Bad Behavior: Discipline of a Child

Spankings

As a child, I was spanked. In my recollection, it was quite often, as I was a precocious child, and I talked back quite frequently. My brother and I didn't think much of it. All of our friends were spanked too. Generally, it was the mother who took care of routine wrongs, but it was the father who came into the picture when there was major misbehavior or when the mama was done dealing with the kids.

Of course, I grew up in Texas. There, no one is shocked by a parent spanking a child as a part of discipline. In fact, the shocking part is if a kid is not spanked by his parents.

I was recently reminded of this during a trip to Texas. As old friends and I, now all moms, discussed parenting techniques, I realized that the spanking is still alive and well down in Texas.

Differences in Direction

Up in Minnesota, parents must be at the end of their ropes and then some before ever even considering spanking his or her child. A spanking is of last resort only; a move they hope to never have to make. And perhaps would never even consider.

Minnesotans would point to study after study that says that spanking a child could increase aggressive tendencies in children and even as adults. Texans will point out that if you spare the rod, you'll spoil the child.

Now, I realize this may not account for the mindset of every parent in TX or every parent in MN. I'm definitely making generalizations based on my own experience as a child in Texas and a parent in MN. I'm not saying that I think the MN parent is right and the TX parent is wrong, or vice versa; I'm simply pointing out the difference in cultures from south to north.

Passive Discipline

The discipline of a child has become a controversial issue over the years. It wasn't always such a big deal. Even when I was a child, not that many years ago, it was more acceptable for a teacher to spank a child in school. Well, at least at my extremely strict, private, Christian school it was. When I was in kindergarten, I got a spanking for speaking {to the teacher} without raising my hand. {Truly}

But things have changed. There is no corporal punishment at all in public schools now. Positive re-enforcement, re-direction, detention, etc is used instead. Discipline today is rather passive and whether it works better than corporal punishment is debatable. Putting the fear of God into me in kindergarten sure worked for me; I was never in trouble in school ever again. So, when one reads of a kindergartner being cuffed and taken from school to the police station, it makes an impression.

Cuffing a Child

Last week, police in Milledgeville, GA were summoned to an elementary school after a fit-throwing kindergartener could not be contained. The 6 year old girl had been sent to the principal's office after she pushed several classmates and threw items from her teacher's desk.

School personnel struggled to get her to the principal's office and once there she became even more combative throwing furniture, hitting the principal with one piece of projectile furniture; biting the door handle, jumping on a paper shredder and trying to break items on the principal's desk all in an attempt to escape from the office.

When they could not get control of her, the school called the police for help. The school tried to contact the girl's parents, but weren't able to reach them. The police stand by their decision to cuff the girl, saying they tried to calm her down, but could not. And their standard protocol for transporting a person in the backseat of a police cruiser to the police station is to cuff the person, regardless of the age of the person.

Once at the station, the girl was uncuffed, placed in a briefing room and given a drink. They were then able to reach an aunt who agreed to pick up the girl.

The girl was charged with simple assault and criminal damage to property, but won't be prosecuted because she is 6 years old; instead her case will be turned over to social services for any aid she and her family may need. She has also been expelled from school for the rest of the year.

The girl's parents are furious, saying this was a school issue, not a law enforcement issue. They think the principal, counselors and social workers at the school should have dealt with her mood swings.

Now, clearly this is an extreme case of misbehavior; the police do not normally get involved with the misconduct of a 6 year old. However, I am wondering if this was the first outburst of this kind from this girl or if this particular incident just escalated above and beyond all the others. I'm also wondering if the child is suffering from a psychological malady.

The Scoop

Often, I think the issues surrounding discipline are about respect. If a child respects the adult, the child is less likely to misbehave. I'll be the first to admit that I'm no expert about child discipline, but it seems to me that one of the biggest problems with the youth of today is respect for adults.

When we, as adults, see another child misbehaving at the park, at a store, walking down the street, etc. do we say anything or just ignore it? Often, it is ignored. That isn't the way it always was.

I've never been one to bite my tongue and I've been known to say something to the child pushing another child at the park or to the child harassing the geese at the zoo or to the child taunting another child at the mall play area, etc., etc., etc. If it's something that I wouldn't accept from my children, I say something when no one else is. Maybe I shouldn't, but I don't think adults should sit idly by and let kids run amuck bullying other kids and adults alike.

I actually have more to say on this subject; I'll be back tomorrow. Over and out...

Anna

Comments

[Missy Krouth]

Amen to that! I usually say something to misbehaving kids too, albeit a bit more politely than I might to my own, who I know have learned better.

I hate the idea of putting a child on the track to a career in the back of squad cars. However that is reality; if you are a danger to yourself and others, you are forced to a place where you can no longer hurt others. I had a child in my class once that threw a desk at me. I was basically told to deal with it. What a disservice to the children (and myself) who were very serious about learning! Unfortunately we often had to worry more about our safety and that student's mood than learning. Maybe I was failing that student; or maybe the whole system was...

[Julie H]

I have worked with emotionally disturbed children and it affects everyone that child is on contact with, not only the teachers but the other students too. It is a difficult situation.

As a parent, I think everyone has their way of handling misbehavior from their children and other children. One thing doesn't work for every child. I am quick to correct being disrespectful. My grandparents and parents didn't let me act that way and I am thankful for it. What has happened to the Golden Rule?