There are certain first moments that can never be repeated. These moments are pretty amazing instants and a once in a lifetime experience.
There are other firsts that are recurring. These are firsts we look forward to time after time, year after year, each time a bit different; a first for that season or year or adventure.
We try to capture these tiny moments in time that explain who we are and what makes us tick. We file them away to be retrieved when we need to be reminded.
I bet you can relate to these….and I bet you will think of your own firsts as you read this list. Take a moment and remember; allow yourself to feel those moments again.
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Lucky in Love. That very first moment you know you're in love with someone; light-headed; spinning; can't quite catch your breath; lighter than air; invincible; luckiest person on the planet...falling in love, I mean, really falling in love, doesn't happen very often. But when it does, it's the best feeling in the world. You know what I'm talking about.
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Baby Bliss. Holding your baby for the first time; no matter how many babies you have, there is that very first moment with each child. That moment you look at him and you already know him from every bump, kick, punch, roll, hiccup and quiver that you've felt over the last few months. That baby is a part of you, forever and ever, and you gaze into those eyes and run a finger over those perfect cheeks and your heart smashes into a million little pieces because you know your life will never be the same.
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Let it Snow. The first big snow of every year. In Minnesota, snow is a 100% certainty, you just don't know when that first real snow will come; the one that covers everything in a quiet, still blanket of white; the one that hushes the hustle and bustle of the city; the one that I stand out in the dark, staring up at the countless, tiny, diamonds falling ever so silently to the earth. I stand stalk still and can faintly hear the flakes settling on my hair and my shoulders, brushing against my coat; I stand there with a snow-loving Saint Bernard settled up against my feet, head-raised, reveling in the change of weather with a happy, dancing heart.
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Words to Live By. Realizing the book you're reading will forever change you and define you; for me this was Jane Eyre, and it was the second time I read it; in college. The first time I read this volume I was in junior high; I no more understood real love than I understood quantum physics. I did not yet have the capacity for introspection. The second time I read it, the words sank into my heart like deep shards of glass. For the first time, I felt understood. I knew this book would forever be a refuge for me. I've read it about 12 more times since that second, illuminating read. My heart knows the words and passages, but my soul still needs to be reminded sometimes.
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A Hard Act to Follow. Watching your favorite movie for the first time; and there may be a few movies you have this feeling about. Whatever they are, they captivate your spirit and hold you spellbound through each scene. When it's over, your heart and head hurt a little because you don't want it to be over, you want it keep playing out or at least again, but you will never get that same feeling as the first time. For me, those movies are Out of Africa, The Man from Snowy River, Say Anything and Lars and the Real Girl. It's been a great while since I've felt this way about a movie. It's certainly far and few between that a movie reaches into your soul like that.
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Iron Fist in a Velvet Glove. Standing up for yourself or another for the first time {and every time after that}. When you know you have the will and the strength and the resiliency to go to bat for yourself and others, no matter the opponent, you know you'll survive this cruel world. There are several instances that come to mind, instances that are deeply personal and never pushed too far back in my mind. You need to remind yourself that you are strong; keep these stories close at hand and keep going up to bat.
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Travel Routes. Seeing something for the first time can leave an indelible mark on your heart. I've had the privilege to travel to Europe a couple of times and travel to various states in our country over the years. There are two places that were surreal to me and stand out vividly in my mind. The first was during high school when in Italy; we made a day trip to Pompeii. Pompeii, a place that had never seemed real; a place so far removed that it was mythical in my mind. I can still recall how I felt standing there amid the ruins. Closer to home, about 11 years ago, my husband and I drove across South Dakota to the Black Hills. When heading west, before you arrive in the Black Hills, you go through the Badlands. Nothing could have prepared me for this vast, naturally formed terrain. It took my breath away, almost literally. The expansiveness of this area was so isolating and barren and beautiful all at the same time, I almost couldn't stand it.
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The Finish Line. Accomplishing a Huge Goal. It could be anything, finishing a degree, losing weight, running a marathon, writing a book, etc. Whatever it is, it's a fantastic feeling when you cross your finish line. It's an overwhelming joy when you realize all of your hard work has come to fruition. One such moment for me, was on the day I received my Juris Doctor; I locked myself in the bathroom, away from my well-wishing family, and cried hot, happy tears of sheer delight. It had been a goal for a very long time; one I set for myself when I was 12 years old…to go to law school. And I did it.
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Mortal Wounds. The first time you lose someone to death and really understand it is life-changing. From 8th grade to my freshmen year of college, I lost several grandparents, a great grandparent, a classmate and a cousin. I felt sad and mourned my loss with each death, but it wasn't until a second cousin died when I was a senior in college that I truly understood all those feelings racing through my veins; of love and loss and suffering. My heart broke then, and it's never been the same. It's not that loved this cousin more than anyone else I'd lost to death (although I loved her dearly), but for the first time, I understood mortality. Life isn't fair and bends the rules for no one.
The list of firsts could go on and on and on. I feel things deeply and completely; sometimes so much it hurts me. It helps me to keep these memories filed away; I can retrieve them when I need to understand a feeling or an experience or my reaction to a circumstance. These are our lessons in our own personal history to be rummaged through and lived again and again, gaining more perspective with each re-staging. Over and out…
Anna
The Finish Line: I think I was a senior in high school; I had taken piano lessons since 2nd grade and had worked on memorizing "The Holy City" for 2 years. I played the piece for family members before the recital, perfectly, no mistakes. I burst into tears and ran to the bedroom. No one understood why. It was a great accomplishment for me!
Posted by: pb | Wednesday, November 13, 2013 at 09:57 AM