual tongue or the less talkative than the norm or the tears sitting just on the brim of the eyelid tell us that one of us has something she is working out, but isn't ready to share. And in that case, we just give her an extra squeeze in the parting hugs or a knowing pat on the arm and send an email later.

Lifting a Burden

Exactly two years ago, while on one of our GNO trips, I, a wearied, overwrought and overworked mom of a then 2.5 year old and 4.5 month old, broke down. I was so exhausted and upon return home had to clean my house and plan for friends and family to arrive the following weekend for my Darling 2's Baptism; and of course, I had a work deadline squeezed in there too. I hadn't planned any of it and was so tired I could barely think through it all.

My sisters lifted me up and took the burden from me. They not only planned every detail of the after Baptism reception, they paid for it, made my house look beautiful and served my guests, when they themselves were supposed to be my guests; making the whole affair much more elegant and delicious than I had imagined I would do for my friends and family. I will never forget that gesture of love and support.

Six Years Later

Last year, our microcosm was rocked when one of our members moved several states away. We contemplated breaking up the group; doing interviews to replace her {we were just kidding about the interviews; kind of} or just moving forward. We have moved forward, but we are fortunate enough to have her come back to visit frequently, and she has joined us through Skype on occasion. But when I tell of my GNO group I still say there are 5 of us, because there are.

May you all find sisters, with such accommodating and understanding husbands and children, as I have found. They have blessed me more than I can measure. How long will our every other week gatherings continue? Who knows, but I look forward to every one. Over and out...

Anna

The Quest for Peace on Earth: Domestic Violence & the Holidays {Post from the Past}

 Happy Holidays?

This festively bright and merry holiday season is a time of celebrating, catching up with family and friends, gift giving, laughing and spreading joy, for most, but it can also be a time of stress, parties where alcohol is served and memories from Christmases past that weren't filled with holiday joy. Add to this, unemployment and financial woes that tend to add even more strain to already explosive relationships, and often this combination can lead to incidents of domestic violence.

While domestic violence of any kind at any time of year is heartbreaking, it's especially unsettling during the holidays. And in fact, it's during the holidays that reports of domestic violence actually increase. Some research shows 911 calls regarding domestic violence increase by 22% on Thanksgiving; 17% on Christmas; and 32% on New Year's Eve.

Legal Remedies

If you (or someone you know) are in a violent relationship the first step to regaining control over your life is to call the police and report the violence. A report will be filed and criminal charges may also be filed against the person committing the acts of domestic violence. To further protect you and/or your children, you will need to petition for a protective order.

Most laws relating to domestic violence are state laws. Each state has its own term for the particular protective court order. However, in general, the protective order is a type of injunction that stops a person from coming near another person and his or her home, place of work, child's school or daycare or even other family members' homes. This type of court order is referred to as a restraining order; an order for protection; a protection from abuse order; temporary or permanent order for protection, etc. For state specific information, see http://www.womenslaw.org/laws.php.

Getting a Protective Order

You will have to go to court to obtain a protective order. Often, there are domestic violence advocates through the sheriff's office or the court system who can help with the process of filing a petition and going before a judge to obtain such an order. It's important to have as much specific information regarding the abuse and any evidence such as, photos, text messages, emails, etc. to present to the court.

Here is a general description of the process for obtaining a protective order (however, keep in mind, the exact procedure will vary from state to state):

1. If the judge decides you are indeed in need of a protective order, he or she will grant your petition immediately. This will be your temporary order. You will need to carry a copy with you at all times and file one copy with the police;
2. After the order is issued, it becomes effective once the abuser is notified by the Court by receiving a copy of the order;
3. Within 10 days to 4 weeks, you will have to attend another hearing where your abuser will get a chance to tell his or her side of the story. You and your abuser may bring attorneys. Or you can contact the local domestic violence program for help in finding a pro-bono attorney and/or aid in preparing your case against your abuser;
4. You must be prepared to tell your story again. Bring witnesses and all available evidence that shows abuse, threats, violence, etc.;
5. The judge can extend the protective order for a year or more if it appears from the evidence presented that there is a continued need for such an order.

Source: www.aardvarc.org

An Abuse, Rape, and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection (AARDVARC) points out that a protective order can do many things:

Any of the following provisions that apply to your situation may be added to the basic order:  

• Restraining Order - Your abuser must not come near you or abuse you again.
• Vacate Order - Your abuser must move out of the shared residence.
• Child support Order - Requires your abuser to provide temporary support for the children.
• Custody Order - You will receive temporary custody of your children. Remember, without a court order saying otherwise, a spouse or other legally recognized guardian has every legal right to take the kids.
• Restitution Order - Requires an abuser to compensate you for lost wages, medical expenses, or other costs and damages.

Source: www.aardvarc.org

The Scoop

It's up to you to speak up and explain and/or clarify any information for the court to ensure that your protective order does protect you and your children as much as possible. It's also important to keep in mind that each state's procedure and laws vary. WomensLaw.org (http://www.womenslaw.org/laws.php) is a great resource for finding your state's laws regarding domestic violence, as well as the agencies available to offer aid and the legal remedies available to you. There are many resources available to help men, women and children leave abusers. If you and/or your children are in imminent danger go to a hospital, a church or synagogue or a police station.

But bear in mind that a protective order is just a piece of paper. It is not a magical force field that protects those listed from all harm. If only there was something like that. Often, that piece of paper is not enough to stop the rage and violence that permeates some relationships.  In such cases, taking the steps to get a protective order may or may not be in one's best interest.

On Wednesday, I'll post the warning signs of domestic violence and triggers to watch for, such as holiday parties where alcohol is served, etc. and tips for helping a friend or family member get out of a dangerous relationship. Over and out…

Anna

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A Change in Circumstance: Modification of a Child Support Order

The Unintended Result: When "Good" Laws Go Awry

The Mundane Decisions

As a parent of two young children, I have to make decisions all day every day that will affect not only me but also my little Darlings. Most of the decisions I make will not change the world or make much difference to anyone other than our family, i.e., whether to have PB&J or turkey sandwiches for lunch; whether to go to the zoo or the arboretum in the afternoon; whether to watch Cars or Diego; whether to interrupt Darling 2 while quietly playing trains to change that wet pull-up or wait until he notices and runs to the bathroom, etc. Oh, the important and critical issues a parent must decide.

But in truth, I do make decisions that can affect others, such as whether to vaccinate my children and whether I choose to use my cell phone to make calls or text while driving. However, most decisions I make throughout any given day are rarely given a second thought. It's just part of my everyday life.

A Bigger Impact

Everyone makes good and bad decisions. But what if you had to make a decision that could impact an entire state or the whole country? Our state and federal legislators make these kinds of decisions on a regular basis. Arguably, legislators are influenced by a variety of factors. Some base decisions on how to support, draft and/or vote on legislation on his or her principles, experience, needs and/or views of constituents, etc. Others make choices regarding legislation based on personal gain, whether for campaign purposes, financial incentives from lobbyists, or status, etc. And we accept this as politics.

Unforeseen Results

As one philosopher states, the single universal element of all such statutes, ordinances, codes, taxation provisions, appellate court decisions, prescribed punishments and rules for civil and criminal procedure is the presumed and stated intention of the law to correct some evil, injustice, inequity or promote some important and desirable good for the majority of civil society. Yet regardless of the intended purpose behind certain legislation, some laws, codes, regulations, etc. create unintended consequences. Many times, these inadvertent results have negative, unforeseen effects. I started thinking about this issue after reading an article about a high school football coach in FL. I soon found other good laws that have had unexpected results. Here is a potpourri of such laws, regulations and codes:

The Football Coach

When a FL high school football coach found out that one of his football players was homeless he took him in, allowing him to live in his home. Sounds benevolent, right? Yes, except for that fact that this violates the Florida High School Athletic Association (FHSAA) code.

The particular rule violated states: No school employee or representative of the school's athletic department can provide or promise free or reduced-cost housing for a potential athlete in their program. The code is meant to prevent coaches from recruiting players from other cities.

While no one questions the intention of the coach as being anything but kind-hearted, and the high school self-reported this violation to the FHSAA, the player has been sidelined pending the outcome of the investigation by the FHSAA.   Even though the school district reinstated the coach to both his coaching and teaching duties, after having to sit out one game, he may still have to forfeit some or all of his $3,850 annual coaching stipend, depending on the decision of the FHSAA.

It was certainly not the intention of the FHSAA to punish athletes who happen to be homeless. It was merely meant to stop high school coaches and other school district personnel from shopping around for athletes. And yet it's not right that a decent human being can't do something out of the goodness of his heart without violating a rule. Hopefully, this situation will be remedied soon.

Source: rivals.yahoo.com

Bike Helmet Laws Leaving Kids Behind

Several months ago I posted on bike helmet laws and the reasons for such laws. The intent is to protect children, and sometimes adults too, from head injuries if thrown from the bike or hit by a car while riding. While these laws have reduced the number of injuries and fatalities, apparently these laws in over 20 states have also reduced the number of children who bike.

According to the article Intended and Unintended Effects of Youth Bicycle Helmet Laws by Carpenter and Stehr, there are several possibilities as to why this is happening. One likelihood is that the cost of bike helmets is problematic for some. It's speculated that another cause of reduced biking is that it simply is not cool to wear bike helmets, and social acceptance is important to tweens and teens.

The problem is that reduced biking among youth means less exercise, which goes against the current trends of tackling childhood obesity. And as one article suggests, some kids are turning to other less regulated activities, such as skateboarding and in-line skating, which could be just as dangerous as biking without a helmet. Again, it's unfortunate that laws with good intentions are having such negatives effects when the laws were put into place to protect children from injury.

Source: Ideoblog

Sexting and Other Teen Exploits

These days photos, videos and written materials can be easily exchanged and shared with numerous people in a matter of minutes through texts, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Over the past several years I have read many articles about teens who consensually took nude photos of themselves and sent the photos to boyfriends or girlfriends over the Internet or others who willingly took videos of themselves engaged in sexual activities, who then found themselves charged with child pornography crimes and prosecuted.

The intent of these laws is to protect minors from abusive adults who seek to harm them both physically and psychologically. These teens who have been charged with such crimes and found guilty are labeled sex offenders for the rest of their lives. When, in fact, the teens were doing nothing more than exploring their sexuality, not committing a crime.

While I'm not condoning this activity, I believe there are other ways to handle such situations. There is no crime being committed in most of these circumstances. Being found guilty of such a crime means being stuck with a misleading and false label for the rest of one's life and can ruin college, career and family opportunities. This was certainly not the intent of the legislature when these laws were passed.

Source: Wired

Historical Unintended Consequences

Historically, there have been other laws that were intended to stop something or promote something and yet went terribly wrong. Two such instances: prohibition and prohibiting abortions. I know I'm treading on dangerous ground bringing up these two points, but this is my opinion.

                Prohibition

Prohibition was intended to eliminate drunkenness, promote industry and hard work, reinforce the sanctity of the family unit and generally encourage and assure sobriety and adult responsibility in America. The results were contrary to the motivation for the federal and state laws that outlawed the manufacture, sale and transportation of alcoholic beverages. Crime increased, and previously unknown petty criminals and street gangs were quickly transformed into wealthy, powerful and organized crime syndicates. The consumption of alcohol actually increased over pre-Prohibition levels. Agencies and departments intended to enforce the law and keep the peace were on the whole corrupted with bribes. Clearly, this law did not accomplish its intended purpose.

Abortion Laws

Prior to Roe v. Wade, abortions were illegal in almost all circumstances with a few exceptions, such as rape and incest. Instead of stopping abortions from taking place, the law merely forced women to seek out doctors and/or clinics or others who operated outside the law. The result was that many women died or became ill with infections because of the non-sterile equipment, inexperience or lack of expertise of the person performing the abortion. In many circumstances, women were so desperate that they risked their lives to have an abortion. Certainly, it was never the intention of the legislators who deemed it an immoral procedure and banned abortions that women would seek to have an abortion regardless of the repercussions, but that is exactly what happened.

Fortunately, both prohibition and the ban against abortion have been lifted thereby diminishing the unintended impact, although some remnants of those ill effects still linger. There are other such laws written and passed with an intended positive result that, in fact, is never achieved, such as Don't Ask, Don't Tell in the military, certain tax laws and enforced busing of students after desegregation of schools.

The Scoop

How does the Legislature prevent laws created with good intentions from going awry? As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Can you think of other circumstances where an unintended result occurred? On Wednesday, I will post tips on decision making. Over and out…

Anna

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Protecting the Ol’ Noggin: Why Your Child Should Wear a Bike Helmet and How to Choose One

Driving to Distraction: The Hazards of Texting While Driving and the Laws Restricting This Habit

We're Not Gonna Take It: Anti-Bullying Laws Leaving Kids Unprotected

Walking a Fine Line: Social Host Laws and Underage Drinking

Cruising Main

I know there are some who never drank alcohol in high school, but I didn't go to school with them. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but not much. During my junior high and senior high years I lived in a small town in the Texas Panhandle. On weekends, the kids went to football games, cruised up and down Main St. and drank beer at parties. Alcohol was easy to get; someone's older sibling or cousin or an older friend of a friend or a guy at a party was happy to provide it. For the most part, everyone was really careful and always had a designated driver, not that this fact makes it better, safer or more acceptable, but that's just the way it was then and has been for multiple generations.

There were a few times that I was at a party that someone's parents were also in attendance. I was never comfortable with this. I have always thought that a parent should be a parent, not a pal to his or her minor children. When a parent "hosts" a party for his or her minor child and the child's minor friends this is called social hosting.

Social Host Laws

Social hosting refers to someone, not a licensed vendor, who provides alcohol to invitees in a social setting, whether adults or minors. Parents should be aware of the liability, both criminally and civilly, involved in hosting parties where alcohol will be served to minors.

There are 24 states with social host laws; only 7 states with laws aimed specifically at underage drinking. Check this social host laws map on the Alcohol Policy Information System (APIS) site to see whether your state has any such laws. Although not all states have social host laws, it's not legal in any state to provide a minor who is not your child with alcohol. Some states that don't have social host laws have city ordinances making social hosting illegal in particular cities and other areas look to zoning ordinances to stop adults from serving alcohol to minors in their homes.

Criminal and Civil Liability

Social host laws can be criminal or civil in nature. Criminal social host laws make it a crime punishable by monetary fine and/or time in jail to provide alcohol to minors. A person can be found liable for negligence in a private lawsuit brought by a guest provided alcohol or by a person injured by a guest provided alcohol in states with civil social host laws.

According to SocialHost.org, at the local level, cities and counties have at least three options for implementing social host laws:

1. Infraction. Some municipalities treat social host liability as a criminal matter, but the penalty is, at most, an infraction that carries with it a monetary fine rather than jail time.
2. Misdemeanor. Some municipalities treat social host liability as a misdemeanor, in the same way some states do, carrying possible jail time as a penalty.
3. Response Costs Recovery Ordinances. Some municipalities have enacted response costs recovery ordinances. Under these ordinances, offenders face no criminal penalties—no criminal monetary fines or jail time--at all. Instead, these laws declare an underage drinking party on private property a public nuisance, which threatens the public health, safety and general welfare. These ordinances hold persons who own lease or otherwise control the property on which an out of control party occurs (e.g., parents, landowners, tenants, and the party hosts) civilly responsible for the costs of police, fire, or other emergency response services associated with responding multiple times to the location of an underage drinking party.

Tips for Hosting a Party for Minors

If you must host a party that minors will be attending, it's best to do a little planning and rulemaking within your household first. Make sure your child(ren) understand these rules and intend to abide by them. Explain the repercussions for you and your child(ren) should these rules be broken and alcohol (or other illegal substances) be brought into your home and/or consumed there.

YouthBingeDrinking.org provides these tips for planning a teenage party:

• Discuss the guest list.
• Establish firm ground rules and expectations before the party and ask your child to communicate them with his/her guests before the event.
• Limit the number of invitees (by invitation only) and the number who actually attend. Do not allow uninvited guests to attend.
• Know the ages of partygoers and how they know your child.
• Make it clear to guests that alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs are not allowed and be sure to provide plenty of snacks and non-alcoholic beverages.
• Have sufficient chaperones to monitor the area and partygoers.
• Define an area for the party; do not allow partygoers in other areas (e.g., bedrooms, garage).
• Monitor the party area frequently, as well as areas that are off-limits to guests.
• Restrict entry and exit areas to deter guests from bringing in contraband.
• When a guest leaves, do not allow him or her to return. This will discourage guests from leaving to drink or take other drugs and later return under the influence.
• Establish a signal that your child may use if he or she needs help.
• Set a beginning and ending time for the party.
• Determine whether the guests will include both underage people and adults.
• If both adults and underage youth will be present, decide whether the party areas should be separate.
• Place valuables such as weapons, alcohol, and breakable objects in a secure area.
• Establish an area for coats and bags that can be closely monitored.
• Be prepared to call a guest's parents if the child appears to be under the influence or brings alcohol or other drugs to the party.

Here are some tips to prevent a teenage party from occurring if you are not at your house:

• If you are going to be away for longer than an evening, call your neighbors and give them the phone numbers where you can be reached.
• Call the parents of your teen's close friends to let them know that you'll be gone and what is permitted at your home during your absence.
• Have a responsible adult (relative, friend, neighbor) supervise your teen and your house while you're away.
• If your teen throws a party anyway, pre-arrange for a neighbor to call the police to shut down the party if things get out of control. Tell your teen you have done this.

The Scoop

Even if you think it's alright and it's legal to allow your own child to drink in your home, think twice about doing it. Condoning underage drinking can lead your child to drink alcohol even when you are not around. This could lead to your child drinking and driving or providing other minors with alcohol without you knowing it. And you certainly never want to give alcohol to a minor who's not your child. If that minor was injured in an accident or injured another in an accident after drinking alcohol that you supplied, you could be in a heap of trouble.

What's your experience with underage drinking? What's your stance on providing your child with alcohol in your own home? How will you or do you handle the issue of teenagers and alcohol? On Friday, I will post a bit of Motherly Advice. Over and out…

Anna

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Driving to Distraction: The Hazards of Texting While Driving and the Laws Restricting This Habit

Driving to Distraction Part II: Why Using Your Cell Phone While Driving is as Dangerous as Driving Drunk

The Right to Bear Arms in Your Home: McDonald v. City of Chicago