Everything is AWESOME {Sort of}

I want to write. I want to be relevant and heard and make an impact and resonate with my readers. But I don't think I am.

When I started doing this writing online thing I had no idea all the thoughts and feelings and secrets I would share with my readers. Four years ago, I had no idea the emotional toll this would take on me or how it would drive me to keep delving deep inside and stringing words together.

I have had some limited success landing some writing jobs, a few speaking gigs,  some panel appearances and my readership continues to increase, but not enough for the "pros" to say I have broken through. 

Of course, if I followed the advice of the "pros" I would have quit writing and posting a long time ago. Fortunately or unfortunately, as the case may be, I'm kind of a stubborn ass and I don't quit something I believe in and love just because I am failing miserably.

I say I am failing because my growth has been incremental in comparison to other successful blogs; the readers rarely comment or respond to my words and I make absolutely no money from my endeavors. It's a pretty pitiful picture, isn't it?

So, why don't I just abandon the site and cut my losses and watch some TV, clean my house more often and get through the stack of books and magazines occupying my nightstand instead of toiling away into the night writing immaterial, mediocre articles that are read by some, but quickly forgotten?

Well, it's complicated. I have often held counsel with myself to discuss this very point.

I have not quit because I like my writing {but I realize I might be alone in this}. I think I add something to the conversation. I think that sometimes I say things that others dare not agree with or speak up about. I think that perhaps I can reach someone in a similar situation as I have found myself in or touch someone's soul or offer hope to someone who may think she or he is alone, but is not. I think that sometimes I inform or bring together or offer food for thought or maybe make someone laugh or cry or both.

And yet, other times I think that I am a fool; a fool for thinking I can write or offer anything to anyone or make any kind of difference. Sometimes, I think I am a fool for exposing my thoughts and emotions and ideas for nothing in return.

While I am excited to have made it through four years of authoring this blog, I'm not sure whether I'm the winner or the loser in this scenario.

I have taken many risks with this blog and my writing over the past four years. I have not been afraid to take on the minority view or share my thoughts on controversial issues or strip away all and bare my heart and soul. I have been truthful and always written from my heart. And I am proud of those things.

I begin Year 5 with some trepidation, as always, as I try to figure out "my why." And yet, that is not entirely accurate. I know my why. I write because I have something to say.

So, really, what I am always trying to decipher is whether anyone cares about what I have to say; does it matter; does it have an impact on anything or anyone?

In the last 1460 days, I have published 785 posts, that's a lot of words. With each new year, the material changes and with it the style and ease of writing. Hopefully, that is a good thing for my readers.

I continue to struggle with how to reach my readers and get them to engage with me. This is not something I do well.

I live much of my life inside my head, working from home, with few friends or social engagements, which perhaps explains my inability to truly reach my readers, as other writers do, despite pouring out my heart and soul.

So, Year 5 I want to simply Be Amazing {as my sweater indicates}. I want to continue to like what I write. I want to continue to work on my book {because I have a story to tell}. I want to continue to share my heart. And I want to be OK with whether anyone else cares or not.

It is my plan to just go along belting out that "Everything is Awesome!" and believe it…because it can be. And maybe one day, maybe even one day in Year 5, my words will really resonate with readers.

I am so appreciative to the number of faithful readers who do open up each post and read week after week and who do like posts and make comments and having been doing so over the past 1460 days. Thank you! Over and out…

Anna

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Comments

[Luke Mitchell]

If you get enjoyment out of writing then that's reason enough to continue but for the record I certainly enjoy reading your posts (so thank you)!

[Anna]

Oh, Luke, thanks so much for reading and for the comment. I do need an outlet in which to get my thoughts out of my head and love to write. So, as long as I remember that I do need and want to do this, I will continue writing and sharing. And I do enjoy it...most days. :)

[PB]

Anna, I do enjoy reading your posts and as long as you enjoy writing like Luke said then do it. Write when you have something to say and don't when you don't! :) Don't let it become a burden! You know I don't always comment but I do read! Love you!

[Anna]

Thanks for the comment, PB! I appreciate the support!