Hanging By a Thread

The Power of Impact

To start with, I've had a bad cold. I got it from my boys over the weekend while traveling. Of course, it means nothing when mom gets a cold. Life goes on. So, I have been tired and cranky and generally feeling cruddy all week. Thursday was no exception, but then my mood got worse. And on Friday, I woke with a tremendously heavy sadness on my heart and mind. Here's why.

On, Thursday, the boys and I spent the day with my computer or phone on a live feed of the Senate Judiciary Committee, watching both Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh testify before the nation.

I knew only her story and very little else about Dr. Ford before her testimony. I thought I believed her story, but was anxious to hear her and see her tell her side of things to determine her credibility in my own mind…not that my opinion of her matters in the least.

I was struck by her calm, yet genuine and terrified-beneath-the-surface demeanor. I understood how she felt sitting there sharing her most devastating details of shame and guilt and confusion and sadness and aloneness that she has been carrying with her for 36 years. My heart went out to her.

We listened to her words and watched her face and heard her tone and completely believed her. She gains nothing and has lost much in coming forward to speak. My heart broke for her.

Listening to her speak about her 15 year old self and this bewildering, traumatizing experience took me back to my teenage years. I recalled two distinct times that I allowed myself to get into a vulnerable position, during high school, about 28 years ago. Now, I say that I allowed myself to get into a vulnerable situation because time and time again we see that it is the woman's responsibility to steer clear of such situations and it's her fault if she does not.

Now, in my case, nothing happened to me in either of these instances, but I am now and was then well aware that it could have. Just knowing I was in a situation that made me feel trapped and vulnerable, I can clearly recall all kinds of details about the space I was in, the smells, the sounds, some (but not all) of the people there or nearby, how I felt and what I was thinking, but I could not give you a date and I could not name each person there. I'm not even sure of the exact year. This does not mean it didn't happen.

I imagine that if you asked the other people who were there with me during those two instances they would not recall these things in such detail. In fact, I would bet they would not have any recollection of these instances at all. This does not mean it didn't happen.

I NEVER told anyone about these instances…not my best friend, not my mother, not my husband. No one. This is the first time I have ever shared anything about these two instances outside of my own mind. I did not tell anyone because I felt shame for allowing myself to get into such situations. This does not mean it didn't happen.

The reason it stands out in my memory so vividly and has stayed with me all of these years is that it had a significant impact on me. After the second instance, I promised myself then, in high school, I would not allow myself to get into such a vulnerable situation again. These two instances scared me and cautioned me and trained me and shaped me.

I can imagine that the other people involved in these two instances didn't recall it happening a year after it occurred, let alone 5 or 10 or 22 years later. This is simply because it did not have an impact on them. It did not scare them or worry them or warrant a change in how they approached certain people or situations.

Now, going back to Dr. Ford and Judge Kavanaugh, one of them is not telling the truth, or at least not remembering what happened correctly. One of them was not impacted by this experience. My money is on Judge Kavanaugh as being the one who is not telling the whole truth and/or not remembering the instance correctly and thoroughly.

Judge Kavanaugh's demeanor and attitude also made me think of instances, both in working in the courts and general life experiences, of privileged men who are used to getting what they want when they want it, and then get caught being bad and are at risk of not getting what they want.

He yelled and deflected blame and repeated the same answers over and over and made accusations. He was evasive and sometimes responded with silence. He talked back and whined and cried. He was all kinds of emotional and belligerent and haughty. I have seen this behavior. I know this kind of behavior. I have seen this behavior from grown men, but any parent will recognize this kind of adolescent, rebellious, defensive fit throwing, as well.

This spoiled, whining, privileged man child having a huge meltdown temper tantrum was watched by thousands and thousands of people, and I believe it will have an impact.

The impact will not be on the male Republican Senators who rebuked the Democrats for causing such pain and suffering for this upstanding man and his family…at least not directly…and who will vote to confirm Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court of the United States.

The impact will not be on Kavanaugh who will most likely still get his way and be appointed for life to the United States Supreme Court. His family is not ruined. They will move on from this. But let me say, I am sad for his wife and daughters who are having to go through all of this because of their husband and father.

And yet, I do think there will be an impact. I think there already is a wave of change that has been gathering momentum and speed and depth and integrity and raw, composed rage. It's coming….just you wait.

For now, I will keep explaining and teaching and showing my boys what is right and wrong; what justice looks like; what respect looks like; what mercy looks like; what integrity looks like; and how Jesus instructs Christians to act.

From a different perspective, as a student of the law with a deep respect for the highest court in our land and for (most) of the justices who sit on the Supreme Court of the United States, I am greatly distressed, disappointed and frustrated. Putting aside whether he has repeatedly, on several topics, lied before Congress and whether he sexually assaulted one or more women, the person who has emerged under pressure in these hearings is NOT the kind of impartial, rational, discerning person the United States Senate should be placing on the Court. Our highest court of the land deserves better than this. We, the people of this democracy, deserve better than this.

My heart breaks and my blood boils for all people everywhere who have been hurt, broken, taken advantage of, assaulted, raped and have told their stories only to be threatened, ridiculed and worst of all, ignored.

I hear you. I believe you. You matter. You have made an impact. You are not alone. Everyone does eventually get his day in court; before his maker, that is.

Over and out…

Anna

Be Kind and Do the Right Thing {It’s Really That Simple, Isn’t it?}

What if we made decisions based on reason and good sense and because it was in the best interest for all or at least most? What then?

What would our world look like? What would we think of our leaders then? How would we feel about mankind? How would we feel about ourselves?

There are a few things that have really bothered me over the last few weeks; items from news headlines and articles. Here they are {in brief} and my thoughts on them {in brief…as brief as I can be}:

All Parents have Challenges

Gwyneth says moms with "regular" jobs working 9 to 5 have it easier than "movie stars" working 14 hours on location.

My Take: Don't compare yourself to others and their situations. You have no idea the challenges, burdens and sacrifices that another has faced or is facing. Simply be kind to others and live your own life. And if you don't like your life, take steps to change that – this goes for "movie stars" too.

I have no doubt it is challenging to be a celebrity and a mom, but it is also challenging to be "regular" mom working 9 to 5 in an office or working from home or working shifts or whatever a mom's situation is. Can we just agree it's challenging to be a mom?

Government could Save $400 Million with One Simple Change

Fourteen year-old boy comes up with a simple (& proven) way to save the federal and state governments $400 million dollars each year by changing the font in which they use for printing purposes; Times New Roman uses more ink than Garamond. By printing in Garamond, the governments would save this astronomical (to me) amount in ink costs.

My Take: This is remarkable. And yet, will the branches of government even consider such a change; a change that could mean closing the gap in other areas of their budgets or that this money could go towards more important things than ink? I doubt it. It seems that the government (federal and state) and the politicians running them are rarely interested in ways to truly be economical or do what is safer, healthier or smarter with our money. It is almost always about spending money in their districts or with their constituents or something that will benefit them personally, I am sorry to say.

But wouldn't it be great to see the government truly working with this 14 year-old and implementing this simple change?

If the government was run like a household budget, the government would most certainly try this money-saving plan.

Watch YourSELF! Don't be a Bully!

Self Magazine published a photo of two women running in a marathon wearing superhero-inspired tutus…and featured it in their BS Meter, Legit or Lame segment, calling it lame and making fun of them for wearing the tutus…one of the runners in the photo has cancer, ran while doing chemo and makes and sells the tutus to help fund a youth development program for girls…

My Take: This whole thing really smells to high heaven. They asked permission to use this photo and then proceeded to make fun of her and her friend… that's bad enough. But then, they find out she has cancer and was going through chemotherapy during the time she ran and she does good with the money she makes in selling these tutus….wow!

So, editors at Self, clearly you failed miserably on this photo, but I think you have failed overall with this whole segment. Who are you to poke fun at anyone? Even if she and her friend were simply runners, no cancer or nonprofits involved, it's not OK to make rude comments about someone. That is bullying behavior. I say ditch your BS Meter altogether.

I applaud the self-expression, and you can call me lame if you like, but anything superhero-inspired is cool in our household. And seriously, these two women were RUNNING A MARATHON! They ROCK…period!

Privacy Issues in School Bathrooms

There was a recent incident in a St. Paul school when a janitor was inappropriate in a boys bathroom.

My Take: As a mom to boys, I have often thought this is a bad idea for the men on staff to share a bathroom with the boys in the school, considering there are urinals and not just stalls. I think both boys and the male teachers/staff should have privacy in a bathroom at school. And having separate bathrooms for students and personnel affords protection from such instances, for both the adults and students. Of course, the same can be said for the girls bathrooms too, but there are at least stalls and doors, giving more privacy. And really, I'm not sure urinals without enclosures have a place in schools.

Suing Your Parents is NOT a Good Idea…EVER

A high school student sued her parents, trying to force them to pay for her college expenses. The suit was dropped and the girl moved home, fortunately.

My Take: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Clearly, this girl had lost her way somewhere and has hopefully found her path again now. There was little basis to her lawsuit. There was no evidence of abuse or neglect. Instead, it appeared to be a case of a girl not wanting to follow her parents' rules (which by reports from her parents were not terribly restricting) and leaving home on her own accord to live with a friend's family once she turned 18, but wanting her parents to continue to fund her life.

This friend's father was an attorney. It sounds like he talked her into suing her parents for her Catholic high school tuition payment and college living expenses for the next year. This is very unfortunate, it not only put attorneys in a bad light yet again, it also makes the girl look like a spoiled rotten, greedy brat (which may not have been the case at all) and these shenanigans cost all involved a great deal of expense and energy and heartache….all for nothing.

Usually simply talking out a problem is a good and cheap solution to most familial issues.

These are the headlines that have been knocking around in my head lately. And now you know my take on them. Over and out…

Anna

 

 

 

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Crossing the Line: To Train Up a Child

A Different Point of View

Isn't it funny how time and age and experience change the way we see our favorite books and movies from our childhoods?

The other day some friends and I were discussing reading the Little House on the Prairie series to our own children. The series was a favorite of ours as children and aside from the nostalgia of reading these books there is a different perspective now; that of a parent.

We were musing over how well behaved the children were and how well they listened to their parents and followed directions; carrying out many difficult chores day in and day out; and all with just a few handmade toys and no DVDs. What made these children so hard-working and obedient?

Of course, times have changed...a lot. But for one thing, there was corporal punishment; and the kids knew this and expected it. There was a certain amount of fear mixed with respect when it came to their parents.

Today, as I discussed in yesterday's post, there are many different schools of thought about the best way to discipline and raise a fine, upstanding, well-behaved child. However, there is a point where so-called discipline crosses the line and becomes abuse; even murder. There is a book that has been the cause of concern for parents, social workers and prosecutors in the last several years.

Excuse to Abuse

This book advocates for using spankings on children as young as 6 months old to train them to submit to authority; to essentially break children in the same style that the Amish break their stubborn mules. Michael Pearl self-published his book, To Train Up a Child, and it has become popular in ultra-conservative homes, especially in Christian homeschooling households.

This book, which suggests using a switch for spanking a child in one example, describes how to use a quarter-inch flexible plumbing line for hitting the arms, legs or back and even advocates for periodic fasting for children, has now been linked to the deaths of several children. These children all died at the hands of their parents after being systematically beaten, most with the plumbing tubing mentioned by Pearl, having food withheld from them and subjected to other means of "discipline" supported by Pearl. Pearl's book was found in the homes of each of these children.

When Discipline Becomes Abuse

This is not to say that the book is to blame for these parents lashing out and killing their kids in an attempt to train them to submit to their authority. The parents are to blame. However, these parents had been led to believe that such behavior is acceptable. It is not.

Pearl has said it's not his fault if delusional, mentally ill parents took the wrong idea from his book. I think they understood his general principles and they just took it a step further, which resulted in the death of their children.

I would say it is never, not even once, acceptable to hit your child on the arms, back and legs with a switch, rubber tubing or any other instrument. This is abusive behavior that will only teach your child to fear and hate you.

The parents who followed Pearl's book, albeit extreme cases of following his teachings, were indicted for murder and are serving prison sentences now. Their discipline was most certainly actually physical and mental abuse. Their praying during or in between beatings does not make it alright either.

The Scoop

There is a wide expanse between parents who use spankings as a way to discipline their children and parents who withhold food and use various instruments to hit their children in the name of discipline. If you feel that you need clarification of where the line is drawn between discipline and abuse, see this link to the U.S. Administration for Children and Families.

Abuse in the name of discipline is still abuse. Abuse is a criminal offense. Abuse hurts everyone.

Teaching respect, trust and reason makes for a stronger, kinder, more confident child and adult. Over and out...

Anna

For Traci: Drink Responsibly

The Phone Call

On November 12, 1993, I received a gut wrenching phone call in the early morning hours of that Friday. I was a freshman at Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, TX, about a 4.5 hour drive from my family. I was living in the dorm that year and was awakened by the phone ringing.

At first I thought it was my alarm going off, but quickly realized it was still dark and much too early for my summons to wake. I was so out-of-sorts from this abrupt awakening that I didn't even have that feeling of foreboding telling me something was terribly wrong.

A Death in the Family

It was my mother on the line; she was crying. It was hard to make out her words, but I soon understood what she was saying. My cousin, Traci, had been killed the night of November 11^th on the way home from dinner with a friend.

The Crash

She was the passenger in the vehicle. My cousin and her friend were traveling on a small rural highway heading back home and another vehicle on a side road pulled out hitting my cousin broadside. My cousin was killed instantly.

Her friend survived the crash albeit with multiple injuries. The woman driving the vehicle was drunk {and I should add that she did survive and without catastrophic injuries}. This was not the first time she had been caught operating a vehicle while drunk. She shouldn't have been on the road. In fact, I believe her license was suspended at the time of this accident. That woman shouldn't have been there that night....but she was and she took the life of a beautiful person.

Loss of Innocence

Traci was one of the best people I have ever known. She was pure, sweet, funny, thoughtful and very bright. She loved her family and it was her purpose in life to be a "window to God's love." She excelled academically, was very involved in her church, the Salutatorian of her high school, won scholarships, graduated with honors with multiple degrees and had just begun her career as a Process Engineer.

Traci's life was cut tragically short at a very young age. Traci had celebrated her 25^th birthday just 17 days prior to this accident. Her life was just beginning. Ironically, my cousin didn't even drink alcohol and yet it was because of the abuse of alcohol {of another} that she was taken from her friends and family.

All of this happened in a split second. My cousin and her friend were probably chatting and laughing as friends do. I pray that Traci never saw or felt the impact that fractured her skull and took her life. Her friend was knocked unconscious on impact and only later realized the full tragedy that had unfolded.

Interestingly, years later, my cousin and Traci's sister, happened to meet a man who had been a 1^st responder to that accident that claimed the life of Traci. He told my cousin that when he arrived that Traci was deceased and was not suffering. He was able to give my cousin details of the crash that comforted her and the family.

The Scoop

This woman who drank too much and climbed into her vehicle behind the wheel that night never intended to take anyone's life. She didn't contemplate whether she would injure someone; shatter lives; and crush families. She was simply selfish and irresponsible.

I can still hear Traci's voice as she tells a funny story and her happy laughter that follows. Traci was always full of optimism and had a sunny disposition. Her death left a gaping hole in our family.

Our family will never be the same. We will always miss her. To know Traci was to know God's love. While her life was short, without doubt I can say that she did achieve her life's goal.

Don't let this happen to you after a few drinks. Call a cab; call a friend; stay the night; don't go out; be responsible. Over and out....

Anna

Motherly Advice: When Parenting Brings Out the Worst in a Person

They say parenting brings out the best in a person. Parenting has brought out a lot in me; sides of me I had never seen before and hope to never see again. I sure hope that's not the best of me because if it is at best I'm crabby, irrational and always tired.

Yesterday I finished up my shopping. I was at Target in the kids' shoes looking at boys' slippers. There was another mom there with her three sons. They were also looking at boys' slippers. One of the sons, in particular, was being difficult about choosing a pair of slippers that fit correctly. And the mom was being just as difficult. Later, I heard her again; still being difficult in the boys' clothes department. She had had enough; she needed a break.

Years ago, before I had kids, I would have judged her a bad mom. I would have felt sorry for her boys. I would have thought how I would do it differently. Today, she got no judgment from me. I have been there....many times...many, many times.

In fact, every parent has been, and if you can't admit to it, then you or your children are angels disguised as humans or you or your children are robots. The mom I saw today needed some time alone and perhaps a glass of wine or a cup of tea or a whole bag of chocolate kisses or a hot shower or a good night of sleep or something else, but she'll get over her funk; I can't guarantee that the difficult son will go over his mood, but she will. And this doesn't mean she's a bad parent; this just means she's human.

Parenting is always a challenge; life is often difficult; and life in Minnesota during the very short days and long, dark nights of December is cruel. Getting upset with your child is normal, but there is never, never, never a time that punching your child in the face is alright. Sadly, this past week, a Twin Cities man did just this to his 8^th grade son.

The man and his son were walking out of school after the son's basketball game and he began punching his son repeatedly in the face. I don't know this man's story, but I don't have to. There is simply never a time that it's OK to punch your child; not at home in private; not at school in public; not anywhere; not ever.

Other parents restrained this man and called the police. The man was arrested and spent the night in jail, but was bailed out without any conditions the following day. Fortunately, the son did not need medical attention and will recover; that is, his physical wounds will heal. Unfortunately, this public display of abuse was probably not the first, nor the last, violence this child will suffer at the hand of his parent.

During this time of joy and festivities, let us not forget that the best gift we can give our children is a good example. Of course, this is harder than it sounds. So, let us also not forget that the best gift we can give ourselves is time; time away; time alone; time to relieve stresses; time to rejuvenate; time to forgive our shortcomings and disappointments; time to remember why we love our children. Over and out...

Anna

Rudolph The Rich Reindeer: A Quite Different & Slightly Legal Version of Rudy the Red-Nosed Reindeer

You Only Think You Know This Story

You may be familiar with the story of a little reindeer named Rudolph who happened to be born with a birth defect. His nose, instead of being black like other reindeer, was big and red and even glowed like a light bulb.

His red nose didn't bother him or hinder him in any way. Rudy grew and developed just like any other little reindeer, but then one day he went to play with the others. Well, you can imagine how the young reindeer girls and boys teased Rudy about his nose. They had never seen such a nose before and they treated him as an outcast.

Reindeer Have Feelings Too

Well, actually it was even worse than making him feel like an outcast. They didn't ever leave him alone. They made jokes about him; they taunted him; they butted him with their little antlers; and they called him names. They were ruthless in the way they bullied poor Rudy. The other cruel reindeer basically cut him off from all reindeer contact; completely isolating him from society.

His father, Donner, was one of Santa's top reindeer. He didn't understand his son with the red nose and didn't think much of the teasing. Donner, a big, strong jock buck, simply told his son to "buck up" and butt back, which really wasn't very supportive.

Rudy ended up quite depressed. He wouldn't eat; he had trouble sleeping; he felt hopeless; and he refused to go to school or out to play with the other young reindeer. Instead, he spent all of his time in his room listening to Britney Spears' Blackout album over and over, which just made him feel worse about his troubles. He sat on his bed with his lights off and his red nose lighting the room.

Santa owned all of the reindeer and he was aware of Rudy's red nose and the physical and mental bullying that went on. In all his years of reindeer ownership he had never seen such a nose. He considered him to be a weak link, an embarrassment and just didn't care how he was treated. In fact, he himself, that right jolly old elf, even gave a hearty "ho, ho, ho" over some of the cruel jokes and nicknames for Rudy, which Rudy heard. Having Santa against him was the last nail in the coffin.

The Lawsuit

Rudy decided to consult with the outcast elf, Hermey, who originally wanted to be a dentist, but after realizing that you have to stick your hands in other elves' mouths, decided to become an attorney and represent the down trodden and outcast characters in the World of Fiction. Hermey decided that Rudy had a good case for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress.

While this cause of action is typically quite difficult to prove, Hermey felt that with the specific instances of ridicule and Rudy's doctor certified bouts of depression, Rudy had a good case. Hermey had to show:

1. Santa and his reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Defendants, acted intentional or recklessly; and
2. Defendants' conduct was extreme and outrageous; and
3. Defendants' actions were the cause of the distress; and
4. Rudolph T. Reindeer, hereinafter referred to as Plaintiff, suffers severe emotional distress as a result of Defendants' conduct.

Hermey was a very good attorney with a very convincing argument, and Rudy won the lawsuit.

Part of the damages awarded to Rudy included the right of first refusal to lead Santa's team of reindeer on foggy Christmas Eves as long as he is able. Additional damages included having a Christmas song, children's story and movie written about Rudy's plight as an outcast reindeer due to his uniqueness. The movie must be played on every television channel at least once during the Christmas holiday season for eternity. Of course, Santa had to pay 3.4 million dollars in damages, as well.

The Scoop

So, what happened to poor Rudy? Why he went down in history as the first {but not the last} reindeer to sue Santa and win. But the newly wealthy Rudy didn't let it all go to his nose....er, um, I mean head. No, he became an advocate for all special needs and bullied cartoon and book characters.

Rudy went on to work the speaker's circuit, charging half a million to speak. He became the wealthiest, best known reindeer ever. And Hermey....why, he never wanted for clients again. He became the Gloria Allred of fictional characters. And they all lived happily ever after....except for Santa, perhaps. Over and out...

Anna

Sexual Harassment Among the Elementary School Set {On a Soapbox}

Name Calling

The first time I remember hearing the phrase "sexual harassment" was the fall of 1991 during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings. I was in high school. It seems to me that since that time, the phrase "sexual harassment" gets tossed around quite a bit. Of course, some of these accusations are warranted; others are not. Just recently, we've heard that term over and over again in conjunction with Herman Cain, a would-be Republican candidate for the office of President. Generally, that term is not referred to when discussing elementary school students.

A friend alerted me to two distressing news stories from the past week. Both incidents involve young children being accused of sexual harassment. Both are absurd allegations aimed at a 7 year-old and 9 year-old, respectively.

The 9 year-old boy in Gastonia, NC, was suspended after he called a teacher "cute" and "fine" and his actions were labeled as sexual harassment. The 7 year-old boy in Boston, MA, kicked a boy in the groin after he was attacked by a bully on his school bus who was trying to steal his gloves. These are not instances of sexual harassment.

After the story went viral, the NC school district directed that an apology be sent to the 9 year-old and his family and gave the principal the choice of quitting or being fired. The principal chose to step down and retire, while disputing his actions as being termination worthy. The school district reported that the child could immediately return to school and would receive any additional instruction necessary to get caught up with his classmates after missing a week of school.

The youngster from Boston told his mother that the bully on his school bus was choking him and he couldn't breathe. So, he kicked him in the groin to make him stop choking him. The mother reported that this boy has repeatedly bullied her son. This time he was after the 7 year-old's gloves. The mother reiterated that her son doesn't know anything about sexual harassment; he was merely trying to defend himself.

The school told the boy's mother, "Your son kicked a little boy in the testicles. We call that sexual harassment." The mother said that given the facts, she calls that self defense. After a disciplinary hearing on Monday, it was decided that the 7 year-old and his sibling would transfer to another Boston elementary school. The school has determined that no charges will be filed concerning this matter.

Flawed System

Surely, the school administrators have better things to do with their time and better ways of sorting out disagreements between students or minor infractions of school rules. Just how is it that men like Jerry Sandusky get away with abusing child after child for years, but a 7 year-old trying to stop a fellow student from choking him and a 9 year-old who says a teacher is "fine" get labeled as sexual harassers? 

Clearly, we are hyper-sensitive in some instances and willing to pull the wool over our eyes in other instances. Sexual harassment/offender labels shouldn't be taken lightly. When there is truly sexual harassment, action should be taken to stop it immediately.

Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature that tends to create a hostile environment. The above-referenced instances certainly do not appear to be sexual harassment.

Overly Litigious Society

School administrators and other organizations have become so sensitive about getting sued that they tend to jump the gun in many instances; as was the case in these two accounts. And yet, I often see headlines about schools missing the in-school abuse of a special needs student or violence occurring between boyfriends and girlfriends on school property, etc.

The system seems to be flawed. However, should the principal in NC have been forced to retire or be fired? I'm not so certain. Unless there had been other issues with his judgment and leadership, the split decision to eliminate him seems a bit over-the-top.

The mother of the suspended 9 year-old said that she would likely pursue a legal action over this. Is that the right answer to this issue? Absolutely not. That response only perpetuates snap decisions and knee jerk reactions in an attempt to avoid lawsuits. Indeed, the termination of the principal may very well have been caused by the school district's fear they would be sued regarding this issue. 

The Scoop

Can't we call it what it is; a bully getting what he deserves and a young boy making an inappropriate, but not harassing, statement about a teacher. So, maybe the bully will stop messing with that boy {& others}. And someone can sit the 9 year-old boy down and talk with him about appropriate and inappropriate statements at school. School administrators don't need the fear of a lawsuit hanging over them at all times; clearly it inhibits their abilities to make good decisions and teach proper lessons to the students. Over and out...

Anna

Child Obesity: What’s in the Child’s Best Interest?

Truly a Growing Problem?

I came across an interesting article earlier this week, and I'm not even sure what my opinion is regarding this matter. It has to do with weight. Weight is a touchy issue; very few of us, have never struggled with a weight issue, whether the issue was to lose weight or gain weight. At various times of my life I have been on both sides of this issue.

Let me also preface this subject by saying that I have tall, muscular, broad kids (both built like their daddy) who both tip the scales at the top of their age ranges; they also rank in the top of height percentiles, as well. In fact, at the last well-check of each Darling Boy the pediatrician explained that based on their weights alone, he was forced to check them off as "obese" for insurance purposes. This reporting is done anonymously in a large pool of all kids who have well-checks, based on specific ages.

My children are not obese for any other purpose (check out those sweet, skinny boys above & don't let the 3 year-old's pudgy cheeks fool you; he's the skinniest). I, of course, spoke up and argued this point. While my sons' pediatrician agreed with me, he told me that his hands were tied because this "mandatory" reporting is linked to insurance companies paying the doctors for their services to patients. He went on to tell me that every big, strong high school athlete he had recently seen for school physicals were also labeled as "obese" for the insurance reports.

Now, this makes me think twice when I see the reports of the high percentages of obese kids; and all of the reports, studies, groups and grants concerning this issue. At the same time, I know there are kids who are obese and who need to learn how to eat a nutritional, balanced diet and exercise on a daily basis. There are also kids who have a genetic predisposition to weight gain. And now for the story I read. Then, you can decide where you stand on this topic.

200 Pound Third Grader

This subtitle reads like a tabloid article, and you can just picture the photo running with the headline in the newsprint placed next to the bubble gum at the checkout counter, but this is sadly true. A boy in third grade weighing 200 pounds was removed from his mother's custody and placed with a foster family due to his weight related health issues. The mother had taken her son to a hospital last year when he started to have breathing problems; clearly, a concerned parent. It was determined that he has sleep apnea. At that time, the hospital enrolled him in program aimed at reducing his weight. Through that program, he was being monitored by social workers and had been losing some weight, but had recently begun to gain weight again.

When he started putting pounds on, the social workers asked a juvenile court to remove the boy from his mother's custody based on his obesity as a medical neglect issue. The boy's mother claimed that she was following the dietary guidelines provided by the hospital program and was doing her best to help her child.

Obesity as Neglect

This may seem extreme, but remember the court's duty is to do what is in a child's best interest. So, is this in the child's best interest? What if the child was severely underweight instead of grossly overweight? How would you feel about this issue then? If the child appeared to be starving, the court would remove the child in this instance too. The court must do its best to ensure that any child that comes to its attention has a clean, safe and healthy environment with adequate nutrition and direction in which to live and grow.

Clearly, this is an extreme case, but it has happened before. The article I read from ABC News cited a 90 pound 3 year old girl who was removed from her parents' home for two months due to her large size and inability to lose weight in her parent's care. She was returned to her parents when it was determined that she had a genetic predisposition and she did not lose any weight while in foster care despite following strict guidelines.

The Scoop

Are we going overboard on the subject of obese kids? Is obesity a legitimate cause for concern and reason to lose custody of your child, even temporarily? For me, this is hard question. How do you feel about this issue? No matter which way you view this story and others like it, it's very sad for the child and the parents involved. Over and out...

Anna

Losing It: Mental Illnesses and Child Custody Issues {A Post from the Past}

Some Days

There are some days; days that I feel that I am one step away from completely losing my marbles. The chaos, the lack of sleep, the stress, the ups and downs of life, it can be overwhelming. But I keep it together...for the most part. I know that these days are just that; one day ever so often in a life full of many days. I don't have a mental illness, and I have a spouse who can take the helm for a bit while I sort through my feelings, get some rest and move past the funk.

Mental Illnesses

And yet, there are parents out there who do struggle with mental illnesses. For some of these parents just making it through each day is a challenge; every day. For other parents with mental illnesses, medication can alleviate the symptoms and bring balance back to that parent's life; and the family's lives, for that matter.

Some of these parents have to find a way to cope with their illnesses and handle divorce and/or custody issues too. And other parents struggling with mental diseases are single parents dealing with everything on their own; work, finances, illness, parenting, medications. Many questions arise in these situations.

Custody Issues

For parents with severe mental illnesses the rate of losing custody is between 70 – 80%. Some states have laws that list mental illness of a parent as a condition for losing custody. The severity of the illness, combined with the symptoms of the particular mental illness, side effects from medications and the absence of another parent in the home are among the determinants for removing a child from the house of a mentally ill parent.

While all parents have a right to raise their children without government interference, the courts must weigh what's in the best interest of a child with a parent's mental disabilities and the impact on the family. If it's clear to the court that a child will be endangered by the parent's incapacity to care for his or her child, the court must remove the child from that parent's home and award custody to the other parent {in a divorce situation}, a grandparent or another competent adult.

In order for a court to determine what's in the best interest of a child, extensive mental health evaluations are ordered for the parent. The mere presence of a mental illness does not determine whether that parent will completely lose custody rights. In some cases, the court will find that based on all the evidence presented, a parent with a mental illness is still capable of caring for his or her children, at least some of the time.

A court's concern is that a child living with a mentally ill parent may suffer from neglect or abuse, be subjected to unsafe conditions or situations or be forced to take care of the parent instead of the other way around. Courts take these situations very seriously.

Due to these concerns of the courts and the high chance of losing custody, some parents in this situation may attempt to hide the illness or minimize the effects of the disease or the medications. Parents may even avoid needed treatment for mental diseases for fear of losing custody. While this is understandable considering how painful it would be to lose custody of a child, the parent must keep his or her focus on the child's safety and general well-being.

It's important to be forthright with any investigation, whether you are the parent being assessed; or the parent being evaluated is your spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse, a friend or a family member. Again, the focal point must always be the best interest of the child.

The Scoop

No matter the determination or outcome of any case involving a parent and/or child with a mental illness, it's a heartbreaking situation; and not one taken lightly by the courts. Termination of parental rights is final, but a custody situation is changeable, depending on circumstances. For instance, if a parent seeks treatment, becomes stable on medication, etc. the parties could revisit the custody arrangements, if so desired.

No matter how you look at it, a case involving a parent suffering from a mental illness is never easy for anyone involved. Over and out....

Anna

Choose Your Side Carefully: A Word to the Students of Penn State {On a Soapbox}

Kill the Messenger?

Hold the stinkin' phone. I just found my soapbox. I had been planning to note the various sad, ludicrous state of affairs repeated over and over again on every news medium concerning myriad subjects. Then, I read that Mike McQueary, the one-time grad student who gave the most damning testimony before the grand jury, had been sidelined and won't be at tomorrow's Penn State game due to threats. In fact, PSU has now placed him on administrative leave.

I was already quite disappointed to read how a number of the PSU student body reacted to the firing of Head Coach Joe Paterno by rioting in the streets. This demonstration was ridiculous. Paterno may have met his legal obligation, but his moral compass was off....perhaps for a good many years, with regards to Jerry Sandusky.

What I can't find is additional information about the threats received by McQueary, and who is threatening him. My assumption is that it's past and/or present students and diehard fans who have misplaced their fury involving this far reaching university shakedown.

Making Sense of It All

The anger, resentment and disgust should be placed firmly on the shoulders of Sandusky. The disappointment falls to the PSU administrators who knew of these sick and illegal actions perpetrated by Sandusky, but did nothing to stop it and failed to alert authorities to these crimes. Sadness shelters these vulnerable boys, known as victims 1 – 8. The utter disbelief goes to students who reacted so inappropriately at the news of the PSU Trustees' decision to fire Paterno and the University President.

How deep with festering sore reaches into the heart of this University is yet to be seen, but this must serve as a reminder to all of us that when we see or hear of an injustice, an inappropriate action or questionable situation, we must not turn a blind eye simply because we can't believe it, because it might be difficult for a family, a church, a business, the adoring public, a school to accept or that it will bring down a respected, prestigious, wealthy, well-known figure. These are excuses and are irrelevant.

The focus must be on what is right and wrong; whether a person is being harmed; whether some wrongdoing is afoot. It matters not who is committing the crime; no one is above the law. And eventually that person will be exposed for who he or she really is and this might mean bringing down a whole institution, but so be it.

A Message to the Students

To the students of PSU*, don't be fools; stand on the right side of this playing field. It takes a strong person to support the weak, the unheard, the forgotten; it takes weak, insignificant, superficial person to say we don't care about the morals, the crimes, the children; the game must be won at all costs. So, students of PSU, one day when you have children, what will you think of your actions? What will you tell your children about this chapter of your college career? There is still time to rectify your misguided stance. I believe you are better than this; prove me right. Over and out...

Anna

*I realize that PSU is a very large campus and not all of the students are acting in this way, but these few are destroying the image of the student body as a whole.

Budget Cuts Hit Home: Topeka’s Prosecutorial Blunder {On a Soapbox}

No Experience

I usually fight with words. Fortunately, I don't have personal experience with domestic violence. While searching my brain for a personal story to tell involving domestic violence, there is only one that comes to mind, and even it was not necessarily domestic violence, but the potential for it. And it's not my story to tell. It (almost) happened to a friend. And I'm happy to say that she did not marry him in the end.

When I wrote about domestic violence last December, many of my regular readers did not read those posts. Hopefully, this means that domestic violence is not something you have any experience with.

Finding Strength to Report

For those who do live with violence or even the threat of violence from a supposed loved one it's degrading, devastating, depressing and dangerous. For many living with this secret, one of the hardest things they will ever have to do is pick up the phone and call the police on a spouse or significant other.

And yet, many will find the strength to call and report an assault. Some of those will later recant their stories and refuse to testify against their abusers, but some will keep that ire burning, still feeling the sting from the smack dealt to them from some who's supposed to be a protector and supporter. Those people will be willing to testify against their spouses/partners/significant others and aid the prosecution as best they can. Then, hopefully, those people can move on with their lives.

No Aid Available

Well, what if no one could afford to prosecute such cases? What if the city decided to repeal the law making domestic violence a crime? What if the county refused to prosecute these misdemeanors? What would be the point of calling the police? Who would help those in need?

Well, that's exactly what Topeka, Kansas, did. In an attempt to cut budgetary costs, the city government repealed a municipal law making domestic violence a misdemeanor. Back in September the Shawnee County District Attorney stopped prosecuting domestic violence cases due to budget cuts. The city says this is an attempt to get the district attorney to begin prosecuting these cases again. And it worked too.

Reckless Abandon

The way I see it, this is an awfully reckless move on the part of the county and city. If the county and city refused to prosecute misdemeanor domestic violence cases, then it would have been open season for abusers in Topeka. Thankfully, the Shawnee County DA, Chad Taylor, reluctantly agreed to begin prosecuting the domestic violence cases even though they have very few resources and are lacking in staff.

Of course, the dropped cases would have applied only to misdemeanor charges, not felonies. If a domestic violence case had escalated to a felony, let's say murder, then that case would have been prosecuted by the district attorney. Unchecked, unstopped, unprosecuted domestic violence could very well lead to murder, of either the abused or the abuser. And the authorities sure as hell will prosecute an abused spouse/significant other who kills her/his abuser. This is not a situation to take lightly.

Threatening the safety of its citizens to force the hand of the county district attorney's office is heartless and treacherous. I understand that everyone {individuals, small businesses, municipal, county, state and federal government agencies} is struggling to make ends meet, with the exception of the elite top 1% of our country, but taking it out on domestic violence victims is not OK.

The Scoop

Topeka, figure it out. While the Shawnee County DA has taken on these cases once again, there remains a budget issue. This could be a nightmare, both figuratively and literally, for citizens, the city and the county. Cut from an area of the budget that will not affect such a vulnerable, usually mute, segment of the community; perhaps a cut to your own salaries is in order, City of Topeka officials. Priorities must be set; the safety of people must be placed over other city projects. Over and out...

Anna

Putting a Stop to Cyberbullying: National Bullying Prevention Month

"I don't like what you're doing, and I would like you to stop!"

That's what my Kindergartener came home telling us about what to say to a bully. More than likely that won't stop a bully, but it's a good place to start.

Bullying is about isolation, domination and soul crushing. A bully bullies because he or she has low self-esteem, hopes to gain popularity among his or her peers, is looking for attention, is acting out based on what is happening at home or simply because he or she can.

Sometimes the bully just needs love, understanding, attention and reassurances. This doesn't make the bullying right, but it does provide answers for the why. Sometimes the bully needs discipline, correction and guidance; and sometimes the bully is just flat out mean.

How to prevent and stop cyberbullying is the question. And, of course, in each situation the answer will be different. Regardless, here are a few sites with good information for educating yourself and your kids about cyberbullying:

Stop Cyberbullying

National Crime Prevention Council

Cyberbully 411

And that's all folks because I have to get up at the crack of dawn {for me} and help chaperone Darling 1's Kindergarten's first field trip. We're headed to the zoo to study living creatures. So, no late, late writing sessions for me tonight. Ahem... tomorrow is my birthday, and you won't want to miss that post! Over and out...

Anna

Uniting in Orange: Celebrating National Bullying Prevention Month

Friends

Yesterday I picked up my Kindergartener a few minutes early to take him to a doctor appointment. Several of his buddies came over to see where he was going and why he was leaving school early. One girl rushed over and gave him a huge hug. Darling 1 awkwardly hugged her back. Then, his two best buddies, followed suit and each gave him a hug. It was really heart-warming to see the camaraderie and support between them after just a little more than a month of school.

With each passing day I meet more kids from his class. Each one has been friendly and interesting, and my son refers to each of them as his friends. So far, this is the case. They are all friends; genuinely interested in learning about each other, helping each other and playing/learning together.

When does that change? When does that innocence and kindness disappear? When do they become competitors; each vying for a top spot in the hierarchy of popularity? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I do know it hasn't started yet, and I will relish these naive times for as long as they last.

Unity Day

Today is Unity Day, a day to come together in support of preventing bullying in all forms. Wear orange today to show that you are standing up and joining forces to stop bullying.

If we join together, teaching our children how to respond to bullying, aimed at them and at others around them, and how to treat one another; and we, as adults, act accordingly to each other, then we can unite together to snuff out bullying.

You may think of bullying as a schoolyard scuffle or "mean girls" sending rude emails that don't mean much to anyone, but the truth is bullying can feel like total defeat, the end of the world, a hole with no way out to kids of all ages.

Bullying can and does lead to depression, suicide or in some cases even murder. Bullying should not be ignored, regardless of whether your child is the target of a bully or doing the bullying. Bullying is a serious issue that should never be taken lightly.

The Scoop

Unity Day is sponsored by PACER. PACER is a parent training and information center for families of children and youth of all disabilities from birth to 21 years of age. Today and Wednesday, October 26, 2011, are devoted to bully awareness and prevention during October, National Bullying Prevention Month. PACER is sponsoring a Unity Dance Day on October 26^th.

Tomorrow I will discuss ways of handling bullying if your child is the target or the aggressor. Today put on orange, visit PACER's bullying information page and find out how you can help prevent bullying and talk about bullying with your child. You'll probably be surprised how much they already know.

My son's school is participating in this PACER campaign. Find out if your child's school has an anti-bullying policy and how they implement it. (Um, I know the jack-o-lantern on the t-shirt looks a little menacing, but it's Darling 1's only orange shirt, and he doesn't think the pumpkin is mean). Over and out...

Anna

 

 

 

 

Standing Up for What’s Right: Cyberbullying Prevention Part II

Bullying is NOT OK

As I sat watching my own two Darlings scamper about at the indoor mall play area, I noticed a boy about 7 years old talking to another boy who was probably around 4 years old. The 4 year old looked distressed and the 7 year old kept running after him and getting in him face, saying something to him that I couldn't hear. I watched the two for a while and decided they were probably brothers.

I glanced at the parents sitting in the play area, trying to figure out who the kids belonged to. No one seemed to be paying any attention to them but me. The older boy seemed to be trying to get the younger boy to leave the play area, but then the older boy wouldn't give the younger boy his shoes.

Now, the younger boy was crying. Again, I looked around for a mom, dad, grandma or nanny to come to the younger boy's rescue. There was no one. I know how brothers act together, and after closer observation, I decided the boys were merely together; under the care of the same person, perhaps.

I got up and walked over to the older boy. I was beside him. I bent low to his ear and said, "Give the boy his shoes. It's not OK to bully." He looked at me for a moment as if trying to comprehend my words; as if no one had ever said anything like that to him before. He started to say something that sounded like an excuse. Again, I repeated, "Give the boy his shoe." He handed the boy his shoes; the younger boy put them on; and the two ran out of the play area to a store across the way.

No other parent in the play area even noticed this exchange. Darling 1 noticed though. I'm not one to keep my mouth shut when I see mistreatment of a child, an animal or another who appears to need my help. And my children know this. They have seen me do things like this before. I'm hopeful this lesson of standing up for the downtrodden, mistreated and bullied will resonate through them and spur them to act when they see a fellow student, friend or stranger in need of assistance.

Causes of Cyberbullying

Bullying occurs at all ages, starting from very young and continuing all through life. It's a part of life. Learning how to deal with bullies is important, although often bullying escalates to a degree that a parent, school administrator and/or law enforcement officers must be brought in to aid the situation.

The same is true of cyberbullying except that it usually doesn't start until the teen years. This is when kids are more likely to have less limited access to computers at home, schools and public libraries and perhaps even have his or her own cell phone with texting, Internet and photo capabilities.

This is the age that parents may be less vigilant and less controlling about what their kids are doing online and on their phones. Just as with physical and mental in-person bullying, there are many degrees of cyberbullying. In many instances the kids can either ignore it or deal with it themselves by simply calling out the bully or blocking the bully. In other instances, it's severe, on-going or escalating and parents, school administrators and/or law enforcement officers should be brought into the picture.

Why Pick on Someone

In most instances, the bully is a classmate or "friend" who uses email, social media platforms and/or text messages to spread rumors, issue threats or publicly humiliate a person. It can be baffling to the person being bullied. Anything, even seemingly trivial events or attributes, can bring about cyberbullying; a would-be bully may perceive a classmate as being too fat, too pretty, too smart, too skinny, too athletic, or having too many friends or stealing the bully's friends or stealing someone's boyfriend or girlfriend or having too many freckles or not enough money or too much money or not wearing the right clothes or wearing black or making the cheerleader squad or running for student council.

There is no end to the reasons why a kid might choose to pick on another kid. And teens can be very creative and irrational when it comes to their wrath. Some of the threats are no laughing matter at all. Some cyberbullies threaten death to the classmate and his or her family; or what may be seen as worse than death they threaten to {or do} disclose information that could destroy a teen's social standing or reputation, which is of vital importance to a teen.

Warning Signs

Kids may be reluctant to tell a parent or teacher because they are ashamed about the bullying or concerned about a parent or teacher finding out about the embarrassing and/or hurtful information shared by the bully. With this in mind, it's important to watch for signs that your child is enduring cyberbullying or is the cyberbully.

If you notice your child:

• changing his or her computer and/or phone habits;
• ignoring the phone or incoming texts;
• becoming withdrawn from the family, friends, school or life, in general;
• getting in trouble at school or acting out at home;
• performing poorly at school;
• acting nervous, upset, depressed or moodier than normal; and/or
• changing sleep patterns or suffering a loss of appetite

It's a good time to talk to your teen and check the computer and phone for signs of cyberbullying.

And if you notice your child

• shielding his or her computer screen from you;
• quickly changing/closing screens when you or others go near;
• urgently monitoring online accounts;
• using additional accounts for email and social media; and/or
• acting particularly elusive about his or her online/phone activities and/or contacts

it's also a good time to talk to your teen and check the computer and phone for signs that your child is the cyberbully.

The Scoop

Teens are excellent about hiding information from their parents. It may be difficult to know whether cyberbullying is an issue, but it could be critical to your child's physical and mental well-being to know for sure whether your child is a victim of cyberbullying. I'll discuss what to do if your child is experiencing cyberbullying in my next article this week. Over and out...

Anna

Times Have Changed: Cyberbullying Prevention Part I

The Dark Ages of the '80s & '90s

When I was a young teen there were no smart phones, no texting, no Internet, no wifi, no Facebook, no Twitter, no email, but we did have landlines. It sounds strange to think that we were once limited by the length of the cord on our phones.

My friends and I used our phones constantly. We called each other, and we called boys; sometimes we talked to them; sometimes we called on each other's behalf, which made it very difficult for the boy to ever figure out exactly who did like him; but mostly we hung up in fits of laughter, over and over again. And we could do this because Caller ID had not been invented yet. Ah, the freedoms of the dark ages.

We were limited in our methods of communications: we had a phone at home, pen and paper and we actually talked person to person too. There was no way to spread messages to the masses; for good or evil purposes. Cyberbullying had not been invented either.

It was a different time. Kids didn't have to worry that something they told a friend would be spread to the whole school in a matter of minutes. When I was a teen cameras still had film that had to be developed at a photo booth; there was no instant sharing of this or that. We still passed handwritten notes. I'm sure you remember these days too.

Tech Savvy Teens

Today is a different story. Kids as young as 10 have cell phones and most cell phones have texting capabilities and a camera. Many phones are smart phones that are connected to the Internet and in turn connected to Facebook, Twitter and other social media platforms. Sharing and spreading information for the good of the world or to take down a fellow student deemed "easy prey" is at a child's fingertips.

And kids take full advantage of this opportunity. Kids can be ruthless and compassionless; they can be brutal and relentless; they can push and push and push until the target feels utterly alone and begins to believe the things being said about him or her; and that's when it can become deadly. These cruel, heartless acts are called cyberbullying. October is National Bullying Prevention Month. So, it's a great time to talk about this issue, although really anytime is a good time to discuss how to stop bullying.

No one is immune. Cyberbullying is a team sport. It takes only one to start it, but teens If no one paid attention to rumors or laughed at the jokes being made about a fellow student or made comments online regarding these hateful statements or if a student stood up to the bully and sided with the one getting bullied, then cyberbullying would not make an impression on anyone. But it does.

Cyberbullying

But the truth is cyberbullying does hurt...a lot. The worst part is that there is no reprieve from it; cyberbullying happens at school; it happens at home; it happens on the bus; it happens at anytime and anywhere thanks to our constantly expanding technologies.

So, what exactly is cyberbullying? Cyberbullying is using technology to target another person through harassment, embarrassment, humiliation and/or threats. Cyberbullying may not cause physical injuries, but it can be even more devastating since the person being bullied may not know who the bully is, why the bully is focusing on him or her, and the bullying is often witnessed and shared by a large number of students.

Even if there is only one person behind a cyberbullying campaign against another, generally the bullying is perpetuated by other students sharing the comment or photo posted by the bully, forwarding emails started by the bully or by others merely viewing the photos or comments posted and not doing anything to stop this.

Cyberbullying can be very difficult to track and stop since it can be done remotely without the bully ever facing the target in person. It's a cowardly act to bully at all, but cyberbullying is the most cowardly.

Anti-Bullying Laws

While most states now have laws to prevent and/or punish bullying, most do not have provisions that cover cyberbullying. According to the Cyberbullying Research Center, only 8 states have laws that include the term cyberbullying. However, 34 states do have laws covering electronic harassment; check your state for specific terms and provisions. You can find your state anti-bullying law here.

For the most part, as mentioned in my article on anti-bullying laws last October, these laws are not very substantive. The majority of the laws consider bullying a school issue, and many state laws merely require school districts to develop an anti-bullying policy and discipline offending students.

Cyberbullying is more difficult to catch and enforce by the very nature of what cyberbullying is. School officials often don't see or even know about the cyberbullying going on since much of it takes place outside of school on personally owned devices; i.e. cell phones and computers.

The Scoop

Preventing and stopping cyberbullying is challenging and takes the vigilance and cooperation of students, parents, school personnel and law enforcements officers/agencies. As a parent, you must be informed about what cyberbullying looks like; what your state/local laws, if any, say about bullying, in general, and cyberbullying, specifically; keep an open line of communication with your child regarding this issue; and properly monitor your child's email communications and the social media sites your child and others his or her age frequently use. I'll have more on educating yourself and others about cyberbullying and ways to prevent and combat it in the next several days. Over and out...

Anna

 

Hunger Pangs: Finding Ways to Help from Around the Globe

Empty Cabinets and Empty Pockets

There have been a few times in my life when I was close to being without food in my cupboards and no money with which to buy food. One time was during law school. It was the very end of the fall semester of my second year. I lived from loan to loan from semester to semester through law school.

That semester I must have spent more or spent it too soon. I don't remember why exactly I was in that position, but I was. My parents also helped me out with a monthly amount, but I must have already spent that too, and I couldn't bring myself to ask for more. All I had to do was make it through finals and then my family would be coming to visit me and that meant my parents would be paying for and cooking meals.

I recall feeling hungry. I recall feeling sorry for myself. I recall looking at mostly empty cabinets and trying to pull together enough for a meal. I recall my mom sending me a care package and hoping and praying there was money or food in the box, but there wasn't. There were lovely things to lift my spirits, make me smile and encourage me with my studying, but no food or money with which to buy the needed food.

All the while, I was studying nonstop for finals. This couldn't have been good for my brain or my grades, trying to absorb information without proper nutrition, but somehow I made it through those finals. I had enough to eat so that I did not truly starve or become malnourished. And I had only myself to worry about. I didn't have a family to think of or share my meager meals with; it was just me. But I certainly felt tinges of despair over not having enough food.

Feeling of Helplessness

Lately, one cannot escape the horrible, maddening, tear-inducing images of women, children and families in Somalia who are quite literally starving and thirsting to death. I almost can't bear to look at those photos or read those articles because it makes me feel so utterly helpless. Those stories make me think of my own family and how I would feel if we were in such a position.

I feel as though my hands and feet are bound and I have been rendered quite defenseless. When the blessed saint-like aid workers can't get to these vulnerable people; when basic human dignities can't reach these desolate people; how can I help them?

I want to stand up and shout, "This should not be!" "This is absurd!" I wonder how people can be so cruel; so despicable; so evil. And I know I'm seeing the devil himself when such horrors take place. But how can I stop this insanity? How can I help these people whose only goal in life at this moment is to survive another wretched day?

Helping the Horn of Africa

I read an article by Josette Sheeran, the Executive Director of the United Nations' World Food Programme (WFP), in which she shares ways that each of us can help out in little ways that can make a big impact all together. WFP provides food assistance to more than 105 million people in 75 countries.

These are the suggestions as outlined on their website:

Horn of Africa: 10 Ways You Can Help

1. Make an online donation;
2. Donate by text message;
3. Take the quiz and give a child a warm meal provided for by an anonymous donor; then challenge your friends to do the same;
4. Share a video;
5. Stay current by watching or reading the latest news regarding this crisis;
6. Get Social by following on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube;
7. Grab a banner;
8. Get ads published by asking your local newspaper(s) to publish a print ad on this crisis;
9. Be creative by taking up a collection at school or in the neighborhood, holding a garage sale or bake sale or cutting back on unnecessary items at the grocery store and donating the saved money to this food crisis; and
10. Keep WFP posted on your efforts.

No Satisfaction

I can do many of these things, although I must admit this list doesn't make me feel better about these dire situations. When there are more than 400,000 refugees crowded into a camp in Kenya built for 90,000 displaced persons; when women are beaten and raped along this death march in search of water and food; when robbers take every drop of water from families and children die from dehydration, how I can possibly be satisfied with giving a little money or sharing the information in hopes that others will also donate in some way?

I can't. And I won't be satisfied. I will teach my children about the pain, the suffering, the need, all caused by man's greed, selfishness and cruelty. I will pray. And I will do my part when and where I can whether here in the U.S. or abroad. And I will play the Rice Game to donate a meal and grab a banner and follow and read and share information and more. But I won't be satisfied and I won't forget.

For more information about WFP and ways that you can help, follow the link above or go to www.wfp.org.

The Scoop

Now I am not so naïve to think that lack of food and nutrients is an isolated crisis in some faraway land. The rest of this week I will be talking about resources for families in need of groceries and meals in the U.S. Additionally, as school begins again, families may find themselves in need of free or reduced rate breakfasts and lunches for the first time. I will provide information and resources regarding these issues, as well. The face of poverty is changing.

I know some of you are already making an effort to help get food and clean water to people in need, both here and abroad. What tips or resources or additional information can you add? Thanks for listening. Over and out....

Anna

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt: The Casey Anthony Verdict

The Verdict

You probably won't agree with me on this, but this is my perspective of the Casey Anthony verdict.  I think that justice was served from a legal perspective.  Take note that I am referring to the jury's verdict; I did not say that I believe Anthony is innocent.

Neither you nor I sat through every minute of testimony, examined every bit of evidence and applied the instructions from the court to the evidence presented. The jurors chosen for the Anthony trial did do these things, and in the end they decided the evidence did not show beyond a reasonable doubt that Anthony murdered her 2 year old daughter, Caylee, in the summer 2008. The jury did find Anthony guilty of four counts of providing false information to the police.

Emotional Reaction

As you most likely know from the heavy media coverage, the jury returned its verdict on July 5, after more than 10 hours of deliberation and after weeks of hearing evidence during the trial. The not guilty verdict was met with anger, frustration, confusion and tears all across the country. People in almost every state have rallied, representing little Caylee, an innocent child who was murdered three years ago, and felt that justice was not served in this case.

I read one article that mentioned a woman who had started a petition to have the judge overturn the verdict. Many people say that they are certain Anthony is a murderer; other articles and comments called the jurors incompetent; and absolute outrage has erupted across the Internet following this verdict.

The Jury

These 12 jurors, 7 women and 5 men, in Orlando, FL, were charged with weighing the evidence presented and determining whether beyond a reasonable doubt Anthony murdered her daughter. They have done their job. They were not asked to go with their gut instincts; they were not asked to decide based on popular public opinion; they were not asked to listen to legal talk shows "experts" and opt for their legal spinnings; they were told to listen to the evidence presented and follow the instructions given to them in order to decide this case based on legal principles. They have done their job.

Standard of Proof

Florida's standard of proof for felony murder is beyond a reasonable doubt. Black's Law Dictionary defines "Reasonable Doubt" as "not a mere possible doubt; because everything relating to human affairs, and depending on moral evidence, is open to some possible or imaginary doubt. It is that state of the case, which, after the entire comparison and consideration of all the evidence, leaves the minds of jurors in that condition that they cannot say they feel an abiding conviction, to a moral certainty, of the truth of the charge."

Black's further provides, "In deciding whether guilt has been proved beyond a reasonable doubt, the jury must begin with the presumption that the defendant is innocent." This is not something the general public, media or legal pundits must do. Anyone, who is not on the jury, is free to form his or her own opinion about any given person, incident, evidence or verdict. The jury must stick to the evidence presented.

While the state had an abundance of evidence, there was no "smoking gun" and due to the severely decomposed body, there was a loss of physical evidence, according to State Attorney Lawson Lamar. Beyond a reasonable doubt is the highest standard of proof in the law. The State had the burden to prove the guilt of Anthony beyond a reasonable doubt. They were unable to do that, based on the verdict delivered.

The Justice System

As to the woman who started a petition for the judge to overturn the verdict; that is not how our justice system works. If the prosecution or defense feels there have been errors made during the trial, either party may be able to make an appeal to a higher court.

Our justice system is not arbitrary; it is not based on popular opinion or belief. It is based on evidentiary rules; court rules; and precise legal standards and laws. And if you were the one sitting in the defendant's chair, you wouldn't want it any other way.

Many people have gone to prison maintaining their innocence and years later it's proven they were indeed telling the truth; sometimes far too late for the wrongly convicted and sentenced, but always a horrible tragic injustice...for all of us.

So, was justice serviced in the Anthony case? Yes. It was served because the jury decided the case based on the evidentiary standard of proof of beyond a reasonable doubt and did not simply go with an emotional response. Did Casey Anthony murder her child, know who murdered her child or assist the murderer? I don't know. And that is something we may never know, but in order for our justice system to work we must trust our juries.

The Scoop

Regardless of how you feel about Casey Anthony and the verdict, clearly justice was not served for little Caylee. I recall reading an article about the disappearance of Caylee back in July of 2008, soon after she had been reported missing. I, too, had a 2 year old in July of 2008. I couldn't imagine losing my child; not knowing where he was; what had happened to him. What kind of mother wouldn't report her child missing immediately...immediately?

If I lose sight of my Darling Boys for even a few seconds, my heart begins to pound, my insides feel weak and I do my best not to let my voice go shaky and shrill as I call for them. I have not ever actually, truly lost either of my Boys for more than a few seconds thankfully, but if I did, I would be contacting authorities within minutes of them going missing.

My son who was 2 years old the summer of 2008 when little Caylee lost her life, is 5 years old today, and I thank God for him every day. I'll have more on juries and the justice system this week. Over and out...

Anna

Holding on Tight: What to Do if Separated from Your Child

The Zoo

Last week, the Darlings and I visited Como Zoo in St. Paul. We don't often go to this zoo. I was completely surprised to find that it was absolutely packed with visitors. To begin with, the parking lots were full and we had to park a million miles away. This should have been my first tip off, but we relentlessly continued on our quest to get to the gate. Secondly, the fact that this zoo is essentially free, with a suggested donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children, should have made me realize this zoo would be chock full of people on any warm, sunny, summer day, but it didn't. Thirdly, connected to one side of the zoo is a small amusement park for little tikes, which was also brimming with people.

We did finally make it to the doors. Once inside, we began to navigate our way through the animal enclosures. The exhibits inside buildings were nearly impossible to wield my giant double stroller through and around all the people clambering to get a look at the polar bears or the seals or other creatures, especially considering there was a giant, soundly-sleeping 2.5 year old tucked inside the stroller {He was asleep before we even got to a parking spot despite being very excited to go to a new zoo. That's how long it took for us to wind through the various parking lots looking for a spot, and then walk several miles, or at least it felt like it, to the zoo}

Somehow we made it through the throngs of people and managed to see everything and stick together even after Darling 2 woke up and both boys wanted to walk along with me. Fortunately, my Darlings are very watchful and cautious and want to hold my hand in situations such as this, especially Darling 1.

Losing Sight

If Darling 1 ever thinks he has been separated from me, he begins scanning the people looking for me, calling out for mommy; and I am constantly watching the two of them if they are loose and playing at the park or frolicking nearby or walking along through an exhibit area, but even then sometimes they can slip from my view.

In those few seconds that I can't see them, my heart rate quickens and my voice gets a tad bit shrill as I call out for my boy. And then, all is well again, as my eyes lock onto their eyes again. But the "what ifs" are terrifying in that scenario. I don't like to dwell on those at all.

And yet, here we are smack in the middle of summer; the time for family outings and trips to baseball games, the State Fair, amusement parks, tourist attractions, large cities, remote areas, airports, etc. All of these places are filled with strangers; some with a great number of strangers and others with just few strangers. Either way, with young kids on the loose, this could be a recipe for disaster if you don't talk to your children about the dangers of strangers and come up with a family plan for dealing with such situations.

Tips for What to Do if Separated

First of all, these tips from National Center for Missing and Exploited Children are quite helpful if your child is suddenly missing:

• If your child is missing from home, search the house checking closets, piles of laundry, in and under beds, inside large appliances, and inside vehicles, including trunks—wherever a child may crawl or hide. {I would add check any and all areas with standing water; pools, spas, beaches, fountains, etc. first.}
• If you still cannot find your child, immediately call your local law enforcement agency.
• If your child disappears in a store, notify the store manager or security office. Then immediately call your local law-enforcement agency. Many stores have a Code Adam plan of action— if a child is missing in the store, employees immediately mobilize to look for the missing child.
• When you call law enforcement, provide your child's name, date of birth, height, weight, and any other unique identifiers such as eyeglasses and braces. Tell them when you noticed that your child was missing and what clothing he or she was wearing.
• Request that your child's name and identifying information be immediately entered into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Person File.
• After you have reported your child missing to law enforcement, call the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) on our toll-free telephone number: 1-800-THE-LOST).

Source: Missing Kids

Additionally, Kiwi Magazine offers some great tips for what to tell your 4 to 5 year olds about what to do if they get separated from the family:

• "Don't help an adult you don't know." Yes, you should teach your child to be polite and friendly, but well-meaning adults don't ask kids to help them do anything. Well-meaning adults know better, and if they truly need help, they will ask another adult.

   

• "If you're lost, don't try to find me." Kids will typically freak out and keep moving, wandering and looking for their parents if they become lost or separated. It's important to teach your child to stop moving and stay in one place. If a stranger offers to help, your child should refuse and ask the person to get a police officer or security guard to come and help instead.

Source: Kiwi Magazine Online

Here are some of my own tips:

• If you have more than one child, dress them in the same colored shirts and pants or shorts, this way you will have only one color to look for in the crowd of kids on the park, etc. Also, it's helpful if you also wear the color the kids are wearing so your kids can easily remember what color to look for when trying to spot you in a crowd of parents. Bright or unique colors are best.
• Snap a photo of your kiddos with your cell phone camera or other camera if you are taking it along too. This way, if a child turns up missing, you will have a very current photo of your child with the same clothing he was wearing at the time.
• Write your cell phone number on your child's arm in an area that won't be rubbed off from sweat, hand-washing or sunscreen application. This way, if your child is too young to have your cell phone number memorized, he can still show a police officer or other authority the phone number to call.
• Order temporary tattoos to be applied to your child any time you go out to places where you and your child might become separated. These tattoos can be ordered blank and information written on them or ordered with pre-printed information on them. You can even order some with QRs that can be scanned with smartphones to provide additional information about your child.
• Order an ID bracelet for your child to wear with the important contact information on it. You can order reusable, more permanent bracelets from Vital ID or temporary, disposable wristbands from Mabel's Labels. Both can be customized to include not only contact information, but also relevant medical information, such as food allergies, etc.
• Talk to your kids over and over about stranger dangers and the importance of sticking together when in public. Don't try to scare them, but be frank with them about the dangers.
• I once read that kids don't realize that their parents can't see them if they wander to the next aisle or on the other side of a large exhibit, etc. So, the parent should remind the child, "If you can't see me, then I can't see you." The child will then be cognizant of staying near enough to see the parent. I try to use those words with my boys.
• My friend tells her kids if they become lost to look for another mom with kids to ask to get help. She reasons that another mom is probably not going to harm her child, but will sympathize with the situation and know to contact authorities right away. I think this is reasonable advice.

The Scoop

This subject of lost or missing kids is a scary one, and it's not my intention to frighten you at all. I intend to inform you only and discuss ideas of prevention. If you have a plan of action if becoming separated; if you have discussed this issues; if you plan ahead to avoid such a scenario, it's more likely that you and your kids won't be separated when out and about.

What tips do you have about playing it safe and staying together in public? Over and out...

Anna

 

Trusting Parental Instincts: Tips for Choosing a Child Care Facility/Preschool

Baby Steps

There are many parts of parenting my young fellas that tug at my heartstrings, keeping me up at night, searching the Internet, flipping through parenting books, polling friends and strangers alike trying to find the right answer, if there is one, to whatever the issue is. One such issue that has been a recurring theme in the tug o' war match between my heart and brain is child care/schools.

Early on, I felt secure in choosing a part-time nanny. We've had great experiences with most of those nannies, staying close to several over the years. Then, there came a time that choosing a preschool was prudent. I languished over the many choices, advice and recommendations from parents who had chosen or who had been there before. Then, I backed off and waited another 6 months before making a decision and sending Darling 1 to preschool.

Preschool

While it was just a few mornings a week, it was a huge step for our family. My Darling Boys do NOT separate well from me. But Darling 1 was ready and happy in his class. Darling 1 moved on to a Pre-K class in September at the same school. Unfortunately, we have been underwhelmed and frustrated in a few instances with this class, but after changing classes early in the school year for several reasons, we have been reluctant to make any additional changes. Let me be clear, our issues and concerns have never been questions of safety or well-being.

Darling 2 also started preschool in September at the same school. Darling 2 has had a wonderful experience with fabulous teachers. And yet, based on Darling 1's experiences with the older classrooms, we are again on the prowl for a new school for Darling 2.

The Never Ending Search

I began searching a few months ago for a summer program for Darling 1. Before that, I was consumed with finding the "right" kindergarten for Darling 1. And prior to that, I was pondering whether we should send Darling 1 to kindergarten next year or wait until the following year.

The quest for the "best" schools and/or child care for my Darlings seems to be an on-going issue and will be for some time. I am excited about the choices we, as a family, have made for Darling 1's summer plans and kindergarten in the fall, but I am perplexed as to where to go next in pursuing Darling 2's social/educational development.

Placing the educational, social, psychological and physical needs of your child in the hands of strangers can be unnerving. We have all read the stories of day care gone horribly wrong or the safety hazards cited, licensing issues reported or mistreatment documented at child care facilities, large and small. Clearly, it's an area that, we as parents, must be vigilant in noticing potential issues or inconsistencies in care or reports, and not be hesitant to speak up and question the care of our children and/or report these issues to authorities.

When I held my little guys in those very early hours of life, I made a promise to myself and to them that I would always advocate for them in all situations. The well-being of our children must be a primary concern, always.

Tips for Finding "The One"

Here are tips for choosing the "right" child care/school for your child:

1. Decide what your choices are considering your city, neighborhood, work location, etc. How important is the location, nearness to work or home, etc. Make a list of what you want the facility to offer or focus on, etc.
2. Search online for centers, schools and churches with child care/preschools in the area you are looking. Then, talk to friends, parents at the park, your pediatrician, the school district or anyone else who might have suggestions about which options are best and why.
3. Once you have a list of potential choices, call and talk to the admissions director, curriculum director or center/school director. Don't be afraid to ask questions regarding cost, fees, schedules, teacher experience and tenure, educational approach, potty training, snacks and meals and anything else that's important to you.
4. Based on your phone conversations, choose a few to visit with your child. If you would rather visit alone first, that's fine too, but make sure to bring your child for a visit before choosing a school. You will be able to "feel" the climate of the school right away, and so will your child. Your child's initial reaction to the school's environment is a good indicator of how the school "fits" your child.
5. While visiting ask questions or make a list of questions to ask at a later time. It's important that you have a thorough understanding of the school's philosophy regarding families, kids, education and care. Never feel silly about asking a question.
6. Ask for and check references. If it's an in-home or small center with only a few on staff, you should also have background checks run for criminal history. You can also check for proper licensure and whether there have been any citations by the State.
7. Trust your instinct when it comes to choosing child care. If you don't have a good feeling about a facility or person, go with it, even if other's rave about the school. A center might be right for one family, but not another, and that's OK.

Additional Resources

Here are other resources for finding the "best" child care/preschool for your child:

• The New Parents Guide to Choosing a Daycare Center
• Kids Health Choosing Child Care
• University of Minnesota Extension Finding Child Care: Questions to Ask
• Douglas County, Kansas, Child Development Association's Questions to Ask When Choosing Child Care

The Scoop

It's important to find a safe, secure, nurturing environment for your child when you aren't there, but don't torture yourself about finding the very best in all areas, highly sought after child care learning center. The most important criteria are that you feel good about your pick and your child is happy there. If you change your mind regarding facilities for whatever the reason, that's alright. You can certainly move on to another learning center if one doesn't end up suiting your family.

I'm flip-flopping the order in which I'm writing this week. Later this week, I'll provide legal information on licensure, etc. and what to look for in choosing child care regarding. Meanwhile, I'll be calling a few potential preschools for Darling 2 and asking lots of questions. Over and out...

Anna

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Cyberstalking: Stalking Awareness Month Part IV

They Say Change is Inevitable

Fifty percent of our four-member household is pretty much anti-change. Care to guess which 2 family members I'm referring to? I speak of myself and Darling 1. Darling 2 and DH are generally more go with the flow kind of guys. I wish I could say the same about the whole family.

When faced with change we, the anti-change advocates, first think about the proposed change for a week or two; just mull it over in our heads. Next, we question the reasoning behind the change and necessity of it for the next several weeks. Then, we promptly reject the change. When told the change is not an option, but a reality, we dig our heels in and prepare for all out war. Being forced to accept the change only strengthens our resolve to maintain our position. Life goes on. We might begin to realize the change is not so bad, maybe even a good thing after 6 months to a year. I wish I could say I'm exaggerating about this.

The Dawning of a New Age

Well, this is how I felt about the Internet and email back in the day. I did not grasp the whole concept. Very few people had email. Even fewer businesses had websites. I had just gotten used to a cell phone for Pete's sake. When I graduated from college I had never even used the Internet. When I entered law school West Publishing (still just West then, not Thomson West, and certainly not Thomson Reuters West) still sent the law students CDs to download the new caselaw, statutes, regulations, etc. rather than going online to their database. It all seems so absurd now, but then it's what I was familiar with and it was comfortable; why change?

Fast forward 10 or 15 years, I have now totally accepted the Internet and all the information it has to offer; Facebook was taking off, but I was not on board. I was being bombarded by friends requesting me to join, repeatedly asking why I was not on Facebook. I resisted wholeheartedly. I did not need to be putting that kind of personal, mundane or silly information out for the world, or the world as I chose it to be, for viewing and commenting. I finally gave up the good fight and relented, joining Facebook in December 2009. I was never an overzealous member, but I did connect with a few old friends from high school and college.

How Did I Get Here?

Then, in March of 2010, I launched a blog? What was I thinking? Didn't I know that I was going to have to share all kinds of personal information with not only family and friends, but also total strangers (if I was a success)? {Gasp} Didn't I know I was going to have to create not only a Facebook fan page, but also join Twitter? {Double Gasp} Well, I have done it, and I have enjoyed it too. Who knew?

What I have noticed is that the longer I am at this social media thing, the more relaxed I am about divulging personal thoughts, feelings and facts. Which brings me to my point...This might come as a shock to some of you who feel as comfortable as I do surfing the World Wide Web, but there are some who do harm through these portals. I'm talking about cyberstalking.

Cyberstalking

If you read last week's posts, you know that January is Stalking Awareness Month. Last week I discussed stalking laws, resources for dealing with stalkers, and a stalking awareness television program onInvestigation Discovery Channel this week. This post is about cyberstalking laws and resources.

Cyberstalking is a relatively new crime, developing right along with the information super highway. The National Center for Victims of Crime (NCVC) defines cyberstalking as threatening behavior or unwanted advances directed at another using the Internet and other forms of online and computer communications. Just about everyone has access to a computer, which provides a stalker with access to victims without ever having to leave home or make physical contact with a victim.

Cyberstalking Statistics

WHOA (Working to Halt Online Abuse) has been keeping Cyberstalking statistics since 2000 and the numbers tell a somewhat different story from that of the traditional stalking crimes:

• 72.5% of cyberstalking victims are female (similar to traditional stalking stats);
• 70% of cyberstalking victims are Caucasian (again similar to traditional stalking stats);
• 40.5% of cyberstalking victims are 18-30 years old (still similar)
• Here's where the story changes, only 50.5% of the cyberstalking victims had a relationship of any kind with the stalker;
• 49% of the stalkers were male; 29% were female; 1.5% multiple people/gangs; and 21.5% unknown;
• Email was the most common form of stalking, but these statistics were based on the years 2o00-2009. Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other applications were just beginning to take root and grow and don't even show up in the list until 2008 (My Space) and 2009 (Facebook). Twitter isn't even in the list. I expect these numbers to change in the next few years;
• 68% of the cyberstalking victims reported the crime (in general, traditional stalking crimes don't get reported until the contacts have escalated quite a bit); and
• Only 27.5% of the cyberstalking victims report the stalking to have escalated offline, but 63.75 % of the victims say that the stalking activity did escalate online.

Source: www.haltabuse.org

Cyberstalking Laws

According to the National Conference on StateLegislatures (NCSL), 16 states don't have cyberstalking laws, including TX and MD. However, these states do have cyberharassment and/or cyberbullying statutes. All states have at least one of the cyber crime laws on the books. You can access your specific state's law(s) by clicking NCSL above. Cyberstalking crimes are included in the general stalking statute(s) of most states, although some states, like WA State, have separate cyberstalking statutes.

Tips and Resources

The NCVC provides a list of tips and resourcesfor victims of cyberstalking. Another site with good resource information is CyberGuards.com. Some of the information is basic common sense: Don’t post personal, confidential information online; Don’t share your address, birthdate, and in many cases, real name; Do pick strong passwords with letter, numbers and special characters; Do use good judgment before agreeing to meet a person in real life that you have corresponded with online; Do notify law enforcement agencies if you are fearful for your safety. Both sites have additional detailed information about what to do if you are a victim of cyberstalking.

The Scoop

Technology has grown and changed by leaps and bounds over the last 20 plus years. My Darling Boys don't know a world without the Internet or Smart phones. I can only imagine what the world will look like by the time they are adults. The Internet has brought the world into our homes. We can experience culture, war, music, TV, movies, sports, minute-by-minute coverage of ground-breaking news; we can play games; we can communicate with family, friends or strangers without ever leaving the comfort of our home. It's an amazing world we live in, but sometimes these conveniences are used in a way that causes harm to another, and this is a crime. So, be aware as you cruise along the information super highway. Over and out…

Anna

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