Hanging By a Thread

A Family of One’s Own {One Boy’s Plea}

Everyone deserves to be loved. For some that comes easily; for others it takes time. We don't get to choose the families we are born into; we just get the luck of the draw. We do have control over how we deal with the hand dealt to us though.

Each of us make choices in life. We can choose to go forward and do as much good as possible. Or we can choose to be sour and reckless and stagnant.

I stumbled onto an article of a teenage boy who had stood before a church congregation on Sunday and asked for a family to adopt him. He was born in jail and has never had a family of his own, living in foster homes or centers all of his 15 years.

This summer he found his mother's obituary online. This spurred him to move on. He began to work on his anger management, lost weight, put his heart into his school work and decided to find himself a family.

He remembered hearing that the Lord helps those who help themselves. So, Davion Navar Henry Only hatched a plan to find a family to call his own.

This article broke my heart and gave me hope at the same time. My heart breaks for this 15 year old boy who has never known the comfort of a loving family or a warm home, but Davion's resolve to find a family makes me smile at this kid's drive. Not everyone has drive to follow one's dreams; in fact, it has been my experience that few have this kind of drive.

So, do you have a place in your heart and in your home for Davion or someone like him? As of the printing of the article on Monday, no one had come forward to adopt Davion.

Part of me wants to call the number in the article and say, "Yes, We want to adopt this boy!" when I think about this boy's lonely heart. And part of me knows that we are not equipped to do that and don't have the resources to add another child to our family. 

Of course, this is not to be entered into lightly. This is the life of a young man we're talking about. But everyone deserves to be loved and to know the warmth of that feeling of going home to one's family.

Have you ever considered opening up your heart and home to an orphan? Over and out…

Anna

When Insurance Fails: Resources for Free Vaccines

Insuring Nothing

If you have always had good insurance, it may have never crossed your mind about whether you could afford to take your child to the doctor when sick, go to well-check visits or get your child immunized. You just do it. That is how we were until January of this year when our insurance changed to a Health Savings Account. Then, we started monitoring when we should take the boys or ourselves to the doctor; how sick was sick enough to spend the money to go to the doctor.

One pediatrician visit for one of my Darling Boys this winter cost us over $250 just to determine he had strep throat. Then, in April, we had to go it alone and find our own insurance, which surprisingly enough, we found good insurance for a reasonable amount.

However, the truth is that with the economy going south and jobs being slashed more and more people do not have insurance or have insurance that barely covers anything. So, what would you do if you couldn't afford to have your child immunized and insurance didn't cover the costs?

Vaccines for Children

Have no fear; there is a federally-funded program that is administered through the states called, Vaccines for Children (VFC) that provides vaccines free of charge for children up to 18 years old to those who meet the eligibility requirements. In general, kids are eligible if they have no insurance, qualify for Medicaid, are underinsured or are American Indian or Alaska Native.

Vaccines for Children came about after a measles outbreak in the U.S. that began in 1989 and lasted until 1991, sickening thousands of people and killing hundreds. In response, as a part of the Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act (OBRA) in 1993, Congress created Vaccines for Kids. Talk to your pediatrician about this program or check for your state's VFC site, or check your state's immunization site for more information.

The Scoop

You can get your child immunized regardless of your financial situation. It just takes a little research and documentation. Don't let the mighty dollar stand in your way of maintaining a healthy child. Over and out...

Anna

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Getting Stuck for a Sticker: Reasons to get Vaccines

To Vaccinate or Not: The Legal Requirements

What's Your SPF? The Dangers of Sunscreen

Bits & Pieces of Motherly Law

You know you are working too much when your 2.5 year old slams down the lid of your laptop and says, "All done. No more work, Mommy!" all the while tugging at your arm. Well, that's the state I'm in lately. All work and no play. But my big work deadlines are near, and then I'll be saying, "All done. No more work for Mommy!" {for a few days at least}.

Consequently, I don't have the time or energy to write any new content to knock your socks off today. But, I have over 300 {mostly} terrific posts from the past 15 months to choose from for you to read again or read for the first time. Here is a potpourri of information based on what's going on in my head this week.

My kind and brave mother-in-law is traveling from Texas to stay the week with us and take care of the Darling Boys as DH & I toil away in our respective employments. I wish her safe and speedy travels {well, not so speedy that the house isn't clean before she arrives}. In honor of her flights today and since the summer travel season is upon us, here are some travel posts:

Small Scale Adventures: Discovering What Your City & State Have to Offer

A Funny {or not so funny at the time} Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum: Travel Distractions & a Focus on Things Learned

Control Freak: Tips for Safe and Happy Traveling with Kids

I just created a new account at flavors.me. This site aggregates all of a user's social media pages into one location. I'm still working on my page, and DH is creating one too. I think it's a cool way to be creative and get found; if that's what you are looking to do. Since social media is a big part of our family now, here are a few posts on social media:

Social Media by the Numbers: Fill(ed)-in-the-Blank Statistics

Social Media Faux Pas: Defamation Lawsuits

Twitter 101: Engage, Build Relationships, Reply...

In our state, the Great State of Minnesota, gay rights have been on people's minds. I wrote about the same-sex marriage question regarding an amendment to the state's constitution earlier this week, but I have also discussed gay rights regarding adoption. Here are those posts:

There’s a Storm a Brewin’ in Minnesota: NOH8MN

Definition of Family: Constitutionality of FL Adoption Law Banning Gays

UPDATE: Congratulations to the Gill Family: Florida Attorney General Won't Challenge Appellate Court Ruling

Work is the focal point for the next few weeks. I have written about women and moms and the workplace in a variety of ways. Here are a few work-related posts:

"Choosing" Work over Baby: The Reality of Parental Leave in the United States

Blurring the Lines: Work/Life Balance

In Recognition of Moms: Women’s Suffrage

And for good measure, here are some chocolate-related posts:

Motherly Advice {Chocolate Therapy}

Celebrating Our 1st President: Cherry Chocolate Cookies

Motherly Advice {Recipes}

Oh, and lastly, please go take my super quick, super easy {no answers are wrong answers; you are sure to score 100%} Reader Survey. The answers help me know how best to serve you, my readers. Over and out....

 Anna

 

UPDATE: Congratulations to the Gill Family: Florida Attorney General Won't Challenge Appellate Court Ruling

The deadline to file an appeal with the Florida Supreme Court challenging the Appellate Court's Ruling striking down a Florida law that prohibits homosexual parents from adopting has passed. The Florida Attorney General opted not to appeal, thereby putting a stop to this 33 year old law.

The Appellate Court found it unconstitutional as it has no rational basis for not allowing gay parents to adopt children simply for the reason that the parent trying to adopt is gay. For more analysis of this issue and In re Gill see 10/19's post below or click http://www.motherlylaw.com/motherly-law/2010/10/definition-of-family-constitutionality-of-fl-same-sex-couple-adoption-law-in-laws-i-write-this-having-just-come-from-a-6-da.html.

My congratulations to the Gill family. I'm sure they are ecstatic to have these uncertain proceedings behind them with their lives together, as a family, in front of them.  A loving, nurturing family is the most important thing for a child.

Have a great weekend. Over and out...See you Monday.

Anna

 

 

Who Are You and Where Did You Come From?: Tips for Talking to Your Child About Adoption

The Earliest Bond

I was amazed by the bond I developed with Darling 1 early on in the pregnancy. I even (slightly) mourned the thought of him being born and losing the bond that only I had with him. Once he was born, I remember looking at him sleeping in his hospital bassinet and thinking, "Who are you, and where did you come from?"

When I was pregnant with Darling 2, I was surprised at how much Darling 2 connected with Darling 1. Darling 2 squirmed and kicked extra hard when he heard Darling 1's voice and every morning it was Darling 1 waking and talking that woke up Darling 2. This is quite clear and amazing.

A Child's Story

There are few details of my Darling Boys' short lives that I'm not intimately aware. I know that Darling 1 and 2 were extremely active throughout the pregnancies, and this hasn't changed. I know how Darling 1 got the scar in his eyebrow. I know that Darling 2 would sleep only on his tummy, even though the experts instructed us to lay the baby on his back. I know that Darling 1 spoke his first two words when he was 5 months old. I know that Darling 2 says "juice" for milk and apple juice, but I can usually tell which one he means. I know what Darling 1's first teddy bear's name was. I know which books are Darling 2's favorites.

I know all of these things because I have been there for almost every moment. Adoptive parents may or may not have all details of their child's early days, months or years. Some questions may be difficult to answer. However, every child has a story, and adoptive parents still have their child's story to tell, even if it starts at 3 months, 9 months, 2 years or 10 years.

Picture Books

For younger children, picture books are a good way to introduce a subject for discussion. Best-childrens-books.com suggested a number of books on adoption. Here are the top 7 from their list:

• The Day We Met You by Phoebe Koehler
• Happy Adoption Day! by John McCutcheon
• Horace by Holly Keller
• I Love You Like Crazy Cakes by Rose A. Lewis
• Jin Woo by Eve Bunting
• Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis
• The White Swan Express: A Story About Adoption by Jean Davies Okimoto

I actually own I Love You Like Crazy Cakes, and it's a beautiful and moving story of adoption by a single mother. These books are great to introduce the topic of adoption to toddlers and preschoolers, whether adopted or not. There are more books listed on http://www.best-childrens-books.com/childrens-books-about-adoption.html.

Websites

• HealthyChildren.org lists easy ways to strike up a conversation with your children about adoption: http://bit.ly/9SS1Rm

   

• Family Education provides great tips for talking to young children about adoption: http://life.familyeducation.com/adoption/nontraditional-families/45800.html

   

• AdoptiveFamilies.org has two articles I found helpful in discussing adoption with your child: 10 tips for talking to your child about adoption and preparing them to answer questions from others regarding their adoption: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=195; and the dos and don'ts of answering your child's questions regarding adoption: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1160.

The Scoop

It can be difficult to know what to say about adoption and at what age to talk about it. In general, the same thing applies to every child, whether biological or adopted. Talk, talk, talk to your child. Keep an open line of communication between you and your child. That way you know that when your child has a question about life or needs a listening ear or words of encouragement or advice, your child will come to you. Have you explained adoption to your child? How did you do it? At what age did you talk about it?

I will post a bit of Motherly Advice on Friday. Tune in next week to get ready for Halloween. Over and out…

Anna

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Family Day: The Family that Eats Together Stays off Drugs

A Happy Home: Tips for Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce

Growing Pains: How to Handle Bullying Whether Your Child is Being Bullied or Doing the Bullying

Definition of Family: Constitutionality of FL Adoption Law Banning Gays

In-laws

I write this having just come from a 6 day visit with my in-laws. I know for many the word "in-laws" is a dreaded one, but these people are not just my DH's family, but my family too. These are people I love. They have been a part of my life for 14 years. We have laughed, cried, argued, worked and played together. There are times we don't agree with each other and times we don't even like each other, but that's alright because we each know we are loved, supported and prayed for no matter what. In the end, we are family, and that's what it's all about to me.

Portrait of a Family

Families come in different colors and shapes. No two families look alike. Some are created by marriage; others by circumstance; and still others by adoption. Some families have two mommies; some have a mommy and a daddy; others have a mommy and step-dad and daddy and step-mom; and still others have two daddies; or just one mom; or just one dad. Some families have no children; others have lots of children; while many families have one, two or three children. Families can be blood-related or not. You get the picture. Each is free to define what his or her family portrait looks like.

Adoption

There was a time that DH and I talked about adoption. We envisioned our "little girl" from a faraway land. But plans change, and ours did. Instead, we were blessed with two amazing, healthy, biological boys.

People turn to adoption for various reasons. There are many laws about who can adopt and lots of hoops to jump through to get to that process, and there should be. Allowing someone to adopt a child is a crucial decision. The health and happiness of a child's life is on the line. While there are many factors to consider when going through the adoption checklist, whether the parent is gay should not be the only factor.

The Law & the Case

On September 22, 2010, the Third District Court of Appeal of the State of Florida unanimously struck down a 1977 law banning adoption by gays, individuals and couples. This particular case involves Martin Gill, an openly gay man, who petitioned the court to adopt two boys that he and his partner have been raising as foster children since 2004.

According to court records, the Florida law banning gays from adopting is the only one of the its kind in the country. MSNBC reports that Arkansas and Utah ban any unmarried straight or gay couples from adopting or fostering children, and Mississippi bans gay couples, but not single gays, from adopting, but no state bans all gay people, without any other consideration.

The Court's Decision

Judge Gerald B. Cope, Jr., stated, "It is difficult to see any rational basis in utilizing homosexual persons as foster parents or guardians on a temporary or permanent basis, while imposing a blanket prohibition on those same persons." There are no other groups of people absolutely banned from adoption in this statute. Judge Cope continued, "All other persons are eligible to be considered case-by-case to be adoptive parents."

The court of appeals found the law unconstitutional because gay parents were the only type of adoption applicant not allowed to have his or her petition reviewed on a case-by-case basis. This law doesn't even mention applicants with criminal backgrounds, for example.

Rational Basis Test

A rational basis test is employed to determine the constitutionality of laws where there is no fundamental right, such as speech, assembly or right to bear arms, or a protected class, such as gender, national origin or religion. It's the state's job to show that it has a rational basis for enacting the law in question and limiting a person's rights.

In this case, the state could not prove that it had a rational basis for precluding gay persons from petitioning to adopt. In this case, it was shown that the children have been thriving in the six years they have lived with Gill, and to remove the children from his care would be devastating to these boys. The fact that Gill is gay neither determines neither what kind of parent he is nor what kind of home environment he can provide. The evidence clearly shows Gill to be a loving, nurturing parent with a deep parental bond with these boys.

The Next Step

Florida's Governor Charlie Crist immediately announced that the State would stop enforcing the ban on gays adopting children. Crist further stated that he was pleased with the ruling on behalf of the Gills, calling it "a great day for children."

Of course, the court of appeals does not have the last word regarding the unconstitutionality of this law; the Florida Supreme Court does. Gill and the American Civil Liberties Union, which represented him and his partner, want the state to take the case to the state Supreme Court to obtain a final statewide determination on the law. The state of Florida has until October 22, 2010 to appeal the ruling.

The Scoop

As a parent who is by no means perfect; who in retrospect realize my mistakes and hope and pray that I have not permanently damaged my children, I recognize the importance of finding a patient, loving, caring, supportive parent. Whether such a parent is gay should have no bearing on whether he can adopt a child in need of a good parent.

How do you define family? Do you think gay individuals and/or couples should be barred from adopting children into a loving, caring home? Talk to me, friends. I will post tips for talking about adoption whether foreign or domestic; whether the parents are single, straight or gay; and whether your child is adopted or a family member or friend. Over and out…

Anna

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The "Unambiguous" Right to Remain Silent: Changes to the Miranda Warning; Berghuis v. Thompkins

A Change in Circumstance: Modification of a Child Support Orderr

The Power of Choice: The Law of Birth Centers