Standing Up for What’s Right: Cyberbullying Prevention Part II

Bullying is NOT OK

As I sat watching my own two Darlings scamper about at the indoor mall play area, I noticed a boy about 7 years old talking to another boy who was probably around 4 years old. The 4 year old looked distressed and the 7 year old kept running after him and getting in him face, saying something to him that I couldn't hear. I watched the two for a while and decided they were probably brothers.

I glanced at the parents sitting in the play area, trying to figure out who the kids belonged to. No one seemed to be paying any attention to them but me. The older boy seemed to be trying to get the younger boy to leave the play area, but then the older boy wouldn't give the younger boy his shoes.

Now, the younger boy was crying. Again, I looked around for a mom, dad, grandma or nanny to come to the younger boy's rescue. There was no one. I know how brothers act together, and after closer observation, I decided the boys were merely together; under the care of the same person, perhaps.

I got up and walked over to the older boy. I was beside him. I bent low to his ear and said, "Give the boy his shoes. It's not OK to bully." He looked at me for a moment as if trying to comprehend my words; as if no one had ever said anything like that to him before. He started to say something that sounded like an excuse. Again, I repeated, "Give the boy his shoe." He handed the boy his shoes; the younger boy put them on; and the two ran out of the play area to a store across the way.

No other parent in the play area even noticed this exchange. Darling 1 noticed though. I'm not one to keep my mouth shut when I see mistreatment of a child, an animal or another who appears to need my help. And my children know this. They have seen me do things like this before. I'm hopeful this lesson of standing up for the downtrodden, mistreated and bullied will resonate through them and spur them to act when they see a fellow student, friend or stranger in need of assistance.

Causes of Cyberbullying

Bullying occurs at all ages, starting from very young and continuing all through life. It's a part of life. Learning how to deal with bullies is important, although often bullying escalates to a degree that a parent, school administrator and/or law enforcement officers must be brought in to aid the situation.

The same is true of cyberbullying except that it usually doesn't start until the teen years. This is when kids are more likely to have less limited access to computers at home, schools and public libraries and perhaps even have his or her own cell phone with texting, Internet and photo capabilities.

This is the age that parents may be less vigilant and less controlling about what their kids are doing online and on their phones. Just as with physical and mental in-person bullying, there are many degrees of cyberbullying. In many instances the kids can either ignore it or deal with it themselves by simply calling out the bully or blocking the bully. In other instances, it's severe, on-going or escalating and parents, school administrators and/or law enforcement officers should be brought into the picture.

Why Pick on Someone

In most instances, the bully is a classmate or "friend" who uses email, social media platforms and/or text messages to spread rumors, issue threats or publicly humiliate a person. It can be baffling to the person being bullied. Anything, even seemingly trivial events or attributes, can bring about cyberbullying; a would-be bully may perceive a classmate as being too fat, too pretty, too smart, too skinny, too athletic, or having too many friends or stealing the bully's friends or stealing someone's boyfriend or girlfriend or having too many freckles or not enough money or too much money or not wearing the right clothes or wearing black or making the cheerleader squad or running for student council.

There is no end to the reasons why a kid might choose to pick on another kid. And teens can be very creative and irrational when it comes to their wrath. Some of the threats are no laughing matter at all. Some cyberbullies threaten death to the classmate and his or her family; or what may be seen as worse than death they threaten to {or do} disclose information that could destroy a teen's social standing or reputation, which is of vital importance to a teen.

Warning Signs

Kids may be reluctant to tell a parent or teacher because they are ashamed about the bullying or concerned about a parent or teacher finding out about the embarrassing and/or hurtful information shared by the bully. With this in mind, it's important to watch for signs that your child is enduring cyberbullying or is the cyberbully.

If you notice your child:

• changing his or her computer and/or phone habits;
• ignoring the phone or incoming texts;
• becoming withdrawn from the family, friends, school or life, in general;
• getting in trouble at school or acting out at home;
• performing poorly at school;
• acting nervous, upset, depressed or moodier than normal; and/or
• changing sleep patterns or suffering a loss of appetite

It's a good time to talk to your teen and check the computer and phone for signs of cyberbullying.

And if you notice your child

• shielding his or her computer screen from you;
• quickly changing/closing screens when you or others go near;
• urgently monitoring online accounts;
• using additional accounts for email and social media; and/or
• acting particularly elusive about his or her online/phone activities and/or contacts

it's also a good time to talk to your teen and check the computer and phone for signs that your child is the cyberbully.

The Scoop

Teens are excellent about hiding information from their parents. It may be difficult to know whether cyberbullying is an issue, but it could be critical to your child's physical and mental well-being to know for sure whether your child is a victim of cyberbullying. I'll discuss what to do if your child is experiencing cyberbullying in my next article this week. Over and out...

Anna

Comments

[Brenda @ a farmgirl's dabbles]

GREAT post, Anna. And great job sticking up for that bullied kid - and for showing an example of this to your own child. I'm bracing for the cyber part of bullying as my kids are getting older. I've heard some horror stories. Keep on keeping us informed - thank you!

[Anna]

Thanks, Brenda! I appreciate your kind words!

Anna